In my much enlightening post-midnight talks with a friend, ofc you guys know which one since I do mention her a lot, I found out about this atrocity that exists called Oleato. For those of you who are living under a rock like me (or in other words, have a lot of things to do than keeping up to date with all the internet shenanigans), Starbucks has released a coffee flavor infused with olive oil.

Wild, right?

My friend told me about it and then I searched it up to see whether it was a real thing or not (which it totally is, I still can't believe it). So it got us thinking of what Timothy Drake would have to say about it and here I am with another one-shot on our favorite coffeeholic.

For this one shot, we are assuming that if Tim Drake existed in our world, he would be one of those influencers who review food (coffee in his case) so people send him requests to review Oleato by Starbucks. And included below is that review from yours truly.

A note before you read; no animals or people were harmed in the making of this one shot and the reaction is purely based on imagination (that is, we didn't actually taste the coffee samples discussed here because they are not available in my country). Also, no offense is meant to Starbucks or their coffee through this one-shot. This chapter is purely fictional and only written for entertainment purposes.

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Tim finally had a side job that he loved.

Reviewing coffee on social media for people who were caffeine addicts like him was a side venture that he was fully intent on making his main job. There were several reasons for that, stated below:

A) It was a dream job, the only qualification he needed was having an expert opinion on coffee.

B) He got to do what he loved most, drink coffee and review it for his fans.

C) It gave him a daily dose of attention in the form of comments, tweets, and posts by people who now thought of him as an expert when it came to coffee.

D) He got free sampling packages from coffee chains all around the world.

In short, he couldn't have been happier. True, there were times when he had tasted things he shouldn't be even close to just for the sake of giving a review but the cons were nothing when weighed out with the pros.

So he had a YouTube channel titled Conspiracies over a Cup of Coffee in which he posted a lot of content, ranging from coffee reviews to coffee shop visits, vlogs, and daily (mostly unnecessary) advice from a caffeinated wreck. 

Most of his videos included his little friend Dog who would jump in front of the camera and claim its screentime. As a result, Tim's channel had three types of followers; first were coffee lovers like him who were there for all the coffee-related content (the reviews, coffee spots vlogs, etc), second were people who supplied Tim's daily dose of attention aka the fans who were just there because a hot Wayne boy with pretty blue eyes was out there talking about stuff, and third were fans of Dog who were just there to watch the puppy video bomb.

Tim was able to manage all this without his family interrupting as he had his own apartment by then and only visited the Manor on weekends. His favorite place to record his videos was the kitchen which he seldom used for any other reason.

He was a terrible cook so there was no point in him having a kitchen in his apartment as he lived on snacks, takeout, and the occasional food delivery by Jason or Alfred. But the kitchen had perfect lighting and furniture for recording videos for his channel so instead of using it for cooking, he used it as his recording studio.

That day he had gotten late at Wayne Tech so there wasn't any time left for him to create a video for his followers. However, as he checked his notifications, he found it blowing up with almost all the followers requesting him to review a new flavor addition by Starbucks.

Starbucks was on number 3 of his favorite coffee outlets list and he had tried out each and every flavor by then for the sake of coffee reviews, including the cherry blossom flavor for which he had to bribe Jason twice the amount.

So hearing that Starbucks had launched another coffee line, he was quite excited to see what it was about.

He posted an announcement that in his next video, he will be checking out what flavor they had sent him to review but as he was too tired that night, he didn't see the title clearly. Switching off his phone after that announcement, he went to find Dog, and then making sure that it was okay, he went to sleep with Dog curled on top of his blanket.

The next morning, he had an off from work so he had plenty of time to get the coffee fetched and make a video about it. however, when he checked what all the fuss was about, his wide blue eyes went even wider.

"Who the fuck puts olive oil in coffee?" He rechecked his messages again and then went on the official site of Starbucks to make sure that his followers weren't trolling him.

Much to his shock, they weren't.

"What even is this? Olitoe? Oliatto? Omeleto? Even the name is an atrocity that should not be uttered" he mumbled, reading through the reviews given on the site, "and people like it? They've gotta be faking it, how much did Starbucks pay them to say oil in coffee is good? Unbelievable..."

So he called his source for rare coffee supply shortly after, hoping he would pick up. After a few rings, Jason did pick up the phone but he sounded rather bored, "hello, how are you? I am fine. Don't die you little piece of shit and bye."

"No Jason, wait, I have to tell you something!" 

"If it's a stupid joke, it can wait until I come back to Gotham. The same goes for your unbearable puns."

He rolled his eyes, "actually, I have to ask a favor from you. And it can not wait until you come back to Gotham. It's urgent."

"Urgent, my as-"

"You are in New York, right? I promise I will pay double the commission plus all your return expenses covered," Tim offered, hoping he would take the bait.

There was silence on the other line until Jay finally remarked, "what do you want?"

"Can you bring back these three flavors from Starbucks? I am texting you the details."

"Fucking hell, Replacement, you can't walk three blocks to get to Starbucks and want me to come back all the way from New York just for your stupid coffee?"

He knew Jay getting angry was a bad sign but he pressed, "thing is, these flavors are so outlandish even Gotham's branch was like no, we ain't keeping this here. So you have to go to the Starbucks in New York and get them for me. I will pay double, promise."

It seemed as if Jason was considering the offer and then he finally spoke up, "fine. But on a few extra conditions."

"Okay spill, I will manage."

"I want you to transfer the money to my account right now, including the cost of three extra Caramel Machiattos. And don't worry about the return expenses but you do owe me one favor now so I will use it when I need."

Tim knew owing Jason anything only meant trouble for himself but he agreed, "done, just make sure whatever you are going to use that favor on is either safe enough for me not to get killed or if it is dangerous, it is extreme enough for me not to survive. I don't want to deal with any injuries."

"We'll see about it when the time comes. Send the money now or forget the deal."

Tim plugged in his account number for the online transfer, "okay, there you go. Sent."

The call disconnected without a single goodbye or acknowledgment. However, Tim knew he would get the flavors he had asked for by evening.

However, a few minutes later he got a text from Jason that sent a slight smile on his face: I knew you were suicidal but I didn't know you were desperate enough to die from olive oil in coffee.

He texted back: ikr! The things I do for my followers...

***

He had set up his laptop and camera on the kitchen island, adjusting the light and the frame. Dog was trotting around his feet so he fetched a bowl and put in its favorite cookies as well.

With all his things set up, he finally took out the package that Jason had bought for him. It had three coffee flavors; an Oleato Cafe Latte, an Oleato Iced Cortado, and an Oleato Golden Foam Cold Brew.

Tim eyed the drinks as if he was probably going to taste poison but then reminded himself that he had experienced worse things in all his years of being an undercover vigilante.

A spoonful of olive oil in coffee wouldn't be that bad, right?

Or so he thought.

The cafe latte was supposed to be taken hot so he decided to heat it up for a short while but the other two were iced drinks so he didn't have to do anything about them. As he had already been late in posting his video, he decided to do a live session instead and pressed the button to broadcast live.

In a few minutes, people had started to watch the live video and he began receiving comments.

"Dog, would you take over for a couple minutes?" Tim called and the dog leaped up on the counter immediately while he went to wash his face, just then realizing that he had been too tired to wash it earlier.

When he returned with a towel drying his face and jolting his sleepy eyes awake, he saw that the comments section was already blowing up with people remarking on how adorable Dog was and there were a few comments from some followers swooning about how Tim had that perfect just got out of bed look.

His cheeks tingled slightly as he brushed that remark aside, taking his seat in front of the camera.

"Good evening my loyal caffeinators, I hope you all are having a stellar day, unlike me who chose not to have a single cup of coffee so that my review would be solely based on the coffee I am trying out on your request... Anyways, thank you so much for all the love you guys shower on us, Dog appreciates that very much too, and let's get right into the review because if I don't get a drop of caffeine in my system right now, a certain someone will get the urge to go on a killing spree..."

Dog trotted around the package while Tim took out the cafe latte that had been heated. A heavy scent engulfed him as he placed it down on the counter and Dog came to inspect it.

"As you can see, before I taste anything, my loyal friend verifies if it is poison or not by his superior sense of smell," Tim remarked, watching in curiosity as Dog sniffed but was unable to decide on whether it was something that it should let Tim drink or not, "you know there was one time, he sniffed out cocaine from a lemonade given to me, would you believe? The extent people can go to in Gotham is hilarious."

A comment sprung up and he laughed to see that: Did you drink that cocaine-infused lemonade?

"Of course, I did not. Someone did but I am not saying who. You can take a guess," he winked and flashed a bright smile which of course resulted in a lot of comments from the second category of his followers.

Dog had done the inspection and made a face as if it certainly didn't like the smell but the drink wasn't poisonous or drugged either so Tim wouldn't be at any physical risk from consuming it.

"As you can see, Dog has deemed it safe enough to drink although it feels like he doesn't like the smell," Tim ruffled its head gently as he asked, "not a big fan of olive oil and oat milk? Same bud. Let's see what happens."

Deep down, Tim already knew he wouldn't like the taste of the three drinks. Olive oil (let alone any oil) in coffee was a big no for him.

"Okay so first we are trying the cafe latte," he remarked, mixing the drink with a small spoon and though he held it out for Dog to take a taste, it rolled its eyes and went to sit in a corner, content on eating just cookies.

In the comments, he could see some people mentioning their favorite out of the three drinks while some warned Tim not to take a sip further. 

"It looks like coffee," Tim remarked, lifting the cup close to his mouth, "but it smells like oil."

He took a sip from the cup and paused, letting the taste register in his head. 

"Well it tastes just what it looks like; coffee with olive oil... It's not bitter and is creamy but the oil is a deal breaker here. Let's see... I will be generous and rate it a five out of ten."

Next, he tried the golden foam cold brew. He felt it would be better than the first one and in a sense, it was. 

"So this one, the cold brew... I would rate it a 5.5 out of 10. Maybe my expectations were too high and it didn't deliver. But then that's probably my fault for expecting something good to come out of such an absurd combination. I like hazelnut syrup but that's the only taste that could get this drink a 0.5 higher than the previous one. Two drinks done, one more to go."

He winced, noticing that most of the comments were now on how the cortado was the worst of them all and he had kept it for the end. God help his coffee-loving soul for having to drink that.

"Sarah says Starbucks accidentally bought olive oil instead of milk and is now trying to finish it by using it in coffee," he read a comment out loud, "it sounds like a possible option, Sarah. Maybe that's really what happened though I found an article on how this was all an initiative to promote drinking a spoonful of olive oil daily for health benefits."

Now, only the last drink was left; the iced cortado.

It looked horrible already with the ice cubes floating in a frothy foam of olive oil and cream. He was considering perhaps he should have ordered his favorite flavor as well for the end so that he wouldn't have a bad aftertaste stuck in his mouth after all the reviewing.

But he had forgotten to ask Jay to bring one Frappucino and now he was stuck having to drink that cortado without anything else to get rid of the aftertaste.

True it would only take him a three blocks walk to get to the nearest Starbucks but he was too lazy for that.

"Guys, I am going to take a sip from the devil's broth and I can not do this for free. I need you people to send me something heavenly to review next time, please."

Taking in a deep breath, he finally tasted the cortado and soon as the foam entered his mouth, he felt like spitting it out. And though he was trying to keep a straight face he couldn't. He painstakingly downed the drink and felt his stomach grumble.

"Okay so... Definitely a 2 out of 10 and I am sorry if any of you likes the drink. I don't. And I think it's messing up my metabolism... Oh no."

He paused, the aftertaste seeming even more oily than the drink itself. He definitely couldn't stay there any longer and would have to take a quick bathroom break.

His next words came out in a frantic rush, "you know maybe the article I read about stimulants and relaxants being combined was right after all, I have to go now. And I will see you guys later. And Dog will provide the outro because I can't..."

Tim dashed off while Dog had taken its screen time again, pushing the bowl of cookies towards the camera.

By the time Tim returned, only Dog's loyal followers were left on the live chat, spamming comments on how adorable the puppy was.

"You know what, Dog, you were right. Some drinks are not meant for me. Especially not the Oliattos."

"Woof," the dog replied in approval, nuzzling its head in his palm.

***

That's all for this one-shot.

I must say, I did base Tim's reaction a lot on the general reviews that the Oleatos have gotten which I think are people genuinely stating their reaction instead of praising the drink wholeheartedly.

I don't think oil in coffee is a good idea and neither does Tim. What do you guys think?

And if any of you have tried any of these flavors, I would like to know your experience too. And be honest, mind you.

Anyways, have a lovely day, and hope you all enjoyed the one-shot.

More Tim Drake content will be coming soon.

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