Trigger warning: hints of self-harm/suicide

(Don't ask how I connected them to this song because I wondered about it myself as I was writing.)

(Y/n) took the elevator to the floor where she worked.

She observed out of the corner of her eyes her other two colleagues in the elevator.

Both of them were sad and disconsolate even before they started their day.

The girl would have liked to say something, but she already knew she would only get disconnected verses as a response from them.

Nikolai would have laughed with me at their apathy.

She thought distractedly.

She smiled unconsciously, thinking of Nikolai.

That evening he would finally return from his business trip and they had big plans for the evening.

She was looking forward to it.

"Ehy, (Y/n)?" A colleague caught her attention during lunch break.

"Tell me."

"We were planning a colleague dinner tonight, would you like to join us?"

"Oh...I can't..."

"Come on! it's been a long time since we had an evening together! You'll have fun!"

"I already have a date with Nikolai."

"Are you still with that guy?"

(Y/n) fell silent.

She didn't have much to add.

She knew that everyone who knew her disapproved of her relationship with Nikolai.

Her colleagues, many of her friends, and her parents.

She had always hoped that in time people would understand the bond between them, but she was definitely wrong.

Although they had been together for several years now there were very few who accepted their romantic relationship.

They all said that Nikolai had no head on his shoulders, that he was not a serious person, and that he would never give her certainty in life.

They told her that he was just a womanizer and would leave her at the first opportunity because he would never be able to live up to such an educated and intelligent girl.

Because people saw only what Nikolai showed them.

They saw a mask.

They did not see what was hidden underneath.

They did not see that beauty and fragility of spirit that had so captivated her during their first meetings.

She, too, had at first gotten a completely wrong idea of this exuberant young man, perhaps too exuberant for her taste.

(Y/n) loved calm and quiet, certainly not chaos, and it seemed that Nikolai was the king of everything she hated.

That was why the first time he had approached her she had refused his advances.

Nikolai in a way attracted her, he had his charms, but from what she saw and heard from others, she found it hard to believe that the two could have anything in common.

Moreover, the boy was known for his countless flirtations, and she had wondered if that request for a date was due to a bet he had made with someone on her.

This was her unflattering opinion of him before life allowed them to really get to know each other.

(T/n) was leaving the library on her way to class when Nikolai himself appeared in her path in all his beauty.

No matter how much she continued to refuse his invitations whenever he passed her, she could not deny that she had a crush on him.

Ever since he had first asked her out she had been paying more and more attention to him.

She already thought he was cute before, but in the process, she had noticed a couple of things about him.

He wasn't just the Don Juan clown that everyone saw, but seemed to be hiding a much deeper mind.

In particular, (Y/n) had been quite struck by some of the opinions he had expressed during the Russian literature class.

To many people, they had been rubbish made up by the boy on the spot, but she had seen something more in them.

And from that moment on, her crush had only grown more and more.

She gave him a half smile and made to go further, but he blocked her by grabbing her arm with his hand.

"Wait, (Y/n)."

The girl stiffened.

It was the first time they had met alone; he was usually surrounded by his group of friends.

"Nikolai, I have class..."

"We have you mean. I remind you that we take the same classes..."

"I know but you always skip this class, while I'm interested in following!"

"Oh? So I'm not completely indifferent to you."

(Y/n) at first blushed, but then realized something else.

Nikolai was serious.

Serious.

He was not smiling.

He was not making jokes at her.

She saw him pull her arm toward him.

At first she did not understand, but then she retracted her limb sharply.

Nikolai stared at her with a look she had never seen in him before.

"How did you get that cut?"

(Y/n) widened her eyes.

The question cut off her breath.

"The... cat..."

"You don't have a cat."

"Are you stalking me?"

"If you wanted to talk to someone about it, (Y/n)..."

And he was gone.

Instead, the girl had headed for class with an agitation she had never had before.

When she checked her phone at the end of class she found a message from Nikolai.

He was giving her an appointment in a secluded bar.

(Y/n) was still feeling the adrenaline from the morning meeting and decided to show up, heedless of the danger.

She was surprised to find only the boy there, but remained guarded at first.

"How little regard do you have for me (Y/n)?"

The girl had noticed his hurt look and felt guilty.

"Excuse me..."

Nikolai sighed.

"I mean... I reap what I sow..."

The girl noticed how his gaze had returned to her arm. Then, trembling, she pulled back the sleeve of her shirt showing the cut that furrowed her skin.

Nikolai took her arm and gently stroked her scar.

"Did you know that with a deeper cut you risk bleeding to death?"

"It was ... a mistake ..."

"You know, a month ago I was the one who corrected your written Russian paper."

"Oh? Really? To me you're still not-what does that have to do with anything?"

She was really confused.

"I was impressed by your idea and started to observe you better. And after a few days I noticed that this had sprouted on your arm..."

"I told you..."

He shushed her and told her about a childhood friend of his who used to tell him the same things and how her senior year in high school she was found dead in the bathtub, immersed in a pool of blood.

At that point (Y/n) had burst into tears and had tried to explain to that boy what was going on in her head.

From that moment on, Nikolai stopped making advances to her in the midst of everyone because they had begun to see each other more and more frequently, but without bringing this out into the open.

They did not want outside factors to disturb the quiet of their relationship.

They did not want anyone to put pressure on them or ask them where they stood in the relationship.

They took their time; even their first kiss came after almost two months.

They came out of the closet after a year in the relationship, and by that time the criticism and gossip had not been spared.

They did not need others' approval.

That love was theirs and theirs alone.

Only they knew what had brought them together.

And the criticism continued, even though they had been a couple for years now.

This was because Nikolai kept up his joking manner, but (Y/n) after all loved this aspect of him.

She loved how he could joke about life despite having suffered so much.

Even the comments her father kept making to her about the large number of tattoos that covered Nikolai's body.

He found them outrageous.

But he did not know about that tattoo on his left wrist dedicated to his missing friend.

Of the one on his shoulder dedicated to their first meeting.

Of the one dedicated to their first kiss.

To their first time.

To her first year as a clean person.

To their graduation.

No, he and the others did not know any of this.

They knew nothing about their love, but that love was theirs.

Theirs and no one else's, and only they could understand its beauty.

13/10/2023 (eheh I'm late, sorry)

With Nikolai my brain went wild, let's say I worked a lot on this concept of 'ours'. I had chosen Nikolai because he seemed a good fit for me because of his exuberant nature, but then oops I gave him more depth than expected, I hope I didn't bump you too much as much as I tried to be vague without going into too much detail.

See you next week with Superman! (On Friday maybe since I still have to write the new one help)