(Y/n) took a deep breath.

She had a strange feeling.

A mixture of agitation and desire.

Agitation because it had been years since she had last seen Fyodor and desire because she wanted to find out how he was doing.

Given his particular situation, it was clear that he could not be doing well, but she still held out some hope for Fyodor's soul.

The problem was that he had never believed in the possibility of salvation for his soul.

She regretted not being able to be there for him, but, after all, the boy had voluntarily distanced himself from everything and everyone.

"Have you really managed to lose yourself completely, Fyodor?"

(Y/n) asked softly as she crossed the threshold of the cramped cell.

The boy's back was turned and she couldn't tell if her presence had surprised him or not.

Knowing him, she would have said no.

Fyodor turned around.

(Y/n) couldn't help noticing how his eyes looked duller, but in them still seemed to harbour that light she had come to love.

"I've been waiting for you, (Y/n)."

She smiled.

"I knew it wouldn't be a surprise for you... Can I sit next to you?"

"I'd stay away if I were you."

The girl sighed.

"Do you really want to start this again? Is that really the only thing you can say to me after all these years? After disappearing into thin air?"

"I had goals to pursue, you know."

"Fyodor... you could have stayed..."

(Y/n) made to take Fyodor's hand, but he withdrew.

(Y/n) withdrew his hand, she didn't want to force it.

She knew what traumas human contact had caused him.

The two had met for the first time in a cold corridor of the university they both attended in St. Petersburg.

In what now seemed almost a different era for both of them.

(Y/n) had noticed Fyodor straight away and soon discovered that she had also been noticed by the boy.

At first, not necessarily because he had been impressed by her, but rather because this lonely, taciturn boy noticed more than he let on.

He was esteemed and respected by all, but hardly anyone dared approach him.

The young woman had been one of the only ones to do so.

After noticing that they were taking the same classes, she had taken courage after an absence to ask him if he wanted her to pass his notes to catch up.

The cryptic answer she got that day was "You took longer than expected to come to me."

After that statement she was left without further explanation, but none of that mattered to her.

The curiosity this boy had aroused in her was too much to simply ignore.

She had tried to sneak into his life and the boy had allowed her to do so.

Fyodor had begun to accept the girl's presence more and more.

At first they had simply sat close together, but then, one day, Fyodor had motioned to her to come closer so they could share lunch together.

(Y/n) had happily accepted.

The girl lived in her own little bubble of happiness.

Slowly it seemed that Fyodor was willing to open up a little towards her and she waited for his timing, without forcing him.

Soon, however, she noticed that there seemed to be something troubling him deep inside, but (Y/n) never tried to venture into his mind.

She knew that, when the time was right, he would reach out to her for support.

And she would be ready to receive him.

And so she was.

One evening Fyodor had revealed to her that he had a special ability, speaking of it with particular rancour.

He confessed to her that he was the cause of the death that had shaken the city the year before.

"What have you done to yourself?" She whispered taking the boy's hand between hers.

He did not have time to stop her and watched the scene with bated breath.

"You..."

Fyodor looked shocked.

"Don't worry, I won't..."

"(Y/n)... my skill kills anyone I touch... that's how I deprived that one of life..."

The girl looked at Fyodor's hands in surprise.

She smiled and kissed them gently.

"It wasn't your fault, Fyodor. It's not your fault you can't control her..."

"That doesn't change the fact that I can kill. I am a monster. I keep thinking back... That murder is not the only one I committed." He sighed.

"Does that always happen when you touch someone?"

He nodded, "That's why I always try to keep everyone at arm's length. I wouldn't want to..."

The girl stroked his face with the back of her hand.

"We'll find a way to understand more."

"We'll find?"

"Yes, together."

At first things had gone like this. The girl had tried to help Fyodor understand the arcana behind his ability, and the boy had played along for a while.

But then he had decided to disappear overnight.

And so, many years later, news had reached (Y/n) of the capture of the dangerous criminal Fyodor Dostoevsky.

It had not been easy, but she had found a way to reach the cramped cell to which he was now confined.

This time she was more decisive and reached for his cold hands.

Fyodor smiled.

"You never give up, do you?"

"If you had stayed perhaps you wouldn't be in this mess now, would you? I promised you to..."

"I didn't want you to waste your whole life after someone like me..."

The girl sighed.

"How stubborn you are. You know your light always shines for me. It has never stopped shining and never will."

"I have done terrible things."

"I agree, but... I know there is good in you. I know a part of you wants to change. Otherwise you wouldn't have confessed to me in the past. And you wouldn't have allowed me to see you today. Or would you?"

"No, you're not wrong." He tightened his fingers around the girl's.

"You're always in time to change. We all always are. You're not the only one who's made mistakes."

"I'll have to stay in here for a while longer."

"I know."

There was a brief pause.

"Let me stay by your side this time."

Fyodor sighed and wrapped an arm around her slender waist, pulling her closer to him.

(Y/n) laid her head on his chest, clutching him.

"It's never too late to regain your balance."

15/09/2023

If you are wondering what I wrote, know that we are asking the same question XD

The only certainty about this one shot is that (Y/n) was supposed to be a sort of alter ego of Sonja and Fyodor of Raskolnikov, characters from Crime and Punishment; that's because I'm a simple, delusional person who dreams that Bungou's Fyodor might one day have a Sonja of his own (read Crime and Punishment to see what I mean lol). So this, mixed with the song, led me to write this weird one-shot with no rhyme or reason.

At least it's as mysterious as Fyodor!

See you next week with my favourite song!!!!