because no fandom shit book is complete without incorrect quotes . and yes i might edit them

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Kassidy: My assistance will be an act of beneviolence.
Dr . Chambers: ...Don't you mean benevolence?
Kassidy: No.

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Rover: I don't mean to be rude—
Drake: Yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often.

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Drake: Many people are mildly dehydrated and don't realize it. You should drink at least six glasses of water per day.
Chad: No, eight glasses!
Alby: I heard ten.
Miss Scarlet: You need to drink at least five glasses of water per minute.
*later...*
Professor Plum: Okay, I just read through every study I could find to try to figure out whether low-grade dehydration is even a real thing.
Drake: What did you learn?
Professor Plum: If you spend all day doing research and forget to eat or drink, you start to feel pretty bad.
Chad: I'll get some water.
Professor Plum: But how many glas–whoa, feeling dizzy.
Frank: Maybe you should just drink straight from the tap.

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Rover: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?
Dr . Chambers, watching Miss Scarlet screaming, Frank trying to set a sleeping Steve on fire, and Chad choking on air: I don't know either.

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Professor Plum: Doctor = $140,000 a year, Furry artist on patreon = $160,000 a year.
Alby: I think you're lowballing the furry art amount tbh.
Professor Plum: Sorry for the inaccuracies Doctor Yiff.
Alby: No matter how I respond I don't look well, well played. I walked into that.
Rover: Well, furry artists are typically more competent and courteous than your average doctor, so I can see that.
Professor Plum: Did you legitimately just tell me that a person who draws wolf ass is more competent than a dude who spent 8+ years in an university to give you a lung transplant?
Kassidy: Doctors are bullshit and furry artists perform an infinitely more valuable service to society compared to them.
Professor Plum: You will die in 7 days.
Mr Green: It took doctors 10 years to diagnose what was wrong with me, some insisting I was faking it for attention while a furry artist I knew said "Sounds like Crohn's" after hearing me complain once and ended up being right.
Mr Green: Besides I can't go to a doctor and ask them to draw Rouge the Bat wider than she is tall with tits to match, now can I?
Kassidy: You could if you weren't a fucking coward.
Drake: This was like 50 consecutive punches to the face, what the fuck went on here.

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Kassidy: What did you get Alby for their birthday?
Miss Scarlet: I got them a kitten.
Kassidy: Really? Me too!
Frank: I also got them a cat.
Steve: Looks like we had the same idea.
Miss Scarlet: Drake, please tell me you didn't get Alby a cat as well!
Drake: ...I got them a kitten.
*later*
Alby, in their apartment surrounded by cats and kittens: This is the best birthday ever!

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Frank: *standing at the top of the stairs* What are y'all doing at the bottom of the staircase?
Finn: I accidentally fell down.
Professor Plum: KASSIDY PUSHED ME down the stairs because I refuse to pay THEIR part of our rent!
Mr Green: Finn bet me fifty bucks that I couldn't reach the bottom of the stairs faster than they did falling down it, so I slide down the banister to get my money.
Drake: I don't know how I got here. One moment, I was sleeping in my bed, three floors up, and then suddenly I was waking up here, just in time to get crushed by Mr Green.

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Frank: Wait. Where's Rover? They love Dungeons and Dragons.
Drake: I thought you invited them.
Mr Green: Uh, I thought Alby invited them.
Alby: I thought Chad invited them.
Chad: I never invite them.

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Kassidy: *dies*
Alby: Timer starts now! When are they coming back? I say two months!
Drake: Bullshit. One month.
Frank: Nah, half a month.
Dr . Chambers, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? KASSIDY JUST DIED!
Rover, scratching chin in thought: One week.

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Mr Green: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake?
Mr Green & Alby: One, two, three-
Mr Green & Alby: Chocolate cake, peanutbutter frosting, and chocolate chunks!
Miss Scarlet: Our turn, Steve! One, two, three-
Miss Scarlet: Vanilla!
Steve: I've never had cake before. What is cake?

( new headcanon : steve has never had cake in his life because his parents restricted him from any food they deemed " unhealthy " )

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Kassidy: That's it, you're grounded! Professor Plum, no adventures for you! Steve, no fighting for you! Mr Green, no stealing for you! And Drake... oh my god, is there anything that you love?
Drake: Revenge.
Kassidy: No vengeance for you.
Drake: I was going to say "I'll get you for this," but I guess that's off the table.

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Kassidy: If you got arrested what would be the charges?
Finn: Theft.
Dr . Chambers: Disturbing the peace.
Miss Scarlet: Aggravated assault.
Frank: Arson.
Drake: All of the above. In that order, probably.

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ya