MADISON

Quickly, I plopped down opposite him, my legs folded, and my eyes almost disconnecting from their sockets.

He didn't say his mom drowned him? I must have heard him wrongly.

With a throbbing heart, I inquired, "Caden, did you say your mother drowned you?"

"For seven days." His lips pressed into a thin line as he watched me gape at him.

"Why would she do that? I don't understand."

I really don't. Okay, I know Dad was always creating nothing into something to find flaws in Caden. You might even see it as hate, even though some people say a parent can never hate their child.

But his mother? As in a whole mother? I never saw that coming.

"I don't either." He quietly answered, his eyes downcast, while his hands played with the fabric of his shorts.

I shifted closer until our thighs were touching.

"What happened?" Flustered, I questioned. "Caden, I'd love to listen. Do you really want to talk about it?"

He peeked at me briefly then responded: "She decided to leave after the seventh time."

His mother did that to him?
She kept hurting him every day for seven days?

No! I-I don't know where to start or what to do. He had been living with memories so dark as those? They had been here behind his jokes and sarcasm.

I admit, I hated him while having a crush on him, but I've always known there was so much more to him that I needed to understand. I want to help him. He needs that.

"Did Dad know about it?" I confusedly asked, tucking back a strand of hair behind my ear.

He heaved a sigh and fixated his eyes on the drawer behind me as he started: "She told him drowning me was the reason why she was leaving. She claimed to be weak, so she couldn't control herself anytime she saw me. I don't know if it was in a good or bad way. But she didn't want to see me anymore, and she didn't want to kill me with her hands. Dad urged me to deny the drowning thing, and I did. I did it because I don't want to lose her too."

If I thought I ever felt tension in my life, then there was no word for the overwhelming feeling right now.

This man before me had gone through shit loads of hell, and he manages to survive?

Honestly, I can't even comprehend all this.

All I know is his parents are psychos who aren't worth happiness.

And then his dad had become mine too.

A very fabulous choice for a husband, Mom!

Holy fuck! Am I actually sweating?

"But Mom still refuses to stay. She said I will understand someday. She said it's better without her around me, and I swear I still don't understand." His brows pulled together. He seems to be bewildered. Why is he? That woman was a maniac. Who does that to their child? Matter of fact, to anyone? "I denied the torturing, I denied the abuse. Why did she leave me? I was her child too. Cara is my twin. I don't get it. Didn't she want me?"

Then it occurs to me I've never seen Caden use the bathtub or swim in a pool. Ever since I had known him, he had only used the shower and that alone.

All the time I thought he was the bad guy, he had been hurting. I should've seen the signs right in front of me.

Caden's mood swings and change of personality weren't normal. He would always become irritable easily. He had never been the kind to care about himself. Food wasn't his thing, and it never comes up to me how he survives graciously with very insufficient nutrition. He had been distant from those who might truly care for him. He never believed in love and commitment. Yes, he chooses only frequent sex with strangers and terminates anything that involves bringing up his past.

Indeed he was hurting more than I thought.

I grab his face and direct him to look over at me. "Look at me... Your mother was right about one thing. You are better off without her." That fucking bitch.

"No... She's my mother." He objects.

How? Was he this blind? Can't he see how much she's ruined him? And she fucking left him to suffer on his own.

What mother does that?

"Yes! But she's not what you needed. She was abusive and crazy. She was going to kill you. Her child. She's not worthy of you. She should be in jail for that." I angrily said.

"But she left me with him. He was worse." Caden frowns and swallows. "He was my worst nightmare. He was more horrifying than drowning. I didn't need him. I should've been taken to an orphanage home or something. I shouldn't have been with him." He painfully said. Anguish was evident in his eyes.

In grief, I speak, stroking his jawline with my thumb: "Not all of us are lucky in terms of that. Yes, some kids have promising families and great parents. But you happen to have the opposite of that... And It's okay. Is not your fault your parents choose to be some sociopaths who couldn't see how precious their son is. There is nothing wrong with you."

"Some kids had no parents. Some were taken into abusive families. Some were also abused by their parents. I know those are the most agonizing places to find yourself, but it's alright. Even painful things must come to an end. All that mattered was that you survived. Yes, someone should've been there to help you but there wasn't. It's the kind of world we live in. But hey, you were strong enough to survive, now look at you. You did a fair job achieving that. You've become the center of attention anywhere you walk in. You're too smart that you use the excess to be rude to me." I smiled at the last part and he did too.

"Accurate." He replied a little playful although a disappointing grimace flashed on his face.

"Caden, you were abused and traumatized by the two people who should have loved you unconditionally. They harmed you mentally and physically, which is something I can't imagine. But they are not going to win. You're better than them... You're not like them. You have a good heart in here." My hand lowered to his chest, and I patted it gently while he only stared at me as I was on the verge of tears.

"You're soft and gentle and you're fitting the wonderful young man that you are. You may cover all those histories with a pretentious bad boy attitude, but I know you, you're not rude or violent. You're light, but you refuse to turn that on." I blinked, and the tears escaped down my face.

"You saw that?" He whispered.

"I saw you... All of you. I understand how all that affected you." I inhaled through my running nose. Then wiped my face with my hand as more tears fell down my cheeks. "I know there is nothing I can say to ease your pain, but Caden, I am here for you, and I realize this isn't something that will just stop hurting right now. But I want to journey through all of it with you, I will grieve with you until the memories are washed away. Until all you remember is laughter and days filled with joys."

"Mad?" He inclined, wiping my eyes with his thumbs. "I want to be honest. Can you be my therapist for two minutes?"

I couldn't speak, so I nodded.

He smiled small at me. His hands grabbed mine and dropped them on my thighs.

While his tongue swept over his deep pink lips before he began with: "Alright." And then nervously continued.

"The truth is I don't know why with you I feel calm and satisfied, it is something I never get to feel with anyone. Around you, I feel excited, then scared, and then thrilled. I always want to see you; that's why I follow you around. I know it felt like I was there to frustrate you, but I just couldn't stay away from you, and I also wanted to make sure you're safe. So I find excuses to be around you all the time."

Okay! We're now talking about that.

"The aviation school you forfeited?" I asked.

"That was one of my scariest moments. I couldn't go when I realized it meant staying away from you." He thoughtfully paused. Then all of a sudden, his right hand released mine and came over to my cheeks as if some realization had just jumped into his head.

"Mad, I get insane when you're with someone else; I don't want you with anyone that's not me. It pains me a lot. I thought if I left and you came here without me. You will find someone, and I don't know... It drove me crazy. I only care for you. I also know it seems like I don't, but I don't want to hurt you. I want to see you happy. Around you, I'm vulnerable; I try to pretend to be tough, so I sometimes act like an asshole."

"All the time." I chastised jokingly at the soft man holding me with so much affection.

"Fair enough! All the time." He nodded, somehow uneasy. "But I swear you make me feel human." He shook his head.

The depth of honesty in his eyes was genuine. He meant every word. It melted my heart, and my tears began to dry.

"I want to do everything with you; go to school, come back home, order lunch, make dinner, do homework, and watch movies. I want to take you out on both casual and elegant dinners, and make you laugh while you eat meatballs; I want to watch you do that. I want to sleep with you in my arms and wake up to your beautiful morning face." He excitedly announced. "Around you, all my feelings are intensified; I feel like I am crazy. I yearn for your touch. I crave your smile. I want all of you, and it's always on repeat."

Is it me, or had everything around us stopped?

His other hand came around my waist and pulled me closer to the extent that I could feel his warmth blanket my slightly shivering body.

"Mad, is there any chance I am in love with you?"

Shit! Did he just ask me that?

Frozen, I mentally reviewed all that he had said in the last five minutes, and holy fucking me!

I think he's in love with me.

"Dude, those are many chances you listed." I exhaled a stupefied laugh as I remained in a state of mental numbness.

Yes, that was wholly a lot to take in for my brain.

His eyes widened as he worriedly asked: "Really? Was it a long speech?"

"It was like you wrote it down."

Shit! Do not think out loud.

"Fuck!" He frowned.

My arms instinctively looped around his neck, and my body lifted, settling on his lap. "But it was incredible. It was what I needed to hear." I smiled at him.

"Really?"

"Of course. I used to believe you hate me."

"Oh!" He sighed, and his eyes dropped to my chest.

"But..." I drawled, attracting back his attention.

"You think it's love?" He curiously asked, his eyes pleading.

I chuckled at his expression and mostly at the warmth I felt deep inside my heart.

"This is so unhealthy and psychotic, Caden." A small laugh broke from my lips, and Caden swallowed, looking pained as my fingers traced the sides of his neck.

"I know," he began to mumble, almost to himself, but I cut him off, adding, "But it is a method of your own, stemmed from the only way you know how to give," I nodded, and a sad smile spread across his face, which smoothly faded as his jaw set in gravity.

"I know I'm messed up. What I did to you... I know it was messed up, and toxic, fair enough. But I promised it came from the genuineness of fighting to resist you. Now, I don't want to keep doing this how I used to know how to give. This time, it will be as you deserve—more than anyone should deserve. I want to make up for all of it... for the four years of my bullshit that had hurt you and the rest of the fourteen that I was unaware of your existence. I'm sorry for all of them. Just tell me this is love, and I promise I'll stop steering us towards the psychiatric ward for our end. I'm tired of lying to myself, fighting myself... feeling for you is inevitable, Mad, I have decided to be a joyful loser, and accept this win that has consumed me."

My body shook with a small chuckle. He's really saying this to me. He knew it was all crazy, even for him—everything that happened, it was all crazy.
But no, this is really more than I had expected from him when I said I loved him. He's giving me more than I ever asked for.

"I'm serious," he smiled, biting his bottom lip slowly as he observed me. "I resign from this tugging war, I succumb to wanting you, let me love you like I have so badly wanted to."

Shyly, my gaze lowered as I wet my lips. "The thing is, we might not be able to escape psychiatric wards. We're literally studying psychology," I reminded him and looked up as it dawned on him, but I gently lifted his head to meet his eyes. "It is love—for me, it is love, and it's bigger than anything I ever expected. Caden, I don't even know what to say." I answered, choking on so many emotions.

His words left me dumbstruck. If you had told me a few days ago—or even this morning, or an hour ago—that I would get this confession from Caden, I'd have called you crazy. But here we are, illuminated by a truth that had been hidden and hurting us for years.

His pupils dilated as he processed. This was the happiest I've ever seen him. "So, I do... I love you. I knew I loved you." He uttered it in shock, and I laughed in his cute face. "Shit, I love love you... I love you. Like I love you. Mad, I will say it a hundred times every day. Fuck, man, I am in love with you." He continues to boast about the love thing.

"Okay! Let's not exaggerate, and let's not curse at it." I giggled, but his lips curled up in a way that illustrated stubbornness.

"Oh, we will exaggerate... no cussing, of course." He firmly insisted. "But, hear me out, I love you." He repeated, causing heat to spread across my cheeks while I watched his flawless eyes a couple of inches from mine.

"I love your adorable nose." He leans in and kisses the tip to the bridge of my nose. "I love your innocently seductive eyes." His warm lips came to both of my eyes as I smiled warmly. "But, I love your mouth the most." And then he lays down a deep kiss on my parted lips. "It tastes like the kind of sin I will burn to ashes for, recover, and still go running back to immediately." His voice was a whisper in my mouth.

Don't stop!

"I love your soft hair that frames your unreal stunning face and that scar on your flawless neck that you're hiding behind the locks flowing down your shoulders. I am in love with you." He solemnly said while he shifted the locks of hair to one side and left kisses on the mark I fear. My eyes were heavy with tears as my chest was heaving, hearing him give back all that he had taken from me for years.

I am not ugly. I am seen. And damn, man, I'm loved by Caden. All of me.

"God! I love you." He mumbled in the nook of my neck just as my stomach rumbled, reminding me I hadn't fed it since yesterday.

Usually, I'd be embarrassed, but I wasn't now, there was a certain comfort I felt right there.

"Alright, maybe we should try to find something to eat." I declared openly while running my fingers through his gorgeous soft hair.

"No! I am full." His face emerges from my neck and he has this confident expression on. "I feel satisfied. I think love can end world hunger. Don't you think if everyone is full of love, food won't be necessary? And there won't be grocery stores anymore?"

"Whoa whoa... Okay! Chill." I chuckled, patting his broad shoulders.

"I am serious! Just think about it. We could be rich if we let the people see from that perspective."

"Hmmm..."

His face scrunched at me. "What do you mean hmmm?" He retorted.

Not meaning to discourage him from his sudden thrilling operation and new findings, but I really need to eat now!

"I am hungry." I cautiously point out.

His facial expression dropped, and concern promptly became prominent on his features. "Really?"

"I haven't eaten since last night."

Frowning, he swore under his breath but I heard. I only suppressed the smile.

"I will order something since that has burnt down." We both look over to the garbage disposal where he dumped most of it. Just then a fun idea came into my head. And suddenly, I straighten, bolt upright.

"Or maybe you can assist me... I am going to cook dinner today." I excitedly announced.

"I can do that..." He thoughtfully agreed from the kitchen floor. "But after I get something clear."

Having no idea, I asked what that was.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" He purposed, holding out his hand.

I quickly turned red as if I were a ripe tomato and sincerely answered: "I will be honored to date the mighty Caden Thaddeus." And drop my small hand into his, effortfully pulling him up on his feet.