CADEN

"I wish for you to let yourself feel something that isn't hatred someday," she said and left the car just as I asked her to.

But the truth is I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want the moment we had to end, but she had to go and bring the L-word in.

I wanted to stay in the car, away from her, but the car smelled like her. Yes, she was in here for twenty-four hours, so the car was suffocating me right now.

I needed air, and the only way to breathe was in my own space, my bedroom.

Hissing, I climbed out of the car, slammed the door, and followed behind her.

From a distance, she seemed despaired and exhausted from my shit.

Haven't I hurt her enough?

Maybe following her to California was a wrong decision. This still makes sense, for instance, she got into an accident last week, and the person behind it must be Kane Esteban.

I swear, when I get Daisy in my vengeful hands, she will pay for more than what her father did to Cara. No! She will pay for carving a scar on Mad's neck. She will pay for all of this mess we're going through.

But of course, the governor's son won't concentrate on his relationship. Rather, he would keep his eyes on his girlfriend's best friend just to hinder my progress.

That doesn't mean I won't get to her, though. The last time I went to Center Yorker, there was security everywhere, and a tough man threatened me to back off, or he would have me thrown into jail. Which, on the other hand, I ended up in the next day.

"Oh, finally. Thank God. I was scared he got you into some crisis," says a boring male voice on our floor when I emerge from the stairwell exit.

Uhm, when Mad used the elevator, I followed the staircase to avoid her reminding me how she fell head over heels for me when she shouldn't.

I don't love, I don't know how to. I was created without it, and I will die without it.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I heard a very familiar voice, and it took only a step to take a corner for me to find out what was happening by the foot of my door.

There it was; my flushed stepsister. I mean that's from the tears she tried to paint with a smile. And Mr. Tiny Shirt standing a couple of feet away.

My stomach dropped, and I didn't understand why.

I mean it shouldn't bother me. We both know I am not capable of what she wants and deserves. So maybe this is the best way to free her. Maybe a famous basketball player could be there for her when I wouldn't.

"I've called you several times, but you didn't pick up, why?"

"Sorry, I had a long day yesterday... But I am fine." She replied quietly, and that got me having a mental reoccurrence of those great times we had yesterday through today until the past minutes.

Mr. Tiny Shirt smiles and pulls her into his chest.

No! He shouldn't be holding her that way, anyway.

Why is there a stab in my chest and bitterness in my throat? Why can't I swallow? Breathing was becoming too difficult for me.

"Thank God, I was scared." He murmured those lies in the embrace.

Oh, I should crush his pretentious face.

"How long have you been here?" Mad questioned him from his chest. He still won't let her breathe.

Asshole, release the girl. Even your smell could kill a person, I am sure.

"If you deduct sunset to sunrise hours, it should be ten." He laughed like the doll from the Chucky movie.

"You were here since yesterday?" She gaped.

Of course, he's a dick, and he's probably lying right now.

"I was worried about you." Oh, for fuck's sake.

"Bryan..."

He cuts her off with some stupidity of his: "Let me take you out? I know a good place that serves a better brunch."

Whoa whoa...

Okay, that's where I got involved. You see Mad might be crazy, but I know his type. He's bad news, and he's only trying to get in her pants just like the previous guys I've crushed since we were fourteen.

"She is running late for work," I answered for her when I advanced towards them. "Go get ready; I am driving you there," I told her just like I pledged yesterday.

And I meant it, despite everything. I will drive her everywhere for her safety.

"I will pass." She stubbornly refuses, not sparing me a glance.

Oh, I get where this is going!

See, I wouldn't care leaving her with this dick if that's what she wants. Only she made me promise to see a doctor today. And she insists on being there for it.

"Well, we still have a physician to see, so go shower." I shrugged next to her. On the other hand, challenged Mr. Tiny Shirt to look at me, but he wouldn't stop staring at what he shouldn't.

"I-I..." He stammered.

Aww, he can't enunciate anything. What an embarrassment.

"You can follow us to the clinic, and after the check-up, you can take me for a real lunch."

Really? Does she think this is her way of infuriating me?

We both know she doesn't love him, so what's her deal here?

The idiot had his hopes up; he was grinning like a happy Donkey, to be specific, Shrek's sidekick. "That sounds great."

Oh, I see. But we have a problem here.

"Oops, though my car doesn't have space for a third wheel." I deliberately shoot him an apologetic smile, pushing back some locks of hair from my forehead.

He blinked.

Yes, get that.

"Is okay, we can ride together." He motions to Mad; the fuming girl gaping at me like she cannot believe my guts.

I mean I've been the same. Haven't I?

She should feel lucky; I wasn't hitting his face because I wanted to hit his face so badly, my knuckles hurt.

"Or you can ride alone. There's always another option, man." Purposely, I gather all my strength in one hand and slap the dickhead's shoulder just the way mates should when I walk past him.

No hard feelings.

I heard her mumble: "I am sorry."

Hoping she wouldn't go with him, I try to not bother.

Feigning relaxation, I unlock the door and walk into the tidy house.

"I am glad you're fine. That's all that matters."

Liar, he doesn't mean his words.

Suppressing the harsh stress and brutal discomfort in my chest, I gait to my room.
I tried to find air to breathe, but even the walls of my room were closing in on me.

Fear, anger, confusion, and that intense bitterness in my throat were consuming me.

I wanted to hit something, anything.

I threw the lamp first, then it wasn't enough. I went to the desk, flipping it along with the contents settled on it. The commotion didn't bring me any comfort either.

I learned it wasn't enough, so I went for my closet, yanking the hamper and blending the laundry and all the clean sets together everywhere. Then the pillows, and the blankets.

None brought me solace, instead, it pained me even more.

Maybe the walls, I thought when my eyes searched everywhere around the room, and I couldn't find anything else to break.

My hands punched the concrete wall until I couldn't feel the knuckles in my body. Until they were both dripping blood yet the pain wouldn't wrap that of my chest.

So I kept hitting the wall until suffocating became unbearable.

Drained, I tumbled back and slid down to the floor against the foot of the bedboard.

My heavy and fast breathing was the only audible noise in the room.

I think I stayed there for a while, reminiscing about how messed up I was.

Maybe I need help. Maybe I need Mad to fix me. Maybe I am too late. Maybe she preferred Mr. Famous to me.

The screeching from the door interrupted my thought, and I heard her unenthusiastic voice: "I am ready, can we get going." Then she exclaimed: "What did you do in here?" and walked in, wearing a confused and timid expression.

I wanted so badly to push her out of my sight.

She shouldn't see me this way. No!

"Let's go." I straightened and feigned a smirk before mocking her: "Let's not keep your man waiting."

She frowned and lowered her eyes, only they fell to the wrong location, prompting the slight flinch she made before asking: "What happened? Your knuckles are bleeding."

Please, let's not start with the pretense.

I push up, my eyes searching around the messy room for my laundry.

"They were like that since the weekend," I tell while changing my t-shirt.

"I've been with you all day, and I didn't see anything like newly torn knuckles," she pursued behind me.

"Stop." I scoffed when I turned to face her. She was so near that she almost collided with my front and instantly froze along with my warning, sending her legs retreating back a few steps. "Just stop it." I fumed.

"Caden, I just want to help you," she breathed, her watery eyes rapidly blinking. Maybe I should let her, maybe she meant it. "Let me help you. Please." She added when she closed the distance between us.

No! There's some man in my living room she agrees to go to lunch with.

No! Don't fall for her lies.

Let's say she wasn't lying, then she will expect something more from me, something I can't provide. Something my dad will murder me for.

She better not start with that shit again.

"I don't need your help. If I am damaged, so are you, Mad. Our parents both got married because their previous partners weren't around to claim the marriage or at least claim their children. All I see here is we both have the same problem and you, the perfect one, also need help as much as you claim I do. But what is it with you? Do you think if you heal others, you can be able to get past your daddy issues? Sorry kid, nothing like a miracle exists here. Take your pain and make use of it. I did, and that is why I feel no emotion for you."

Maybe I am a liar too. Maybe for her, I have too much emotion than I ever had for anyone. Maybe it was destroying me, and I didn't know how to regulate it on my own because I never knew how to.

"You are wrong." She looked hurt.

I should be happy; it should bring me joy. But no! It stabbed me. I had to swallow the bile in my throat when I announced: "Let's go." and turned away.

"You are lying." She called behind me, stopping me in my stance, and now I couldn't swallow, I wouldn't move. I remained still, with my eyes shut and my back to her.

"You took me to Santa Cruz Beach Broadwalk because you've paid attention to me for four years more than my mother or father ever did because you wanted to do something nice to me. You cry by the waterfall because you have an emotion that you're scared of letting yourself feel, and you punish yourself for it. You held me in your arms throughout our time in the cell because you cared for me more than you allowed yourself to show, and you didn't want what we had to end. You have emotions, but you just don't want to accept them, or maybe you don't know how to." She cried.

I let out a shaky breath. For the first time, I hoped I could disappear.

I heard her sniff and exhale before plucking the knife from my chest and letting me suffer from the injury. She sniveled softly behind me: "And I love you anyway, Caden. I know you will say that to me too someday."

Clenching my teeth, I opposed through the lump in my throat: "No! I hate you, and I will always remind you of that."

I blinked once, hoping I was at least composed before slightly turning to face her. "Now let's go."