the next day came along and jaehyun still hadn't come to school. it had been two days of school the boy missed, but taeyong couldn't help but worry that something bad happened. he kept telling himself that he shouldn't be worried, but his heart told him otherwise.

"you have to stop caring. he beat you up for fucking sake! he doesn't deserve your pain," doyoung told taeyong. the red haired boy buried his head in his hands and exhaled a frustrated breath.

a series of 'shhh's were heard though out the place as doyoung immediately apologized for being too loud and quieted down. taeyong and his best friend were currently inside the school library after school, since taeyong didn't feel like going back home and the black haired boy was with him, so his best friend agreed to come with him to the library.

"i know... but i don't know why a small part of me wishes he would come back to me and try apologizing again like he did before..." taeyong's voice died down.

he hated this feeling. he hated the feeling of caring for someone who didn't deserve it. the red haired boy was well aware that he should've stopped caring for jaehyun the moment he lashed at him for no reason, but taeyong, being the love struck boy his is, couldn't stop thinking about the other. he was beginning to grow more worried as each hour passed by, with no clue as to why.

that was a lie. taeyong knew exactly why he still cared. taeyong knew exactly why he was still thinking about a certain brown haired boy. taeyong exactly the reason why he couldn't move on from the situation.

like mentioned earlier, the boy wished that jaehyun would come back to him and try apologizing over and over again, like what occurred earlier that school year. the smallest part of his brain wished that jaehyun would become his committed self once again and beg for forgiveness. the littlest part of his heart knew that the kind and caring side of jaehyun was still in there. what the red haired boy didn't know was that the kind and caring side of the brown haired boy was still there, but he still couldn't face himself with what he did to his love one.

jaehyun had locked himself in his dorm room for the past two days, not going to school, not eating, not sleeping. all he did was lay in bed, occasionally getting out to go to the bathroom, but other than that, he was a log glued to his mattress. lucas had moved out of their shared room for the time being, since he didn't want to face the face of, what he called, a jerk. the chinese boy still refused to believe any reason that jaehyun was innocent, as did many of jaehyun's other friends. the only person who believed that the guilty party was innocent was taeyong himself.

"i can't believe i caused him a broken arm..." jaehyun muttered under his breath. he turned to face the other side of the room and stared at the empty bed of his roommate beside him. letting out a sigh, the brown haired boy blinked for such a long time that anyone looking at him would think he was asleep.

one tear fell down his cheek, another following the path of the one before. before jaehyun knew it, he was crying again. soft sobs were heard coming from the mainly silent room, and only progressively got louder as seconds passed, until jaehyun was now full on sobbing.

"i-i'm so s-stupid!" jaehyun yelled to no one. he hit himself on his head once. "i-i'm such a j-jerk!" another hit. "i-i deserve t-to go to h-hell!" another hit. "satan! j-just take my s-sinful body and t-trap me in a cage a-at the bottom o-of a lava pool and l-leave me there to d-die!" jaehyun was about to go for another hit before his arm wouldn't move any further.

the brown haired boy was confused. last time he checked, his joints were fine, so he didn't know why his arm was working against his brain and preventing him from being able to hit himself. but that was, until he opened his eyes and looked up to see johnny standing next to jaehyun's bed, holding his wrist to prevent him from hitting himself again.

"you're ranting again," the american boy said as he put down a bag of snacks on the bed stand in between the two beds and sat down on the edge of the brown haired boy's bed. jaehyun, still shocked, looked at johnny, wondering if his eyes are deceiving him.

"j-johnny? my best friend? i-is that really you?" the brown haired boy, by this point, felt like he wasn't alive anymore and thought he was being delusional.

the said boy just chuckled. "yes, it's me, johnny."

the boy who was lying in his bed suddenly sat up and gave his best friend a hug, tears falling down his face more. "oh! my b-best friend! how i've m-missed you!"

johnny, instead of hugging back, rubbed the shorter boy's back and made circles with his thumb to calm the brown haired boy down. the two remained like that for a few more long minutes before jaehyun finally decided to detach himself from his friend.

"you look terrible..." the american boy said as he took a good look a jaehyun. heavy eye bags present under his eyes, signaling no sleep. thin and chiseled face, showing signs of no eating. layers of dried tears one on top of the other, representing crying.

"i don't look as terrible as my actions," the brown haired boy said, trying to refrain from hitting himself in front of his friend. johnny sighed and went to the refrigerator inside the room, pulled out a pack of cup ramen, and used the water boiler to heat water. taking a pair of chopsticks from the wooden cupboard, the american boy made his way back to the boy sitting on the bed after pouring the water in the cup.

waiting for the noodles to be ready enough to eat, johnny gave jaehyun the cup of ramen and the pair of chopsticks and told the boy to eat. deciding not to disobey his friend, the brown haired boy ate up all the noodles inside the cup while his friend watched him gulp down the food.

"i messed up big time," jaehyun said, signaling johnny that he would begin his rant once again. and, as if on cue, the brown haired boy began to tell his best friend about everything he was feeling for the past two days and even his thoughts and feelings during the entirety of the spring trip. the american boy just sat there and listened to every single word that came out of his friend's mouth, nodding every once in a while to show that he was listening.

"you feel guilty for what you did... yet you aren't even owning up to your actions?" johnny asked jaehyun after the boy finished his rant. "you kept chasing taeyong earlier this year and begged him for forgiveness, and owned up to your actions by making it up to him. are you not going to apologize for what you did this time?

"you know very well that taeyong didn't deserve anything that you did to him. he didn't deserve to be bullied by you, he didn't deserve to be ignored by you, he didn't even deserve to be loved by you because you acted like a jerk to him. even though you did care for him and looked out for him, what you did just a couple days ago could possibly never be forgiven for. and the fact that you aren't even trying to apologize for it makes the chances of forgiveness even less than before."

"i'm not going to get forgiveness anyway... what's the point?"

"jaehyun, even if you don't get forgiveness, you should at least apologize and explain to taeyong exactly what triggered your actions. that shows him that you are aware that what you did was wrong and that you feel guilty for doing it. even if he won't talk to you after, even if he doesn't forgive you, even if he hates you, at least he knows that you took ownership of your actions, and that you are aware of yourself wrongdoings." jaehyun explained. the american boy spent about a good three minutes giving jaehyun a life lesson that the brown haired boy should use for the rest of his life.

and for some reason, after hearing the taller's speech, jaehyun got the energy needed to get on his feet and thank his friend before zooming out of the door and running to taeyong's dorm room.