We came back to the classroom to see Mrs. Henderson. 

We didn't even get to bring everything to the field, because Nick, Daniel, and Jack got into another fight on the field, because of something random. I don't remember what caused it though. The football coach noticed them fighting and shouted at them to stop. He told us to come back here, so we did. Now, Mrs. Henderson is talking to us. 

"A fight on the field?" Mrs. Henderson began. "Are you serious? That will be another detention for the three of you." 

"What about Ellie?" Nick asked. 

"Me?" I asked. "What did I do?"

"You were slaking off, while we did the work."

"No, I wasn't!" I protested. 

"Yes you were, you were talking to the football jocks!" Nick said. 

"Enough! Ellie, you have another detention as well!" 

"What?" I asked. "That's so not fair!"

"Don't argue, or I'll give you detention for the rest of the week."

I sighed. "Fine."

"Good, now detention is over for today. You can all go home," Mrs. Henderson said. 

We nodded and walked out of the classroom. 

"What the heck, Nick?!" I shouted. "Why would you do that?" 

"I did that because I can," Nick said. 

I rolled my eyes. 

He rolled his eyes, mockingly. 

"Whatever."

"Whatever." He mocked me again. 

"Stop," I said. 

"Stop."

"Will you both just shut up?" Jack asked. 

"No," Nick said. 

"Dang," I said.

"See you losers tomorrow," Nick said. 

Nick began to walk away. 

"Dumbass," Daniel muttered. 

I laughed a little.

Then, we walked out of school. 

We began walking home. 

Ding!

I took my phone out of my backpack. 

I had a message from Austin. 

I smiled. 

I opened up his message. I stopped walking so I could read his message.

My smile faded, quick. 

Austin: You're so worthless. No one likes you. You're such a freaking idiot. Please just kill yourself. Cut yourself, overdose, drown, hang yourself, I don't care. Just do it, for everyone's sake. You will never, and I mean, never be special. You're such a suicidal girl that's broken. No one cares about you. Suicide is the only answer. Do it. You know you want to. Please, just freaking kill yourself!

I couldn't believe his words. 

He was the one that talked me out of suicide...and now he's talking me into suicide. 

This doesn't make sense. 

I felt water droplets in my eyes. 

I could sense my heartbeat quickening. 

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. 

I felt an overwhelming urge to cut myself. To harm myself. I need something, anything. 

I feel Drapetomania creeping up on me. 

I want to run, I want to scream. I want to escape from life. 

I opened my eyes.

I was frozen. 

Everywhere I looked was blurry. My vision. I was losing my vision because of my tears. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder. 

I flinched. 

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked. 

I just nodded. 

I turned off my phone, quickly and continued walking to our house. 

Eventually, we got to our house. 

Mom and dad were not home. 

What a surprise. (Note the sarcasm.)

I walked in and saw the rest of my brothers sitting in the living room and kitchen. 

"Hey, Ellie, how was your day?" Noah asked. 

I ignored them and walked upstairs to my room. 

I shut the door behind me and put my backpack on my bed. 

I walked over to my desk and opened the drawer. I pulled out a box. 

The box had some sharp objects such as a pen, scissors, razor, and knife.

I call it 'The Death Box.'

I walked over to my bathroom and took out the pen. 

I decided to write some things on my arm. 

I wrote 'Worthless' on my forearm. 

That's what Austin called me. 

My boyfriend. 

Well, I guess he's not my boyfriend anymore. 

I'm way too out of his league. 

I guess I always was. 

Maybe I'm the reason for everyone's problems. 

I know that I'm worthless. Austin knows that I'm worthless. My parents know that I'm worthless. My brothers know that I'm worthless. Everyone knows that I'm worthless. 

I put the pen back in the box. 

Then, I picked up the box and walk back into my bedroom. 

I took out the scissors. 

I knew that I had limited time before one of my brothers would come upstairs to talk to me. 

One for being worthless. 

One for never being good enough. 

Two for thinking Austin ever liked you. 

One for getting involved with Nick. 

And five for detention. 

I quickly put the scissors back into the box and then put the box back into the drawer in my desk. 

I sat back down on my bed and just stared at the text from Austin, thinking if I should reply or not. 

Knock Knock!

"Come in," I said. 

Then, Noah walked in. 

"Hey, little sis are you okay?" He asked. 

"Yeah, I'm just in a bad mood," I said. 

"Did you have a bad day?" 

I nodded. 

He frowned. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. "No thanks."

He nodded. "Okay, well let me know if you want to talk at all, okay?" 

"Okay," I said, quietly. A little too quiet. Too quiet that it sounded like a whisper. 

He walked out of my bedroom, shutting the door behind him. 

Cut yourself, overdose, drown, hang yourself, I don't care. Just do it, for everyone's sake. 

Austin's words echoed through my head. 

I grabbed my phone. And texted Austin. 

Me: Fine. I'll do it. 

Austin: 🙃

Wow. He really wants me to do it. 

Then, I will. 

Suicide attempt number  5. 

Here we go.