Uriah's silver flask felt cold against the tip of her fingers, and Lilith supressed a shiver as she brought it up to her mouth, gulping the sour tasting alcohol as quickly as she could. She hadn't left the Pit since Al had been found, earlier that morning. Though she had stepped away from the ledge when Nate had arrived and pulled her away from it, she had stayed near the Chasm, refusing to move as Al's body was pulled up from the rough waters below. Dead bodies were a gruesome sight to anyone, and Lilith had felt like she'd wanted to throw up as soon as she'd caught a closer glimpse of the boy's body.

Eventually, the other initiates had started to gather around Nate and her, most of them silent. Christina had tears streaming down her face and stuck to Will's side as they watched Al's body being taken away, and Rita had looked like she wanted to cry, even if she didn't allow herself to. Uriah and Lynn had passed flasks with vodka and whiskey around the group, the dauntless borns drinking without hesitation, while the transfers refused, more often that not. Lilith hadn't managed to get the image of the corpse out of her head, so she'd been drinking as much as she could, latching onto Uriah's flask like her own life depended on it.

The flask was gently pulled away from her mouth after a few seconds, and the brunette attempted to pull it back from Nate's grip, but the blond didn't budge. She glared up at him, but he only shook his head, "Stop it. You're going to pass out before the funeral, if you keep this up."

She snorted, "Who cares? He's.. huh, he was a coward."

Nate sighed, giving the silver flask back to Uriah when the dark skinned boy extended his hand in their direction. Everyone from Dauntless seemed to be reunited in the Pit, awaiting the funeral, which, according to Lynn, should be happening soon. It worked differently in this faction, Marlene had explained, when the transfers had shown confusion. Death was supposed to be something honorable, she had said, and it was something to be acknowledged and celebrated. Lilith failed to see how a death like Al's could be any of those things, but it had given her a reason to drink, so she hadn't complained. 

She tumbled to the side when Tris pushed her way to stand next to her, quickly latching onto Nate's wrist to keep her balance. The blonde girl had been there earlier, when Al's corpse was still being retrieved from the body of water below. Just the sight of them putting him in a bag had been enough to break her, and Tris had ran off in a matter of seconds, sobs leaving her lips as she left the Pit. She seemed calmer now but, even while slightly intoxicated, Lilith knew that it was a facade. The look in Tris' eyes and the way the corners of her mouth trembled told her that the former Abnegation girl wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and cry, but she wouldn't do it. Not when it made her look weak.

Uriah extended his flask in her direction, and Tris wordlessly refused.

"Surprise, surprise. Once a Stiff, always a Stiff," Molly's voice echoed from somewhere behind them, followed by a muffled giggle.

Lilith raised an eyebrow as she glanced at the taller girl over her shoulder, "Once a bitch, always a bitch."

"Al just died," Nate interrupted, glaring between the two girls, "This is not the time."

The corner of Molly's lips twisted upwards, and Lilith only wanted to punch her more. She really did have a punchable face, and the brunette wondered if she was the only one thinking that. Furrowing her eyebrows, she looked away from the other girl, and tugged on Nate's sleeve, fully ready to ask if he too thought that Molly's face was perfect for combat practice. However, before she could say a single word, the former Candor was already speaking again.

"I read an interesting article, the other day," she began, approaching Tris, "Something about your dad, and the real reason you left your old faction."

Before Lilith had the time to understand what was happening, Tris had turned around and smashed her fist against Molly's jaw, sending the dark haired girl tumbling back. A chuckle left Lilith's lips as she saw the astonishment on the girl's face, which was soon replaced by fury. However, before Molly could throw herself at Tris and start a fight right before the funeral, Will, who seemed to have materialized out of thin air, grabbed her collar and forced her to stay back.

"Quit it. Both of you," he ordered, waiting until the two girls were done glaring at eachother to go back to Christina's side.

Lilith did her best to hold back a smirk as she turned to face the Chasm, once more, her eyes instantly finding Eric as he made his way to the front of the crowd. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there, speaking in the funeral of a person he didn't really know, and Lilith wondered what exactly he had to say. All he knew about Al was that he wasn't doing well in Initiation, but that wasn't something to be said in a speech supposed to honor him. As soon as he was satisfied with the placement of the box he would be standing on, he gestured at the Dauntless members adjusting it to go away, before he climbed onto it, cold blue eyes sweeping the crowd. 

His presence hadn't been enough to silence everyone, and he looked slightly annoyed for a few seconds, before shouting, "Quiet down, everyone!" he had barely finished speaking when the sound of what seemed to be a gong echoed in the Pit, and Lilith could almost feel the vibrations inside her bones for the few seconds the noise was present. Gritting her teeth, she tried to focus on just Eric, who seemed pleased that mostly everyone had gone quiet, "Thank you. As you know, we're here because Albert, an initiate, jumped into the Chasm last night," the revelation of what had happened made the people still whispering grow silent, and Lilith clenched her fists with anxiety. Eric soaked the silence for a few more seconds, before continuing, "We do not know why, and it would be easy to mourn the loss of him tonight. But," his eyes landed on where most of the initiates had gathered, "We did not choose a life of ease when we became Dauntless."

For a brief second, Lilith wondered if it really was worth it. Dauntless was everything that she had ever wanted, the only faction she could picture herself living a fulfilling life in. At the same time, having that seemed to come with the cost of taking away who she truly was, erasing what made her good and replacing her nature with a thirst for revenge that she had never felt before. She turned her head slightly to look at the one other person who had become increasingly worse during their iniciation, Peter. Even though she was fairly sure he was aware that she was looking at him, he refused to look back at her. He didn't seem shaken by Al's death; in fact, it was almost as if he was only there because he had to be. 

Was it worth it?

"The truth of it is," the leader's voice echoed once more, and Lilith faced him, noticing how his eyebrows had become the slightest bit furrowed. She wondered what was going through his mind, but didn't reach any conclusions before his features twisted in a smile. Even from where she was standing, Lilith distinguished it as forced, "The truth is, Albert is now exploring an unknown, uncertain place. He leaped into vicious waters to get there. Who among us is brave enough to venture into that darkness without knowing what lies beyond it? Albert was not yet one of our members, but we can be assured that he was one of our bravest!" his words seemed to have an effect on the crowd, for the Dauntless immediately started cheering Al's supposed courage. Lilith wondered if Eric would have said the same words, had he known how Al had joined Peter and attacked Tris, similarly to how she'd been cornered two weeks prior. 

"This is bullshit," she muttered, grabbing Lynn's flask and taking a few gulps before Nate could even think about stopping her, "None of what Eric is saying is true. I," she paused, grimacing at the taste of the alcohol as she gave the other girl back her flask, "I'd do a much better speech."

"What would you say?" Uriah raised his eyebrows at her.

"The truth," she replied, "He died because he was a coward. He couldn't live with what he did," a bitter laugh left her lips, "So he took the easy way out."

"Don't say that," Nate glared down at her, before his eyes moved to Uriah, "Don't give her your flask again."

"Yes, sir," he nodded in response, "Breakdown?"

"Probably."

Lilith furrowed her eyebrows, "Stop talking about me like I'm not here."

When her focus returned to Eric, he had a bottle in his hands, and he rose it above his head, "We will celebrate him now, and remember him always! To Albert, the Courageous!"

The repetition of Al's name was deafening. Everyone seemed to be shouting it at the top of their lungs, arms stretched upwards like they were cheering for a great accomplishment. But it wasn't anything like that. Al had died, and Lilith was sure that he would have never wanted to be celebrated like this. No one would want to be celebrated for their desperation. She glanced at the line of iniciates, noticing that Tris had disappeared once again, while the transfers that remained were quiet and rooted to the same spots. 

Nate gestured towards Uriah's flask, gripping it in his hand, "You're right, though," he said, before bringing it up to his lips, "This is bullshit."

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Funerals were meant to be sad, but no one in Dauntless seemed to share that same mentality. It was like everyone in the faction had taken the day off to drink as much as their bodies could handle, and to stumble around the compound yelling nonsense at eachother. Lilith half expected to wake up the next day with the news that someone else had fallen into the Chasm, after having way too many drinks. Nate had stopped restricting how much she was having after Eric's speech, and he'd joined her and the Dauntless borns in the dining hall, where Zeke had brought them a few more bottles before sitting with his own friends.

The room had been spinning for as long as Lilith could remember, but that didn't stop her from enjoying her time with her friends. They'd attempted to play a card game, but it hadn't gone very far, with Lynn and Rita not being able to focus and Uriah attempting to cheat. After, they'd turned to drinking games, that had been fun for a while, before everyone had started drinking just because they felt like it and not as an actual consequence of their activity. They'd even gone for Truth or Dare, but that too had ended quickly, when Siobhan challenged Rita to go tell Lavinia that she liked her.

So, the group had given up on any type of games. Marlene and Rita had reached the limit of how much they could handle drinking, the first one leaning her head against Uriah's shoulder with her eyes closed and the latter glancing longingly at Lavinia, sat at a table a few rows ahead of them. Lilith nursed a bottle of beer in her hands, relishing in how the matters usually weighting her down were nowhere to be seen. She almost laughed as she realized how gone she truly had to be, to have beer and not instantly feel like she was drinking piss instead.

"So, the two of you aren't dating?" Lynn narrowed her eyes, gesturing between Lilith and Nate with her bottle.

Lilith snorted, taking a swig of her drink as she shook her head, "Why does everyone think that? We're just friends."

"Besides, I'm not really interested in dating anyone right now," Nate shrugged when the other girl looked at him skeptically. Lilith had discussed this matter with him before, and the blond boy had revealed that he had only ever liked one person in his life, though he didn't reach the desire of wanting physical intimacy with them. The girl had gotten the feeling that it wasn't something that Nate discussed often, and she'd done her best to reassure him that his lack of craving for those things didn't make him any less of a human being. 

"My sister was like that," Rita mumbled, from the other side of the table.

Everyone was quiet for a few seconds, until Rita decided it was a good idea to keep speaking about her late sister. Lilith managed to focus during the start of the conversation, listening to how the other girl described her slightly older sibling and shared some of her last memories with her. The other Dauntless borns soon began exchanging stories as well, about their reckless childhood adventures together, and Lilith felt herself becoming unable to pay attention as she finished her bottle. Like it had been happening a ridiculous ammount of times, that night, her eyes drifted to where Eric was sitting with Granger, a somewhat impressive number of empty bottles between them as they laughed. Her lips twisted into  a small smile at the rare sight of the leader looking so young and carefree, and she only realized she'd been staring for a while when Eric looked back at her questioningly. Immediately, she brought her beer to her lips and averted her eyes from the duo.

This happened a few more times during the next hour, each one of them making Lilith's heart beat faster against her ribcage. She didn't want to look at Eric so often, but it was like her eyes had a mind of their own and all they wanted to do was stare at him. It was becoming overwhelming incredibly fast, and the alcohol in her system was making her want to just go to sleep. So, after finishing her beer, she placed the empty bottle back on the table and wished a good night to her friends, before stumbling out of the dining hall and into the Pit.

The open area was slightly more chaotic than the dining hall, where people were sitting at their tables and having intoxicated conversations with their friends. Once she found herself in the Pit, Lilith was astonished at the ammount of passed out people everywhere, while the ones still conscious trudged dangerously on the narrow paths above her head, and even ventured close to the Chasm. Shaking her head, Lilith walked out of the Pit and into the corridor that led to the dorm as quickly as she could, nearly tripping over her own feet a few times. The corridor was quieter and the brunette found herself letting out a deep breath, supporting herself on the wall with her hand as she advanced. The way to the dorm seemed longer than usual, and Lilith just wanted to get there and fall on her bed, and sleep until noon, on the next day. 

Someone gripped her arm, and Lilith's eyes widened as her back was pressed against the wall. Her mind briefly wandered to the thought that Peter had caught sight of her in a vulnerable, intoxicated state, and had decided to finish what he'd started, weeks before. Just that thought made her reach to whoever had grabbed her, and she twisted their hand, the person immediately letting out a wince at the sudden attack. Lilith finally looked up at the person's face, raising her eyebrows as she saw Eric. She released his wrist right away, watching as he shook it with a slightly pained expression on his face.

"What the hell, Lilith?" he questioned, and she noticed how his words seemed somewhat slurred. She wasn't in a position to judge him for it, however.

"I.. I thought you were Peter," she errupted into giggles before even finishing her sentence. She soon realized that it didn't make any sense for her to be laughing, and stopped herself, though she was still very confused as to why Eric was there, and why he'd grabbed her out of the blue like that. He looked somewhat blurry, and Lilith narrowed her eyes as an attempt to focus her vision, "What's going on?"

There were a few seconds of silence before his light eyes met hers, "Why were you looking at me like that?" she furrowed her eyebrows, and he elaborated, "Back there, in the dining hall."

Instantly, Lilith knew what he was talking about. There was something similar to hope flashing in his eyes, and she was surprised by how off guard he seemed. In her experience, Eric always shielded his emotions behind a blank face and an indifferent look in his eyes, but she'd realized it was nothing more than a mask. At that moment, there was nothing concealing what he was truly feeling. There was hope, and a bit of uncertainty, and perhaps even some excitement. Her heart thumped in her chest as their gazes remained connected, and she gulped.

"Well," she chewed on her lower lip, "It's not like you weren't looking at me, too," she was dodging the question, but Eric didn't seem to notice as confusion flashed across his features. Lilith let out a laugh, "You had to be. How else would you know that I was looking at you?" she raised her eyebrows as the leader's eyes moved to his own feet, and he folded his arms over his chest. Lilith wondered if he was that drunk, to be unable to respond to her statement. She was also being more bold than usual, and she didn't know if that was because of the influence of the many drinks she'd had, or if she was just tired of having a multitude of feelings for Eric that she never did anything about. Whatever the case was, her next words rolled off her tongue easily, "We both know you didn't come here just to ask me that," Eric closed his eyes for a second, and her heart started beating even faster, "So, what do you really want?"

The question had barely left her lips when Eric finally faced her once more, his eyebrows creased in resolution as he closed the space between them, their lips pressing together for the first time. Though she was fully aware that she had provoked the situation with the way she'd been talking to him, Lilith was still surprised by the sudden movement, finding herself with her back against the wall once again as the distance between their bodies ceased to exist. She wrapped her arms around his neck at the same time his hands found their place just above her hipbones, her whole body tingling at the sensation. This wasn't new for Lilith, but it sure felt better than the few times before.

Eric broke their kiss after a while, looking down at her as he attempted to breathe normally again. His thumbs caressed her sides, and Lilith gave him a small smile. He licked his lips, "I didn't-," he paused, "Was that okay with you?"

This time, she grinned, "More than okay," she reassured him, placing a hand on his cheek as she went in for another kiss.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Dudes we hit 10k??? I still can barely believe it wtf, but like, thank you so much!! It means a lot to me that so many people read and enjoy this book!
I wanted to pop in with a quick disclaimer, Lilith's opinions about Al and his death are not my opinions, she's just angry and holds grudges and that's why she looks like she doesn't care and doesn't respect him. It does not reflect my perception of what happened! 
Also we finally got an Erith kiss! Really excited to know what all of you think of it + predictions of what happens next when it comes to them.
If it wasn't clear, baby boy Nate is ace, btw!
I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! I hope I can update next week, but I am getting my covid vaccine on tuesday and people react in different ways and idk what mine will be, so idk if I'll be in a state to come up with something in time!
Anyways, I'll see you next time! Don't forget to leave me your feedback, it's always appreciated! <3