𝓣𝓲𝓶𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓾𝓷𝓿𝓮𝓲𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓻 𝓸𝓯 𝓜𝔂𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝔂-𝓣𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓻!!

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑 

 Midnight Chronicles

Author: @Seong_Grace

Judge: @LAJoyner

Score: 56.5/80

Title: 3/5

Midnight fits but the word Chronicle seems out of place with the story. The story isn't written as factual historical events in a detailed timeline of y/n's life. The story is running current with a single flashback memory.

Cover: 3/5

The cover is very eye-catching, yet the subtitle is not easily readable, the letters 'tracking' are too close making it harder to read and then the author's name at the bottom, the tracking has the letters too far apart from each other. The author's name is too close to the bottom edge as well, almost giving the appearance of coming close to being cut off. I can tell one male is Jimin but the other male doesn't look like Jungkook. I figured the two males were to represent y/n's best friends: Jimin and Jungkook.

Blurb: 3/5

The blurb is very short. A car breaks down, y/n is curious, and they are led by a rabbit deeper into a forest. The blurb needs some clarity. Improvement in sentence structure would be great for the blurb. Maybe add some questions to entice the reader to find out more. Ex: "What dangers lurk for the three friends in the forest?" "Will they survive till morning?" Asking questions in a blurb encourages the reader to want to delve into the story to find the answers.

Plot: 14/15

The plot is still in the early phases of story writing. This is an ongoing story, and the plot should evolve soon. It fairly fits the thriller genre with running into mean monkeys, elephants, and snakes in the forest at night.

Characters: 4/5

The main male leads are relatable in the fact they want to keep protecting y/n as if she is a younger sibling, even though she is now considered an adult. Y/n is still caught between acting as a child and acting more mature. She may develop further in the story.

Pacing: 3/5

The pacing is kind of fast event-wise, parts are rushed. It also gets bogged down by having to try and figure out what is being said.

Writing Style: 8.5/15

The writing style is very hard to follow. There are continuity/consistency issues throughout the story. The main one was where y/n did her make-up first before putting her dress on "and applied all cosmetics step by step while watching YouTube."

In the next paragraph, she applies a hint of blush and lipstick, and then in paragraph four she finishes getting dressed and putting on make-up. However, it was stated in the first paragraph she had already completed her makeup. The many run-on sentences and sentences that are confusing to understand make the story difficult to read. It appears to be due to a translation into English issue along with a need for proofreading for spelling errors.

What is 'un' in this sentence: "Jimin stop it's their the un what are you thinking?" (the sentence isn't very clear on what is trying to be said as well) I was reading chapter one and thought I was at the end of the chapter and kept scrolling for the 'next' bar to click it, but it turned out just to be a large gap used as a story break or transition point. Maybe using Tildes ~ ~ ~ ~ (this button is usually to the left of the! 1 button) and center it would make a good break without having to leave such a large gap. Also, you could make a thin graphic bar to use as a break.

Grammar and Punctuation: 5/10

(Judges Disclaimer: I don't point out things that need correction to hurt or insult any author. I do so to help the author see where improvement can be made because I want them to succeed. If one doesn't know what's broken, then how can they fix it?) There are repeated run-on sentences throughout the story. There are sentences throughout that are confusing and I use * to point out spelling errors found in these sentences of examples. Examples:

1) Jimin's hand got in pain *whincing mockingly. (*wincing).

2) The one who says who is *scardycat of dark loopholes of our house. (*scaredy cat).

3) It was before; hold on to it.

4) Jimin yelled causing the rabbit to run indie the forest. (indie?).

5) Tranquility inside her mind got in motion as she so a glass of *tequila waiting for her. (*Tequila should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.

6) Jungkook and Jimin and their business partners' families' children sticker together always from childhood.

There are multiple characters' dialogue contained in one paragraph. This is done throughout the story. The dialogue should be separated for clarity and readability. Example: a proper way of formatting/structuring dialogue.

 "Happy birthday, dear! What is the strategy?"

 "Mom, we are going for a party."

 "We mean?" 

"Who else, Jimin and Jungkook!"

Use the above example in place of: "Happy birthday, dear! What is the strategy?" "Mom, we are going for a party." "We mean?" "Who else, Jimin and Jungkook!"

Alcahol is correctly spelled Alcohol. Alcohol can be both singular and plural, yet in more specific cases such as a collection, can be 'a collection of alcohols.' In the context that alcohol is used in the story it's more common to be alcohol than alcohols. I hope that isn't too confusing. I was starting to confuse myself there for a minute lol.

Gentlemen are plural for gentleman, in the story you have gentlemans used as the plural form, gentlemen are the correct form for the context you use it in. At one point the phrase "What a timing." is used by Jimin and the correct phrase for context is "What timing."

Y/n places the key lock in her purse. It may be easier to leave the key lock in the door and put the key in her purse. It would make her purse a lot lighter (just trying to add some humor). Dialogue markers (quotation marks) are done well and that always makes me smile. Other punctuations are done well, except for the rare extra space before a comma and the occasional missing comma. (I didn't deduct points for those commas, I mention them so you are aware they are there or missing and when you re-proofread you can look for them and fix them.) Please don't let this review discourage you. Your story ideas are good ones! If English is not your first language, then have a friend who is fluent in English or it is their first language, help you with proofreading. You can even lookup resources online or check with your local library.

Vocabulary: 5/5

The vocabulary between the characters fits their ages.

Overall Evaluation: 8/10

The story is interesting and the interaction between Y/n and her best friends, Jungkook and Jimin is cute. It seems the overwhelming number of issues is mainly due to, English translation cross-over, making many sentences baffling. Keep working on writing your stories in English because your story ideas are very good. Improve your English understanding and it can in turn widen your reader base. Keep learning, never give up, and don't be afraid to ask questions concerning translating something into English. Good luck =D

TOTAL: 56.5/80

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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐔𝐏

The Merciless Queen's Doctor Husband

Author: @Queenfanfriction2010

Judge: @Hells07dealer7

Score: 51.5/80

Title: 4/5

The title is good. It's a little too common, I would suggest going for a more interesting title but it's good. It fits the story and matches the storyline.

Cover: 4.5/5

The cover is beautiful and eye-catching. The color scheme and editing are amazing. And it fits the genre. My only advice is to put your name on the cover so that no one can copy it.

Blurb: 0.5/5

The description really needs help. It is very short and grammatically incorrect. If it does not have punctuation marks which makes the whole Description, and sentence formation wrong. A good description should be engaging, informative, and free of errors. It should entice readers to dive into the story.

Plot: 12/15

The plot of the story is good; however, it is a little hanged up. First of all, the female lead is shown as very strong and short-tempered which is not a problem, it's great. However, she is too scared of her brothers. It is not bad, but it makes her personality very contrasting. Create a balance between them. It's ok if she fears her brother but making it to an extent that it feels like she is not the same character is troublesome. This also creates a sense of negative emotion in readers against the members. Of course, caring and being protective of your sister is not wrong but when it becomes toxic. It is not good.

Characters: 3/5

The characters are not introduced at all, you just showed straight up that yn was talking on call, no introduction, and nothing. We're thrown into the story without knowing who they are or what they're like. It would be great to introduce them slowly, showing their personalities, motivations, and backstories.

Pacing: 5/5

The pacing is good. It's neither too fast nor too slow. The story moves well. You've balanced it well.

Writing style: 7/15

The writing style needs improvement. There are too many breaks in between the paragraphs which disturbs the flow of reading. Also, try the script mode writing style. Write the dialogues like this: Yn walks downstairs talking angrily to someone on her phone "What the hell Are you saying?! How can he escape so easily? Huh?! What were you all doing? Sleeping?!"

That would be much better.

Grammar and Punctuation: 6/10

The story has punctuation but not the necessary ones, you need to express the emotions through sentences which means adding punctuation to it. Also, use a grammar-correcting tool for correcting the grammar.

Vocabulary: 4/5

The vocabulary is good, but you can go for better alternatives. 

Overall Evaluation: 5.5/10

Overall, the story and the plot is good, but it needs some changes. With some work on the description, characters, writing style, and grammar, it can be even better. Taking some time to revise and edit can make a big difference.

Some suggestions to improve the story:

- Put your name on the cover

- Introduce characters properly

- Balance the female lead's personality

- Show why the brothers are so protective 

- Use better vocabulary

- Improve writing style and grammar

- Make the description more appealing

- Use script mode writing style

By working on these areas, you can make your story more engaging and enjoyable to read.

TOTAL: 51.5/80

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𝓒𝓞𝓝𝓖𝓡𝓐𝓣𝓤𝓛𝓐𝓣𝓘𝓞𝓝𝓢!

Note: The scoresheets of other participants will be out soon!