Bang. Bang. Bang.

My eyes fly open and look towards the door. It is still dark outside. No light shines in through the blinds.

Bang.

It won't stop. People will not stop banging on my door. It is getting old.

The white numbers projected on the wall tell me it is too early for anyone to be up. So, who is on the other side. A monster. A demon to take me away, just like they did Eydis. But if they are a threat, why are they knocking? I don't dare move.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

"Telvi, let me in," Ezra's voice rings out.

My heart only beats faster. What was he doing at this hour? The last bit of sleep flies from me. Does he have any news to share? Anything. I need something. It has been silent since Eydis left a few days ago. The world spins on, life continues, and I try to fake it the best I can, but it's so hard. I fear people can see through my cracks.

Trainings, lunch with Ari, writing letters to my brother... Anything that can distract me from the gaping hole Eydis left behind, fill my days. The room is quiet and empty without her. I don't want to spend any time in it. I don't look forward at the end of the day going back to my space.

"I don't have much time, Telvi," he says as he pounds on the door again.

With a sniffle, I get up and open the door, letting Ezra in. He looks wide awake but bags under his eyes tell me he hasn't slept well. I haven't either. Too afraid and this empty room doesn't help.

In the night shadows, I see a hint of a bruise across his cheek. He closes the door then looks around the room.

"Where is she?" I ask.

He rubs his hands together. Silence. It is the longest second of my life. "She's safe. I know they're traveling by foot out of the Motherwealth. It's safer that way since they're looking for her. My father has an eye on me too. That's why it took me a few days to get back to you."

It appears that the Motherwealth has eyes on many. Expectable.

"You see, my father is not an early bird so coming at this hour is safe. I just wanted to warn you to watch your back. I think the leaders, my father included, suspects you know something. They will want to contain that."

"People ransacked my room the other day."

He slumps to the floor, as if not having enough strength to stand. He looks up at me with tired eyes. "Did they take anything?" he asks in a hushed voice.

I shake my head as he gets on his hands in knees, looking under Eydis' bed.

He reach for something and pulls out a small cylinder looking tin. It is no larger than a thumb nail and it shines in the moonlight. Everything shines here. I am getting really sick of it.

Ezra puts it under and cup and continues to look around the room.

"They're spying on you," he says softly as he pulls out another cylinder thing from under the window.

Panic rushes through me. My heart is racing. Think, what did I say the last few days? Anything incriminating? I try to piece together the conversations I had in here since Eydis left. With no roommate to talk to, there are no conversations to have in here. I breathe a sigh of relief. I think I am safe. But for how long? It is only time until they come after me. I can't stay here any longer. I can't. I want to go back to Hell.

"Can you get me out of here?" I whisper.

Ezra stops and turns to me. He shakes his head. "Too soon. We need to wait."

I can't wait much longer. Every day get more painful. Not even skating is peaceful. In fact I dread it. Everywhere I look, I am reminded that this is all a sham. Our lives are designed to be taken from us. Our talent is not truly ours. If I stay here long enough, I will share the same fate as Eydis.

"Telvi, I promise you will be safe. But there are too many eyes on you and me right now. I will get you out. I never wanted you to be cut. Getting you to safety was always my plan. But for now, you need to stay put."

"I can't," I choke out.

He eyes my hand but does not touch it. "You don't have a choice." He points to the upside-down cup that contains three cylinders. "Do not touch that." He opens the door. "I'll be back." He looks down the hall then slips into the darkness.

Minutes turn into hours and the sun rises. I do not dare fall back to sleep. Instead, I stare at the cylinders, fearing they will grow and gobble me up.

Bzzzzz.

My alarm yells. It is time to get up. Get ready. Fake another day. But with another night of poor sleep, my skating will suffer.

I pound the alarm to shut it off. Maybe if I am lucky, it will break. It doesn't seem to take much to break Motherwealth things. Without an alarm, I will not wake up at the right time. A good excuse for at least a day or two.

I have to get out of bed, get ready, but the thick blanket around my shoulders is warm and provides some kind of comfort. No matter how small it is.

It isn't until the door bangs again that I pry my eyes away from the items on the desk.

This time, I open it quickly, keeping the blanket around my shoulders.

Irena is on the other side with a scowl. "What did I tell you about being late to practice?" She asks and walks into the room.

"I'm sorry. I lost track of time," I reply.

She shakes her head. "Walter. You don't need to lie. Just pull yourself together. I need you at practice," she says as she hands me a pair of black tight pants then storms out of the room, expecting me to follow. I don't want to follow. What is the point of all this training? It is a waste of time. Air fills my lungs, but it doesn't give me any strength to move forward.

_______________

Later, by some miracle, I will myself out of my room and onto the ice. My movements are stiff and choppy, but I am here, ready to fake another day. That has to count for something.

"Telvi. Not good enough. You better whip yourself into shape. This is not acceptable," Irena yells at me as I get up from the ice after falling for the 5th time.

Apparently, me being here isn't enough. I need to shine like everything else in the Motherwealth.

"Do it again."

I feel like a spectator, watching my skate, cringing at the falls and booing at the poor performance. My mind is distant. I am practicing to my end. My fate will never be left for the Commonwealth.

I watch Ari land a jump flawlessly and smile. If he knew what he is skating to, he wouldn't be smiling like that.

"Look at that Telvi. Someone is moving up in the world," Ari says with a chuckle as he goes on to land the same jump again.

His fate will be the same as Eydis.

Everyone here would have the same fate.

A lump forms in my throat as I try choke it down.

I have to warn him and anyone that will hear. But how can I do it when I have to protect myself?

"Telvi, Walter. Get over here," Irena shouts.

I suck in a deep breath. Although it feels like breathing through a straw.

"Telvi, they are watching..." Irena mutters under her breath.

I know that. But that apparently isn't enough motivation for me to shine.

"Your fate does not need to be like Eydis. You can still have a future here. You just need to prove yourself."

As if that makes anything better. A future here is not what I want. How dare she think that is enticing.

"I'm not the only one that has stayed after training. Some talent doesn't transfer well. Skating is one of them. Most skaters don't actually get cut. If you prove yourself you can stay. They need people to train or work here in the Motherwealth."

I swallow the pit. It hits my stomach, making me feel sick. I want to throw up even though my stomach is empty. How can she wake up and train when she knows the truth? Irena, even if she is from the Commonwealths is just as much a monster as all the other Motherwealth people.

"I don't want to stay here."

She places her hand on my shoulder and look into my eyes. "Honey, you don't have much of a choice. Now head up and carry on. You have to." She pats my shoulder, but it makes me shutter. "Now go and do that jump again. Make it flawless."

I push from the boards as I wipe a tear away.

Enough waiting. I have to get out.

By time practice ends, that sentence is being repeated in my mind so quickly, it's all I think about. It is loud, screaming at me.

Ari tries to convince me to join him and Justo for lunch, but I can't stomach it. I will skip another meal. That way I won't throw it up.

I open the door to my dorm room and lock eyes with Ezra.

He sits on an empty neatly made bed that used to be Eydis'. Everything on her side of the room is gone. No posters or notes hang on the wall. Her desk is polished and sparkling as if no drink was ever split on it. Her side is a blank slate, as if she never existed.

I immediately want to blame Ezra. He must have taken her things. They are probably in the trash. Which is not fair. He should have warned me. There were things of hers that I wanted, to remind me of her. He probably wants that though. It is better if I forget her and move on. That will never happen though. Her memory is forever stitched onto my heart. It will stay there. Safe.

"Where's her stuff?" I demand.

"They took it away. Making room for the new trainee."

My eyes widen. The idea of someone else in this room, sharing my space... They are replacing Eydis. A stranger? Another poor unknowing participant? I can't let that happen.

"She just left, and they're already replacing her?"

He shrugs. "That's how it goes when you're a trainee. Space is precious." He stands up from the bed and places a small blue and white bracelet on my desk. "Got this before they cleaned out. Thought you should have at least something of hers." He pushes the sleeves up to show a string bracelet around his wrist.

I remember the time she mentioned making me a bracelet. She told me blue and white are my colors but time got away from us and she never made it. Or so I thought. I was wrong. This was made for me. She made it. This one is mine. I have to keep it close.

As I tie it around my wrist, hints of honey smell are released from it. I don't know how long it would smell like her. Maybe only a few days, but it is a few more days that she has a presence here.

"She's on her way to a safer place as we speak. She's almost there. Talked to my friend yesterday about it."

"Thank you."

"I'll get you to safety too. I just can't today. I need to set up a few things before you go."

"Will I be safe until then?"

He gives a humorless chuckle. "You are the star skater, of course you'll be safe. You're everyone's favorite."

My eyes well with tears as I sink to my bed. His words don't provide comfort. "I'm scared."

He bites his lip. He opens his mouth then closes it. He moves towards the door but before opening it, he turns to me. "You'll be safe. I promise." With that, he leaves me to stare at the empty wall in front of me.