Worry consumed my thoughts well into the night. Eydis had no problem sleeping but as for myself, for a second day in a row, I barely slept. 

By time the sun rose the next day, I had barely shut my eyes. They were dry and hurt when I moved them too fast. How could I sleep when I knew the truth about this place? It was a nightmare that I could not wake from. They cut Eydis and they would come after me. It was only time. 

I was trapped. Stuck here. Behind the shiny iron gates in a not so perfect city. It was a prison. A terrible place. But I wasn't the only one stuck. All the others here had no idea what they were training for. It wasn't for a better future for themselves. The Motherwealth was only looking out for their own. 

Craving comfort, I curled up against Eydis, soaking in her warmth as she slept. I held onto her for life, breathing in her honey flower smell. Her rhythmic breathing against my chest was soothing. 

I held onto her for hours, wishing I held her sooner. She fit against me perfectly. The curve of her spine rested against my chest and stomach, filling an empty space that I didn't know exsisted. Now that she was here, I didn't want it empty again. 

In the early morning, banging disrupted our peace. 

Bang. Bang. Bang. 

I jumped out of bed with a racing heart. Instantly I wished I was back in bed with Eydis who remained undisturbed. 

It had been quiet all night, but with the sun, they were here to take me away. I would share the same fate as Eydis.

I sucked in my breath as fear washed over me. I would not open the door. That door kept us safe from whatever was outside. But to my horror, I watched as the door handle turned. 

Breath caught in my throat. It was over. I would go kicking and screaming though. Everyone would know on the way out what this place was.  

"I know you don't want to see me, but I want to make things right. I want to help you get her out of here," Ezra said, holding up his hands as he walked in. 

I wasn't sure if I was angry at him or grateful to see him. I didn't want to trust him. He was one of them. He knew the truth of this place. But he was the only person I had. If Eydis left for safety, he was my ticket and we both knew it. 

I stepped away from him out of caution.

"Telvi, you need to go to practice. You need to show the Motherwealth that everything is fine. That you don't know anything. They will not go after you if they think don't think you know." 

I shook my head. Playing pretend, even as a child wasn't one of my strong suits. "I can't."

Ezra sighed as he ran his hands through his hair. It looked unkept, sticking up in different angles. "Look, Telvi, I can only get Eydis out of here. I can't bring you with me. Not yet. The two of you will draw too much attention." 

My eyes welled up with tears. This nightmare was never ending. I would be forced to stay here and Eydis would be gone. I wanted Eydis safe but I didn't want to be without her. Even if she didn't remember me. 

"I promise that I'll keep her safe. But you need to go. You can't be late," he said as he handed me my skate bag. "Go. Before you're too late." 

My hands gripped the bag with fever. I couldn't force my feet to move. My eyes were on Eydis, memorizing every inch of her. I would not forget her like I started to with my mom. She would be unforgettable. 

"Telvi, you have my word that she will be safe." 

"Where are you going to take her?" 

"I have a few friends in the Commonwealth. I'll have them keep her safe."

I wanted to stay and embrace Eydis. I wanted to kiss her and tell her that I did love her. This was our goodbye. But unlike the flowers which die in the winter, she would not come back. Our time would be treasured but there would be no more shared. 

Tears welled in my eyes. It was selfish of me to wake her up when she didn't remember how much I meant to her. No, I would leave her sleeping. It was better that way. The pain of splitting was only one sided. It was my pain and was something I alone would have to bear. 

With a sniffle and a stiff nod, I forced myself out the dorm room without another word. 

Skating used to provide comfort when something painful happened. Mom died in the winter. I skated after we buried her. When Dad died, I skated. It provided an escape. But as I pushed across the ice now, I didn't feel free. This place trapped me, crushing me, making my skating heavy. 

Tears ran down my face as I set up for a jump which I did not want to land. I would blame my tears on the cold if anyone asked. 

Pop. 

Smack.

My butt was what hit the ice first. 

Nope. Didn't land it. 

I pushed myself off the ice with a straight face. Today would be long.

"Telvi, are you alright?" Ari asked as he skated up to me. "I missed you at practice yesterday."

I glanced at Irena who stared at me intently. For a second I debated about telling him about Eydis and what Ezra told me. But stoppped myself. That was a long conversation that shouldn't be held here, under her eyes.

"I wasn't feeling well." 

"I understand. Just so you know though, the Motherwealth keeps track of those sick days. You can't miss too many otherwise they'll send you home." 

I stopped on the ice. A few days ago, I would believe him, but now I knew the truth. The Motherwealth didn't actually send anyone home, did they? They just got rid of them. Ari would know the truth soon enough too.  

Air spun then stopped to look at me. He knew something was wrong still. "Are you feeling better then?" 

"Better," I said, forcing the words from my mouth. They didn't feel natural. It felt more like spitting out rocks. 

He nodded in agreement. "Good. Now let's enjoy the ice. It's good today. I heard they finally fixed the cooling systems. The ice finally feels great to skate on. Not the sticky stuff we have seen for the last week or so." 

"Telvi, come here," Irena shouted to me from the wall. 

There was a tone to her voice. She was mad. Was it because I was late today, or was it related to Eydis? I was about to find out. With my head down, I skated towards her, preparing for the worst.

"You need to be here on time," she hissed.

I nodded. She should be lucky I was even here. Eydis was leaving and I didn't even say goodbye. That was already a regret. I wiped another tear from my cheek. 

"Don't cry. People will see," she said firmly. 

I shrugged. So let them. I could always blame the cold. 

"How is the girl?" 

"She left," I said. She didn't need to know anything more than that. The less I said the better it had to be.

"Good. That will keep you safe." 

Safe? I chuckled humorlessly. That was laughable. The place wasn't safe for anyone. 

Smack. 

My cheek was hot before I realized Irena slapped me across the face.

I brought my hand up to my cheek, cradling it. Slowly it burnt. 

"Pull yourself together."

"What's the point when my fate will be the same as hers." 

Her eyes widened as she shook her head. Carefully she looked around to make sure no one heard me. I wish they did. 

"Not everyone shares the same fate. Not everyone gets cut. Now go, please, I have already said too much. Skate as if nothing happened."

That was a hard ask. Almost impossible. But for now, that was what I had to do. It seemed like I didn't have much of a choice. 

With a stiff nod, I pushed off the boards then skated around the rink, wishing time to pass. 

Every push I took, I tried to clear my mind. I knew there was no use lingering on what Ezra was doing or how Eydis was. But I couldn't help but think about all of it. Those thoughts filled my mind like a boat filling with water. I couldn't bail the water out fast enough. 

"Telvi, fix your shoulders," Irena shouted. 

I rolled my shoulders back and skated backwards. I just needed to last these two hours' worth of training. 

____________

Practice was nearly impossible. But I completed it. I sat on the bench, taking off my skates. Even though I had taken off my skates 100 times before, today, I couldn't manage to rip them off my feet fast enough. 

Enough time had pasted. It was time to get back to the dorm. I needed to see if Ezra really did take Eydis or if she was still here, safe and sound. A part of me hoped she was around. I needed to breathe her in one more time. Smell that honey scent she always had. 

"Do you want to get lunch together?" Ari asked as he walked over to me.

I shook my head. "Too busy."

"I get it. I'll see you at off ice this evening." 

That was another thing I would prefer to skip. Instead, suffering through it would be nessasary. Fitting back in was the hardest thing to do. It was what I needed to do if I wanted to have time to think. I would get out of here if it was the last thing I did. Time was needed though to plan my escape. Maybe Eydis would be with me. We could go together. 

My feet flew across the walk ways until I ended up at my dorm room.  

I wasn't exactly sure what I would see when I walked through the doorway of my room, but a trashed room was not one of them.

Both of our matrasses lay on the side, pushed against the walls. Clothing strewn on the floor along with papers scattered. It looked like a twister ran its course in this space. But twisters couldn't be inside. 

"Son of a twister, Telvi," Odett said as she peeked into the room beside me. 

It looked like whatever happened, they were looking for something, or someone. The Motherwealth was after Eydis. Did they get her? My stomach withered just thinking about it.

"What is this?"

Her voice was more nasally than normal. It took all I had not to snap at her. I had too much to worry about and Odett was not one of those things.

"I don't have time," I replied, scanning the room, looking for any answers. She continued to talk but I paid no attention.

"I saw Eydis for a second this morning. But she's gone again. Telvi, what happened to her?" 

I turned to her at the mention of Eydis. "She went home," I said confidently, as if I knew what was where she went. 

"I didn't think she wanted to go back to her Commonwealth. I thought she would at least say goodbye to me..."

She started to ramble as tears welled in her eyes. These emotions were not what I wanted to deal with. I didn't have time for this. Could she just shut up? "Don't you have something better to do, Odett?" 

instantly her rambles stopped. 

She wiped a tear from her cheek. "Do you think she loved you more than me?" she whispered. 

That was something I didn't want to think about. Love. She loved me. She told me so. And I loved her. I just never told her that. Walter, I never even said goodbye. Regret is a nasty thing. It eats away at you and there isn't much you can do but let it. I would have to live with my actions. They would keep me awake at night.

I bit back my tears. 

She wiped her tears with a sniffle. "I saw the way she looked at you. I never got that look... You know when we're done with this training, we always talked about going somewhere and starting a life together. But I think she would have preferred to start a life with you."

The longer Odett stayed, the harder it was to keep my emotions at bay. She forced me to think of a life that I wanted with her. One that I would not be able to have. The Motherwealth robbed me of that. 

"Please, leave me alone."

"I don't know what she saw in you," she said before turning on her heels without an and left. 

Tears pricked at my eyes as I quickly shut the door behind me, providing some kind of privacy. That wasn't enough. The Motherwealth had eyes on me. They had eyes on everyone. 

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Eydis was gone and I had no idea where she went. Hopefully she was safe. Far from this place. For now, I had to focus on that. 

I pushed my mattress back onto the bed frame. As painful as it was, as heart breaking as it was, I needed to continue forward. Nothing was wrong. That was how I would stay safe. I just prayed that she was safe too.