Worry consumes my thoughts well into the night. Eydis has no problem sleeping but as for myself, for a second day in a row, I barely sleep.

By time the sun rises the next day, I had barely shut my eyes.

I rub them. They are dry and hurt when I move them too fast. How can I sleep when I know the truth about this place? It is a nightmare that I cannot wake from. They cut Eydis and they will come after me. It is only time.

I am trapped. Stuck here. Behind the shiny iron gates in a not so perfect city. It is a prison. A terrible place. But I am not the only one stuck. All the others here have no idea what they are training for. It isn't for a better future for themselves. The Motherwealth is only looking out for their own.

Craving comfort, I curl up against Eydis, soaking in her warmth as she sleeps. I hold onto her for life, breathing in her honey flower smell. Her rhythmic breathing against my chest is soothing. She fits against me perfectly. The curve of her spine rests against my chest and stomach, filling an empty space that I didn't know existed. Now that she is here beside me, I don't want her to leave and have my chest space empty again.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

I jump out of bed with a racing heart. Here it goes again.

Instantly I wish I was back in bed with Eydis who remains undisturbed.

It has been quiet all night, but with the sun, people are awake. They are here to take me away. I will have the same fate as Eydis.

I suck in my breath as fear washes over me. I will not open the door. That door keeps us safe from whatever is outside. But to my horror, I watch as the door handle turns.

Breath catches in my throat. It is over. Might as well say my goodbyes and get ready to fight. I will go kicking and screaming. Everyone that passes me will know I am going against my will.

"I know you don't want to see me, but I want to make things right. I want to help you get her out of here," Ezra says, holding up his hands as he walks in.

I am not sure if I am angry or grateful to see him. I don't want to trust him. He is one of them. He knows the truth of this place. But he is the only person I have. If Eydis leaves for safety, he is my ticket and we both know it.

I step away from him out of caution.

"Telvi, you need to go to practice. You need to show the Motherwealth that everything is fine. That you don't know anything. They will not go after you if they think don't think you know."

I shake my head. Playing pretend, even as a child wasn't one of my strong suits. "I can't."

Ezra sighs as he runs his hands through his hair. It looks unkept, sticking up in different angles. "Look, Telvi, I can only get Eydis out of here. I can't bring you with me. Not yet. The two of you will draw too much attention."

My eyes well up with tears. This nightmare is never ending. I have to stay here but Eydis will be gone. I want Eydis safe but I don't want to be without her. Even if she doesn't remember me.

"I promise that I'll keep her safe. But you need to go. You can't be late," he says as he hands me my skate bag. "Go. Before you're too late."

My hands grip the bag with fever. I can't force my feet to move. It feels too soon to leave. My eyes are on Eydis, memorizing every inch of her. If only she knew how painful this is for me.

"Telvi, you need to go."

I would not forget her like I started to with my mom. She is unforgettable.

"Telvi, you have my word that she will be safe."

I meet his eyes. "Where are you going to take her?"

"I have a few friends in the Commonwealth. I'll have them keep her safe."

I want to stay and embrace Eydis one more time. I want to say that I love her and I want to kiss her. This is our goodbye. But unlike the flowers which die in the winter, she will not come back. Our time will only be treasured by me. She will not mind leaving me behind. But I will forever mind. Maybe this is better. I'll keep our memories safe without hurting ever time I see her.

Tears fall down my cheeks. It is selfish of me to wake her up when she doesn't remember how much I mean to her. No, I will leave her sleeping. It is better that way. The pain of splitting is only one sided. It is my pain alone to bear.

With a sniffle and a stiff nod, I force myself out the dorm room without another word.

_______________

Skating used to provide comfort when something painful happened. Mom died in the winter. I skated after we buried her. When Dad died a year later, I skated. It provided an escape. But as I push across the ice, I don't feel free. I feel trapped.

Tears run down my face as I set up for a jump which I do not intend to land. Maybe if I fall hard enough, I'll injure myself, freeing me from practice. I could only be so lucky.

Pop.

Smack.

My butt hits the ice first.

I push myself off the ice with a straight face. Today will be long.

"Telvi, are you alright?" Ari asks as he skates up to me. "I missed you at practice yesterday."

I glance at Irena who stares at me intently. For a second I debate telling him about Eydis and what Ezra told me. But stop myself. That is a long conversation that shouldn't be held here, under her eyes.

"I wasn't feeling well."

"I understand. Just so you know though, the Motherwealth keeps track of those sick days. You can't miss too many otherwise they'll send you home."

I stop on the ice. A few days ago, I would have believed him, but now I know better. The Motherwealth wouldn't actually send me home, would they? They would get rid of me, just like everyone else.

Air spins then looks at me. He knows something is wrong. "Are you feeling better then?"

"Better," I say, forcing the words from my mouth. They don't feel natural. It feels like I'm spitting out rocks.

He nod in agreement. "Good. Now let's enjoy the ice. It's good today. I heard they finally fixed the cooling systems. The ice finally feels great to skate on. Not the sticky stuff we have seen for the last week or so."

"Telvi, come here," Irena shouts to me from the wall.

There is a tone to her voice. The same tone she gave Constance. She is mad. Disappointed even. With my head down, I skate towards her, preparing for the worst.

"You need to be here on time and focus," she hiss.

She should be lucky I am even here. Eydis is leaving and I didn't even say goodbye. I will forever regret that. I wipe a tear from my cheek.

"Don't cry. People will see," she says firmly.

I shrug. So let them. I can always blame the cold.

"How is the girl?"

"She left," I say. She doesn't need to know anything more than that. The less I say the better.

"Good. That will keep you safe."

Safe? I chuckle humorlessly. It is laughable. The place isn't safe for anyone.

Smack.

My cheek is hot before I realize Irena has slapped me across the face.

I bring my hand up to my cheek, cradling it. Slowly it burns.

"Pull yourself together."

"What's the point when my fate will be the same as hers."

Her eyes widen as she shakes her head. Carefully she looks around to make sure no one heard me. I wish they did.

"Not everyone shares the same fate. Not everyone gets cut. Now go, please, I have already said too much. Skate as if nothing happened."

That is a hard ask. Almost impossible. But for now, that is what I had to do. It seems like I don't have much of a choice.

With a stiff nod, I push off the boards then skate around the rink, wishing time to pass quickly.

Every push I take, I try to clear my mind. I know there is no use lingering on what Ezra is doing or how Eydis is. But I can't help but think about all of it. These thoughts fill my mind like a sinking boat filling with water. I can't bail the water out fast enough.

"Telvi, fix your shoulders," Irena shouts.

I roll my shoulders back and skate backwards. I just need to last the next two hours' worth of training.

____________

Practice was nearly impossible. But I completed it. I sit on the bench, taking off my skates. Even though I have taken off my skates 100 times before, today, I can't manage to rip them off my feet fast enough. They are like fire and I want them off so they can burn away.

Enough time has passed. It is time to get back to the dorm. I need to see if Ezra really did take Eydis or if she is still here, safe and sound. A part of me hopes she is around. I need to breathe her honey flower scent one more time.

"Do you want to get lunch together?" Ari asks as he walks over to me.

I shake my head. "Too busy."

"I get it. I'll see you at off ice this evening."

That is another thing I would prefer to skip. Instead, I will go. Suffering through it will be necessary. I need to protect myself. It'll give me time to think. I will get out of here if it is the last thing I do. Time is needed to plan my escape so that means faking until I slip away.

My feet fly across the walkways until I end up at my dorm room.

I am not exactly sure what I expect to see when I walk through the doorway of my room, but a trashed room is not one of them.

Both of our matrasses lay on the side, pushed against the walls. Clothing strewn on the floor along with scattered papers. It looks like a twister ran its course in the space. But twisters couldn't be inside.

"Son of a twister, Telvi," Odett says as she peeks into the room beside me.

Whatever happened here, it was clear they were looking for something, or someone. The Motherwealth is after Eydis. Did they get her? My stomach withers thinking about it.

"What is this?"

Her voice is more nasally than normal. It takes all I have not to snap at her. I have too much to worry about and Odett is not one of those things.

"I don't have time," I reply, scanning the room, looking for any answers. She continues to talk but I pay no attention.

"I saw Eydis for a second this morning. But she's gone again. Telvi, what happened to her?"

I turn to her at the mention of Eydis. "She went home," I say confidently, as if I know what is where she went.

"I didn't think she wanted to go back to her Commonwealth. I thought she would at least say goodbye to me..."

She starts to ramble as her eyes sparkle with tears. These emotions are not what I want to deal with. I don't have time for this. Can she just shut up already? "Don't you have something better to do, Odett?"

instantly her rambles stop.

She wipes a tear from her cheek. "Do you think she loved you more than me?" she whispers.

That is something I don't want to bother with. She loves me. She told me so. And I love her. I just never told her that. Walter, I never even said goodbye. Regret is a nasty thing. It eats away at you and there isn't much you can do but let it. I will have to live with my actions. They will keep me awake at night.

She wipes her tears with a sniffle. "I saw the way she looked at you. I never got that look... You know when we're done with this training, we always talked about going somewhere and starting a life together. But I think she would have preferred to start a life with you."

The longer Odett stays, the harder it is to keep my emotions at bay. She forces me to think of a life that I wanted to share with Eydis. One that I would not be able to have. The Motherwealth robbed me of that.

"Please, leave me alone." There is not much force behind my words. I am weak and tired. All I want is to be left alone,

"I don't know what she saw in you," she says before turning on her heels.

I quickly close the door behind me, providing some kind of privacy. But that doesn't feel like it's enough. The Motherwealth has eyes on me. They have eyes on everyone.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Eydis is gone, left without a clue where she went to. Hopefully she is safe. Far from this place. For now, I have to focus on that.

I push my mattress back onto the bed frame. As painful as it is, as heart breaking as it is, I need to continue forward. Nothing can be wrong. That is how I will stay safe. I just pray that she is safe too.