"Telvi what was that? I wanted a triple not a single," Irena says with a disapproving frown.

The thing is, I heard her. There just isn't anything in me to make the jump higher.

Eydis has not returned and when I tried to find her at breakfast, I came up empty handed. I asked around, hoping someone would have seen her. No one did. She had to be here on campus though. She was hiding, from me, probably. She bore her soul, and I was silent. She deserved more. She deserves everything. And now I know what to say. I just have to find her.

I shake my head, trying to clear it. It doesn't work. Eydis is still at the forefront of my mind. There is a growing pit in my stomach about it. My concern weighs me down, making my movements sluggish, heavy. I am wasting time skating when I should be looking for her and telling her how I feel.

I set up a double axle only to make it a single once again. There is nothing more in me to give. I will not skate any better than this today. My only hope is for Irena to realize that and let me go early.

"That's it. Son of a twister. You're done. You are clearly distracted, and we are both wasting time. Get your slag mind together for tomorrow." Her voice is even but her tone says another story.

I stop in the middle of the ice. I stare at her, making sure she is serious.

"Just go, Telvi." She point towards the lobby of the rink.

Disappointment is clear in her face. But I don't linger on that. Freedom. This is what I want. I'm confident I will find Eydis today.

I don't waste any more time getting off the ice and walk to the benches to get my skates off.

"Telvi!" Ezra's voice rings out as I rip off one skate.

His voice is like nails on a chalk board. Memories from the night before pop into my mind, making me cringe. I am not ready to see him, maybe I will never be.

"Not now Ezra," I say as I take off my skates.

"This is important though," Ezra says as he places a small brown box in my lap.

I eye it with a frown. Seriously, I have more important things to do than look a brown box. Doesn't he catch the clue I am not interested when I refused to kiss him? "What is it?"

"I found the missing letters. Every letter that your brother wrote, they're here."

I freeze. My eyes widen, staring at the box. He was right. This is important. Kol, he did write me. This is proof. He still cares. With shaking hands, I open the box to see slightly tarnished letters with Kol's neat handwriting on them.

"How did you find them?" I wheeze out.

He shrugs. "Just asked around. Turns out mail gets lost more often than I realized."

I open the first letter my hands land on. It took too long to get these. My eyes scan the note about the pink salmon coming up stream and the ice melting from the rivers. Spring was coming in Hell.

A fresh wave of tears come to my eyes. I can hear Kol's smooth deep voice through the letter. It has been months since I heard from him, but I have yet to forget his voice. I hope he feels the same about me.

I open another letter. He writes about the warmth and how soon flowers would appear. They always carpet the ground with brilliant colors, more brilliant than any billboard display Regal could make.

A small sob escapes my lips. I cover my mouth. Reading these letters brings a pain to my chest. It's a dull ache that grows. The Motherwealth may be distracting but it isn't home. It never will be.

I tear my eyes from the letter to meet Ezra's. "Thank you."

He smirks as blush comes to his cheeks. "Don't mention it. From now on, I'll know where to get missing letters and hopefully you won't lose another letter again."

Giving me this box is nearly enough of an apology for last night and the tube experience. I don't know what kind of hoops he had to go through to get this, but I'm sure it was no small feat.

I place the lid back on the box and stand up. These letters scream at me to be read. I will search for Eydis as soon as I read these. I toss my skate bag over my shoulder then grip the box with my other hand. "I have to get going."

"Practice ending early today?"

"I didn't realize you knew my schedule." I wish he doesn't. There has to be someone else he can pay attention to. Maybe someone that doesn't hate the Motherwealth as much.

He shrugs. "I try."

Without another word, with my belongings in hand, I walk out the door to pour over the letters.

___________________________

Later, in the dorm room, with the sun setting and my fingers stiff from opening all the letters, I stand up.

A mound of envelops lay on the bed, the letters neatly placed back in the box. Where they will stay, protected. Safe. All mine.

Kol started writing shortly after I left Hell. The letters are dated which allow me to see the cadence of when he sent things. It is every few days. Sometimes it is daily if something exciting happened like how Kol caught a massive fish, breaking the town's record.

I smile at the stories he shared and cry when he mentions missing me. He made little doodles on the page. I never realized how much of an artist he is. We had been so caught up with surviving that I actually didn't know any of Kol's talents, besides fishing.

Reading the letters feel like journal entries. A peek into his life, his thoughts that he didn't often share with me. These letters were the only things that keep me tethered to Kol. But my heart ached knowing that he doesn't have anything grounding himself to me. I should have been writing to him all this time.

I want to write him. He needs to know I am ok, thriving in training, but missing him and Hell. He will soon know every single fact of this place, but now isn't the time. I have spent too much time reading. Eydis is still missing. For now, writing will have to wait. I have to find Eydis.

I slip my coat on and open the door to see Odett on the other side. Her normal scowl is replaced with worry.

"Hey Telvi, where is she?" Odett asks.

My stomach twists into knots. I wish I knew. Guilt hangs over me like a rain cloud. I should have spent this time looking for her instead of reading the letters. The letters could wait. Eydis could not.

Odett frowns; her hands ball into fists. "Walter Telvi, what did you do? Eydis is fragile."

Fragile isn't the word I would use for her. My mouth is dry as I try to find the right words to say.

"She told you she loved you, didn't she? It was obvious she did. Everyone saw how she looked at you."

I nod slowly, unable to stop myself.

My actions over the last few 30 hours have been shameful and she isn't making it any better. I know I slagged it up. She doesn't need to rub it in my face.

She throws her hands in the air. "And you don't, do you?"

"That's not it," I sputter out. "It's just... complicated."

Before I realized it, her fist makes contact with my cheek.

I stumble back. The right side of my face burns. Metallic taste fills my mouth.

I don't have time to react. Odett throws another punch, this time hitting my stomach, knocking the air out of me.

I double over, struggling to breathe. With wide eyes, I meet hers, begging for her to stop. I don't want to hit her but I will if I have to.

"You chased her away. You didn't deserve her. You never would." With that, Odett walks away, leaving me in the hall to think about her final words.

I lean against the side of the wall as I regain myself.

I probably don't deserve her. Eydis is too good for me. But that won't stop me from finding her and professing my feelings to her.

My fingers stroke the side of my face which still burns. She punched harder than I thought she would. She couldn't be any taller than I am, but she really threw her weight into those punches.

I take another breath as I push off the wall. Enough time has been wasted, I need to find her.

______________

Hours are spent walking campus, asking people if they have seen her. Eydis has a loud bubbly personality. Most know her. But the more I asked around, it was clear that no one knew where she was. That only adds to my anxiety.

I fight back tears as I walk back to the dorm in the late night. My only goal was to find her and I failed. She is still missing. Not a single person knew where she was.

My steps were stiff and slow. Nothing about this feels right. She couldn't have just vanished. But it seems like she has. There is a pit in my stomach that knows something is deeply wrong.

24 hours have passed. Gone for 24 hours. One day. One day too long. She should have returned by now. Unless she ran from campus. If she isn't on campus, I don't know where else she would be.

Questions swirl around my mind, making me dizzy. I'm not sure if it is the exhaustion or fear that makes me feel sick. I crash onto my bed, fighting tears. Where did she go and why had she not returned?