"Hendrix, what's a slag party?"

"A what?" I glance up from my essay. Harry is absentmindedly playing with his new golden snitch, a small metal thing that makes an incredibly annoying loud whirring noise when you spin it, which Harry has been doing approximately once every millisecond since it arrived from Amazon.

"A slag party."

I stare at him blankly for a second.

Trying to work out what Harry might actually mean has become second nature to me.

"I need something more to go on." I sigh, placing down my pen and wondering if I will ever get more than 10 interrupted seconds to finish my essay. Harry whirrs his snitch loudly as he answers.

"Well, Juan and Marcia are getting married-"

"THEY'RE WHAT?"

"Getting married." Harry stills the whirring with his finger and smiles at me helpfully. "Marriage is when you-"

"I know what marriage is Harry." I groan wearily. "But since when are Juan and Marcia doing it?"

"Since yesterday. The wedding is next month."

I have so many questions I don't even know where to start.

"Juan got someone to bundle Marcia into a van on her way to work, so that she thought she was being kidnapped. They drove her round shouting at her, but when they pulled her blindfold off, it was just Juan, waiting with a ring."

"Wow. That might just be the most messed up engagement story I've ever heard."

"I think it's a bit romantic."

"Right." I decide to move quickly off this topic, just in case Harry gets any ideas for dressing me as a disney princess and kidnapping me for our next date.

"I had a call from Liam this morning to invite me to a slag party and I said yes, but I don't really know what one is."

"Oh!" A wave of realisation hits me. "Stag party! It's called a stag party, Harry."

"What is it?" I try to ignore the whirring of the snitch as he looks at me expectantly.

"It's a party for the groom. Like a last big party as a single guy-"

"Juan isn't single."

"Well, no, but you get the idea."

Harry looks at me for a long moment.

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no'?"

"I don't get it. He's not single... Is he?"

I take a deep breath. I know from experience that it's no use telling Harry to drop it, he likes to understand absolutely everything.

I look into his eager, waiting face with a sigh. We're obviously going to be here a while.

****

Juan and Marcia getting married seems like the most pointless thing ever. Grace secretly agrees but she advised me to just keep quiet and keep my thoughts to myself on this one.

It's bizarre though and I want to know exactly why it's happening. It's not just that it's sudden... It's also that this isn't exactly a normal situation, not considering that one of them was made in a factory... Will the marriage even be legally binding? According to Grace, Dr P doesn't have any objections at all, in fact he's quite eager and will be attending, but that just makes me more suspicious.

Unfortunately I'm not close enough to Marcia to warrant asking her probing questions and the only thing I hear from her is contained within a deep red envelope a couple of days later.

I wince at the paper cut that nicks me as I pull it open. A heap of confetti hearts sprinkle me as I unfold the red letter.

Dear Hendrix and Harry,

You are both cordially invited to the union of

Marcia Maria Joanna Perez

And

Juan

The details are written underneath. Surely Marcia's family are going to find it weird that her groom is just called 'Juan', with no surname?

Unless she's told them that he goes by just one name for effect, like Madonna or Prince. He's def got the ego to pull that off. I'm just about to shove the letter on the side when I see a hastily hand written note at the bottom of the page.

Hendrix, I've got yours and Harry's outfits here. Juan is having all of the DreamFactory boys as his groomsmen and I want to make sure that we all look good in the group photos, so you'll be wearing matching outfits with the other DF girls.

Wow. As if I wasn't already thrilled about spending the entire day with Juan, now I have to do it in an outfit Marcia has chosen.

Harry has been in a state of great excitement about the stag party. It's being held this weekend and he doesn't seem to have a clue what it might entail.

Even though he's one of the groomsmen, no one seems to have included him in making any plans. He's blissfully unaware that he should have had a say in the matter and I feel pathetically indignant on his behalf.

By Thursday, I've build myself into a proper panic about what might be happening. I mean, surely it won't be anything too racy, given that it's all Dream Factory boys that are attending. Once Harry has left the house for his coffee morning with the grannies, I decide to call Liam, thinking that he's the most sensible of all the boys. He doesn't answer the few calls I make and I remember Grace telling me how busy he has been with his online business.

That leaves me four other options; Louis, Niall, Zayn or Robert.

Christ.

With a sigh I dial the number of the least bad of those options.

"Hey baby girl, what's happening?"

"What have I told you-"

"Guess you just can't stay away, huh?"

"What?"

"If you want my attention-"

"Shut it." I snap, not in the mood to deal with Zayns crappy faux bad boy persona.

"Jeez. Someone's in a bad mood. Time of the month or what." He mutters childishly to himself.

"I want to know what's planned for this weekend." I sigh, deciding not to get drawn into petty bickering with him.

"Yeah, so do I." He attempts to sound vague and mysterious and I can't stop myself from rolling my eyes.

"I meant at the stag party, what's the plan?"

"I don't know, none of us do. Marcia's brother has arranged it as a sort of 'welcome to the family' for Juan. Kathy isn't happy about not knowing." He adds sheepishly.

Neither am I. There are about a million things that could do wrong when you're having a night out with 6 boys who can't tell a single lie and have never drank a drop of alcohol before.

I'm still worrying about all of this when Saturday arrives. Harry is out of bed at 6am to take our elderly neighbours dog for his morning walk.

I really want to ask him to pretend to be sick or something but he's so excited that I can't. I suppose I do want him to be independent, but the image of Harry trying to explain that he's in Hufflepuff while some drunk knucklehead looms over him keeps playing in my mind.

He's fully dressed for the stag party before midday and can't even settle to watch stranger things. I know he's excited but this seems a little excessive. Finally, somewhere in the early afternoon, I just have to know what he's so worked up for.

"Oh nothing." He smiles cheerfully. "I just get it now."

"Get what?" I ask cautiously.

"I get what we're doing. It's sort of like a ball isn't it? Like in Cinderella. Disney."

"Well. No. No, actually Harry. If you imagine the exact opposite of Disney, then times it by about a million, you'll be closer to the actual reality."

"You're so strange." He laughs, shaking his head.

I want to make a point about being called strange by a boy in a lime green floral suit, but I bite my tongue.

Harry barely eats his evening meal, but that may have more to do with my cooking than anything else.

It seems like barely five minutes pass before the doorbell is ringing and I open it to find Niall and Liam in the hallway.

"I hope Harry is ready. We need to leave." Liam says abruptly, before I've even got the door fully open. "We're working to a schedule."

Liam looks shockingly handsome in a black shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbow and black trousers.

Niall looks... Interesting.

"That's a lovely kaftan, Niall." I nod towards the long floaty dress thing that he's wearing. My eyes travel down to the leather thongs on his feet. "It matches your sandals nicely."

For the first time, I can see why Marcia wants to choose what we all wear.

Harry bounds up next to me, clutching a badly wrapped present. Liam's eyes travel from Harry's suit to Nialls kaftan and he shakes his head.

As soon as they've disappeared down the hall, I rush through the flat, almost tripping over Dave, to the window at the front. There's a long limo parked up and I stifle a giggle as Louis jumps out wearing a black velvet tunic with some extraordinarily tight white tights.

Harry glances nervously around before stepping into the Limo. Louis looks up and smiles when he sees me. He pulls his hat off and gives a deep bow in my direction.

Even from up here I can hear Robert whining for him to hurry up, and within seconds they're gone.

***

I can't settle. I spent over an hour on the phone to Grace discussing the wedding and another hour watching Food Network. Seeing as Harry is out, Dave has lowered his standards to allow me cuddle up to him.

The only thing that Grace knew was that they have to leave their phones in the limo, therefore I'm very surprised when my phone starts to ring and Harry's number comes up. I snatch it up.

"Harry?"

"Oh. Hallo Hendrix."

"Are you ok?"

"I think so."

"Just 'think so'? Where are you?"

"Me? I'm currently in a bush."

"Wait, what?... What do you mean?"

"I'm just relaxing for a while." He attempts to sound casual but it doesn't really work.

"In a bush."

"Yes."

"Like.. A bush. With leaves."

"That's right."

There's a long pause. After a few moments  Harry gallantly attempts to break it. "So anyway, what have you been up too tonight then? Is Dave ok?"

"Yeah fine. Sorry, Harry, I'm just kind of hung up on this bush thing..."

"Ah. I see, perfectly understandable."

"So you're sat in a bush? Right now?"

"Yes."

"And the others are..."

"Inside I think... Well, last I saw Zayn and Robert were hiding in the toilets, Liam was pretending to take a call on the other side of the road... Niall was hiding in an alley actually... Louis is in the car of course, and Juan was fighting with some-"

"What on earth is going on?"

"I'm not entirely sure. All the factory boys are here, as you know, plus there's Marcia's brother, Marc. Isn't that weird, Marcia and Marc? Do people usually name their children-"

"Harry, just stick to the story." I groan.

"Oh, yes. So there's Marc and four of his friends too. Anyway, we first they took us to a wine bar- I had an ice cream soda and some crisps- it was great fun and I thought that this must have been the place where we were staying for the slag party."

"Right." I sigh, not bothering to correct him.

"But then after an hour or so, Marc said it was time to go, I was quite glad actually because I'd had two ice cream sodas and I felt a bit sick. Anyway, I thought the party must be over but Marc said it hadn't even begun. Then he brought us here."

"And where is that?"

"I'm not sure. When we got here I ordered a lemonade and sat down and then after a while..." He coughs, sounding very embarrassed. "Well, after a while, a couple of ladies stood up on the stage and erm. Well.... Started taking their clothes off." He whispers this last part.

"Oh crap." I feel faint at the thought of my innocent little frog in a strip club.

"At first I thought they had done it by accident, but apparently not. That's where it got a bit messy. Louis realised that some of the other men were watching the ladies take their clothes off!" He says in disbelief. "Can you imagine that?"

"Strangely, I can." I say weakly.

"So, I jumped up on little wooden platform-"

"You did what??"

"Just to help them pick their clothes up." He says helpfully.

"Oh, Harry."

I just want to hug him.

"And Louis stood up and told everyone that he would duel them one by one if they looked at the ladies in a state of undress-"

I can't help it. A snort of laughter escapes my lips.

"What were the other boys doing?"

"Louis was asked to leave by the big angry man, and Marc told him to go and sit in the car, that's parked in a car park somewhere... But you know, Liam and Zayn seemed to pretend to like it, even though they wouldn't look at the ladies. Isn't that weird? But Liam told Marc that he had to make a sudden phone call and Zayn said needed the toilet, actually he's been in there for 45 minutes-"

"But how did you end up in the bush, Harry?"

"Oh. Well everyone else had a good reason to leave and once I realised that the ladies were taking their clothes off on purpose and didn't need my help, I just came outside."

"What, and walked over to a bush and sat in there?"

"Yes."

I can't help but laugh now, really laugh.

Poor, poor Harry.

"Oh hang on..." There's a muffled shuffling noise. "Juan is being pulled outside... Marc is there- oh I've got to go-"

"Just be careful-" My last words are cut off by Harry cutting the phone as someone calls his name.

It's about three hours later when the doorbell goes again.

It's Harry, being held up by a ruffled looking Liam. I gasp at the sight of Harry, slumped against the door frame.

"What happened?"

"He had two tiny sips of my vodka and coke." Liam mutters, rolling his eyes. I can't help but notice he doesn't look even nearly as calm and collected as usual though.

"Two sips?"

"Yes. Two. Then he started singing and telling me how much he loved me." Liam says stiffly.

With this he turns away and stalks down the hall, leaving me to navigate Harry inside and across the flat. I drop him onto my bed and struggle to pull him under his armpits up the bed. I pull his shoes off as he mumbles.

Once I've placed a glass of water next to him, I lie down beside him and look at his lovely face.

Harry's first big night out. Two sips of vodka and hiding in a bush all night.

I giggle as I look at him.

He's so precious.

***

AN- I have been editing my old stories, that's why there hasn't been an update! I've been writing every single day but just editing older works and it takes forever, far longer than writing a new chapter  😩

I got into bed 4 hours ago and thought I would just write a little bit of this chapter then get a nice early night.... And... Opps. 🙈 apologies for any typos

So... Juan and Marcia getting married? Hmmm.

Anyway, must sleep, hope you enjoyed it 😆