I've had an unbelievably stressful week. Things have been strangely awkward between me and Charlie, in fact, I've avoided having my lunch break with him all week. Jenna has been weirdly nice to me, which I don't trust at all and I've been inundated with homework.

To top it all off, Harry has woken me at 5 every morning to go for a run. After nearly dying for 3 mornings in a row I've developed a technique. I tell Harry we'll take different routes around the park and see who gets back faster, then after watching him dash eagerly away, I walk straight into McDonalds. When I spot him running back I quickly make my way outside and jog on the spot, checking my watch as if I've been waiting for him for ages.

Harry is ultra impressed and I get McDonald's for breakfast, so who is really losing out here?

Because it's a Saturday, Harry was going to let me sleep in until 6AM before waking me for running/sly McDonalds time. Dave, however, had other ideas and woke me up via the method of standing on my head with his huge, heavy body at 4:45AM.

It's fair to say that I'm not in the best mood as our Uber pulls up outside the Dream Factory. Harry is wearing his 'best' outfit, which is a baby pink suit that's covered in large flowers. He's wearing a deep green shirt and I can't understand how it actually looks good on him.

At first, he utterly refuses to get our of the car. I try bribes and threats but he shakes his head, pouting unhappily. I grit my teeth and begin to coax him, telling him how Harry Potter was scared all the time and he still did all that stuff. In fact, I tell him, he should probably imagine that Dr P is like Dolores Umbridge and he's in Dumbledores army.

To be honest, I'm just rambling a load of shít and the Uber driver is staring at us like we're crazy. Luckily for me, Harry has a very active imagination and it's not long before I manage to convince him that he's kinda going to be defeating the forces of evil just by getting out of the car.

He gets quieter and quieter as we enter the building. I feel his hand slip into mine as we wait for the lift and when I look at him, he's pouting unhappily and staring at the ground.

"It's ok Harry." I squeeze his fingers. "You're doing well kid."

"Yeah." He mumbles.

"At least you're not trying to run away this time." I joke feebly.

"I don't want to get you in trouble." He says quietly. My stomach twists. He reminds me awfully of a loyal dog that's just resigned to its fate.

The doors ping open and an incredibly beautiful red head I've never seen before is beaming at us from her desk across the room.

"Welcome to the Dream Factory, where all your dreams come true!"

I roll my eyes. Yeah, yeah sis, heard it all before.

"We have an appointment at 10:30." I say. Harry's hand tightens its grip and I rub my thumb gently across his knuckles.

"Let me check that for you." She flashes me a dazzling white smile and starts clacking noisily on her keypad. In fact, she types so fast that for a minute I swear she's just randomly bashing keys. "Ah... You'll have to see Dr Morgan. I'm afraid my husband isn't available to see you today."

"Your husband?"

"That's right." She continues clacking at breakneck speed. "Dr Henderson." She says happily.

Tf? How many wives does that dude need?

He must have to eat Viagra for breakfast.

Harry and I follow wife number 6 million down the now familiar black corridor, but the distance isn't so long this time.

There are two women inside the office, a short, aggressive looking nurse with a unibrow, who kinda looks like her head as been pushed down into her shoulders so that she has no neck. Next to her is an older, slim, blonde woman who offers us a tight smile and gestures for us to sit the moment the door is closed behind us.

Harry is visibly shaking and I feel awful for having to put him through his. He tries to give me a reassuring smile but it comes out a bit crooked and my heart aches for him. The blonde woman watches as Harry's hand squeezes mine before speaking brusquely;

"I'm Dr Harriet Morgan. This is my assistant, Nurse Green." She gestures to the squat looking nurse who raises her unibrow and grunts heavily.

Ah marvellous, a medical professional who is part troll, just what we needed to ease this situation.

Harry gulps as the burly little nurse scowls at him and almost jumps out of his skin when Dr Morgan addresses him again.

"So, would you prefer the physical examination or the verbal one first?"

Bitch said what?

"Physical examination?" I place a protective arm in front on Harry's chest as Nurse Green leers at us.

Ain't no troll touching my boy.

Reluctantly, I allow Nurse Green to examine me first. Apart from a gross moment where she pushes her face so close to mine that I can taste her rotten breath and see every individual eyebrow hair, it's a fairly standard medical examination.

Harry's follows mine and despite a lot of 'ow's as she prods his muscles and jabs him in weird places, I can tell he's relieved that it's not as bad as he thought it would be. In fact, it's with newfound confidence that he sits back down next to me for Dr Morgans questions.

She flicks through her notes before looking at him coolly.

"So, have you had sex yet?"

Predictably, he blurts out his loud 'no' before I can speak.

Nurse Green is standing behind Dr Morgan, glaring at Harry as though he's just confessed to being a serial killer.

"Hmmm." Dr Morgan frowns. "Why not?"

"We haven't had chance-"

"Actually I haven't been ready yet. Not sure if that's a crime where you come from, but I wanted to wait." I snap.

"It's unusual to obtain a product like this and not want to use it." She says mildly. I can feel my temper rising.

"He's not a product." I snap.

"Hm. Interesting." She scribbles something down on her clipboard. I try to lean over to see but Nurse Green growls at me.

"Have you been attracted to anyone else other than Hendrix?"

Oh crap. This is the one I've been dreading.

"No." Harry says confidently.

I glance at him and he smiles sweetly at me.

"Do you find Hendrix physically attractive?"

"Yes." Harry nods. Oh phew, I think we've actually dodged the Jenna shaped bullet. I grab a glass to to sip some water as Dr Morgan flicks through her notes.

"Do you pleasure yourself Harry?"

I actually choke on my water.

Harry stares at her.

"Pleasure myself? Well... I do read a lot. And I get a lot of pleasure from baking. And I get a lot of pleasure from the old ladies-"

"He visits an old peoples home." I say weakly at the alarmed look on Dr Morgans face.

"I see. But what I'm asking, Harry, is do you touch yourself?"

I cringe so hard that I fold into myself like an IKEA table.

"Oh yes, all the time!" Harry says brightly.

I'm surprised as he grins happily at us, until he continues; "When I shower I always wash myself thoroughly-"

"Can you just take that as a no?" I grimace. Dr Morgan widens her eyes and nods.

The interview carries on and Dr Morgan actually laughs at a few of Harry's answers. She doesn't focus so much on sex. She asks more about his hobbies and interests. She seems genuinely interested in Harrys life and quirks and he relaxes more and more.

Nurse Green doesn't seem to approve of this approach and spends the hour snarling in the background.

It's all gone really well and we actually end up laughing together. In fact it's amazing until we're wrapping up and she smilingly says, "I actually envy you Harry. How does it feel having Hendrix as a first kiss and knowing she'll be the only girl you'll ever kiss? That's so rare nowadays."

"Hendrix wasn't my first kiss." Harry blurts.

"What?" She sits up from lolling in her chair and Nurse Greens unibrow wraps itself into a complex pattern.

"He means-"

"Harry." She cuts over me firmly. "Have you kissed anyone other than Hendrix?"

"Yes." He says before he can stop himself.

"Is this true?" She gapes.

"Y-y-yes." He splutters, trying to stop himself speaking.

"This isn't right." She grabs at her notes. "He's supposed to only be able to react to you, this shouldn't be allowed to happen!" She begins to flick through her notes. Her eyes lift up to Harry and she takes on a businesslike tone, using his inability to lie. "Why Harry?"

You know, there are times in life that you just have to take a bullet. No matter how cringy it is, no matter how much you don't want too, you just gotta do it.

As I watch Harry open his mouth in automatic terror to answer, I shout over him.

"It's just my thing."

I shout this at the same time Harry jumbles the words Charlie and Jenna. Dr Morgan turns to look at me and I shrug.

"It's my kink."

"Seeing Harry kiss other girls is your kink?" She says slowly. She's staring at me as if I've just admitted that I'm into goblin porn.

I glance at Harry. He's shaking and that strengthens my resolve.

"Yeah." I shrug. "I dig that stuff."

Her eyes widen and she begins to scribble quickly on our file. Nurse Green catches my eye and winks at me, then licks her lips in Harrys direction.

I shudder.

The car journey back is silent. I figure Harry is thinking about how much shit he's landed me in, but to my surprise, he grabs the mail excitedly as we get home.

I grab Dave, ignoring his squawk of protest. I just need a hug and Netflix.

Dave claws at my arms to push himself free and before I can get really annoyed, Harry is stood at the foot of my bed.

"What?" I groan.

"This will cheer you up." He smiles widely. "I wanted to keep it secret but I can't." He holds up an open letter. "I just want to make you happy Hendrix. That's all I want. I thought you hated running, but I didn't realise how much you loved it until you beat me back to base every day this week. I want you to follow your passion... So here it is." He waves the letter in front of me. "Your acceptance letter to join the local charity marathon!"

"Whatttt?"

"Don't worry, I told them how fast you are, they said you don't have to waste your time with the local runners, they said at your skill level, you can just join the main charity race of the fastest runners in the area. You'll just be competing against the top three local marathon winners and a couple of people on the university athletics team!"

"Noooo." I laugh falsely, "I can't do that-"

"Ha, well the cat sanctuary had already decided to back you!" He grins helpfully, as though he's giving me a great prize. "They need funds desperately and after I told them how you always beat me on a morning, no matter how fast I run or how much secret training I try to cram in, you always get there first! Well they begged me to chose them for you to run for!"

"Who..." I gasp in a high pitched tone. "Who am I running against?"

"It'll just be the winners of the local marathon."

"Right." I gasp.

"And the top five in the university athletics team."

"Top five." I repeat, squeakily.

I stare at him in horror. Damn my sneaky fucking McDonald's. He smiles innocently.

"You're going to win this Hendrix, I just know it."

***

I dropped my phone and every time I write a paragraph it deletes the previous one.
Like damn it's so annoying I can't even cope, I need a gold star for this. It took me at least 6 times longer bc I had to select and copy at each paragraph and delete and paste at the end of each paragraph.
As such, I can't go back and edit small typos or anything, so I hope it's ok.
No one knows how long this took to write 😭😭😭

So does anyone want to buy me a new phone?

Ok this an took so damn long. Urgh.

Dedicated to CheekyClumsyPanda xxxx