"Forgive me fair maiden, thy errant lover has not graced the path of mine eye in many days."

"So basically," I sigh, "You haven't seen Harry?"

"I only wish I could assist..." Louis' voice trails off and for a moment I think the phone line has been disconnected.

"A QUEST!" He yells suddenly.

He screams the words so loudly into my eardrum that I'm temporarily deafened.

"Fear not, fair lady!" He booms into the phone. "I shall sail forth and retrieve your prince from the clutches of evil! I shall-"

"Ya know, it's cool. He's probably just angry and upset and-"

"Evil gathers all around! I shall assemble a band of brave-hearted, noble men to join me on this quest to rescue our brother!"

"What have I done." I groan. "Can you make sure these brave-hearted, noble men don't include Juan in the ranks?"

"I shall gather all those who are worthy! All those who will stand under the banner of brotherhood and-"

I slowly replace the phone in its cradle and hang up.

Marvellous.
Wonderful.

Harry has gone AWOL and isn't replying to my texts.

I have no idea where he slept last night.

Jenna has updated her Facebook status to 'In relationship'.

Charlie won't answer my messages.

The ball is tomorrow night.

And to top it all off, Louis is now going to assemble a band of crazy people to search for Harry.

Oh and yes, yes thank you Dave. You taking a gigantic poo in your litter tray in this moment of ultra high stress is exactly what I needed. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Dave has managed to product a smell so toxic that it kills part of my soul, but as I clear it up I try to prioritise.

The most important thing here is Harry. I need to talk to him and if I'm honest with myself, there's only one place he is. I'm going to have to swallow my pride and call Jenna.

I'm just contemplating this when my phone flashes up with an unknown caller.

"Hello?"

A low chuckle sounds down the line.

"You act so innocent don't you, baby girl?"

"Um... Who is this?"

"It's me. Zayn."

Zayn?

Zayn... Ohhhh Zayn. The bad boy who isn't actually that bad from the dream factory.

"What do you want?" I roll my eyes, still struggling to sweep around Dave's litter tray.

"I want to know what you've done with Harry"

"What? I'm-"

"See the thing is baby girl, we're not so different you and me. I see darkness in you. You try to always be the perfect girl. Always bring home good grades and the nice little boy. Inside, you're just like me, baby girl. And you know it. That's what scares you."

"What the fúck are you talking about?" I shake my head. "Are you on drugs kid?"

"Ha. I know you better than you know yourself baby girl-"

"Call me baby girl one more time and I'll break your legs."

There's a silence on the other end of the line.

"There's no need to be so aggressive." He whines petulantly. "That was just really mean."

I cut the line before he bursts into a full tantrum. So much for the bad boy.

A facebook message pops up from JuanBigBoy and I decide to not even read it.

With a deep breath I pull up Jenna's number and press call. It takes a minute before she answers.

"What do you want?"

Charming way to answer the phone.

"Oh, hi!" I smile sharkishly, even though I'm alone. Dave stares at me.

"What do you want?" She repeats.

"I just wondered if you knew where Harry is?"

"That's not your business."

"Jens, where's the popcorn?" Harry's deep voice sounds in the background and my heart twinges.

He spent the night there.
She's changed her relationship status.

"Can I talk to him for a sec?" My voice sounds annoyingly high.

Urgh this hurts.

"No." Amazingly, she manages to fit an lifetimes worth of smugness into that single word.

"Well-"

"Well he doesn't want to talk to you. Maybe you should call Charlie instead." She adds slyly.

"Look bîtch, that's my man and-"

"Your man? Doesn't look like it from where I'm standing." She laughs. "Come on fatty, as if a guy who looks like that would ever be yours. I think it was so kind of him to pretend." She says sweetly.

"What the-"

"You know, it astounds me that he was a virgin. Like, until last night, that is. It's amazing how being angry makes a guy so horny-"

My mouth falls open. No. No way... No no no no no

"If you've touched one hair on his head-"

"I've touched more than the hairs on his head." She laughs. "Crawl back in your hole sweetie."

I stare at the phone in disbelief as the tone sounds. She's hung up on me.

Surely she was lying. There's no way Harry would...

The doorbell rings and I rush forward, thinking it's Harry.

Of course it isn't.

Louis, Niall, Robert and Zayn are on my doorstep.

"Fear not, sweet maid! Your rescue party arrives!l

"Come in." I sigh.

Zayn ignores me as he troops in behind the rest, obviously still pissed about the whole 'I'll break your legs thing'.

I hand round beers and begin to explain the situation to them. To be honest, Louis is an amazing audience. He gasps in horror in the right places and threatens to duel people to death on my behalf. In fact, when I begin to recount the phone convo with Jenna, he whips his sword out so quickly that he almost beheads Niall.

"Fair lady!" He waves his sword around and we all duck repeatedly under the sweeping motion. "You say that this masquerade is tomorrow eve?"

"Yeah." I sigh. "Harry is going with Jenna now, apparently. I'll probably just stay home-"

"Nay! While there is breath in my body I will not allow a fair maid to miss a chance to showcase her beauty-"

"Have you ever thought about just boning Harry?" Niall says suddenly. Dave keeps trying to chew his long hair and he pushes him away. "Like dude, feel the love. It connects your soul man. Let him feel you from within."

"Yeah, thanks, Niall." I mutter, frowning as Zayn passes round more beers.

"You should be alone. He will only hurt you in the end." Robert whispers hoarsely.

I roll my eyes. This isn't what I need. I need chance to explain to Harry that I wasn't kissing Charlie. I need to hear about him and Jenna.

The thought of Harry with Jenna makes me sick.

Have they had sex?

"I have a plan!" Louis announces loudly. "The fair maid shall attend the dance. She shall seize the heart of her beloved from the clutches of evil, she shall rip his attention from the base level it has been dragged to-"

"What he means-" Zayn interrupts, grinning at me over his beer, "Is that your will go to the ball, Cinderella."

"It's tomorrow night, I don't have a dress-"

Zayn smirks at me.

"... And we're going to be the fairy godmen who get you there, baby girl."

***

Dedicated to the gorgeous farawayelounor xxx