Yoongi woke up to Taehyung slightly shaking him. There was a sense of urgency in his voice though Yoongi could not comprehend what he was saying.

Taehyung's voice sounded muffled as Yoongi struggled to open his eyes. He'd been sleeping more than usual lately. It was probably because he was still sad about Jimin.

The holidays were also a culprit of Yoongi's sadness. During November and December it was always the hardest for him emotionally. With December right around the corner it was hard for him to stay hopeful.

He blamed the cheerfulness and Christmas decorations for his seasonal depression. He wanted to be elsewhere besides stuck in a hospital doing treatments back to back.

"Yoongi!" Taehyung said louder.

Yoongi finally opened his eyes and waited for his vision to adjust. He could see Taehyung's face and when he did he knew something was wrong.

"What is it?" He asked as he glanced at the clock on his wall. It was three thirty in the morning.

"We received a call from UNOS and they have a set of lungs. We need to get the process started. Doctor Choi and Doctor Kwon are going to gather them right now. I have to start getting your notes ready and in the meantime we need to take you downstairs to the radiology department. You need a chest x-ray and lab work to check your hemoglobin and..."

Yoongi stared at him as he spoke. He no longer could hear what he said. There was a ringing in his ears preventing him from hearing anything.

He could physically see his mouth move and his facial expressions but his brain could not grasp the words he spoke.

"Yoongi?"

The sudden touch on his shoulder caused him to gasp and he realized he'd been unintentionally holding his breath the whole time. He coughed loudly against his arm as he gasped for the air to fill his lungs.

Was this a dream?

"Hey, hey, it's okay. Just try to control your breathing." Taehyung calmly spoke. He could tell that Yoongi was in some sort of shock.

"I've called your parents. They're on the way. They told me they will let your friends know as well."

Yoongi nodded because he was speechless. He got up from the bed with Taehyung's assistance. He felt weak, his knees like jelly as he headed to the bathroom first.

"I'm going to wait out here."

Yoongi nodded again. He stepped in the bathroom and stared at himself for a whole minute. This would probably be the last time he had oxygen on. His mind was racing and he wondered where did all the excitement go?

This is something he'd wanted basically his whole life and now that the moment was here he was frozen in fear.

It could've been the survivors' guilt peeking through. He knew if he didn't make it that his family and friends would be destroyed. He needed to survive no matter what.

He splashed his face with cold water making him shiver. It felt good against his flushed face. After brushing his teeth and using the bathroom he stepped out.

Taehyung gave him a look and Yoongi finally spoke. "I'm okay. Let's do this."

Taehyung was relieved. Once Yoongi grabbed his mask and adjusted his portable oxygen tank strap, he followed his nurse behind.

The radiology department was cold. They made him change into an awfully thin paper gown. Luckily the x-ray was quick. It took longer for him to get undressed and positioned than the actual procedure.

Once he was done, he attempted to put his warm sweats and hoodie back on but the radiographer told him he could stay that way since they would do other things.

He didn't argue though he wanted to. In the end, the radiographer took him to the lab area in a wheelchair. He insisted he could walk, but he said he didn't mind.

Yoongi cringed a little as workers stared at him while they went by. He was glad his mask was still on because at least he felt less exposed.

The phlebotomist found his vein without much trouble. Though he was thin, he had thick rope veins all throughout his arms.

She took about five tubes of blood and insisted on him laying back to avoid fainting. Yoongi did as he was told because he could faint.

His body felt weird.

Almost like he wasn't in it. There was no pain when the needle went in or when it came out. No pain when the stickies were pulled off his skin after the electrocardiogram. No pain when they checked his feeding tube even though it always hurt him.

His parents got there almost immediately. They got there while he was waiting to be put in another room. His mom was in tears and although his dad wasn't, Yoongi knew he was worried sick.

He managed to smile and tell them everything would be okay. They mentioned that his friends were aware and that they'd show up soon enough.

When the time to take him to the pre operative room came, his parents had to go back to the lobby. His doctors hadn't arrived yet so he knew he'd probably have to wait a few more hours.

A knock on the door alarmed him. He expected to see Taehyung but instead he was greeted by a short blonde woman. She smiled gracefully as she explained that she'd take him to his room until the procedure was done.

Yoongi felt uneasy. It felt like he was standing at the edge of a cliff trying to catch his balance to not fall in the abyss. When the nurse came over to bring his table up he found the courage to speak to her.

"Can I use my phone before you take me there?"

She nodded, "Sure. Where is it at?"

"It's with my sweats over there."

She brought him the phone and stepped out so he'd use it. When he had it in his hand he didn't know what to do.

He wanted to call Jimin. Tell him what was happening but he was also hesitant. They seemed to be drifting apart more and more.

Since the closet incident Jimin hadn't come to visit. It had been three weeks. They texted and spoke over the phone only for a couple of minutes though.

Jimin said he was busy with school since Christmas break was approaching. Yoongi didn't question it. Although Jimin was busy with school he knew deep down he was only using that excuse to create space between them.

It made sense. Jimin was seeing Chanyeol now. His confusion about his feelings towards Yoongi was complicated.

So as he pressed the dial button he regretted it almost immediately. He hadn't put the phone up to his seat but the ringer was loud enough he could hear it.

He was about to end the call when Jimin answered. His heart skipped a beat. "Hello? Yoongi? Is everything okay?"

Yoongi slowly put the phone against his ear. His heartbeat was loud enough it was muffling Jimin's voice.

"Yoongi? What's the matter?"

The worry in Jimin's voice made him speak up. "I'm getting a transplant." His voice was very tight, as though his throat couldn't relax. His breathing was off and when he felt the warm tears fall from his face he panicked.

Jimin didn't say anything for a few seconds. Yoongi could hear noise in the background and finally he responded.

"I'm on my way."

Yoongi looked at the clock. It was currently six o five. "You can't. You have school—"

"I don't care. I have to see you before you get surgery. Just be calm and I'm—I—I'll be there." Jimin's voice was shaky.

Yoongi wondered if he could feel the knot in his throat too. When he hung up he wiped the tears from his face. Like cue, the nurse knocked on the door.

She made him get in a wheelchair too and this time he didn't oppose it. The room he was taken to was even colder if possible. He was still in the paper thin gown which had started sticking to his back.

He was cold but was sweating. It was probably the nervousness he felt. As she was ready to walk out he stopped her.

"Is Taehyung coming back?"

He hated being that person and it's not like she was mean. However, he'd been with Taehyung for months and that's who he felt most comfortable with.

She smiled, "Yes. He'll be back. He was doing some things that Dr. Choi asked him to do."

"Okay. Thanks." 

When she stepped out he closed his eyes and pinched his arm until his nails cut the first layer of skin. He reopened his eyes expecting to be in his room, but he wasn't.

As he stared at the white ceiling in front of him, he was faced with the reality that this was truly happening. If things went as expected, he'd be out of the hospital by Christmas time.

This Christmas he'd be home. Hurt, and fresh out of surgery but at least he'd be home. He didn't know how to feel about that.

Hoseok had struggled to feel comfortable being back at home and growing to be independent. Yoongi hadn't worked outside of his YouTube editing job and that was scary.

He'd have to pursue a career, or at least a different job. Yet he hadn't been in school since he could remember. When his cystic fibrosis started worsening, his parents were forced to take him out and he was homeschooled then.

Going to a college or a job outside of his computer seemed nearly impossible. The overthinking started giving him a headache.

About twenty minutes later, there was another knock on the door. Jimin guessed it was the nurse to check up on him but when Jimin walked in his heart nearly busted.

He wore a gown, gloves and a mask. He figured it was because they didn't want him to be compromised before the transplant.

When Jimin took a seat next to the bed, he waited for him to say something. Though he could not see his lips he knew that underneath his mask he was smiling.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine." Yoongi responded.

Jimin reached over to grab his hand. Yoongi's hand stung at his touch. He suddenly felt the need to cry again but he kept it together.

"Are you sure?"

"No." He admitted after a few seconds of silence.

Jimin's breath hitched and that's when Yoongi realized that his hands were shaking. His grip tightened as he struggled to get the words out.

"I'm scared too, but everything will be alright." Jimin admitted.

Yoongi gulped the pool of tears down and nodded slowly. "Sure. It will."

"Just so you know I'm wearing a clown nose under this mask."

Yoongi cracked a smile, "I knew your mask looked oddly weird."

"I tried to come in full suit but they didn't allow it."

"You hate clowns though."

"Yeah, but you don't."

Yoongi got struck with a sudden flashback. Way back to the day he basically guilt tripped Jimin into dressing up for the children. He was so mad, he still remembered his face and the way he looked at him.

Jimin accused him of being a compulsive liar and of being a pervert after he misunderstood his offer about taking him to his room.

He started laughing until it caused a coughing spell. Jimin's eyes widened a bit, but Yoongi held his other hand out letting him know he was fine.

Once he calmed himself down, the coughing stopped. Jimin seemed to relax as well, "What was so funny?" He wondered.

"I'm just remembering how angry you were that day you dressed up as a clown. I could tell you were furious as you sang that stupid song."

Jimin chuckled, shaking his head, "Yeah well it's funny how things change."

Yoongi noted how soft Jimin's expression was when looking at him. Things really had changed. The rage he had once before was long gone. There was nothing but softness in his eyes.

When their eyes met for a moment, it was like time stopped. Jimin leaned in closer until his face was only inches away from his, and Yoongi froze. Forgetting to breathe, forgetting his own language. Lost in the moment and in his eyes.

The sudden tension turned electric, but before it discharged Yoongi turned his face away. Jimin looked down at his hand and slowly pulled away from Yoongi's hand.

It stung every time Yoongi turned away. He had to remind himself that he was going on a date with Chanyeol in just a few weeks. That he had made a choice and that Yoongi made one too. To remain as friends and forget the past.

"You shouldn't have come. You'll be late for class." Yoongi spoke up after a while.

"I emailed my teacher."

"I don't know when my surgery will be scheduled. I don't want you to get in trouble at school."

"I was planning on coming back after you're out."

Yoongi cracked another smile, "You know a bilateral lung transplant can take up to twelve hours."

"I'm aware. I did my research too. Don't worry. I'll be here when you're out. No matter what time it is. We will be able to explore the world like we said we would." Jimin's happiness radiated through his eyes.

It sparked something in Yoongi.

Hope.

Before Jimin left he pressed his mouth on his forehead and kissed it. There was a mask in between them, but Yoongi still felt his warmness.

For the first time in a long time, Yoongi felt like the universe was finally on his side.