"Jungkook-ah!" Jin screams making me wake up abruptly.

"Jungkook! Jungkook!" Jimin says after Jin. I sit up and rub my eyes. Seconds later Jin and Jimin burst through the door, my mom and dad behind them.

Jin is holding a birthday cake and Jimin has a gift on his hands. My parents are grinning excitedly.

"Happy birthday Jungkook!" They all scream at the same time. I feel my cheeks redden and my heart swells.

"Thank you so much!" I reply back. Jin sits on the bed and puts the cake on my lap. It says 'happy birthday Jungkook' and the words are a bit crooked, but beautiful.

I blow on the ten candles and make a wish. I wish that I keep my friends close to me forever.

"I baked the cake and Jimin wrote that down. Sorry for the crappy crooked letters." Jin says giving Jimin a look.

"I tried my best!" Jimin pouts. I feel my eyes get teary, "I love it. Thank you." I hug them both feeling emotional.

I've only known them for two months and they already make me feel like I'm family. "We have a present for you too baby. I was thinking of maybe doing a dinner tonight? For your birthday with Jin's and Jimins parents. It'll be something small, but we hope you like it."

"That sounds perfect! Thank you! Can I invite Kim Taehyung?" As soon as I say this my friends frown.

"Sure. We will be downstairs okay?" My mom and dad both give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek then they leave downstairs.

"Kim Taehyung?" Jimin asks with disgust. "Yes. Kim Taehyung is my friend." I say. "He only hangs out with you when he's not with Hoseok." Jimin adds rolling his eyes.

"That's not true!" I reply defensively. Jin shoots Jimin a look, "I think what Jiminie here is trying to say is that you need to be careful with Taehyung. He might hurt your feelings."

"Okay." I reply even though I don't know what he means by that. "Ooh! It would've been easier to write happy birthday Kookie."

"Kookie? I love that!" Jin says with a smile. "We're going to call you Kookie from now on." Jimin says.

"That's fine." I say without mentioning that Taehyung gave me the nickname. "Open your present!" Jin says as Jimin hands me the bag.

I pull out a packet of three journals and a pack of fancy cute pens. "Your momma told us you like to write. We both got it for you." Jimin says grinning.

"Thank you! Thank you! I love it." I say hugging the notebooks. "We also got you this." Jin pulls out a flower crown.

It's beautiful with purple and white flowers. "Isn't - isn't this for girls?" I ask timidly, but I love it so much.

"No. You can wear it if you want. We noticed you love flowers." Jin says. "Are you sure?" I ask.

They both nod their head. "Unless you don't like it." Jimin adds. "No! I love it." I say smiling big.

Jimin puts it on my head. "You look so pretty!" He gushes. "Thank you so much." My eyelashes flutter and my cheeks turn red. "I can't wait for tonight! You're going to wear it right?"

I nod my head excitedly, "Of course I am."

♡ ♡ ♡

I slide my sweaty hands against my shorts. I'm looking at myself in the mirror and I can't help, but to love the flower crown Jimin and Jin gave me.

My parents didn't mind me wearing it.

I guess it is okay for boys to wear them.

"Jungkook-ah!" Mom calls out. "Yes mommy?" I ask looking away from the mirror. "You have a visitor!"

I see Kim Taehyung at my door. My tummy feels weird again and I feel extreme happiness. "Taehyung!" I squeal.

He looks at me confused, but smiles. "Happy birthday Kookie!" He hands me a gift that's pretty heavy. I put it on my nightstand and grin.

"Thank you! You shouldn't have." I say shyly. "But I wanted to." He replies. I smile at him again and he stares at me intensely.

"What's up with the flower crown?" He points. "Oh! My friend Jiminie and Jin gave it to me. Isn't it pretty?" I ask touching it.

"Yeah, but ... I've never seen a boy wear one." he says tilting his head while watching me. "Well - well my friends said it was okay to wear it if I liked it. My parents didn't mind either."

"Ha. Funny." He replies still confused. Then his mood changes suddenly, "Open your present!"

He sits on my carpet and I take the heavy gift from the table and put it down on the floor. I sit down opening it up.

"I know you're going to love it." He says happily. I haven't even opened it yet, but I already love it. Simply because he gave it to me.

I pull out a remote control first. "What's this?" I ask staring at it. "Just keep on opening it!" I do as he says and next I pull out a black thing.

"It's so you can play video games! I bought you really cool video games too so you can play it." He grins.

"Thank you!" I reply ecstatic even though I've never even touched a control before. Suddenly, he scoots closer to me and reaches his hand towards my crown.

"It's crooked and that bothers me." He says as he begins to fix it. He's so close to me I feel his breath on forehead.

When he pulls back he just looks at me. That's when I get a huge urge inside my tummy. I do something I regret immediately.

I lean in and try to kiss him.

Taehyung pushes me off and stares at me completely perplexed. "What're you doing?" He asks scared.

"I- I'm sorry - I - I-"

"You tried to kiss me! On the lips!"

"I - I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry! I don't know wh-"

He gets up from the floor and looks down at me. He wipes his butt as if he sat on grass or something.

"I'm sorry Jeon Jungkook. But we can't be friends if you're gay."

"I'm not gay!" I scream feeling my eyes get teary.

"Yes you are! You tried to kiss me and you wear flower crowns. That's being gay."

"But - but I'm not!" I say my tears falling.

"Goodbye." He walks out of my room and I start crying immediately because I'm not gay.

I'm not gay.

What does gay even mean?

"Kookie?" Jimin calls from downstairs. I quickly get up from the carpet and run to the bathroom to lock myself.

"Kookie what's wrong?" Jin asks. I hear them reach my bathroom door. "I just saw preppy run out the house. Did Kim Taehyung do something to you? I swear if he did I will-!" Jimin screams.

"Jiminie shh. Kookie open the door for us." Jin says quietly. I start sniffing and I grab the flower crown and throw it on the floor.

"Kookie if you don't open it we're going to get your parents." Jimin says. I decide to open it because I don't want my parents to know.

"What happened?" Jin asks worried as he hugs me. "What did he do to you?" Jimin hisses angrily.

"I - I'm - he said I was gay. What does that mean? He said so mean so it's something bad isn't it?" I say sobbing into Jin's shoulder.

"What? Why did he say that?" Jin asks rubbing my back softly.

"I don't know, Jin. What's that?"

"It's a sexual preference, Kookie. There's nothing wrong with that." Jimin says softly.

"Why did he call you that?" Jin asks.

"Because ... because I tried to kiss him on the lips. I didn't mean to I swear! I don't know why I did it. I don't know why."

"Kookie it's okay. It doesn't matter if you like boys or girls that's okay. Love is love and gender doesn't matter. We love you no matter what." Jimin says kissing my head.

♡ ♡ ♡

1/9/2009

i found out what gay means.

i think i might be gay,

my heart was broken by the boy that makes my tummy get butterflies.