Finding My Own Place And Keeping A Place for Each Other
Part 4

ａ／ｎ
Yoongi's dream has been put in italics for a better reading experience!

I went to the hospital to see Jungkook, but I couldn't find it in myself to go into his room. From where I was at the hospital door, Jungkook looked dead. I knew he wasn't, but I couldn't handle it.

Jungkook stopped coming to my workroom after the beach. I tried to remember the last time I saw Jungkook. It was when we came back from the trip.

I remember when we were walking to the station, I was talking to Hoseok and Jungkook ran ahead of us. We never saw him after that. And then he got into an accident.

Standing at that hospital door, I remembered everything. The fire in the drum at the construction site. My mother's room, dark, and the sound of the piano playing in the distance, Jungkook playing the piano in the store.

I imagined what it was like for Jungkook to fall into the road. How scared and lonely he must have felt. And how much pain he must have been in.

And now he lay here in the hospital, looking half dead. I couldn't deal with this. I moved away from the door and made my way out of the hospital.

I drank. I needed to forget about all of this. And the only way to do that was by getting drunk.

I got kicked out of the bar and decided to walk the streets. I slid down a wall and fell asleep there.

When I woke up, I was running. I wasn't a child. I was a high schooler. I was running through the streets.

There was a sense of urgency in the air. I didn't spare a glance around and kept my eyes forward. My feet were determined to get me somewhere.

But where was I going? Why was it so urgent? It felt as if this had happened before. But I couldn't remember.

Lost in my thoughts, I sprained my ankle and stumbled. When I fell, I woke up.

I woke up with a jolt. My heart was pounding. My head spun. I tried to stand up and my muscles screamed in protest. I held onto the wall as I got up and I started to walk.

I had no destination. I didn't care where I was going. Onlookers gave me strange glances, rightfully so, and avoided me.

I was always like this. Aimless, with no purpose. If someone told me to run now, I wouldn't be able to. And everyone around me was wary of me.

I stopped and looked around. I was on the same road I'd been running on in my dream. Why was I walking in such a hurry? What was I looking for? No one told me to start walking and no one was forcing me to. It had just been a dream.

I saw the green light across the crosswalk. In my dream it had been red. And I'd gone across anyways and made my way between the traffic. Now the road was quiet.

I ran across the road and carried on running even when I'd gone across. I felt nauseous. I took a few deep breaths and kept going. I ran past the elementary school and the police station.

What I was seeing now was exactly like my dream.

I arrived at the front gate of SungJu Jeil High School. All the lights were on in the classes. In my dream it had been dark. I hadn't set foot here after being expelled. I couldn't believe I was here.

I went to the old storage room we'd called our hiding place. I'd been there in my dream too. When I opened the door, it was dusty inside and had a musky smell. The desks were all over the place and boxes were piled in a corner.

It had been two years since I'd been in here. I spent most of my days here. Had I changed since then? Was I a different person now? Was I still the same? Was my old self drawn to this place, or was I the one who wanted to come here?

I spotted the piano in the corner, covered in a thin layer of dust. It hadn't been played for a long time. When I opened the lid, the keys shone dimly in the dark. I took out my phone and used the flashlight to play a little.

I pressed down on one of the keys. It sounded off key. I huffed and sat down on the floor. My arm knocked against the piano and I cringed. The burn wound hadn't healed yet and it stung in protest.

My mind drifted back to seeing Jungkook at the hospital. I wondered why I always pondered on the house fire and heard that same tune on the piano.

What was I running away from? A person? Memories? Music? Or maybe myself?

In retrospect, I realized Jungkook, Taehyung and the whole group had brought happy memories into my life. This classroom made it possible.

Ever since we left, did I truly laugh again? Did I want to keep living after that time?

I ran my fingers over the piano leg. The wood was rough with age. When I started to stand up I remember that there must be music scores here somewhere.

I bent over the piano and rummaged around under the piano seat's lid. The scores lay in the corner. I'd forgotten I'd put them there.

I couldn't throw them away or keep them — the sheet music, the piano and myself.

I recalled coming to this place after being expelled. It was nighttime and I'd been given a verdict. I couldn't be in the classroom. I got drunk and went there. I was desperate then. I was afraid I'd never play music again if I never went back to that specific piano in that class.

I remember standing in front of the piano. I gingerly pressed the keys. I started a melody. A strange one. My heart was still pounding and I was sweating. I remember wondering what should I play? What was the next note?

And my heart had faltered. I felt as if someone was here watching me, judging my music. I played a few more notes but I couldn't focus. What was I feeling? I couldn't figure out what was putting me so on edge. I was afraid to play. It was impossible to play. I felt as if the piano was rejecting me.

And so I pressed down harder on the keys. Meaningless notes echoed around the empty room. I got mad. And I screamed, "is this the emotion you want? No!"

And then I stopped. My mother used to say that to me. Those were the words I hated the most. I couldn't play now. My fingers wouldn't move.

My finger had hovered over that very note I'd heard everywhere.

I couldn't remember what I felt that night. Hopeless maybe? I felt like giving up. And so I'd went home and threw away the keys I'd been able to salvage from my mother's piano. I threw away my keyboard. I would never play again.

Looking back it was a stupid thing to do. Throwing all of that away didn't change anything. I couldn't give up piano. I could never stop playing.

But ever since that day I never played that one note ever again. Not a trace of it would be seen in all my music.

When Jungkook first came to my workroom, I had been unkind to him. It was because he sat down at the piano and played that one note. Why would he do that? It wasn't a note that was significant to him. He had no reason to mull over it as much as he did.

And now as i stood by the piano, I decided to play the music scores I'd found. The melody was odd. The piano was severely out of tune.

As I played, I let memories from my high school days come flooding back.

"You should wear an expensive suit and have your hair parted! And play the piano properly!" Hoseok said.

"And wear a bowtie! I'll buy you one for your birthday," Jungkook added.

"Piss off," I huffed.

They laughed it off and pretended to be scared of me.

"Slow down, Yoongi's a slow runner," Namjoon said from his spot by the window where he'd been reading

Seokjin laughed and took out his camera. Jimin smiled and posed for him. He jumped onto the piano seat by the rest of us.

"To the future music maestro!"

We all fooled around and laughed. And Seokjin caught it all on camera. And I recorded the happiness I'd felt that day too. In all my music.

And as I was lost in my thoughts, I happened to play that one note I'd avoided so much. I jolted back from the keys as if I'd been shocked. I froze. A wave of chills went down my body.

I snapped into action and rummaged through all the music again. My music. The note was in every piece. And then I remember what Jungkook said.

"It's because I like your music. When I listen to it, I want to live. Your music translates all that is going on inside my heart. Your music is my heartbeat."

I saw a flashlight. A security guard was outside.

"Who's there?" he shouted.

I ducked under the piano.

He came in and looked around.

"Was a ghost playing the piano or what?"

When he went to the other side of the classroom I ran out as quietly as I could.

I ran to the hospital and stumbled into Jungkook's room.

Namjoon and Taehyung were there. They gave me a once over.

"Are you drunk?" Taehyung asked.

ｖｏｔｅ
＋
ｃｏｍｍｅｎｔ
＋
ｓｈａｒｅ