Finding My Own Place And Keeping A Place for Each Other
Part 9

"Can we meet?" I asked Seokjin.

Seokjin took his time responding. But he agreed. And so we met at the street pub near SongJu Station. It was nearing the end of the weekend, so people were in no hurry to leave the pub to go home just yet. While sitting, I could see a decrepit commercial building across the street. it was probably being revamped for development. There were a few buildings like this one in SongJu.

A few men walked past us, already drunk. They walked down the side of the street, laughing and singing. Seokjin and I drank even though our side dishes already arrived.

"So, how are you doing?" I asked Seokjin.

"I'm doing okay." His voice was flat. He didn't talk about his friends, his time away in America, what he'd been up to, how he was doing. He didn't ask about me or the others.

The pub owner brought us the rest of our food, but we didn't touch it. I'd heard from Taehyung that Seokjin had changed. I didn't believe him. Because I knew Seokjin. But as I sat here in front of him, I could see for myself that this wasn't the Seokjin I knew. Something had definitely changed.

"When was the first time you drank?" I asked. I held up my cup and waited for Seokjin to answer. When he didn't say anything, I kept on talking.

"when I went back to my house one night, I saw all our furniture and belongings sitting outside. I had been carrying my dad home from the hospital on my back to see everything just lying there.

"Namjoon, what should we do?" my mother asked me. Her voice was desperate.

"That night my brother got into a fight with the landowner's son. So they came to collect rent early. We got evicted. Fortunately, the supermarket owner down the road allowed us to stay the night in the storage room. After settling my father, I had to carry all of our belongings I could to the storage room too. And when I was done, my mother tried to get me to eat, but I couldn't. when I saw all our stuff piled up in the corner like that, I wanted to die.

"And so I walked outside and sat on a bench. I needed space."

"Do you know where Namhyeon went?" my mother asked.

"How am I supposed to know?" I lost it. "Everyone is always calling on me to fix everything! Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon! I'm sick of this!"

"I regretted telling Namhyeon to keep his pride and head held high back then. he never came back to help us. He thought he was better than us. And I knew we'd only be able to stay in that storage room for a few more days. I had no idea what to do.

"And then the owner came out and gave me a can of beer. I was sixteen at the time. That's when I started drinking."

I looked up at Seokjin. "isn't that funny?"

He still wore a blank expression. Emotionless.

"So when did you start drinking?" I asked him again.

"I don't know," he answered simply. He sounded unbothered.

"Why did you tell me to look out for Jungkook, that day you came to the gas station?" I asked him this time.

Seokjin frowned a little as if my question was pointless. He looked out at the street again and mumbled, "I just wanted to see everyone again. That's why I asked. Thought it might be nice."

I knew he was lying. That night after I saw him, we invited him over for our little gathering. And he didn't show up.

Our conversation grew stilted after that. I tried to talk about our high school days and he always cut me off, irritated, as if he didn't want to remember us all ever being together. He wasn't the Seokjin I used to know. He had changed completely.

"Have you heard of the map of the soul?" Seokjin asked suddenly. It was the first question he'd asked me this whole time.

"No...What is it? A place?"

"No...It's just something I have to find...for this to all be over..." Seokjin trailed off. He shook his head, as if it wasn't worth explaining. As if he shouldn't have asked in the first place.

When we left the pub, it was nearly midnight. Seokjin said a quick goodbye before walking away.

"You know, I thought you were like me," I said to his back.

He looked back for a moment, then carried on walking. I watched him leave.

Even though I'd asked, I knew the first time Seokjin drank. I was in my second year of high school and we'd skipped classes. But we accidentally crossed paths with troublemakers. Seokjin, Jimin, Taehyung and I: we had no idea how to fight and got our asses kicked. And we were left to sit under the bridge by the Yangji Stream.

After that beating, Jimin decided to go buy us beer at the convenience store. Or was it Taehyung? Anyways, Seokjin fumbled with his can as he opened it. We made a toast and drank. We spent the rest of the day drunk and flushed. We talked about the biggest bunch of rubbish and fell in and out of sleep.

"You know, this is the first time I've drunk," Seokjin admitted.

"What else haven't you tried? You can do it all today!"

Seokjin had tried to fight thugs that day and he even drank. With those two milestones in mind, he was still able to forget that day, somehow, I have no idea.

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