Jimin locked the front door, heaving a sigh. The twenty-six year old had been doing this for weeks. Or maybe months.

It was a quarter past two at night. He tried to sneakily sneak inside his room without making any noise to not wake any of the members up.

Trying to make as little noise as possible, he twisted the knob of his door. He opened the door and looked around.

Just as messed up as his mind.

He heaved a sigh, and stepped in, locking the door behind him. In the dark world that he lived, he still found very few people who can actually bring light in his dull life. For the little light his fellow members brought in his life, he was very grateful. Then why was he doing this?

He walked carefully to the switch board, avoiding the pile of clothes that had been laying there unwashed for God knows how long. He turned on the light.Though it was dim, it still hit sharp in his eyes, making him immediately shut his eyes close tightly.

Putting a hand above his eyes, he slowly opened his eyes, and blinked a few times to get adjusted to the light. He looked at the pile of clothes scattered around in his room for a while again, but didn't bother to arrange them, for he didn't have the energy to do so.

He went towards the small weight machine that layed around the corner of the room, right next to his full length mirror. He took a deep breath and stepped on it.

He had definitely lost some weight, didn't he?

He thought as he looked at the scale fluctuate a bit before coming to a stop..

131 lbs(59.42kgs).

Still a lot left to lose.

He got off the machine and went in front of the mirror.

He took a look at his reflection, but immediately regretted it. He had dark circles under his eyes, which were pretty noticeable. His collar bone and ribs were prominent too. He was just bones and skin.

But that's not how he saw himself.

He saw himself as a fat, ugly person who cannot do anything right. Who always troubles and annoys others. He hated himself like this. He wanted to be just as perfect as his other members. But even after years, he cannot do that. He bit his lips for a while and thought.

A little bit of more exercise won't hurt, right?

He took out two dumbbells of 40kgs from underneath his bed that he managed to sneak out of the gym a few weeks ago.

Sure he was tired, but perfection was his first priority. He wanted to be perfect in every single way possible, so that people would have nothing left to point out.

It took him a while pick up those heavy dumbbells, but he managed to do it anyways. Don't ask how.

But as he tried to pull them up above his chest, one of them slipped his hand and fell on the floor, making a loud thug.

He winced, even though he wasn't hurt. But he winced because he realised that he had definitely woken someome. And he was right.

Minutes later, he heard footsteps approaching his room. The footstep get louder before it came to a stop. Just then, a light knock was heard.

"Jimin? What was that noise? Are you alright?" A voice asked. It belonged to Hoseok.

"Yes! I'm fine! I just droped my.. Ummm.. That pile of diaries I had on my desk.. " Jimin replied but hoseok didn't seem to be convinced as he asked him again.

"But it sounded like-metal. And a pile of books falling won't make such a loud noise, would it?" hoseok asked. It was clear from the tone if his voice that he knew something was off.

"It was that. Don't overthink too much. What do you think I might be doing at this time with a metal thing anyways?" Jimin asked, hoping hoseok would believe and just leave so that he can continue exercising.

"Right. But are you ok?" hoseok asked.

"Yes hyung. I'm perfectly fine." Jimin reassured.

"OK then." he heard hoseok say and then heard his footsteps slowly fading away and heaved a deep sigh in relief.

He continued. He did some push ups and back flips too. Sometimes, he would fail to do the back flips and land right on his back. But luckily it didn't make much loud noise for someone to hear.

It hurted. Specially when he had become so weak and fragile body, but he continued despite his body begging him to rest.

When he finally stopped, he went back to look at himself in the mirror. He looked worse. His whole body was covered in bruises from all the failed back flips he had committed.

He closed his eyes,trying to control his anger. He was very angry at himself for not being perfect enough. He formed a tight fist and took a few deep breaths.

When he opened his eyes,tears slowly started gathering in them. His anger had suddenly been replaced by a feeling of sadness and hurt.

He knows he's hurting himself. But he just couldn't control it.

He looked at the clock and sighed, wiping the tears away. It was already 3am. He had to get up early for practice.

He got up in his bed and pulled the sheets over his head. He felt cold, but ignored it and tried to sleep. His empty stomach wasn't helping either.
----
Jimin sat up straight on the bed, sweat dripping from his forehead and shirt soaked in his sweat too. His eyes were unfocused and breathing heavy.

The poor boy had been woken up by a nightmare. The nightmare that haunts him everyday.

"You are nothing but a disappointment. "

"You look like a pig. Go do some exercise and lose weight."

"You are talentless. You don't deserve to be in BTS. "

The thoughts kept revolving around his head, making him unable to think straight. He gets the same nightmare everyday, but it gets more scarier and hurtful as each day passes by.

His breathing was sharp and uneven. He felt his chest tighten and he was shaking as the dam in his finally eyes broke, releasing crystal-like tears..

He was having a panic attack.

He hugged himself tightly and tried calming himself, taking deep breaths.

Inhale for 4 seconds, hold in for 8 seconds, and exhale for 5 seconds. Repeat that for 20-30 times.

He remembered the first-aid he learnt in school and tried applying that. He practically threatened himself to think positively, but he couldn't do that. Luckily, after about 10 minutes, he had calmed down enough.

He looked at the clock. 6pm. He couldn't have woken up at a more perfect time than this. It was almost the time for their dance practice.

He got off from the bed and headed to the bathroom. He did his usual morning routine, and covered the bruises on his body with some makeup, though his eyes were still a bit red from the all the crying, he didn't think anybody would notice.

"They are probably awake, aren't they?" he mumbled lowly. He wears his oversized hoodie and headed downstairs.

"Morning Jimin!!"Jin said carefully as Jimin entered the kitchen and sat around the table.

"Morning hyung!!" Jimin said cheerfully, trying to hide his exhausted self as he sat at the corner of the table and greeted the other. He noticed that Hoseok was missing.

Panic rose inside him. What if Hoseok was checking his room??

"Jimin are you ok?" Jin asked looking at the shorter male who was looking here and there, biting his lips.

"Y-Yeah hyung I'm f-fine." he mentally cursed himself for stuttering. Jin stared at him for a while but decided not to push him. Even if he's the oldest and all the members shares everything with him,he understands if someone doesn't. He respects thier privacy.

"I'm almost done with the breakfast. Just wait for a bit more." Jin said earning a soft hum from the latter.

Just then, Hoseok walked in. He looked at Jimin and smiled as Jimin released at small sigh in relief. That was the same smile which radiates more light than even sun could, but Jimin couldn't feel the same way about it anymore.

"Take a seat Hoseok. Here's your food. " Jin pushed forwards a plate of a fried egg and some bread.

" You too Jimin. " He gave Jimin the same thing.

Jimin looked at it. The smell of the food itself made him uncomfortable but he didn't complain as he didn't want to dissapoint his hyung.

"Thank you hyung." he said and picked up the fork. He took small bites and ate slower than the others. He would sometimes offer some small giggles when the others goofed around.

The other have definitely noticed the change in his behaviour. Specially Hoseok. He kept giving Jimin small glances throughout the breakfast. The others did too but didn't suspect much.
---------
The dance practice wasn't that much fun. The dance instructor kept on telling them to repeat the same dance steps over and over again.

They were practicing the choreography for "Dionysus".

"Jimin seriously? How many times do I need to show it? Why do you keep forgetting? Do that part again. Everyone get in your respective positions!!" the dance teacher yelled as he was on the floor, panting hard. He felt totally drained out of energy and felt like he was gonna pass out anytime. He heard the others groan before they drag themselves to thier position.

He was annoying them, wasn't he?

And there they started again. He stood up, even though he felt nauseous, but he still forced himself to practice. He wasn't gonna let the others' hardwork down.

Not even 20 secs into the song, he could do it anymore. His legs felt weak, as if they were gonna give out on him anytime. He felt the world spinning around him. He had no clue about his surrounding. He extended his hand and moved it into the thin air. When he felt something, he held it as tightly as he could and pulled it before his knees gave out and he collapsed on the floor.

He could feel the music stop and the members surrounding him, calling his name. He felt someone pulling his head up and place it on his lap. He looked at the person through his blurry vision. Though he couldn't see properly, he could figure out that it was Namjoon.

Before he could respond, black dots started appearing in his vision and before he knew it,his whole world turned black.

He had passed out.
-------
Namjoon's POV

We were in the middle of the practice when I felt a light pull on the sleeve of my right arm, followed by a light sound of a thug. Confused, I looked back and saw Jimin on his knees, his face as pale as paper and sweat covered his forehead. He was panting really hard.

The dance instructor stopped the music and I could see from the corner of my eyes, the annoyed look he had on his face.

I quickly pulled Jimin to the floor and placed his head on my lap. His eyes were barely open and his breathing was slow and sharp.

I tapped lightly on his cheeks and called his name but he didn't respond. The members gathered around, eyes filled with concern for their fellow member.

"Should we call an ambulance?" Tae suggested. I shook my head.

"I don't think we need an ambulance. He had probably just passed out from exhaustion. Call the paramedics." I instructed and Jungkook immediately pulled his phone out, calling the paramedics.

"Yoongi hyung, hand me a bottle of water. "

Yoongi gave me the water bottle. I took a little of water on my hand and splattered it on Jimin's face but he remained irresponsive.

" Jimin can you hear me??" I asked, tapping on his cheeks again.

The paramedics had arrived by that time.They took Jimin with them to check him up.

"Hyung's gonna be fine right??" Jungkook spoke, eyes filled with tears of worry. I sighed and pulled him into a hug.

"He'll be fine.. Hopefully. "
----------
Jimin's POV

I woke up with my head throbbing. I let out a small groan. My throat felt very dry.

"Jimin? Are you feeling ok?"

I recognised it as Namjoon's voice. I gave a small nod as he helped me to sit up. I saw that I was not in the practice room, but in my own bedroom. I saw all the members were surrounding me, looking at me.

I kinda felt awkward with everyone's attention on me but didn't say anything. Jungkook wasn't around. I looked around the room a bit and found him staring outside the window. From his face, it looks like he had cried.. A lot..

"What happened??" I asked, almost a whisper.

"You passed out during practice." Yoongi said, handing me a water bottle.

"You almost killed yourself. " Jungkook said in a plane and cold tone, still looking outside the window and I can see his eyes filling up with tears again.

"Jungkook, stop exaggerating. And stop crying too. You've been crying for a long time, you can get sick." Yoongi said in an annoyed tone.

"And Jimin. You have some explaining to do. " Yoongi said in a stern voice.

"The paramedics said you passed out due to lack to food and sleep. You are underweight. You also had a few bruises in your body that probably no one knew about except you and-"

Hoseok paused, pulling out the dumbells.

"-We found this from beneath your bed. " he ended with a smile. The smile that showed clear sadness and disappointment.

" Now tell us what this all was about. "

"Yoongi hyung, calm down." Taehyung said to the oldest rapper who gave him a glare and stated.

"Calm down?? He had been doing this for God knows how long and you want me to calm down? If we didn't know and he kept on doing this, something serious could've happened. Does he had any idea about that??"

He said spat angrily, shutting the younger who looked down. He looked back at me and said.

"You have two minutes. "

"Yoongi, aren't you being a bit too aggressive?" said Namjoon.

"I need to be. "

I took a deep breath and closed mt eyes, tears instantly started rolling down my face, staining my cheeks.

"I-I'm so sorry. I-I s-should've talked to you g-guys before going back t-to my old habits." I said, a loud sob left my mouth.

Yoongi sighed and put a hand on my shoulder.

"We know your eating disorder bothers you often but you promised to share with us everytime you feel down or insecure about yourself, didn't you??"

I nodded.

"Then why didn't you?" Hoseok asked, his voice almost inaudible and he sounded like he was about to cry too.

How could I , with all my members being this emotional, stay strong and explain how I had been feeling? How the little voice in my head had been tearing me apart slowly?

"I didn't wanna a burden. " I muttered, looking down, expecting to get shouted at again but instead, I was pulled in a hug, latter followed by a soft pat on his bag.

"You'll never be a burden Jimin. We love you and we care for you. We'll take care of you until you feel completely fine. Until you are back to your original, cheerful self. "

What on earth have I done to deserve this much love?

Yoongi patted the younger's back till he had calmed down enough.

"OK, so now." he paused and looked at Jungkook who still had tears rolling down his face, looking at me right into the eyes. Yoongi rolled his eyes playfully and facepalmed himself and said.

"Come on Jungkook, be useful. Bring Jiminie some food. And stop crying. It's Jimin who is suffering. Come on Kookie, wipe those tears.  "
He barely calls people with nicknames. And if he does you'll know he is in a very good mode, excited, or trying to comfort you. Those are the only time he would show you affection.

Jungkook wiped his tears and sighed, exiting the room.

"It's my fault. I had noticed him getting a bit skinny and also the change in behavior but didn't say anything. I'm really sorry."

"No no Hobi hyung. Don't beat yourself for this. It's my fault that I didn't tell you guys. I-I try my best to s-stop. " I said, not really sure about the last line.

"We'll help you Jimini-ah." Taehyung said. Soulmate stuff you know.

"Oh look, Jungkookie brought you some food. "
"Oh well, that Kimchi smells good."

"Taehyung you already had yours. " Yoongi said, rolling his eyes.

"W-Wait- I cannot e-eat this much!!"  I said. Jungkook haulted his moves for a bit but then resumed.

"You can. You just don't want to. But you need to. So eat."

Jin and Namjoon sighed at Jungkook's tone as he held the spoonful of Kimchi in front of my mouth.

"Eat. " He ordered without looking at me. He was going to reject the offer but then, when he looked at his dongsaeng's blood-shot eyes and the others' hopeful eyes on him. He just couldn't.

I let Jungkook feed me, though I refused to finish the bowl. I cursed at myself blaming myself, if by change, I gain a lot of weight, earning a few applause from the other members with every bite.

"Great. I'm very proud of you Jimin." Yoongi said, earning a few shocked glares but he didn't give a shit.

"Now kookie, you need to make up with Jimin." Yoongi said, taking the bowl to the kitchen.

I looked at Jungkook who was sitting next to me, looking down, not uttering a single word.

"I think we should let them talk alone. "

" For the first time you said something that makes sense Taehyung. " Namjoon hyung said, making Taehyung huff dramatically.

"I think that will be perfect. We'll wait outside, so be quick."

They left the room, Hobi hyung peeked a little and gave a thumbs up to me with a big smile before closing the door.

I sighed and looked at Jungkook.

"Kookie?"

He gave a small hum in response. I didn't really know how to comfort him or why he was crying and being angry at me in the first place. Was it because he was worried for me? Whatever it is, we need to make it up with each other.

I just pulled him in a tight hug, resting my chin on his head. It took him a while, but he then hugged me back and nuzzled his head in my chest. Minutes later, I heard some sobs.

I slowly patted his head, apologising a few times.

"Kookie, I'm sorry. Please stop crying. Pretty please. Look, I can't control it. It's a habit I've developed over months. I-I want to stop but I couldn't. If I knew you would be this much effected, I would've done anything to stop this."

"I'm sorry t-too, I was o-overreacting. I should've tried to understand you hyung. "

I smiled and pulled out of the hug, wiping his tears with my thumb.

"I promise, I try my best for ya'll."

"We'll help you too hyung. "

"So... We good?"

Jungkook chuckled and said.

"Yeah hyung. We good."

"Jimin, Jungkook come downstairs for lunch. "

Jin hyung shouted from downstairs.

"Yes hyung, coming!!"  Jungkook shouted back and looked back at me. I gave Jungkook my 'Do I really need to eat?'  look which he seemed to understand as he chuckled and spoke.

"Hyung you don't need to if you don't want to. We'll start slowly ok?? For today, you can rest. "

I smiled as he ran downstairs, of course, not forgetting to shout 'bye!!'  before leaving.
---------------
"You both good?" Jin hyung asked.

"We great!!"

3357 words.

I'm very, VERY upset as my old account is banned. All my progress of almost 3 months is gone... Completely..

Anyways, thank you for reading this and hope you have a good day. Requests for all the members are open.