I have tinnitus, and sometimes it gets kinda bad, so that is what inspired this. Ok cool letsa go.

Being onstage was never a quiet experience, thats for sure. The screams of fans mixed with the loud music from the speakers both making their way through the earpieces to mix with the music and voices playing through the earpieces. They loved to take their earpieces out during concerts to hear the screams of the fans.

Namjoon took his ear piece after he'd already rapped his part, dancing on the stage while hearing the fans singing along at the top of their lungs. It was such a beautiful moment that namjoon got to experience nearly everyday. How lucky he was.

That was until a loud firework exploded in front of them. It was a malfunction, and luckily no one got hurt, but it was very loud, and left namjoons ears ringing loudly. He was praying that it would just go away after a bit, but...

They all piled of the stage, smiling from the adrenaline rush of just finishing a concert. They pulled their ear pieces out, handed their mics to the staff and made their way backstage to get changed and get ready to go back to the hotel.

Namjoon took his ear piece out, and he noticed the loud ringing still in his ears. He stopped for a moment, plugging his ears to make sure the sound wasn't coming from something around him or in his own head. When he plugged his ears and the ringing still didn't go away, he knew something was up. As artists, they had their fair share of damage to their ears. Standing next to loud speakers, being surrounded by loud, piercing screams, their hearing was bound to be damaged at least somewhat. But this ringing was far louder than anything namjoon had ever experienced.

As he got further backstage and the noise of the chaos of staff rushing around, the music still playing in the background, started to fade, until he was in silence again. Well, other than the ringing. He could barely hear his own footsteps as he walked down the hallway to the greenroom. Whats worse, is that he knew he couldn't escape the ringing. He couldn't enjoy peace and quiet right now. Not when his ears were ringing this loudly.

"Hey Namjoon Cmon we gotta take a photo!" Jin says, calling him over to where the others were gathered around the couch holding banners.
"Huh?" Namjoon says, looking around for the source of the sound. He knew someone was talking but it he couldn't hear cohesive words over all the ringing.
"Over here Namjoon!" Jin says, waving his arms over-dramatically, until Namjoon saw him.
"Come on we gotta take photos!" Jin says, beckoning him over.
"...huh?" Namjoon asks again. Jins words just sounded like I garbled mess to him.
"Uhh... come over! For photos!" Jin says, over pronouncing his words and gesturing for him to come over. Namjoon finally understands with an "oh!" And walls over to join them at the couch.
"What's up with you today? You deaf or something?" Jin jokes, but in reality he's not that far off.
"...Huh?" Namjoon could feel the frustration building not only in himself but in everyone else.
"Seriously Namjoon? Quit playing. It's annoying." Jin said, playfully pushing him by his shoulder a little. Namjoon just hummed though, he didn't hear what he had been asked. He posed with the banner while the staff took the photo, and they all got changed so they could head back to the hotel. Namjoon continues to rub at his ears in annoyance with false hope it will clear the ringing. Jin comes out, now changed, and calls for Namjoon so they can get in the car together to the hotel, but again, Namjoon doesn't answer.
"Namjoon I swear to god stop playing! It's not funny anymore!" Jin raising his voice allowed Namjoon to hear him, but it was still muffled, so he just looked up at jin and hummed with a questioning tone.
"... you're not playing are you...." Jin said with worry, and Namjoon just looked at him with confusion.
"Namjoon, can you hear me now?" Jin said, loudly and slowly and clearly. Namjoon nodded.
"What's happened to your hearing?" Jin asks, pointing to his ear to emphasise his point.
"There's a really loud ringing in my ear. It won't go away." Namjoon says, his own voice sounding muffled.
"Ok, well, let's just get you back to the hotel. If it continues tomorrow, you're seeing a doctor." Jin says sternly, grabbing namjoons hand to pull him up, and they rode in a car back to the hotel.

Namjoon rubbed at his ears with frustration as he wondered aimlessly around the hotel room. He was about to go insane from the ringing, and it hadn't calmed at all. He climbed into bed, hoping he could just sleep it off, but the ringing was so intrusive he didn't get a wink of sleep that night. A headache started to appear from just how loud the ringing was. Next thing he knew, he saw the sun peaking through the curtains, and he groaned. It was a long, boring night filled with tossing and turning and praying for the damn ringing to stop. But it didn't.

Namjoon got a text from jin saying "so has the ringing gone?" Namjoon just typed a simple "no" and groaned as he flopped onto his back with a groan. He just about manages to hear the knock on his door over the ringing, and got up and trudged over to the door. Jin could see straight away, the tired eyes, the dark circles, namjoons annoyed and upset expression.

"could you not sleep cause of it?" Namjoon shook his head.

"I have a headache." he mumbled, holding a hand against his forehead, as he stumbled back to the bed.

"This is bad namjoon. We have to get you to a doctor." Jin says, sitting on the edge of the bed next to namjoon, who was now curled up in a ball. Jin carefully rubbed his back a little before going to get some pain killers for namjoons headache, and to go and find the manager to tell them namjoon needs a doctor.

"can you sit up for me?" jin says softly (as softly as he could for namjoon to hear him) when he got back, resting a hand on his lower back. Namjoon slowly sat up and saw the painkillers in jins hand, immediately taking them in hope for some relief.

"The manager said he'd take you to a doctor soon. Let's just hope you can perform tonight." Jin said, filled with worry.

"Don't mention it. I don't want to think about that."

———————

Namjoon sat on the examination table awkwardly, while Jin and their manager sat on the chairs on the other side of the room. A nurse had already come in to take vital readings for the charts, and left them to wait for the doctor. Namjoons head was starting to ache again as the pain meds started to wear off.

A doctor walked in, looking at the clipboard then looking up and Namjoon and shaking his hand.
"So, what seems to be the problem?" He asked, as sat down in his swivel chair. Namjoon didn't hear what he said, but he assumed he asked what was wrong, so just answered that, which was luckily right.
"I've had a really loud ringing in my ears since yesterday and it won't go away. I'm a musician and I'm supposed to have a concert today but it's so loud I won't be able to perform like this and it kept me up all night too and it gave me a headache." Namjoon said, perhaps getting a little emotional over it.
"Ok, do you have any idea what could have caused the ringing or did it come out of nowhere?" The doctor asked as he started preparing the otoscope.
"There was a malfunction with the pyrotechnics during our show yesterday and they exploded really loud in my ears so I think that could have caused it." Namjoon confesses.
"Yes that does seem like the most plausible answer, but I'm just going to check in your ears just in case." The doctor says, moving so he's sat next to Namjoon on the table. He places the otoscope in his ear and looks into it, and all is clear. He does the same in the other ear, and gives the all clear.
"So it seems like it's probably tinnitus. It will either go away on its own, or... it will be there forever."
A knife stabbed through namjoons heart at the thought that it could never go away. If he had to live the rest of his life like this he'd go insane.
"What happens if it never goes away? Is there a cure?" Namjoon asks with genuine hope.
"Unfortunately no, not yet anyway." Namjoon hung his head in his hands. He wasn't about to deal with this ringing for the rest of his life. As dark as it sounds, he didn't think he could carry on living knowing he'd have to listen to this ringing for the rest of his life.
"Well, is there any way of knowing if it will go away or not?" Namjoon asks, clinging on to the last thread of hope he has left.
"Unfortunately no. There's still not much known about tinnitus, so it's impossible to tell. You just have to wait it out. I'm sorry that there's not much I can do to help." The doctor said, before dismissing them.

They got in the car and headed to the stadium to join the others for rehearsal, but Namjoon definitely wasn't up for it. He was holding back tears the whole way there, and as soon as he got there he rushed to the bathroom so he could cry in peace. He released all the emotion in hitching sobs, his mind screaming "my life's ruined". All because of a faulty pyrotechnic.

Jin had a feeling something was wrong, so before heading out to join the others on the stage, he headed to the bathroom, where an instinct in him was telling him Namjoon was hiding. And he was right. The moment he opened the door he heard the heart breaking hitching sobs from their leader who was always so strong. He gently knocked on the stall door.
"Joon, are you ok? Can you let me in?" He said. He wanted to speak softly, but if he did, it's likely Namjoon wouldn't hear him. Namjoon did hear him, but he didn't open the door. He didn't feel like doing anything right now. He wanted to pass out, to sleep, to be in a coma, anything to get away from the invasive ringing that he was convinced was going to take over his life. Jin knocked again, repeating himself a little louder this time. Namjoon rolled his eyes and managed to convince himself to reach up and unlock the door, and Jin careful opened the door, and slipped in the stall, crouching down in front of Namjoon. Jin didn't really know what to say, so he just pulled Namjoon into a tight hug, rubbing his back as he sobbed into his shoulder leaving tear stains on his shirt. But Jin didn't care.
"Joon, honey, you gotta speak to me, tell me what's up."
"...it's never gonna go away..." Namjoon says, his voice cracking and shaking. Jin wasn't really sure what to say, but he tried his best to comfort namjoon.
"It might go away we don't know the doctor said it could go away so you never know." Jin said, doing his best to give Namjoon some comfort.
"...but what if it doesn't? I'll go insane if I have to deal with it much longer." Jin sighed. There really wasn't much they could do.
"I know you, joon. You're strong. You can make it through. Now the more you fixate on it the worse it'll get. If you just try and distract yourself then maybe you'll even forget about it for a while, so let's go out and rehearse, and maybe you'll forget about it for at least a bit, yeah?" Namjoon was about to argue back but Jin shut him down before he could, pulling him up and out to the stage to rehearse.

When the others see namjoons tearful face they immediately fear the worst.
"Is everything ok?" Hoseok asks. Jin answers for Namjoon.
"There's nothing they could do for the ringing. The doctor said there's a chance it might never go away." The others all looked on with worry. What would happen if it didn't go away? Would namjoon even be able to continue in a career in music? What would happen?
"anyway, we don't really want to think about that for now. We need to stay hopeful. It could still go away. So for now lets just give joon a distraction and carry on the rehearsal." Jin suggested, and the others nodded, and all carried on the rehearsal. Namjoon was surprised that he could still rap despite the fact he couldn't really hear. He agreed to carry on and be in the concert that night.

The rush of adrenaline made namjoon miraculously forget about the ringing, and the the concert went smoothly. Namjoon didn't even realise until he got offstage.

The ringing was gone.

Well wasn't that a journey 😂 I hope you enjoyed yaaaaayyy. I'd like to take this opportunity to say again thanks so much for 100k! It really does mean a lot. Also in that chapter I asked what people's favourite chapter of mine was, and it was really interesting to see haha. I know a lot of people really like the Yoongi-autism chapter I did, and a lot of people wanted me to make it into another book, so I did. So go check it out if you want.
Also another thing I wanna say, just allow me to get a lil salty for a bit lmao. 👀
So I'm sure a lot of you know about the discord, and if you don't, I made a discord server for fellow sickfic readers so we can chat and have fun together haha. I've had quite a few people ask to join, which I love, but then sometimes I send an invite, and they join, but then... just don't say anything. It just annoys me when people say they want to join but then when they do they don't even say anything. So why did they even join in the first place? Anyway, to all those who are active on the discord I love y'all.
Also if you join the discord but decide you don't like it that's fine. (But maybe you should cough cough lol) and it's not just like a normal group chat like discord is cool in that you can several chats in a server for different purposes, that way conversations are a little more organised, and you can have several conversations happening at once without interrupting. Anyway. If you think you might wanna join just ask and I'll send you the link, but maybe at least yknow try it and at least say something rather than just arriving and not saying anything cause as the admin it's kinda annoying ngl. Anyway Idk what I'm saying anymore. I just need to hurry up and end this chapter lmaooooo.
See ya in the next one!
안녕!!! 👋🏻