I know i said id try and spread out which members I do, in which case I would be writing about Jin, but I had this idea recently based on my own struggles, and I feel like jungkook fits this the best (out of all the members I haven't written about in a short while), so let's just go with it!

Jungkook looks sweet and happy on the outside. But the truth was... He had a little problem.

He had never been a good sleeper. As a baby he would never sleep through the night, and that continued on as he grew up. It went from just not being able to sleep well, to fearing closing his eyes at night. Of course it's normal as a kid to be scared of the dark or the monsters under the bed, but when it continues on way into adulthood, it can be a little embarrassing.

Moving to seoul to live on his own away from his parents at only 13 years old, was a bold move. Its safe to say he spent a lot of nights just sat up in his bed scrolling through his phone, not getting any sleep. Which of course wasn't healthy, and made his trainee years very difficult to get through. However it also taught him how to deal with it somewhat, and eventually he started to get some better sleep.

He went through phases of good sleep and bad sleep, but these days, for the most part, he was sleeping well.

However recently, he'd gotten into bad habits, that meant he stayed up late, playing games or something on his computer, meaning he would be the last one asleep. This just spelt trouble for Jungkook. He had some internal rules about his sleeping conditions.
• he mustn't be the last one asleep.
• he can't sleep with his back to the door unless others are awake
• and he can't leave his room if others aren't awake. No matter how desperately he needs to pee.
If he didn't stick to these rules, he just knew there's no way he'd sleep well, and they just elevated his fears. What he was scared of exactly, well, he wasn't exactly sure anymore.

On this one particular night, he ended up staying up til the early hours of the morning playing games by accident. The moment he saw the time he felt his heart sink. Everyone was definitely asleep by now. He wouldn't dare check either way. He couldn't leave his room unless he was sure. So he run a hand through his hair, biting his lip. He glanced at his phone, for no reason in particular. His body was telling him to get up and get ready for bed, but he stayed frozen still. After all, if there was zero chance of him sleeping at all tonight, what was the point in even trying. He sat twiddling his thumbs for a bit, not really sure what to do with himself. It didn't take long for his bladder to swell, begging to be emptied, but he didn't dare leave his room. But he had to. If he didn't go soon, he'd wet himself, which is way too embarrassing as a 22 year old to even think of doing that. He'd have to leave his room. He'd have to leave his room and walk down the long, dark corridor to the bathroom. His heart started racing at the thought, and the fear only made the pressure in his bladder moreso. What's worse, he'd never told any of his hyungs about his fear. It was too embarrassing. So it remained a long kept secret. This also meant he couldn't text one of them to get them to wake up or anything. He couldn't think of a good enough excuse for that right now as his mind was too clouded from the thoughts screaming DONT. LEAVE. YOUR. ROOM. They were too loud. His mind flashed with thoughts of opening his door to a murderer standing there waiting to kill him, or a creature or monster standing at the end of the dark hallway ready to pounce. The thoughts were so stupid, of course those things would never happen, but he couldn't get those thoughts to go away no matter how hard he tried, and there was no way he could ignore them. They were too loud. His heart was beating out of his chest as he stared at the door handle, imagining every possible scenario of what could happen to him if he opened that door, and none of them were good. So he stayed frozen to his chair, his bladder getting ever tighter.

It got to a point where he would wet himself any minute now if he didn't go to the bathroom, but his heart was pounding out of his chest, just from standing up. He swore others could probably hear his heart beat from a mile away with how loud it was beating. He gripped onto the handle for dear life, trying to keep his breathing even. After all, if something really was behind that door, heavy breathing would just give him away. He gripped his phone in his other hand, flashlight already turned on to drown out the darkness of the hallway, and get rid of any shadow demons or creatures that may be lurking there. He carefully turned the door handle, and slipped the door open, his heart sinking with relief when he found that there was no serial killer hiding behind it.

He shone the flashlight from his phone down the corridor, and felt just that little bit safer. It still looked creepy and dark though. He quickly ran down the corridor on his tiptoes, that overwhelming feeling of something behind him building more and more with each step, til it felt like he was genuinely running for his life. As soon as he got to the bathroom, he flicked the light on and closed the door, with his back to it, his heart pounding, his chest tight at the anxiety he was feeling. He just felt so stupid, he was 22 years old, not 5. Why was he scared of the dark like a child?

After calming down a little, he did his business, however he was incredibly on edge, since his back had to be to the door in order to.. yknow, get the right aim...
Then came the next challenge. Leaving the bathroom.
A part of him wanted to just stay in the bathroom all night, but what if another member woke up and needed the bathroom. Then again, maybe that would be for the best. If someone else was awake, then he could go back to his room without that same feeling of crippling anxiety. He looked down at his phone. 32%. No way could he last the whole night. He needed to charge his phone. He needed to get back to his room. And so the process started over a again.

He took a deep breath, and carefully turned the handle, and eeked the door open a crack. When no one, or nothing, was there, he opened his door fully, shining the torch from his phone down the corridor again. He tiptoed at full speed, and just as he got to his door, he heard a voice calling his name....

"Kookie?"

Jungkook nearly jumped out of his own skin, dropping his phone on the floor. He clutches his chest from the shock as he realized the dark shadow and low voice belonged to taehyung.
"Sorry, did I scare you?" Tae says with a chuckle. Jungkook was too shell shocked to respond.
"Are you ok kookie?" Tae asks, slightly concerned as to why he hadn't responded yet.
"Y-yeahyeahyeahnoimfinehyungwhatareyouonabout?" Jungkook rambled, opening his bedroom door, and sliding in.
Tae just rose an eyebrow, before shrugging it off and heading to the bathroom like he had originally planned.

Jungkook was still recovering from such a scare, his heart beating out of his chest for the 100000th time this night. A tear escaped his eye as his mind swarmed with more messy thoughts that kept his heart beating and his chest tight.
I just wish this would go away.
All Jungkook wanted was to be able to sleep like a normal person, happy, not scared of stupid things that don't exist and would never happen. He was getting tired. Literally. He'd dealt with these thought and fears for years. He was tired of it. He just wanted it all to go away. So he sat with his back to his door, head in his arms, silently crying to himself in frustration. Why can't I just be normal.

He spent the rest of that night scrolling around on his phone or just sitting and staring into space when his phone overheated and he needed to let it cool down. So, in the end, he didn't get a single wink of sleep that night. So when the others all woke up and saw him completely sleepless, they knew something must be up.

Jungkook went immediately for the coffee that morning, in a desperate attempt to stay awake enough all day, and thankfully his tiredness went mostly unnoticed, or at least even if the others did notice, they payed it no attention, just putting it up to a bad nights sleep or something.

In the end, Jungkook ended up going 3 whole nights without a single second of sleep. So it's safe to say, he wasn't doing good. Every moment of the day he struggled to force his eyes open, and even the warm lights of the dorm felt way too bright. His legs felt like they were strapped to huge blocks of lead, along with his arms, and his eyelids. Even coffee wasn't working anymore. It just made his limbs tremble and quake underneath him, and it sat uncomfortably in his stomach.
The members knew something was up straight away, but they didn't dare mention anything, cause they knew Jungkook would just brush it off as nothing.

Jungkook slightly overestimated how well he could dance in this condition. He knew each move would probably be stiffer and heavier, but he didn't expect to be this behind. After just one run through of ON, he was about ready to collapse. He fell on his hands and knees, and flopped onto his side, still forcing his eyes open. He knew the moment he closed them he would fall asleep. But he didn't want to sleep. Even during the day now, he was still scared to sleep.
"Jungkook?! Are you ok bud?" Jimin says, running to his side.
Jungkook sobs, hiding his face behind his arms. He's holding on so hard to stay awake.
"Hey hey it's ok, tell me what's up kookie." Jimin says softly, rubbing his back.
"t-t-t-t-tired..." Jungkook sobs. He was trying so hard not to fall asleep there and then.
"I haven't slept.... for three days..." Jungkook says with weak sobs as he feels the cloud of sleep overcome him.
"Oh my gosh kookie..." Jimin says with shock, stroking his hair as he sees Jungkooks eyes flutter shut, before he forces them open again.
"You need to get some sleep. Right now." Jimin says sternly, looking up at the others for agreement. And they all nod.
"Take him to my studio. I have pillows and blankets and stuff there." Yoongi says. Jimin swoops up jungkook, so subconsciously wraps his arms around Jimins neck, and cuddles into his collar bone. They walk together with Yoongi to his studio, where he lets them in, quickly getting pillows and blankets down from the shelf, and spreading them out on the couch. Jimin places Jungkook down on the couch, and the moment he's placed on a soft surface, swaddled in blankets his body fights so hard for sleep. But Jungkook still resists.

"Rest in here for a bit bunny, I'll be back in a bit ok?" Jungkook whines, not wanting to be left alone, but the two had left before they even heard. He was alone. That meant he couldn't sleep. He couldn't sleep if he was alone. He continued to sob as he forced his eyes open, no matter how heavy they felt. It got to a point where he had to physically hold his eyes open with his fingers to stop them from closing. But even then, his eyes started to roll back, his body desperately trying to sleep. He stayed that way for the five minutes that Jimin and Yoongi were gone. He was struggling with such an internal conflict of wanting to sleep yet being too scared to.

Jimin came in and immediately saw Jungkooks open and bloodshot eyes and thick tear stains.
"Kookie! what are you doing I thought you were sleeping?" Jimin says, full of concern, crouching down in front of jungkook, stroking his hair in a desperate attempt to sooth him.
"I-I-I-I cant!" Jungkook sobs out, leaning into Jimins comforting hand.
"Why? Whats up kookie? Why can't you sleep?" Jimin asks, his eyes wide with concern. His kookie seemed to be in great distress after all.
"I-I-I... I-I'm too scared!" Jungkook admits, his heart sinking with embarrasment. You're 22 years old jungkook, not five.
"What do you mean Kookie?" Jimin asks, confused. How could anyone ever be too scared to sleep?
"I'M JUST TOO SCARED OK?" Jungkook shouts, getting defensive. His cheeks were already flushed pink from tiredness, but they were now turning a bright red from embarrasment. Jimin gently grazed his knuckles against Jungkooks warm cheeks, with a sympathetic look. That look Jimin was so good at.
"It's ok bunny. Just tell me what I can do to help you to sleep. You can explain later when you're feeling better. But for now, I need to get you to sleep, and I'll do anything to help you bunny. I don't care what. Don't be embarrased." Jimin says, so softly it's nearly a whisper.
"Just stay." Jungkook says, his voice shaking and high pitched.
"Ok kookie I'll stay right here." Jimin says, stroking jungkooks hair with his magic hands that made it even harder for jungkook to resist the sleep.

"Promise?" Jungkook weakly held his pinky finger out from underneath the blanket.
"Promise." And with that, Jungkook finally managed to let his eyes drift closed, as he held Jimins hand as a reminder that he wasn't alone, and that he was safe.

Jungkook slept for the rest of the day, and was briefly woken up for them to head home, before he went right back to sleep again the moment he got home, and Jimin made sure to stay by his side so Jungkook would definitely stay asleep and catch up on all the sleep he missed. Then the next day, they all sat around and had a conversation about Jungkook.

"I... I'm scared of sleeping. I have been for as long as I can remember. I'm terrified of someone breaking into the house while I'm asleep, and sometimes I'm even scared of the dark and see ghosts and stuff and I know I'm too old for this stuff but these thoughts just won't go away and I don't know how to deal with them. I have to sleep early while all you are still awake so that I can fall asleep happily. If I lose track of time and go to bed too late then there's no chance I'll be able to sleep well, if at all." Jungkook opens up, playing with his fingers, his cheeks blushing with embarrassment. All the others were just wondering how they got this long without ever noticing his fears.
"It's ok kookie. It sounds like a serious problem, so we could see if we can get a therapist for you to talk to and they can help you out. How's that sound?" Namjoon says, and Jungkook nods awkwardly.

Maybe he can finally sleep happily for the first time.

God I'm so bad at endings that was terrible. Anyway, yes this is something I deal with, just slightly exaggerated. I always have to go to sleep early while everyone else in the house is awake so I can sleep happily, and if I don't I'll probably end up forcing myself awake until I physically can't anymore. For YEARS I've had so many thoughts of someone breaking into the house while I'm asleep, and the thought terrifies me. I always get the usual "oh just read a book or something to distract yourself" and while it works for a little while, the moment I put the book down the thoughts come back and I'm scared again. Basically I'm immature and scared of the dark.
Anyway, that's all I have to say. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see ya in the next one!
안녕!!! 👋🏻