This is not the chapter i was meant to do, i was meant to do namjoon next, then yoongi, then jungkook, but i've been obsessed with jungkook recently for *cough cough* reasons, so i thought it would probably be easier for me to write this one and then go back to the others later. Anyway, related to this chapter, i made a video recently, and it would mean a lot of you watch it and it would mean even more to me if you liked and commented. That way the video will get recommended to more people and more people will see it more than just the people i've shared it to, so ye, here it is:

https://youtu.be/MuOU8YE45xo

ok, on with the chapter: and btw, strap yourself in cause its a long one lmao.

Jungkook had always been a fidgety child, and found it hard to focus. It was hard when at school all his teachers just told him off all the time when he just couldn't control his impulses. When he was young he didn't really know what having ADHD meant, but as he grew up, he learnt more about himself and what it meant to have ADHD. Still he never told anyone that he had ADHD becuase he was scared of people judging him.

Music was always an escape for him. When he was singing he felt like he didn't have to fidget. He felt like his thoughts weren't rushing around constantly. And dancing helped wear him out so he wouldn't fidget or get impulses as much. Dance and music was a saviour for him.

Hence why being an idol was his dream job. His parents saw this and let him pursue that dream, no matter how young he was. So even though he was barely a teenager, he was allowed to start auditioning for companies. He was offered spots at all the companies he auditioned to, but one company stood out to him. It wasn't a big company. He'd never heard of it before. But when he met the other trainees, he felt an instinctual urge that said that these people were his family. They were his hyungs. He had to debut with them. And so he dropped all the offers from other bigger companies to pursue his dream with the people he knew he was destined to pursue it with. No matter how much he regretted it in times when they were hard on money or getting hate on the internet, he stuck with it, because he knew these were the people he was destined to be with for a long time into the future.

and now, 7 years later, he is part of the biggest boy group not only in korea, but in the whole world. He knew he wanted to be an idol, but not like this. It went further than he had ever expected.

On this particular day, they'd been given a day off, since the bighit building was having some work done on it. But of course, on the one day jungkook would be stuck at home without music or dance, his ADHD was bad. He knew from the moment he woke up that today would be a bad ADHD day. His mind was already racing with random skipping thoughts that jumped from one thing to another, and he felt like he just couldn't focus on one thing for more than two seconds.

Just getting out of bed was hard. He kept thinking to himself "ok, i'll get out of bed now.....now......now...." But he never did. Its like his brain was not cooperating with itself. When he finally managed to sit up and get out of bed he wondered to the kitchen, or.... He was going to go to the kitchen, until he found himself distracted and ended up in the bathroom instead. He went into the bathroom and shut the door before he realised he was in the wrong place. He stood there for a few seconds before he remembered where he was supposed to be going.

The kitchen. Go to the kitchen.

He wondered to the kitchen, but by the time he got there he forgot what he was supposed to be doing. He stopped in his tracks and looked around for any visual clues, wracking his brains. What am i supposed to be doing in the kitchen again? He looked over and saw a cereal box sat on the side. Right, breakfast.

He grabbed a bowl from the cupboard, and poured the cereal into it. He walked over to the fridge, and got the milk out. Only, just as he was about to pour the milk into his cereal, he realised he was holding a carton of orange juice. He sighs, rolling his eyes. This morning is already in shambles. He screwed the lid back on the carton and then went back to the fridge, double checking that he definitely had milk in his hand this time, and poured it in the cereal, and poured some into a glass before heading to the table to sit down and eat.

He ate a few spoonfuls, and saw jimin walk through into the kitchen, saying a brief "good morning" Jungkook watched as Jimin poured a bowl of cereal with ease, no mistaking orange juice for milk, or forgetting what he was doing. Times like these he was jealous of the others with their "normal" brains.

Phone. I need my phone. Jungkook thought. He got up, leaving the cereal partially eaten on the table and wondered to his bedroom. He grabbed his phone of his bed side table and it flashed to life, showing several notifications. Of course, he then got too invested reading the notifications and ended up sat on his bed scrolling through his phone for a good while, only until he was interrupted by jimin walking in.

"Are you going to eat the rest of your cereal kookie? you ate like two spoonfuls and then just left." Jimin says with a chuckle. Jungkook smacked his forehead with a groan, and wondered back to the kitchen to see his abandoned cereal bowl. The cereal had been left in there too long now so it was all soggy. Not ideal. Jungkook let out a long grown with his face buried in his hands.

"Are you ok kookie? you don't seem to be with us today. You're all over the place." Jimin says, resting an arm around his shoulders.

"It's my adhd. I guess i'm having a bad adhd day." Jungkook mumbles.

"aw im sorry kookie. You should really think about getting medication for it yknow. I know you don't want to, but at least having some for days like this when it gets bad... do you not think it's worth a try?" Jungkook shakes his head forcefully. He's made a vow to never try medication again. He was put on medication in his teen years to help him focus at school since his grades were plummeting, but while it did do the job, it also made him an empty shell of a human with no emotions. Not only that but it often gave him horrible migraines that would reduce him to a weeping ball on the floor. Even though those things were likely due to incorrect dose, and there are plenty of other medications out there, jungkook was still too scared to ever try any other medications.

His medication was dance, and singing, and music. But he didn't have the space or facilities to do that today. So he was left irritable and struggling. Jimin said he'd do his best to help keep jungkook on track, but there were still other things he couldn't really help with. That being the hyperactivity side of things.

Nevertheless, Jungkook knew he just had to get on with the day and wait for it to be over. He Gave up on breakfast, and headed back to his bedroom. He stood there for a while, while his brain scrambled around, jumping between different random and irrelevant thoughts.

clothes. I need to get dressed.

He focused hard on keeping his mind on the task at hand, and wandered over to the wardrobe got out just some comfortable lounging clothes, and put them on his bed. You'd never expect someone to feel so proud of themselves just for getting some clothes out of a wardrobe, but for jungkook it was quite the achievement with how his head is right now.

Ok, now get changed.

He stared at the clothes on his bed for a while, but he couldn't move. His body wouldn't move and start the process of getting changed, no matter how much he tried and tried and shouted in his head to move, nothing happened. Jungkook sighed, shaking his hands out and banging on his head to try and get it to just work for once. Whenever this happened, he had to break the process down into tiny steps. No matter how stupid these tiny steps might seem, it was the only way he would be able to get this done. Ok, hold on to the bottom of your shirt. He did just that, fiddling with it. Thats the first step over. Now lift the shirt up. He did just that, lifting it up just enough to reveal his tummy. Ok, now higher, over your head. He struggled a bit with this one, but managed to do it in the end. He finally got his shirt off. Now continuing with the same process of breaking it up into tiny steps, after about 15 minutes, he was finally changed.

And he was exhausted. Already, he was exhausted, just from getting changed. Today was going to be a long day.

After taking nearly all morning just to get ready for the day, jungkook trudged to the living room, where taehyung was playing games.

"Hey kookie! wanna play?" Tae says, holding the other controller up. Jungkook nods and walks around the couch to sit next to taehyung. He grabs the controller and they start playing together, but jungkook isn't doing well. Usually he'd be winning by a long shot, but today he just couldn't focus. He kept zoning out and going into autopilot and thinking about other things, and then he'd end up losing. No more than 5 minutes later, jungkook is already bored.

"Can we play a different game taehyungie-hyung? I'm bored." Jungkook says. Taehyung looks at jungkook with confusion.

"We've only been playing this game for 5 minutes kookie... Is it cause you're losing? Is that why?" Taehyung teases, nudging jungkook with his elbow. Jungkook just shrugs.

"Let's just finish this next round and then we'll play something else, how bout that?" Taehyung suggests. Jungkook just nods. Though he wasn't focused at all this round because all he could think about was playing a different game.

When they finally finished that round, taehyung gave in and chose a different game for them to play. This lasted another 5 minutes before Jungkook got bored again.
"Seriously Jungkook? Can't you just stick to one thing? You're so annoying!" Jungkook froze. He was so annoyed at taehyung. He knew he had adhd. He knew he couldn't help it. Why was he getting annoyed at him when he knew he couldn't help it?

Jungkook couldn't hold back the impulse, and he threw the controller harshly on the floor and ran off to his bedroom. The others all rushed to the living room at the crash to see a stunned taehyung and a completely wrecked controller.

"What happened?!" Jin said, angry that the controller was completely smashed.
"Jungkook couldn't decide why game to play and kept changing his mind every two minutes and it got annoying but then he threw the controller and stormed off." Tae replied, still stunned and confused. He still didn't realise what he had done.

"What did you say to him taehyung?" Jimin asks.
"I said he was annoying." Taehyung said matter-of-factly as if it was obvious.

"Taehyung.... he's having a bad adhd day." Jimin said, rather shocked and feeling bad for poor kookie. Only then did taehyung realise what he did, and hung his head in shame.

Jimin ran to jungkooks room, knowing the poor thing was probably incredibly hurt. You see, one thing that comes with adhd is rsd, or Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. This means the slightest bit of criticism often feels like the end of the world to Jungkook. A small criticism makes him feel like an unworthy human. So being told by taehyung that he was annoying, probably felt like an arrow through the heart to Jungkook. Especially considering he's already having a bad day.

As soon as Jimin opened the door, he saw jungkook sobbing and rocking back and forth. The poor thing was sobbing so much he could barely breathe properly. Jimins heart broke. He would never know what its like for jungkook, so its much harder for him to know how to help.

"Hey bunny, its just me. Its ok." Jimin says softly, lowering himself onto the bed next to jungkook. Jungkook continued to sob and rock, and ran his fingers through his hair, stopping half way to yank at it. "heyheyhey, lets not do that kookie." Jimin responds, gently taking his hand and rubbing it and massaging it gently.

"cmon lets take deep breaths ok kookie? with me now..." Jimin says, and starts taking loud deep breaths so jungkook could follow. He tried his best, but his chest kept contracting with involuntary sobs that he couldn't hold back. Jimin looked around for anything that could possibly help, and then he saw the pile of fidget toys on his desk. He got up and grabbed a few, the ones he knew kookie liked to use when he's overwhelmed like this, and walked back over. He simply held them out on his palms to allow jungkook to chose what he wanted. Jungkook chose the tangle toy, twisting it around his fingers.
(This is a tangle for anyone who doesn't know)

Jungkook continued to rock as he twiddled the tangle around his fingers, and his sobs slowly started to slow, at least enough that he could breathe better.
"It's ok kookie. You'll be ok." Jimin comforts, just gently rubbing jungkooks thigh. He would rub his back but he can't really while he's rocking.

Once Jungkook had calmed enough, Jimin asked jungkook what taehyung said.

"What did taehyung say to you kookie?" Jimin asks softly. Jungkook sobs a little, remembering it all too clearly.

"h-h-he said i was a-ann-nnoying... c-cause I g-got bored..." Jungkook hid behind his hands, the emotions building up again. "b-b-but i c-can't help it!" Jimins heart breaks.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it kookie. we just-... forget sometimes. Besides he didn't know you were having a bad day. I'm sure if he knew he wouldn't have said that."

"no... I'm-m annoy-ying... You a-all hate m-me-e..." Jungkook mumbles, his head hung low. The tears fall from his eyes onto his lap as he cries.

"No kookie, we would never ever hate you. It's just you're brain telling you that, yeah? None of us hate you. We do all we can to make sure you're ok cause we love you kookie." Jimin says, carefully resting a hand on jungkooks back now that his rocking has slowed down.

"we love you, ok?" Jungkook nods, though he doesn't really believe it. Jimin holds his arms out. "do you want to hug?" Jungkook thinks for a moment before nodding, and leaning into jimin, who's arms promptly embrace him tight, and he runs his fingers through his hair comfortingly.

They hear a knock at the door, and jimin looks down and jungkook.

"I'll just be two secs ok bunny? I'll just go see who it is." Jimin says, breaking away from the embrace to go see who it is. He cracks the door open a little and peers around it to see taehyung, looking dejected after getting a stern talking-to from jin.

"Is he there?...i-i wanna say sorry." taehyung says. Jimin thinks. Kookie still isn't really in a great headspace right now. Maybe its best to just wait a little bit.

"Just give us a little while ok taehyungie? He's still trying to calm down." Jimin says, before closing the door and heading back over to jungkook.

"Sorry bout that kookie. It's ok." Jimin says, sitting back down next to jungkook and embracing him again in the exact same way.

Jungkook throws the tangle aside and replaces it for a stress ball, the type filled with water beads/orbeez, and he squished it in his hands, enjoying the statisfying feeling of the water beads.

"You just tell me when you've calmed down, ok?" Jimin says softly, continuing to run his fingers through jungkooks hair. Jungkook nodded, simply continuing to fiddle with the stress ball.

-------------------

After staying that way for about 15 minutes, jungkook finally felt calm enough to go out to the others, so they went out to the living room. Taehyung immediately jumped up, and even bowed a little to kookie.

"I'm really sorry jungkook. I didn't realise you were having a bad day with your adhd. I promise i'll never say anything like that ok? do you forgive me?" Jungkook didn't trust him. He didn't really trust anyone anymore. He felt like everyone hated him and they were just going along with it out of pity. But jungkook just went along with them, and nodded, though halfheartedly.

Taehyung pulled him into a hug that he forced himself to receive and return. The last thing he really wanted right now was a hug, especially from taehyung.

"Hey kookie, we were thinking about maybe going out for dinner tonight, to make you feel better? Would that be ok? you can choose where we go." Namjoon says, and jungkook just nods along. He doesn't really care anymore, but if it makes them happy then he'll do anything. He just wants this day to be over at this point.

And so the rest of the day goes by, jungkook spending most of that time in his room on his computer switching between various games to distract himself. He tried hard not to switch between games every five minutes, but he was really struggling. He forgot to eat and get lunch until jimin came in to give him a gentle reminder.

He hated when he had bad days cause it was tiring, and he made himself ill from forgetting to eat or drink or go to the bathroom. The simplest of tasks just seemed so hard.

At one point in the afternoon asking Jungkook where he wanted to go for dinner that evening, since they said he could choose. He doesn't really want to go anywhere, but it'll make the others shut up, so he just says his favourite lamb skewers place. Namjoon nods and goes to book a place so they can have a private room to themselves to avoid being bombarded by fans or paparazzi.

And so the evening comes too quickly, and they all head out to the restaurant, Jungkook plastering a smile on his face just to make the others happy. He was hoping maybe having some of his favourite lamb skewers could help cheer him up some how. As soon as they arrive they're taken to the back room especially for vips and sit around the table. The others are excitable and chatty but Jungkook stays fairly quiet. He orders the usual lamb skewers, slightly excited to get to eat them again. It's been a while. The others all order alcohol, but Jungkook refuses, knowing it usually makes his symptoms worse, so he stays away for today.

Jungkook continues to keep to himself while they wait. The others all continue chatting, too distracted by the jokes they're cracking to notice jungkooks silence. Besides, he's not always the most talkative anyway, so his silence goes unnoticed, he just looks down at his fingers fiddling with themselves. He already feels fidgety, like he needs to get up and walk around, but they'd only just got here, he couldn't really use the excuse of using the bathroom to walk around, so he just sat uncomfortably, leg bouncing, fingers fidgeting.

While the others were talking, jungkook zoned out, and started to focus on the murmuring of voices on the other side of the door. It sounded pretty busy. The murmuring seemed to be getting louder by the second. The door swang open behind jungkook, and it felt like all the sound rushed in at once, showing just how busy it was out there. It hurt jungkooks ears at how loud it was. A huge mix of the nattering of other guests at the restaurant, the busy clanging of pans from the kitchen and the sizzling of lamb skewers being cooked to perfection. It was too loud. Jungkooks eyes widened and he tried to cover his ears, but stopped himself when he became self conscious of what everyone else would think of him covering his ears over a sound that was probably just normal for the others. Especially the waiters. They wouldn't know about jungkook having adhd, so they would probably look at him weirdly for covering his ears, so he dealt with it. His face clearly grimacing as he fights his body's natural instinct to escape the sound. The others barely noticed, other than jimin who glanced over and saw jungkook, clearly uncomfortable and got worried. But he didn't want to speak up about it and cause jungkook to get humiliated around all the waiters coming in and out, so he just kept and eye on him. To jimin, the sounds weren't too loud, and he could easily continue to focus on the conversation, but jungkook could barely hear anything anyone was saying. 

A waiter leaned over him to place a nice plate of lamb skewers in front of him. Usually he'd be fine, but for some reason the close proximity made jungkook extremely uncomfortable. He could feel his arms wanting to push the waiter away forcefully, but he used all his physical and mental strength to keep his arms down and just smile at the waiter politely. Jungkook could feel his chest tightening with a swirling mix of anger, frustration and anxiety. Theres no way this was going to end well. The other boys were complaining about it already being too hot in the room, and one of the waiters stopped at the door.

"We can keep this door open if you want, its unlikely anybody will be able to get through to here, and we'll have staff keep an eye out for you." Jungkook huffed to himself. Its too loud. He wanted the door closed. At least that way all the nattering and clanging and sizzling would be somewhat muted. But before he even got a chance to speak the others were all nodding profusely. Tears of frustration were starting to build up in jungkooks eyes now. They were meant to be here for jungkook, and yet they have all seem to have forgotten he existed and the issues he has with loud noises like this. Hold it in jungkook. Don't humiliate yourself.

Jungkook stares down at the lamb skewers in front of him. He was somewhat excited to get to eat them again, but now his appetite had completely disappeared. He fumbled and fiddled with the skewer, before apprehensively picking one up and nibbling on the lamb. It tasted good, as usual, but the loud nattering seemed to drown out his ability to taste. He had no room for tasting when all he could focus on is the nattering that felt like it was getting louder and louder. 

He started to rock side to side, as he often does. He doesn't realise he's doing it most of the time, but it seems to help him calm down just a little, and he starts taking bigger bites of the lamb. He stayed in his own world, so much he didn't realise when the conversation paused. It took him a good few moments to realise all of them were staring at him, and he looked up to see Namjoon imitating his rocking, with a mischievous smile on his face. To the others it was just a normal smile. To jungkook it looked evil. Suddenly he didn't recognise the face in front of him as he smiled and mocked his rocking. Jungkook stopped rocking. He felt his chest tighten. They were making fun of him for rocking. He couldn't help it. Why were they making fun of him. He's had enough of this already today. No more. No more. 

The others saw it as a harmful joke, expecting jungkook to laugh along, but then he didn't. His eyes looked dark as he stared at namjoon, who had now stopped after realising jungkook clearly didn't find it funny in the slightest. They all looked nervously as jungkook threw the skewer he was holding back onto the table. This wasn't good.

Jungkook had had enough of today. It must have been one of the shittiest days of his life. And now this. They just made fun of him. The nattering and clanging from outside the door got louder and louder. His ears were hurting now, but he still felt like he had to resist covering his ears. In his mind he thought if he did that they'd just carry on making fun of him. He couldn't hear jimin trying to console him as he stood up and looked around. It was suddenly too bright in this room. Suddenly his clothes felt too tight and itchy, suddenly the smell of cooked food, that would usually be a nice smell, was too strong, and it was giving him a headache. And the lingering taste of lamb in his mouth was overwhelming. Its too much.

I can't take this.

Jungkook felt like he couldn't see as he looked around for some sort of escape. He wanted to go outside, to leave out the door, but that would involve walking through the main dining area, where all the sound was coming from. That would be torture. He gave up, collapsing to the floor, curling up into a ball. He covered his ears, and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't even notice his chest heaving and the tears streaming from his eyes. 

"Jungkook, bunny, are you ok? Whats wrong bunny?" Jimin asked desperately watching as jungkook looked around. He gasped when jungkook collapsed to the floor and ran over to him, thinking he'd actually fainted or something, but jungkook was still sobbing and struggling for air, so he wasn't fully unconscious. Not yet anyway. 

He rested a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him, but his hand was quickly swatted away. Jimin looked around, trying to work out what was going on. His eyes focused on the open door. Only then did he really hear it. The loud nattering and clanging and sizzling. 

"One of you close the door, please?" Jimin said, while he re-positioned himself so he was sat on the floor. The room got noticeably quieter once taehyung had shut the door. Then they all realised what was happening. Sensory overload. 

Its something not many people know about adhd, but people with adhd are prone to dealing with sensory processing issues, similarly to autism. It was rare for jungkook to go into sensory overload, but on days like this when he's having a bad day, if exposed to a lot of overwhelming input at once, like a busy restaurant, it can happen. 

"Hey bunny we've closed the door now. Its ok, no more loud sounds." Jimin said, but even though the sounds had stopped, jungkook was still overwhelmed. He continued to sob and gasp for breath.

Namjoon felt incredibly guilty. He felt like he'd just caused all this to happen. In reality he was only a small part of the puzzle, but he felt like he was the whole puzzle. He knew how bad sensory overloads are. He experienced it once. It wasn't fun at all.

The room felt incredibly tense as they all sat around awkwardly, watching the situation but not wanting to get involved and overload jungkook even more. 

"Jungkook, listen to me, take deep breaths ok? you're gonna be ok." Jimin says, his voice close to a whisper, but loud enough that jungkook could hear. Jungkook whimpered, but he nodded and complied. He tried his best to regain control of his lungs and take slow deep breaths. It was hard, but he got there eventually. He felt the sounds get quieter, and all his senses got a little less overwhelming. He wasn't completely fine, thats for sure, but he was a little less overwhelmed at least. Enough that he could sit up and open his eyes to look at jimin, coaching him to continue taking deep breaths. The others were given permission to continue eating for now. 

"We're just gonna head to the bathrooms." Jimin announced helping jungkook stand back up and they walked to the bathrooms together. It got loud as soon as they opened the door again, but they quickly walked away from the sounds to the bathrooms. It was much quieter in there, and they were private bathrooms only for those using the vip room so no one would walk it.

Jimin let jungkook sit down on a closed toilet lid, and jungkook covered his eyes and closed his eyes, rocking back and forth, knowing he was free to do so without being ridiculed or walked in on. After just 5 minutes of rocking jungkook felt calm again. Everything was quiet. Just how he liked it.

"Are you feeling better now?" Jimin asked, keeping his voice down. Jungkook nodded, looking up and jimin and even flashing a little smile.

"Ah, i wish i'd bought a fidget toy with me or something." Jungkook says, patting his pockets. 

"oh, yknow what? I think i might have one in my bag, i always carry one for you." jimin mentions, about to go get it before he's stopped by jungkook.

"What? Why?" Jungkook says with a chuckle.

"Yknow, just in case moments like this happen." Jimin says with a shrug. "Will you be ok here for two seconds while I go get it?" 

"Actually i think i might just come back with you." Jungkook says. He's not sure if he's ready, but he doesn't want to be stuck in the bathrooms all night.

"Ok sure!" Jimin says, and they both head back. Halfway down the corridor jungkook grabs jimins arms to stop him.

"They won't make fun of me again, will they?" Jungkook asks. 

"Of course not kookie. They know now that you don't like that. They won't make fun of you." Jimin says, giving a light pat on the back to gesture for jungkook to keep walking. 

Jungkook looks around nervously as he heads back into the room, but the others don't stare at him or make him feel uncomfortable in anyway. They sit back down at the table, and jimin ruffles through his bag and pulls out a fidget cube. 

"Ah! i knew i had one!" Jimin says, handing it to jungkook, jungkook takes it and starts to fiddle with it immediately. He starts feeling much better. It doesn't take long for him to pick up the skewer again and continue eating. Even though it had gone cold by now, he didn't really care. It still tasted just as good.

"I'm sorry for poking fun at you earlier kook. I didn't mean to offend you, i thought you'd laugh along, but you didn't. I won't do it again." Namjoon said, trying to be as casual as possible.

"I usually would but, yknow, it's been a bad day, so..." Jungkook replies, before taking another bite of the lamb. They all just nod, and continue conversation as normal. Jungkook chuckles to himself as a thought crosses his mind.

These lamb skewers are so good.

AAAAAAAAND THATS THAT! That was a long one huh. Anyway, i don't have much to say, i know amazing. Thank you if you watched my video and thanks even more if you liked and commented. Means alot. Not just cause i want views and likes and stuff i just want the video to be recommended to more armys. Cause yknow, its nice to educate as well as entertain. The more armys see it the better really. I doubt it'll suddenly blow up or anything but yeah. it'll mean a lot if you watch it. 

Also secondly, im moving away to uni on friday AAAAAAAAAA scary. Anyway, i don't know how busy i'll be at uni, but probably quite a lot, so. Idk if updates will be slower or maybe they'll just stay the same idk we'll see. I think most books are gonna have less updates now school has started back up and stuff, but yeah.

Thats all i have to say for now!

Thanks for reading and see ya in the next one!

안녕!!!!!!👋🏻