Playground - V

The taxi drove away, leaving me on the pavement of my old hometown. It was just how I'd remembered it, just how I'd left it four years before when I moved away to the city after I'd been enrolled into the most prestigious ballet school in the country. There hadn't been much of a choice. I'd been accepted, and my sixteen-year-old self had known what I had to do.

I took a deep breath of the fresh country air. It was a small town, a close-knit community, the kind of town where everybody knew everybody and everybody was like family. It contrasted so starkly with what I'd grown accustomed to. I wondered if anyone'd still remember me, if he'd still remember me.

Because he'd been the hardest one to leave behind.

Tae... I wondered how he'd been doing, what he'd made of himself. I could still remember the look on his face, the pain when I'd told him I was leaving, the way that he hadn't allowed himself to cry in front of me, he never had, and the way that I knew that it took everything he had not to. I remembered walking away, him hugging me from behind, saying he'll miss me... There hadn't been anyone else like him in my life, there hadn't been time. Or maybe that was just an excuse I used.

I sighed and closed my eyes, regulating my breathing that had suddenly grown shaky with emotion before straightening and squaring my shoulders. The past was the past. I tried to remember that.

I took off, wanting to refamiliarize myself with everything, passing the old grocery store, the old DVD store, some apartment buildings, small tiny houses, the bus station. It was all so familiar to me, so homey that I couldn't help but smile. But I knew where I wanted to see the most.

I turned the corner, into the playground. I'd made so many memories on this playground. It was pretty overgrown now, so I had to push my way through fairly think vegetation to get to the old swing set, what had once been my favourite place in the world.

It came into view and I froze, feeling my breath cut off, my pulse quicken. Because he was there, sitting in his swing, the one that hung next to mine, staring out into the woods. Even after all these years. He looked up and our eyes locked.

"Taehyung."

"('    ')."

I looked around nervously, unsure of whether I should leave or stay. Which of the two he wanted. When I had left, the two of us hadn't been on the best of terms...

I'd broken his heart.

But he gestured to the swing beside him and I had to take a steadying breath before moving to join him.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," I answered, nervously tucking a few strands of my hair behind my ear.

"It's been a while."

"Four years," I nodded, realising that he'd have turned twenty-one by now. I was only a year younger.

"I see the big bad city treated you well," he commented and I smiled awkwardly.

"Yeah, I guess you can say that."

"Did you miss this place?"

"Did you think I wouldn't?"

There was a brief silence as he just stared ahead of him.

"I don't know," he shrugged eventually, "You were pretty adamant to leave."

I turned my gaze ahead of me too, to the woods just beyond the park, unsure of what to say or how to respond.

"Yeah... I guess I was..."

"Was it worth it?"

The question caught me off guard and I cast him a weary look.

"I'm doing really well over there. The school's opened up a lot of opportunities for me."

Tae smiled at that, sadly.

"Yeah. I remember you were an incredible dancer."

"Yeah," I echoed, not sure of what else to say. There was another awkward silence, well for me anyway; Taehyung didn't seem to be fazed, just deeply lost in thought. I almost sighed. With longing? Regret? I wasn't sure. But Taehyung and I had shared so much together. We'd grown up together. He'd been my first kiss. My first time... So many memories: his lips, his hands, his skin, his sighs, his smiles, his laugh, his scent, his voice. His lips on mine, running my fingers through his hair, all the cuddles, the jokes, him singing to me. He had a beautiful voice. I'd always told him he'd make it big one day...

My chest suddenly felt unbearably tight, my heart ached, and I bit my lip, trying to keep all the sudden emotions threatening to wash me away from overwhelming me. I felt a hand close over mine that was clasping the swing's chain tightly. Taehyung's eyes were staring into mine, searchingly, sincerely.

"('    ')," he said, "I'm glad you're happy."

I smiled, even though it felt like I could cry at any second.

"Thank you for saying that."

~~

A week passed. I visited Taehyung at the swing set every day, and we'd just sit and talk, about the past, the present, the future, but he never seemed to want to talk about himself, he always just wanted to talk about me, hear about me, so I told him, about the city, my ballet school, everything. And he'd be happy with that. And we'd suddenly look up at the sky, and the sun would be setting.

He'd walk me back to my apartment too, hands in his pockets, lost in thought. It felt exactly like the past, like I'd never left.

But then one day, Tae wasn't at the swing set; he was nowhere to be found so I, feeling disappointed, made my way back home, a lot earlier than I was accustomed to.

I turned a corner and was just about to mount the third set of stairs to my floor when I stopped. A familiar figure was standing outside one of the apartment doors, his back turned to me, looking through a set of keys on a chain for the right one. I hadn't really had a chance to catch up with any of the friends and people from my past other than Tae but,

I realised I knew him. He'd gotten taller since the last time I'd seen him; his shoulders were broader, his exposed arms toned with defined muscle. He'd grown up well.

"Jimin?"

He turned at the sound of his name, brow furrowed with confusion until his eyes fell on me. Then he froze, the confusion turned to surprise, then to anguish, then to rage.

"You," he snarled, eyes lighting up hatefully and I took a startled step back. Jimin and I had always been okay, not the closest of friends, but friends nonetheless. He was one of Tae's best friends so the three of us had hung out together a lot in the past. Which is why his reaction to seeing me surprised me so much.

"Why did you come back here?" he shouted and it was my turn to be confused.

"What-"

"What makes you think you're still welcome here?"

I was completely taken aback, hurt.

"Because this is my hometown," my eyes were wide, Jimin's were just accusing.

"You left."

"I had to."

"You broke his heart you know." I blanched. Was he angry because I'd broken up with Taehyung? Was he still mad about that?

"He told me he got over it."

Jimin shook his head with disbelief.

"That's bullshit, ('    ') and you know it."

I crossed my arms defensively, "No. He told me a couple of days ago."

Jimin froze. He just looked at me for a while, scanning me, like I was crazy or something, and I wondered what I'd said to make him behave like this. His expression darkened.

"Is that some kind of sick joke, ('    ')?" the boy suddenly looked grief-stricken, furious and I frowned, completely confused by his strange behaviour.

"Why would I be joking?"

"Because, ('    '). No one's spoken to Taehyung in years."

My stomach flipped uneasily.

"What? That doesn't make any sense. Why?"

Jimin's eyes took on a faraway look, and I realised that he was probably remembering something.

"He just got really sick after you left. And I don't know if it was the heartbreak or if he just... gave up..."

"What are you saying?" I whispered, terrified of the answer but the sound of my voice brought Jimin back to the present and he glared at me like I was a stupid child.

"Taehyung died, ('    ')."

Taehyung died.

Those two words were like a sledgehammer to the chest; I felt all the air get knocked violently from my lungs so that it felt like I couldn't breathe, like my chest was about to cave in.

"No." No.

It wasn't true; it couldn't be true. I wanted to shout that that was ridiculous, that I'd just seen him the day before, spoken with him for a week, but I somehow doubted Jimin would believe me. This was completely absurd.

So then why did it hurt so much?

Jimin shook his head at me, looking disgusted. His eyes were tortured, angry.

"And even then, in his delirium, he still called for you until the very end."

I didn't know what to say, and even if I did, I doubted I would have been able to get the words out, so I just stood there, trembling, overwhelmed with a mixture of grief and disbelief. I felt a hand slide over my shoulder, a mouth at my ear, a chest against my back.

"He's telling the truth," Taehyung whispered and I froze. Jimin looked away from me, stuffing his hands into his pockets, still waiting for me to say something and I finally realised,

Jimin can't see him...

I spun around to face him, or the memory of him, whatever he was with tears in my eyes. All this time. Tae's face was expressionless, eerie, grim.

"You're not, you're not really..."

I pushed passed him and ran from there before Jimin could ask who I'd just spoken to, and I didn't stop running until I couldn't hear him calling out my name anymore...

~~

"Why didn't you tell me?" I murmured, my fingers brushing over the gravestone, tracing the crevices of the carved letters with my fingertips.

'Kim Taehyung'. The date in the stone told me that it had been three years ago. Only a year after I'd left.

There was a long silence before the boy lying comfortably on the grass beside me, drinking in the sunlight, his arms crossed behind his head like a pillow, answered.

"Because I didn't want you to feel responsible."

"Wasn't I?" I didn't really want him to answer, so I was glad when he didn't.

His eyes were closed so he looked as though he were asleep. The purity of the scene nearly brought me to tears again. I hadn't expected him to answer.

"Why can I still see you if you're..." I couldn't finish the sentence, but he knew what I meant.

Taehyung sighed, still keeping his eyes closed, but I knew he was awake. I watched him intently, unconsciously trying to etch every feature, every detail of his delicately beautiful face into my memory. He still looked exactly how I remembered him from all those years ago, just older. I was certain that this was how he'd have looked if he hadn't-

"For the same reason that made you come back, ('    ')" he said at last and my breath caught. He paused before he finished,

"I wasn't ready to let you go."

"I'm still not ready to let you go," my voice shook slightly and I bit my lip to stop the tears, resting my forehead against the cool stone.

"('    ')."

"Yeah?" I whispered, my eyes scrunched shut, body shaking with the tears and sobs I refused to let escape.

"Hug me. Not my grave."

I turned my head slightly to look at him, forehead still pressed to the stone. His eyes were open now and he was looking at me. I gave him the ghost of a smile, blinking the teary mist from my eyes before crawling over to him and lying beside him. I was afraid that if he touched me, it would be cold, like ice and not like the warmth I remembered.

But Taehyung uncrossed one of his arms and pulled me flush against him, so that I was curled against his side, my cheek resting on his chest that didn't rise and fall. I felt the tears fall.

He was warm.

My fingers bunched into his T-shirt. God I had missed this.

"He just got really sick after you left. And I don't know if it was the heartbreak or if he just... gave up..."

"Did I kill you?" I finally whispered, hoping that I would be ready to face the answer, and I felt his chest hum against my cheek when he replied.

"I was ill."

"Yes, but did I make you ill?"

"Do you really want to know the answer?"

"Yes or no, Tae."

He sighed again.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry," I sobbed and I felt his fingers run through my hair, something he used to do back when we were still dating.

"What's done is done," he said in an oddly empty voice, "I'm just glad I finally got to say goodbye to you this way."

He turned onto his side, to face me completely, so that I could look at his face. His face was so close. I realised I couldn't feel him breathing. I closed my eyes.

"I never stopped loving you," I felt him say against my lips and I kissed him back.

"I never stopped loving you either,"

"I'm so sorry I left..."

~~

Someone was shaking me. I could feel water everywhere; everything was wet.

"('    ')!"

My eyes flew open and I sat up quickly.

"Huh?"

My hair was plastered to my face, my clothes completely soaked through and plastered to my body. It was raining? Had I been asleep? How did I not wake up? I looked around. Taehyung's grave was still there, but the grave's namesake was nowhere to be seen. My chest tightened at the realisation.

Someone was crouched in front of me, looking at me with concern etched across his pretty features.

"Jimin?" He breathed a sigh of relief.

"The groundskeeper said you'd been here for hours, talking to air before you fell asleep. So he phoned me to come and get you."

"Oh." I felt empty, like a part of me was now missing, or gone. For good this time. I looked away and Jimin ran his fingers through his hair, looking up at the clouds before looking back at me.

"Listen, I'm sorry for earlier, okay? I know it wasn't really your fault. It was just a shock to see you after all these years."

I let him help me up, but I didn't say anything. Because I knew. It was my fault. He hadn't been wrong.

Jimin held his jacket over my head in an attempt to protect me from the rain, even though I was already completely soaked through, and we ran together to the shelter of the old flower shop. I must have been lying there for hours because the store was closed.

"Should I call for a taxi?" I asked quietly when we realised that the rain wouldn't be letting up anytime soon and Jimin shook his head.

"No, I drove here. I'll give you a lift."

"Thanks."

We walked to his car, keeping under the trees to shelter us from majority of the rain. I had his jacket around my shoulders.

"('    ')?"

"Hm?"

"Who were you talking to?"

I was silent for a while.

"Just myself."

~~

Hey, guys! It's been a while right? Love you all loads! ♡♥♡
- Yuki