Hey Guys! Sorry it's taken so long for an update. I've been in Tokyo visiting family for a while but I'm back now! So enjoy!

Promise - Rap Monster

Rap Monster bowed. I pulled a face and his proud expression immediately became replaced with a panicked one.

"What?" he demanded, gazing down at the paper in his hand, painfully scanning it for imperfections, "You didn't like it?"

I laughed at him and he looked up, confused, which only made me laugh harder.

"What?"

"You're so gullible, Namjoon," I teased, plucking the paper out his hand to look at what he had just recited. I smiled as I read the lyrics.

"They're beautiful, truthful. Just like they always are," I said honestly, handing it back to him and his face lit up like the night sky on New Year's Eve as he took it.

"I was almost tempted to tell you you had no jams," he warned with a grin and I leaned forward to peck his lips.

"I invented jams."

"That's what you think."

I wacked his arm before I kissed him again, smiling against his lips. When we parted Rap Mon's eyes were bright and the spark in them was mischief.

"I should write a song about abusive relationshi- Ouch, ('  ')!"

I laughed, realising I had just proved him right before he tackled me from the side and then we were both lying on our sides, facing each other on the lawn of my backyard.

"You're so beautiful," he said softly, brushing a stray strand of hair away from my face and I flushed.

"I look just like everyone else."

He pulled me close and I inhaled his scent, feeling it sooth me.

"I think you're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

I smiled into his chest, "That's a bit of an exaggeration."

I could feel his chest hum against my cheek when he replied, "You know I can't lie, ('  ')."

"Just like you can't break promises," I teased, ignoring the sudden tightness in my chest since I had grown accustomed to it a long time ago.

"I still don't get-"

I was cut off by the sudden sharp and yet agonizing stab of pain in my chest. I convulsed against him with a strangled cry that caused Rap Mon to sit up like lightning had struck him.

"('  ')," his face was horrified, panicked and he jumped to his feet before scooping my writhing form up into his strong arms.

He ran through the back door, already making his way to the front door as he yelled for my parents to call an ambulance.

We were on the driveway now and I had to clench my teeth to keep myself from screaming. I had never felt anything like this before and I was certain I that I was finally dying.

At thirteen I was diagnosed with a degenerative heart disease and now, five years later, it was taking its full toll on my body. At first the fits were minor, shaking and shortness of breath, sometimes going as far as me losing my ability to form coherent words and sentences.

The doctors had explained that my heart was growing weaker and weaker every month I visited them, and always reminded me that I would eventually need a heart transplant.

Because my heart was going to give out.

But I had never had a fit like this before. Maybe this was all my heart could finally take after so long?

I was terrified.

"Namjoon, am I dying?" I managed to say, surprising well as he climbed into the car, not letting me go.
I heard the two front doors of the car slam and then felt the car jerk suddenly into motion, signalling that my parents were there.

We'd meet the ambulance on the way. It saved time.

"('   '), stay with me," Rap Mon held me to him tightly, stroking my hair, his voice urgent, "Just stay with me."

"It hurts so much!" I wailed as I convulsed again and I was pretty sure the glistening in his eyes was tears.

~

I was eventually loaded into the ambulance, though the pain made it hard for me to register anything, except for Rap Mon. He never let go of my hand the whole way to the hospital.

The back of the ambulance was thrown open, doctors waiting at the ready and I was wheeled out and into the building.

A gas mask was pulled over my face, an anaesthetic I was sure, and soon enough the pain subsided enough for me to be able to see again.

Rap Mon was still holding my hand, running to keep up with the doctors. I knew where we were going. We were heading to a surgery, and as soon as I was knocked out, they were going to cut me open.

"What's happening? Where are we going?" I wheezed between dizzying breaths of anaesthetic even though I already knew both those answers.

"The doctors are going to try and give your heart more time," Rap Monster told me, trying to sound soothing but he wasn't hiding his fear very well. My parents were talking too, but I wasn't listening to them. We were nearing the surgery room.

"And what if I die in there?" I was babbling now, the anaesthetic finally starting to dig its claws into my consciousness, "Will you love another?"

Rap Monster kissed my hand, his lips trailing across my knuckles before he gently kissed each of my fingers as well.

"Never. I belong to you." He placed my now open palm against his chest, over his heart. I could feel it beating, and he was scared; I could feel that too.

"This heart belongs to you and only you, beats only for you. I cannot give it to another."

I was momentarily comforted by his words, knowing that he truly meant what he said.

Because Rap Mon never lied.

But it didn't last long because I could vaguely make out that we had finally made it the double swinging doors that would open into the surgery room and I started to panic. My already erratic heart suddenly seized up with panic, causing even more pain that made me gasp.

This wasn't like all the other times I had had to visit the hospital. They were actually going to cut me open this time. They'd never had to do that before. I gripped his hand painfully.

"I'm scared, Namjoon," I whispered, tears filling my eyes, "Don't leave me."

"I'll never leave you," he said firmly even though we both knew he wouldn't be allowed into the surgery. The anaesthetic was attacking with full force now, threatening to drag me under at any minute.

"What if I die..." I slurred before I felt my hand slip from his, my eyes finally closing as I was driven through the doors to a surgery that could either end or prolong my life for just a little longer. But I hadn't missed the last five words to leave his mouth before my consciousness finally ebbed away to blackness.

"I won't let you die."

~

Rap Monster looked down at ('  '), her face serene in her drug-induced sleep.
The surgery had been a success, it had prolonged her life and he wanted to kiss the doctors for those blessed minutes, hours, days, weeks, months that they had given her.

But his happiness was short lived.

"She has time," the doctor was saying to ('   ')'s parents, "But her heart is a ticking time bomb. It could give out any day now and needs to be replaced as soon as possible."

"You're saying our daughter needs a heart transplant?" Rap Mon heard her father ask as her mother gasped, feeling his blood grow cold as he looked down at her sleeping form. He felt panic rising in his chest. Her condition was that serious? A heart donation could take weeks, months.

That was time ('   ') definitely didn't have by the sounds of what the doctor was saying.

"We've put her into a medically induced coma for now, so as not to put stress on her heart but... without a donation," the doctor hesitated, "We may not be able to wake her up again."

Rap Mon sat in the chair beside her bedside as he left the adults to drone on quietly in the background of his field of hearing. He didn't need to hear anymore. There was only ('   ').

He ran his fingers down her satin cheek, trailing her jaw then tracing the outline of her perfect lips. He rested his forehead against her shoulder, closing his eyes to inhale her scent as he took her hand in his.

He brought his mouth to her ear.

"I know you can hear me, ('   ')," he murmured, "Try not to get too excited." He felt one of her fingers twitch in his grasp and he would have started crying with relief, but he needed to be strong for her.

"I love you," he said softly, "And don't listen to what that silly doctor's saying. You have all the time in the world, because you're going to live okay? You have to live. Just tell your heart to get its shit together for just a little while longer."

His voice cracked so he kissed the soft skin behind her ear instead of talking.

"Visiting hours are over now, Namjoon," Rap Mon felt ('   ')'s mom's gentle hand on his shoulder, signalling that it was time to leave and he stood reluctantly. He felt unsatisfied, as though he'd barely spent a minute with her, and he wanted to stay more than anything.

He bent over, dipping his head to softly kiss ('   ') on the lips, still clasping her hand, and he felt her squeeze his in response.

"I love you," He smiled against her lips and pecked them just one more time before her father dragged him out the door.

I won't let you die...

~

Rap Monster picked idly at the small items of finger food on his plate before he finally gave up on trying to actually eat and set the plate down on the coffee table in front of him with a sigh.

He looked up at observe friends and family, all clustered onto couches and arm chairs situated around the single, short-legged table in the centre, laden with fine china teacups and plates and cakes and pastries. They were talking and laughing at jokes that he just didn't feel like taking a part in. Even his parents, sharing a couch with him, seemed withdrawn and he couldn't blame them after what they had learned the day before. He was certain it was also why everyone was here visiting, but he hadn't voiced that.

"Something on your mind?" his father asked quietly from beside him and Rap Mon shrugged.

"Yeah."

"Want to tell me about it?" his father took a sip of whiskey and Rap Monster regarded the older man wearily.

"Fine." But you won't like what I have to say.

His father set his glass down and watched him expectantly, and Rap Mon decided it was best to just say it, without sugar coating anything.

"('   ') needs a heart and... I want to give her mine."

There goes the spark...

"Absolutely not," his father snapped without missing a beat, turning away from him to retrieve his drink and Rap Monster glared.

"Why the hell not?" he demanded, crossing his arms stubbornly, "I'm dying anyway."

"What?"

The sudden and deafening silence and shocked and horrified looks on his friends and family's faces following his last statement made him realise what he had just done.

Oh right, he thought dryly, that was supposed to be a secret.

He shrugged, his voice sarcastic.

"Oops?"

"Namjoon," his father growled, though his face had gone whiter than the fine china spread across the short-legged table standing in front of them and his body had gone completely rigid.

"Namjoon," his mother gasped as tears began to fill her eyes, "You weren't supposed to tell anyone."

Rap Monster threw his hands up with exasperation as he got out of his seat and began pacing the room.

"What's even the point of that, Mom? They were gonna find out anyway. I'm just softening the blow for them."

"How can you just treat this like a joke?!" his father shouted, slamming his fist down onto the coffee table and upsetting the contents of the teacups and coffee mugs, before he stood up too, "How can you just treat this like it's nothing?!"

That struck a nerve.

"Oh come on!" Rap Monster retaliated equally loudly, having stopped pacing to glower back at his father, "It's you lot treating it like nothing! Keeping it a secret from everyone and trying to pretend like whatever this is isn't killing me! Ignoring it isn't going to make it go away! How long did the doctors estimate yesterday? Two weeks? That's what they said wasn't it?"

There was silence; his father looked like he had lost the strength to stand and sat down.

"They don't even know what's wrong with me," Rap Mon said softly, shaking his head at the ridiculousness of it all, "They can't even tell us why I'm dying."

Both his parents looked like they were going to be sick and Rap Monster hated that he was the reason for it, but he wasn't lying.

"I'm dying," he said again and his parents both flinched at those two words, like they were blows that had physically struck them both. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"I'm dying, which means I get a wish," he said quietly and he walked to crouch down in front of his mother's seated and sobbing form, looking up at her and into her distraught eyes. This time he didn't falter.

"I get a wish and I want to give ('   ') my heart."

He stood and turned to look at his father, sitting beside his mother as tears streamed from the old man's eyes.

"My last wish is to save her life."

~

I opened my eyes, blinking before the ceiling I was looking at eventually came into focus and I groaned at the weird foggy sensation in my head. A machine from either side of me started to beep softly.

A nurse jumped, looking ecstatic that I had woken up.

Oh right, I thought groggily, I'm in the hospital.

Had the surgery been a success? Was that why I was still alive? I shuddered as I recalled the pain; I had really thought that I was going to die.

My eyes scanned the room, looking for anyone other than the nurse beaming down at me. There was no one so I squinted up at her. She looked friendly enough, but I had just woken up and I hardly felt like being nice.

"How are you feeling, ('  ')? Can you speak?" she asked slowly as though I were a four-year-old, stilling smiling and I found it creepy.

"I'm fine," I managed to croak and frowned at myself. It was like my voice was rusty, like I hadn't used it in ages. How long had I been out?

We then proceeded to go through multiple tests, to ensure that I was actually fine, like flexing my fingers and toes, asking who I was and where I was. I apparently passed because the nurse clapped childishly, smiling encouragingly.

"Where's Namjoon?" I rasped and the nurse's wide smile actually faltered, stirring panic in my chest. I knew him, he'd should have been there with me, would have fought with everything he had to be there when I woke up...

The nurse's looked weary, "He uh... left this for you." She handed me a sealed envelope with my name scrawled across the front and I took it from her, frowning with confusion. What was going on?

"I'm going to give you some time to rest before I call your parents okay, ('  ')?"

I didn't acknowledge her, fixed on the letter I had removed from the envelope, so she simply left without another word.

It was Rap Mon's handwriting.

Dear, ('  ')

If you are reading this then I am the happiest man in the word. If you are reading this then it means I succeeded in keeping my promise and you are still alive.

Did you know that we have officially been together for 1 year, 4 months, 1 week and 3 days, 12 hours and 33 minutes since I fell in love with you? I had the nurse write that down for me as soon as... well you're about to find out.

I know I said I didn't think you'd die, but you know I'm a terrible liar. And you also know that it is the easiest thing in the world to imagine the worst possible scenario when it comes to the one you love. Waiting for you to come out of that surgery was probably the worst twelve hours of my life. But now they are the best, because while I was waiting, shitting myself over you, the doctors were working to prolong your life. And it had to have worked, since you're reading this letter and all.

Now, time for the confessions:
You were in a coma when the doctors brought you out, but I was there, and I got to kiss you (in front of your Dad!) I was scared, that perhaps the coma was permanent, but thank God it wasn't right?

Except that you needed a new heart and well... that's kind of where I come in, again.

I did tell you that my heart belonged to you, and well, now it actually does.

It's my heart that's now beating in your chest and I hope it serves you well, ('  '). But since you now know this, I feel that's it's only fair to tell you that if you are reading this, then it means that I am dead.

But don't freak out okay?

Because wherever they end up burying me, it'll be with a smile on my face. I don't think I'll ever stop smiling knowing that it was my heart, my love, which helped stop God from taking you.

You're already an angel so I guess he just couldn't wait to have you back in Heaven, since it was obviously where you came from. But I said "Sorry, God, not yet," and well... it worked.

Next confession: just as you were technically dying, so was I. But not for the same reasons. The day we made our relationship official, I was diagnosed with an unknown and untreatable illness, and it was killing me, ('   '). I was given 2 weeks to live the day you came out of surgery, and at first I was sad, but then I realised it meant I could save your life. I never told you because you already had so much on your plate to deal with ('  ')...

I'm sorry I couldn't be able to tell you all this in person, but at the same time I'm not sorry? Because it means that I have succeeded yet again, kept another promise. I saved your life, and I cannot think of a greater honour. You breathing was the greatest gift you could have ever given me. Just loving me, being with me made my short life worth living.

('  '), I love you, more than anything and anyone in the world. You're the reason I could breath and experience the beauty of the world, only, the world's beauty never, as in not once, managed to compete with yours.

You're beautiful, ('   ').

When your time eventually comes, and God finally succeeds in bringing you back to Heaven, we'll walk together, hand in hand.

Always.

Because I will never leave you, and it may seem like I've left you now, but that would mean breaking a promise and you know I can't do that. I am forever in your heart, ('   '), but if we're going to be literal then technically I am your heart now, but that doesn't matter.

This isn't goodbye, ('   '); it's a new beginning.

I love you; I don't think I could possibly say that enough times for you to understand just how much.

- Namjoon

The letter slipped from my hand, rocking back and forth on the air as it made its slow descent. I heard the soft rustle of it as it finally brushed the floor and only then did I allow my arm to drop back down onto the coverlet.

I placed a hand over my new heart, his heart, beating away in my chest and I could feel the gentle thrumming of it against my palm, but it hurt, for both of us.

"This heart belongs to you," he had said, "Beats only for you." And it was like he was actually standing beside my bed because I could hear his voice so clearly, his voice from the night of my heart surgery. I wanted to hold onto it forever.

"I'll never leave you."

"I won't let you die"...

He hadn't left me, I realised and I felt a tear slip down my cheek because he was keeping both of his promises. I smiled at the gentle thrum against my palm, reminded of his fingers lightly playing piano against my skin, even though he had never actually learned to play piano.

My face crumpled as I shut my eyes, trying to hold the tears back but it was impossible.

He was embedded in my very soul; he was coursing through every single vein, every artery, every fibre that made up my being. He was the reason I could draw breath, see, hear, feel. He was everything.

But sadness and overwhelming grief overruled all of that, and it would for a while I knew. My fingers gripped the fabric of my hospital gown tightly as I finally let the sobs go, allowing them to wrack my body. I wailed from the pain, as my new heart broke for the both of us, each shard cutting deep within me. I knew that this wouldn't have been what he wanted, that this pain would have come regardless of whether I had needed a heart or not. He had already been dying, would have only been with me for two weeks longer before his illness took him, but that didn't make the pain go away. It only made it worse.

He was keeping me alive.

But he was dead.

~~