Flat-Line - J-Hope

J-Hope started coughing again for the seventh time and I finally frowned with concern, holding onto him as his body was wracked with tremors.

"Are you dancing too much these days?" I demanded when his coughing fit was over, "Is that why you're getting sick?"

"I'm not sick," J-Hope waved my concerns off, smiling brightly enough for his eyes to disappear and I narrowed my eyes.

"Then what's with all the coughing, Hoseok?" I snapped, sceptical and he just shrugged.

"Allergies."

We were in a park, but I raised an eyebrow.

"You're not allergic to anything."

"Would you believe me if I told you I was allergic to negativity?" he wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close and I laughed, smacking him on the shoulder. "You're such an idiot."

He twirled my around. "Don't you mean, a 'source of hope'?"

I stood on my toes to peck him on the lips. "You're my hope." He grinned widely.

"I should be everyone's hope."

I smacked his shoulder again, laughing, "Way to ruin the moment."
He pretended to look shocked.

"What? We were having a moment?" He suddenly scooped my up in his arms, bridal style, making me shriek with surprise before spinning us both around.

Then he decided to fall backwards onto the soft grass, making me shriek again, but I was laughing, and he landed on his back with my lying on top of him, cushioning my fall.

He propped himself up on his elbows and then I was kissing him, holding his shoulders.

He grinned when we parted. "Now how was that for a moment?"

"Better," I smirked, "If making out counts as a moment."

J-Hope suddenly rolled so that he was the one hovering over me.

"You don't need to be having a moment to make out," and then we were kissing again, until my phone buzzed.

J-Hope rolled his eyes before rolling off of me and I sat up to check my messages. It was a text from my mom, reminding me that I still needed to pack.

"And?" J-Hope was watching me curiously and I shrugged.

"I need to pack."

"Want me to come over and help?" he waggled his eyebrows suggestively and I hit him again.

"All your underwear looks like lingerie," J-Hope stated, holding two of my G-strings up accusingly and I immediately snatched them from him, feeling my face heat up.

"So?" I snapped defensively, "Who's gonna see them?"

He shrugged, "Maybe there'll be a bunch of pretty choir boys at your new musical boarding school."

I smirked at him. "Possessive much?"

"Well you're mine aren't you?"

My expression softened and I wrapped my arms around him.

"Only yours." I felt him tense.

"What?"

"Your underwear is touching me."

I jumped back, realising that my G-strings were still in my hands. I rolled my eyes.

"That's really mature, Hoseok."

But why didn't his smile reach all the way to his eyes? His eyes were sad. Maybe it was because I was leaving for a whole semester, but that didn't make sense. I had already made it very clear that the long distance wouldn't affect our relationship at all.
He was hiding something, but I didn't want to ruin our last night to spend time together by interrogating him, so I dropped it.

I dropped the underwear into my suitcase and hugged him again.

"I love you," I said sincerely.

"Well it would be awkward if you didn't," J-Hope said bluntly, "I mean, I just saw your G-strings."

I immediately released him with a disgusted face. "You're unbelievable."

I turned to resume packing and squeaked with surprise when I felt two arms snake around my waist and J-Hope buried his face in the crook of my neck.

"You know I love you too," he murmured and I felt my heart melt.

"I'll miss you," he whispered, but why did it sound like me going away to boarding wasn't the reason he was saying goodbye?

"Call me when you get there," J-Hope kissed me before I boarded the train, and then flinched under my father's stern gaze which made me laugh.

"Only after she calls us first," my mother said emotionally and I promised I would as other boys and girls my age, dressed in the same uniform as me, boarded the train and clustered around me. It was time to go.

I smiled as the train slid shut and started to slowly pull away from the platform.

J-Hope flashed me an especially bright smile before he was suddenly wracked by another fit of coughing.
I pressed my face to the glass worriedly, watching as my parents attempted to help him. Was there blood on the hand J-Hope had covered his mouth with?

But the trained was gaining speed and I couldn't see them anymore.

"Hello-"

"How are you feeling?!" I almost shrieked into the phone and I could hear J-Hope laughing on the other end.

"Good to hear you made it there safely."

I know I had promised to call my parents first, but seeing J-Hope coughing like that had haunted me all the way to my new school. Why did his voice sound so breathy?

"Answer my question," I snapped and I heard his laughter stop.

"(' ')," he said softly, "I'm fine. I promise."

I felt relieved. "Good."

"I love you," he said, "Remember that when you meet those pretty choir boys I warned you about."

I laughed, "I love you too."

"Work hard and sing your heart out okay?"

"Okay," I giggled, because I was taking a singing major.

"Don't forget I'm your hope."

"I won't," I rolled my eyes.

"Stay positive."

"Alright I get it, Mr Sunshine!" I snapped.

"Don't show them your underwear."
I facepalmed myself.

The days flew by and before I knew it, it was already the second last week of the semester.

I was walking out of the singing practice rooms and into the courtyard when my phone rang in my blazer pocket.

"Hello?"

"(' ')," my mother said in a worried voice that made my pulse speed up.

"Hoseok's in hospital."

I felt heart stop.

"What?" I breathed into the phone, clutching it so tightly I was sure it would be crushed.

"He has lung cancer..."

"Where's Hoseok's room?" I demanded and the nurse had to run to keep up with me. We reached a closed door.

"I'll give you two some time alone," the nurse said softly and I thanked her before cautiously stepping into the room.

My eyes immediately fell on the figure in the bed in the centre of the room, hooked up to a dozen different beeping and blinking machines by needles stuck into his arms and taped there.

I felt my eyes grow enormous and my heart seize up with terror.

He looked nothing like the J-Hope I had left behind at the beginning of the semester. The boy in front of me was like a skeleton. His eyes that had once been so bright and full of life and laughter were sunken into his skull, their dark black colour now faded to a lighter dead looking brown.

I immediately regretted using the word 'dead' because I suddenly felt like I was going to hyperventilate right there on the spot.

"(' ')," J-Hope said softly, "Stop it."

My eyes darted to where he was watching me from his bed, even his voice was deteriorating.

"Hoseok," I whispered shakily, my hand dropping from the doorknob as I moved toward him, taking a seat right beside him and taking one of his frail bony hands between my own, "Why didn't you tell me?"

He sighed tiredly and I felt him attempt to squeeze my hand.

"I didn't want you to worry and get distracted from school," he said wearily, "Getting accepted there was an amazing achievement and you should utilize it to the best of your abilities."

"But I already promised you that," I laughed shakily even though my eyes were starting to go blurry from tears that were on the verge of falling, but it sounded forced and I cringed internally.

"I know," J-Hope fell back against his pillows, turning his eyes away from me to look straight ahead.

"I just didn't want you to have to see me like this," he said quietly and I felt my heart seize up with pain.

"You're still beautiful," I whispered, using my free hand to stroke his sunken cheek and then his hair that had turned brittle. A whole lock of it came away, twisted between my fingers, and I could only stare at it. I didn't know what to say.

He started coughing, violently coughing and all the machines surrounding us went ballistic and I wanted to start screaming because blood was dribbling down the corners of his mouth and I was certain he was about to die. But then his coughing stopped and the machines quietened. I wiped away the tears I hadn't realised had leaked from eyes. He sighed.

"No," J-Hope shakily wiped his mouth and closed his eyes, "I'm a mess. You should just leave me while you still have the chance. You shouldn't have to watch me die."

That made me clench my fists.

"Just who do you think you're talking to?!" I demanded angrily and J-Hope opened his eyes with surprise at my sudden change in tone.

I poked him hard in the forehead, but not hard enough to hurt him because he didn't flinch and he just blinked with surprise.

"I love you, Hoseok!" I wanted to shake him, but he looked like he would break if I did, so I cupped his face tightly and brought mine right up to it instead.

"I love you too," he rasped, his voice finally disappearing, but I nodded in approval at his words.

"We were going to get married after I finished school remember? So that basically makes me your fiancé."

He nodded wordlessly and I felt his hand close around my forearm weakly, and I suddenly felt very tired and afraid.

Whatever light that had somehow remained in his eyes was beginning to fade and I kissed his lips gently; they were cracked and chapped but I didn't care. I rested my forehead against his.

"In sickness and in health. In bad times and in good," I whispered, feeling tears slip passed my lashes and his eyes slowly started closing. My tears dripped onto his cheeks, making it look as though he was crying too.

"For better or for worse," his finished and I felt his hand slip from my arm, falling limply onto the duvet.

The machine flat-lined.

My hope was gone.

~~