After hanging around the mall for an hour or so, Chan figured he should start heading to the park to meet Hansol. His original plan was to go back home and try finding his phone, but the more he thought about it, the more he realised his mom was already home and Mr.Choi doesn't work late so they might catch him in the act of trying to find his phone.

While walking to the park Chan pulled out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, holding it in his mouth. He let a big puff of smoke out when he passed other teenage females just so that the smoke could get into their faces. 

"Y-Yah, do you have no respect?!" One girl questions in anger, coughing while waving the air in front of her face. 

Chan looked back at the girl and gave her a faint smirk while still holding the cigarette in his mouth. He then turned his head to face forward again and continued to make his way to the park. 

Before he walked into the park he threw his half done cigarette onto the ground and stepped on it with the bottom of his shoe. He checked his watch to see it was ten minutes until it reached eight o'clock. 

He sat down on the ground beside a tree and just looked up at the stars while waiting. He was debating whether or not pulling out another cigarette. He needed to keep his mouth occupied while dealing with the mess that was inside his head. 

"Ch-Chan" Chan heard someone call out his name from a distance. Once Chan turned his head, he saw it was Hansol who looked sweaty and out of breath. 

"Hansol, you okay?" Chan questions, not getting up from where he was sitting but was looking at Hansol a bit confused. 

Hansol slowly started to walk up to Chan with the same heavy breathing coming from him. He sat down beside Chan and leaned his head on Chan's shoulder. "No...I'm not" Hansol says in a tone like he was defeated. 

"Is everything alright, what happened with your family?" Chan questions, turning to look down at Hansol's head which was resting on his shoulder. 

Hansol took his head off of Chan's shoulder and started making out with Chan, bringing one hand and grabbing the back of Chan's hair. Chan was surprised by Hansols sudden kiss and pushed him away. "Hansol, what's going on?!" Chan questions once again, looking into Hansol's eyes seriously. 

Hansol looked back into Chan's eyes and ended up breaking into tears, letting go of the back of Chan's head and turning his head away from Chan, so Chan didn't have to see him cry. Chan could see the tears fall from Hansol's eyes even though it was so dark out. "You can tell me" Chan says in a reassuring tone. 

"Sorry, I didn't think I was going to cry." Hansol manages to say, bringing one hand up and wiping the tears underneath his eyes. 

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Have you ever felt...unwanted?" Hansol asks, clearing his throat after asking the question. 

Chan looked down into his own lap and smirked just thinking about what Hansol had asked. He took out his pack of cigarettes and pulled two out. He handed one to Hansol and held one inside his own mouth. He then took out his lighter which was in the same pocket and lit both of their cigarettes. After doing so Chan let out a puff of smoke before answering Hansol's question. "All the time, why do you ask?" 

"I do too...I feel...so alone all the time." Hansol explains, smoking his cigarette but continued to wipe underneath his eyes. 

"Why...did your parents do something?" 

"It's not just my parents, it's everyone man. You know how Koreans treat foreigners?! Not the best, okay. I know not all Koreans are mean to foreigners, but the ones who are just piss me off!" Hansol says in anger, instead of sounding upset now he sounded like he wanted to punch something.

"But you're Korean, aren't you?" 

"I am, but my mom's white which automatically means I'm a white boy who can speak Korean. To other people because my mom is white I'm a foreigner." Hansol explains still in aggression. 

"Is that why you're so mad, not because of your family?"

"Oh it has to do with my family too." Hansol says, letting out a puff of smoke before putting the cigarette back into his mouth. "My family is the worst part out of it all. My mom and dad don't really talk to me so I'm always left out of the picture. I feel like I'm just a piece of furniture in my house to them. They don't talk to me or ask how my day was or even show any sort of affection towards me. When they do show any attention towards me it's because I'm slacking in school or I didn't do the dishes. That's why I had 'family business' to take care of, they wanted to talk about my grades." 

"I see..." was all Chan could say, he patting Hansol's thigh meaning 'it would be okay.'

"I just wish I felt wanted in some sort of way..." 

"What about your girlfriend, doesn't she show affection towards you?" Chan questions, sounding a bit confused. 

"I wish. She has this image she likes to keep on around her friends. That cool, leader type of image. Whenever her friends go out somewhere she has to go with them, when we're together with her friends she acts cold towards me to make it look like she's the one who has control in the relationship. I broke up with her this morning." Hansol explains and Chan was a bit shocked. 

"You okay man?" 

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

Chan glanced at Hansol and could tell he was stressed and upset. "If you want I could get us some soju and we could drink our problems away." Chan suggests in a smirk but Hansol shook his head meaning no. 

"For me Cigarettes and alcohol don't mix well together. I can't do two at the same time, it makes me feel weird." Hansol explains before pressing his cigarette bud into the dirt while Chan was still smoking his. Hansol then turned his gaze onto Chan and questions "what're the problems you have?" 

"The problems I have?" Chan repeats like he didn't hear Hansol's question properly. 

"Yeah, you said: drink away 'our' problems. What're your problems?" 

Chan puffed out another breath of smoke and looked down into his lap. "My problems..." he chuckled faintly before continuing "where do I even start?" 

"Anywhere you want to start..." 

"Well you already know I'm bisexual but...the thing is I'd rather date men, if anything I consider dating men more. That's already a problem as it is...but the biggest problem is...I have a thing for my older brother." 

"Your older brother, you mean the loser in the older grade?" Hansol questions in a smirk. 

"Yeah, the loser in the older grade." Chan repeats like he wasn't pleased about admitting it either. "He's not my actual older brother though...he's my step brother." 

"Well that makes things easier if he's not your real brother...if he was your real brother it would have been a little gross." 

"No, if anything that makes it more complicated. Just yesterday my mom and my stupid 'step dad' just announced to the both of us that they were officially going to get married." 

"You okay with that?" 

Chan staid quiet for a bit, putting out his cigarette and letting out the last puff of smoke out into his lap. "In all honesty...no I'm not okay with it. I...I honestly really like Seungcheol, he's the first person to actually say stuff for me to take care of myself. In my whole life no one has ever tried looking out for me, but Seungcheol is always nagging me on what's right and wrong, what I should and shouldn't do. Yes it's annoying...but he's the first person to actually show me he cares. That got me attracted to him and keep this a secrete but we did it before as well." 

"You mean, you had sex with him?!" Hansol repeated with a shocked expression on his face. 

Chan nodded with a smirk like he was proud about it. "Yeah, but I regret it because that only made my feelings stronger for him. I put on a cold face around him all the time because I feel like if I let it go, all my emotions will come down like a waterfall and I'd end up falling into his embrace crying, telling him everything that's wrong with me. If I tell him all my messed up problems, he'll probably feel un-attracted towards someone as messed up as me." Chan admits, sounding more upset just saying it out loud. 

"For example yesterday the reason why I came to your house was because I got really mad...I mean really mad. I even smashed my TV with a chair." Chan admits while rubbing the back of his neck. "I was mad because I realised...I can never actually be with Seungcheol. When our parents get married and we officially become brothers...we can't date, get married...nothing." Chan explains, starting to tear up just thinking about it. He started to clench his fists in anger while getting sad. 

"It doesn't help the fact that I hate my mom. She never did anything for me...neither did my dad but that's because I never saw him. But my mom never cared for me, she's only playing this role in front of Seungcheol and his dad like she's always been a nice mother towards me or she's trying to 'change.' But I know in a couple months from now she's going to become an addict again. This whole happy persona she has on right now will soon fade away." Chan explains, punching his fist against the ground. 

Hansol could tell Chan was angry and wrapped his arm around Chan in a comforting matter. "It'll be okay Chan just calm down and take a couple of deep breaths." 

Chan nodded and tried to calm down, listening to Hansol and taking deep breathes. "I just...I hate my life right now, I'd rather be dead!" Chan exclaims in anger turning his body and punching the tree they were sitting against. 

"Chan, stop that!" Hansol exclaims, taking the hand Chan had punched the tree with and held it tightly. He felt Chan's hand throbbing in pain, in his own. "You don't really mean that...when you say you'd rather be dead, right?" Hansol hesitantly asks. 

Chan turned his head to look the other way so he wasn't looking at Hansol anymore. "I don't see the point on living in a society as corrupted as the one I'm living in right now. Especially with the family I have as well." Chan says, standing up to forcing Hansol to let go of his hand. 

"Chan" Hansol quickly says, standing up right after Chan did. Chan glanced back at Hansol, wanting to know what he wanted and why he said his name. "How long...have you been suicidal?" Hansol questions and Chan turned his head back around to face forward, looking down at the ground. 

"For as long as I can remember..." 

"Don't do anything, don't die!" Hansol says in a serious tone with his eyes shaking in fear. 

"If I was desperate to die, I would already be dead right now...I want to die but I don't have that push yet. I'm just waiting for that push so then I can actually kill myself with no regrets. Who knows, maybe it'll be their wedding day." 

"Don't kill yourself at all!" Hansol demands in anger. 

Chan faintly chuckled before saying "you can't tell me what to do." Hen then pulled up his sleeves on the uniform shirt he was wearing and let his arms hang on either side of him. Showing Hansol his cut and burn marks that ran across his wrists and arms.

"Chan..." Hansol quietly says but Chan didn't say anything back. 

"I'm going home now...I'll see you at school tomorrow." Chan says, pulling down the sleeves on his uniform shirt and glanced back at Hansol with a smirk on his face. When Hansol looked at Chan's face he saw he was smirking, but he also saw a tear running down Chan's cheek. 

He wanted to run up to Chan and tell him everything was going to be okay but Chan was already walking away before Hansol could even do so. 

~~~~~~~~

Hey guys thank you for being so patient with this update. Now you know why Chan's so upset and why he had that mini outbreak yesterday. Thank you for reading, it means a lot.