Jay.

Damn seeing my baby with someone else hurts me..

Yang Jungwon..

You already have moved on from me?

I'm sorry baby..

Sadly,I can't call him my baby anymore.

Jay! Get yourself together! You wanted this right? You did this to him! Why are you acting like you're in so much pain? When in fact,it was all your fault..it was all your fault..

I just followed my eyes to Jungwon and the guy which I heared is Geonu..

They both looked so close...

I should've just went to Jungwon's house to explain..

That day..

On the cafe..

That was so fucked up..

I got the chance to explain but I wasted it..

Damn it Park Jongseong!

I just wanna be with him again..

Be with him..

Make him smile..

But that's impossible (sadboi amp :<)

He doesn't want me anymore..because I fucked up..

I turned to look at the classroom again where they went inside..they were now getting out from the classroom..

I stared at them,him specifically...

I just shamelessly stared at him that I didn't even notice it not until he also turns to look at me and we made eye contact..

He broke the eye contact first and quickly walk away from the spot..

You're making him uncomfortable Jay..

Ayaw ko nito...

Gusto ko na ulit makasama siya..

Hindi lang si Jungwon ang nawala sa buhay ko..

Pati na rin ang bestfriend ko..

Ang mga kaibigan ko..

Ugh Jay! Look what you've got yourself into aish.

I ruffled my hair out of frustration..

This wasn't the first time I fucked up..

This was actually the second time..

The first time was when he found out about me using him..

Shit using him..

That shit sure hurts like hell..

The second time,he was giving me a chance to explain yet I fucking wasted it...

Kung pwede lang sana ulitin ang mga araw na kasama ko siya..to make things right..to take back my words that I wish shouldn't have said..I would gladly do it..

A single tear left my eye..

My hand was quick to wipe it away..there are still people around me..I didn't wanna get their attention..I don't want them to pity me..

Pity? Hahaha more like despise!

Memories came back in a blink of an eye..
[sadboi pala jay nyo eh]

I broke up with Anne because I realized I wasn't really into her..

I mean at first,I was..

But then..when Jungwon came..

It's like my feelings for Anne disappeared like but I didn't wanna admit that,I wasn't gay for pete's sake..

I just thought that maybe I was missing Anne so much that's why I started flirting with him and agreed to the deal..

I thought I was doing it for Anne..

But I was clearly doing it for myself,to get closer with Jungwon..

Yes sure,I could just go to his house because I am his brother's best friend and be friends with him but no,I don't wanna do that..I don't wanna use my bestfriend to be close with him..i wanna do it on my own..

I didn't wanna admit that I have feelings for Jungwon..

And I blame myself for that..

I was denying my feelings for Jungwon which I thought will be a good idea..

Those things I did with him,he thought I was only doing it for the act,I thought so too,but then I realized I was really doing it for him,it was really real..my feelings for him is real..

Flashback

"Songieeee,why are you ignoring meeee? are youuu ignoring meee?" Anne's voice was heard outside my door.

I don't have the energy to talk nor to move..

"Yaaahh! what are you doing inside?! songieee pls go out and take me out on a dateeee,my friends are teasing me saying you don't love me anymore~ yaaah come out! i wanna go to that cafe we went last time plsss" she whinned outside my door.

"Babe,songieeee! jongseongieeee" i can hear the pout in her voice..

I used to melt when she whines and acts cute but now,I don't why but I am cringing at his behavior..

"Songie! you better come out this instance!" she was now getting irritated..

Back then,pag naririnig kong nagagalit na siya,I would eventually go to her side and calm her..

But now,she's being an annoying bitch..

1 week after what happened with Jungwon..

I finally got what I want,Anne..but I wasn't really happy..I thought I would be happy once I'll be back together with Anne but I thought wrong..

Every single day..

Although I'm with Anne..

But my eyes are searching for him..

My mind is thinking of him..

He's occupying my mind..

Every night in my sleep,I would thought about how much pain I caused him..

I couldn't forgive myself for doing that to him..

He was just a cute little kitty and I hurt him..

I was brought back to reality when I heard the banging and the yell at my door became louder..

Aish..

To make her stop,I stood up from my bed and went to open my door.She on the other hand,immediately hugged me once the door was opened..

"I missed you so much" she said..

I didn't reply..

It's like the spark was gone..

She noticed that I wasn't responding so she quickly look up to see my face..

"You okay?"

"Yea" i replied shortly and broke the hug and went to sit on my bed.."why are you here?" She seems to be shocked by my words causing her to pout..

"You don't want me here?"

I quickly look away because I didn't wanna lie to her,looking at her eyes..

"Of course i want but—"

"But what?"

"I—"

"Tss you couldn't even look at me in the eyes babe" she said sternly.I looked at her with and unbothered look on my face..

"I'm not feeling well" i said coldly..

She stared at me..

No not stared..

It was like she's reading my mind..

It was like she was reading what I'm thinking..

I raised my brow at her..

"I knew it" she said,shocking me.

"Knew what?"

"I knew you had feelings for that dumb boy..what was his name again? Jungwon?"

I furrowed my brows at him..

"What do you mean?"

"You think I'm stupid Jay? Eversince you stopped the shits with that Jungwon guy and came back to me,you've been acting so weird..You don't see me the way you see me before..the sparkles in your eyes when you see me is gone.." she said bitterly.

I thought about what she said..

I—

I don't know what to react..

"I don't know what you're talking about Anne"

She widened her eyes when she heard me calling her in her name..

"See? You even call me with my name! Ugh! I hate you Jay! This is that Jungwon guy's fault..he did this to you.." she was practically yelling right now..

"You wanted to go to that place again right? The place where we went last time?" I quickly replied to change the topic.

"Don't even dare to change the topic Jay!"

"Okay then what do you wanna do?"

"I wanna talk"

"Talk about what?"

"Talk about you and that Jungwon guy" she replied and chuckled dryly..

"Why do you wanna talk about it? I told you! It's finished..we are finished..i stopped talking with him..and even his brother which is my bestfriend"

"That's not what I want to hear Jay!"

"Then what?"

"I wanna ask you a question"

"Hmm"

"Do you still like me?"

I thought about jt..

Of course I like her..

She was the reason afterall why I hurt Jungwon..

But right now,I couldn't even open me mouth..

She tsked.

"Do you like him?" She changed the question.

I turned to look at her,surprise at the sudden question..

I just stared at her..

Just stared..

"Let's break up Jay"

Was her only words before we went out of my room and slammed my door loudly..

And that's how we ended up breaking up..

I didn't even regret breaking up with her..

My mind was thinking about Jungwon..

And no one else..

End of flashback

I told Jungwon that day on the cafe..that I will use him again for Anne to comeback again...

Damn..

I wasn't thinking straight that time..

I wanted to tell him about my feelings yet I completely destroyed the plan..

Hindi ako nag iisip that I said what was on my mind not minding if it sounds crazy or not..

Too bad..it didn't end up well..

Because I told him that I want to use him again instead..

Ugh..

How am I going to explain myself again?

When Geonu's always following him..

And Jungwon may even hated me now..

I mean hate naman talaga niya ako...baka he hates me more now..

And Sunghoon is keeping an eye on me..

Sunoo too, he would dragged Jungwon away when he will spot me coming to theri direction..

Can't blame them..

I'm an asshole for hurting their precious friend...

But I'll do my best to explain anything..

Damn the only thing I only wanted to do it to explain myself to him..

There's nothing more important that explaining my side..

I just hope he'll give me a chance again to explain..

Please..

Sadboi naman pala Jay nyo eh smsksks tangena ang dami dami talagang acts samin kaya hindi ako makakapag update ng ganun karami~~sorry guys anyways enjoyy!!