[T/W: Physical fighting, abuse.]

"Nah, cause Cookies & Cream are the best flavour."

"Are you absolutely out of your mind?!"

I began blinking rapidly, the Sun was streaming directly into my portion of the tent as the door was open. I could see a figure in front of it but couldn't quite make out who it was.

"No, I'm being perfectly logical. It's closely seconded by the confetti ones."

"I don't converse with madmen."

I stretched myself upward, noting how ridiculously uncomfortable my back was. Bon and Koneko had the right idea yesterday on the bus.

"What the hell are you guys even talking about?" I asked to no-one in particular whilst rubbing my eyes.

"Oh, (Y/N), you're awake," Shiemi smiled brightly.

"This absolute lunatic is trying to explain what Pop Tarts are superior and he is oh-so-clearly misinformed," Izumo huffed.

"Just because you're the most bitter person ever doesn't mean you can't enjoy the sweet delicacies life has to offer," Shima smiled to her. I should've known it was him when I heard him talking about sweets.

"Why are you here, Shima?" I asked grumpily.

"I'm here to wake you sleeping beauties for today's events!"

"And you've managed to cause such disruption already?" I asked, head in my hands, desperately trying to come to earth, "Sounds like you."

"You get me," he smiled, "Let's go girls, Rin's making breakfast!"

"Well, that was a hell of a wakeup call," Izumo remarked, widely opening her eyes and standing up as much as she could in the small space, "Can you pass me the hairbrush?"

Shiemi handed her over her purple brush, then got herself up, "I got ready earlier so I'll meet you guys over at the logs, 'kay?"

"Okay," Izumo and I replied in unison.

I took on the great challenge of rolling everyone's comforters up nicely, grabbing my things to get ready, the thought of Rin's cooking giving me a little extra motivation. After throwing my clothes on and fixing my hair, I followed Izumo out the tent to the logs where the air felt unbelievably fresh compared to the tent's condensed air.

Our friendship - or should I say acquaintanceship? Whatever it was, it was going a bit smoother but wasn't entirely mended. I definitely felt the ice from her whenever we were in the same proximity.

"Morning, Mr. Okumura," I smiled, passing by him.

"Morning. The guys are already digging into breakfast so you better get a move on."

He didn't need to tell me twice; I made my way over and began to grab a few things to put on my plate. The buffet-style breakfast was enough to make anyone feel excited for the day ahead.

"Hi guys," I addressed everyone, receiving a chorus of 'hi's' back as I sat beside Bon. "How are you?"

"Tired," Bon remarked, eating his food, "Looking forward to the training."

I nodded, taking a long swig of coffee that had been placed out for me by Shiemi. "I'm kinda nervous. First practical assignment and all."

He copied me in taking a drink, "Yeah, but you'll be fine. Just trust your gut. You've got it," he encouraged lightly.

I smiled, finishing off the rest of the delicious breakfast and placing my dishes in the small sink.

"Thanks for breakfast, Rin," I said as I walked past him. He smiled and nodded.

"No problem!"

"Thanks for breakfast, Rin~," Shima mocked, only loud enough for Rin and Shiemi to hear. "Dude, she's so into you."

Rin looked at Shima in shock, "You don't think?" he questioned, looking back and forth between Shima and Shiemi.

"No. I know, bro."

"Bro..."

"Bro."

"Alright class," Yukio projected gaining everyone's attention, "We're spending the morning working on our chosen Meister's. Bon, Konekomaru and Shima, you'll be working with Mr. Tsubaki on your Aria skills. Izumo and (Y/N), I'm paring you up together to work on taming. Shiemi and Rin, you'll be working with me. You'll see areas set up already for you to work and please make the most of this unique time. Later tonight, we'll regroup after dinner and discuss the assignment. On you go."

We divided into our groups and I was a little upset I wouldn't be getting to work with Rin as I'd came to learn that he wanted to be a Knight. I knew I didn't have that much experience with it, especially as the temple I came from focused primarily on Aria's, but I was still excited to be working with Izumo on taming as I had heard that she was really talented and came from a long line of Tamers.

Izumo had the chance to show me her demons and how she'd get them to listen to her. I watched her intently and made mental notes for when I brought out my own demon. We spent maybe an hour on working on her material.

"Well, are you gonna show me yours or not?" she asked impatiently, out of breath from the strength she had been using up fighting targets with her demons.

"I-I want to! It's just – I get a little nervous."

"You're making it sound weird, just hurry up," she said abruptly.

I didn't really have any other choice but to comply. I took my paper, slicing my finger with the knife we had and streamed it across the page.

"I call for help, Spirit of Darkness, I call to thee as thou callest thyself, by thy unholy name; Kira!" I chanted quietly, kind of embarrassed to be calling in front of Izumo, especially because she seemed so cool and confident when she was doing it.

From my paper emerged a large, black leopard-like familiar who circled around me a few times, then sniffed Izumo.

"Wow, he usually hisses people when he sees them," I laughed, "Guess you truly are a tamer."

"Well, of course," she replied smugly, "This is pretty impressive - for you."

"For me?" I smirked, "What does that mean?"

"If we're being honest, I didn't think much of you in regards to being an exorcist. I wasn't sure you had what it takes. Still don't, actually."

Last year, hearing that, I would've absolutely lost it. "Yeah, well join the queue of the people who think the exact same, Izumo," I huffed, defeatedly. Kira came over to comfort me by nudging his head onto my hand.

"Your summoned spirit is friendly to you?"

"Yeah, isn't everyone's?" I questioned, confused.

"I-I mean, I suppose in a way. But they don't really understand human emotion... That's pretty strange," she mused, staring at my familiar.

"I like to think Kira does," I smiled, rubbing under his chin, "He's very receptive. But he's also pretty brutal."

"That so?" she grinned, "Show me."

"Show you? How?"

"Have Kira fight my foxes."

I stared at her in shock, "You are joking, right?"

"Why would I joke?"

"Well, shit, I don't know, Izumo!" I said a bit louder than intended, "They aren't fucking pokémon, you don't just summon them to battle till one faints. I'm not doing that."

"That's precisely what they're used for," she laughed, "Do you know anything about taming?"

"Right, okay just because you come from a line of tamers, doesn't mean you need to patronise me. Are you with me or against me? Because I wouldn't withhold tricks of the trade from an ally."

She conceded, "Fair. I'll show you some stuff. Under one condition."

"Really?" I said defeatedly, "That's what we're doing?"

"Mhm," she replied promptly, "If you want to gain some knowledge - and let me tell you: you need it, I need a favour."

I stared at her, appalled yet not shocked at how she conducted herself. "Well, out with it then."

"Excellent," I could see the little evil cogs in her mind turning, "You stay away from Rin."

Now I was really staring at her, and this time, I was shocked.

"Sorry?"

"You heard me, stay away from him."

I scoffed at her absurd request, "Why? Do you like him or something?"

She laughed almost loud enough for the rest of the class to hear it, "You must be joking. No, I would rather pummel myself into a pit of fungi demon than go near that boy. The issue here is that you're going to mess things up if you get involved with him."

I sighed, rubbing my head in my hands, absolutely confused with what she was even talking about, "Mess things up? Like what?"

"It's pretty much forbidden to talk about, so I'm not going into the gritty details, but last year, Rin went crazy and we all paid the price for it. It all happened because something happened to Shiemi and he lost it. Then, the rest of us seemed to get punished for him being a d- freak."

I held my hands up in the air, extremely confused, "Izumo, I don't know what the hell you're on about and why it would have anything to do with me forming a friendship with Rin, but I know for a fact you're severely stepping out of bounds. I'd suggest you reel it in."

"Fine," she scoffed, "But when everything goes up in flames, it's going to be your fault cause you couldn't resist your own damn hormones. Rin was into Shiemi for sure and he went crazy. Now, because he's stupid, I guess he's downgraded to taking an interest in you. Everyone has been watching the way you two have been together for the last few days. Even Bon knows that you have the hots for him."

Kira was getting agitated beside me and rightfully so, he could feel my emotions bubbling to the point of anger.

"How many times am I going to have to ask you what the fuck your problem is before you come up with a good enough excuse? You do realise it's not normal to be so interested into someone else's affairs like that, right?"

"'Affairs'?" she scoffed, "That's very telling! I was saying this to you to try and support you as well as the rest of the class, not to go against you. But of course, you can't fix stupid."

I was seeing red.

Snap.

I ripped up my summoning paper, tossing it to the ground and then began storming for Izumo. I wrapped both hands round each of her stupid pigtails and pulled her head down to my knee which I jerked up.

"Who the actual fuck are you talking to?!" I shouted as I held her in the position. I kneed her face again, then quickly let go of her pigtails. The entirety of the class was now facing us, Mr. Okumura storming over.

"GIRLS!" he bellowed, "What's going on?!"

Izumo lifted up her head to face me and all I could see was blood streaking down her face, but I still didn't care. I was furious. I was sick of the torment. I wouldn't be treated like that. We were still staring at each other as the rest of the class approached.

"What the hell happened?" Bon shouted loudly, looking between both of us. When he saw the state of Izumo he put his hand on his face, sighing.

"I'll take you to the tent, Izumo," Shiemi said quietly, ushering Izumo out of the way. She didn't even resist, following the girl and letting her help her which was pretty shocking as she didn't often accept help with anything. Everyone except those two were standing around me.

Mr. Okumura stared down at me, obviously furious.

"Kitchen, now."

I was still angry and didn't even find myself intimidated by him. I stormed over, angrily leaning back onto the small counter and facing the teacher.

"I'm going to give you a few minutes to calm down, then I want you to explain."

I huffed, looking away from him and down to my nails, noticing I hadn't bitten them in a long time and that they had been growing nicely.

---

"This is the fourth time you've got it wrong, (Y/N), why are you so fucking useless?"

I trembled, staring down at my bible and trying so hard to recite the chants that I was supposed to have memorised.

"I-I'm trying, mom," I said, desperately trying to not let the tears fall.

That was the wrong move, though.

I felt a dramatic whack onto the back of my head, hardback book clattering to the floor a second later. The tears started seeping through my eyes, like a flood that couldn't be held.

"Don't. Ever. Answer me back."

I stared down at my long-since chewed off nails for short period before continuing.

I spoke the verses through the tears as much as I could, but the words weren't coming out right. It was straight up babbling. My mother was boring holes into the back of my head, I could see her from the reflection in the mirror. She was furious today, more so than most days.

As much as I tried, I got stuck. I had forgotten. Again.

My mother ran her hands through her hair, picking up the discarded book which she had whacked me with earlier.

I braced, preparing for another hit.

"Mom?" I heard a peep from the hallway.

"Bon? What are you doing back?"

"Mom...what were you doing to (Y/N)?" he was trembling.

"I was teaching her, son." she replied lightly, as if she wasn't about to just beat the shit out of me, "She needs to memorise these verses if she wants any sort of future here at the temple."

"I saw you..." he continued, absolutely awestruck, "You hit her."

My mother laughed her scary, hyena-like howl, "Don't be so silly, Bon. Of course, I didn't, did I, (Y/N)?" she said.

"I...I..."

"Mom. You did. I saw you."

She sighed in defeat, flinging the book to the ground again making me jump out of my skin, "Well son, sometimes that's what people like her need. A bit of discipline."

"People like her? Mom, that's my sister. She's your daughter."

"SHE'S NO DAUGHTER OF MINE."

Bon didn't know till that day. I had known for a while, but not long enough to have it figured out. When I found out, I not only felt like a stranger in my once family home.

I felt like a stranger in my own mind.

---

Yukio came back, arms crossed and facing directly across from me.

"So, what was all that about?"

I sighed, not wanting to lie to Yukio, "She pissed me off."

Yukio laughed a little, "Sorry, I don't mean to jest. This is just absurd. You sound like someone."

I ignored his self-reflection and continued, "She started getting too personal. She began by patronising me, essentially saying that I was terrible at everything exorcist related and then began to tell me she'd only help me under certain conditions."

"What conditions?" Yukio asked curiously.

"Basically, she said that I shouldn't speak to Rin anymore, then she'd help me."

He seemed confused, "Why would she say that?"

"Because apparently Rin went off the deep end last year because of some shit that happened to Shiemi," his brow furrowed at my cursing, "I don't really know what the hell she's even talking about. She was insinuating I guess that I shouldn't get close to him because it'll be my fault if something happens to the dynamic of the class - or something."

Yukio sighed, looking down. In that moment, he knew much more behind Izumo's intentions than I did, but he had to refrain himself.

"I'll talk to Izumo," he stated, "You can go back to your tent. I'll call for you for dinner."

"O-okay?" I said, confused, fully expecting some sort of brutal punishment. I mean, now that everything was all said and done and I'd explained the situation to Mr. Okumura, it did seem a lot more miniscule than what I thought it was. But that was just it, whenever I get angry, something deep inside me lights up. I hate it.

"You're not fully off the hook. Punishment will come. I've got to decide on it first. But I'll tell you this, (Y/N), if you're ever aggressive to any of my class ever again - you're out. This is your first and final warning. I'm being lenient with you purely because I believe you can do better than this. But you need to want to do better."

Sadly, as most scolding's go, he was right. I probably had been too lackadaisical about my whole move to True Cross and taking things seriously. Sure, I'd get my mountain of homework done on time (most of the time) and I'd hanker down when I had to, but when it came to social life - I was a complete failure. I knew that. But him pointing it out only made it more painful.

"Mr. Okumura," I started as he was walking away from the kitchenette, "I'm really sorry. I think sometimes when I get angry, I can't control it. I-I don't know how or why. I didn't mean to hurt Izumo or make her scared I just...I don't know. I know I'm at fault. And you're right, I know words don't mean much but I'll try to be better."

He had a light smile, as much as he could muster probably in my presence at that moment in time, "I appreciate that, (Y/N), but you're wrong. Words mean a lot, especially to Izumo who I think you'll need to really be apologising to."

I nodded my head and watched him walk off to where the rest of the class were huddled, trying to oversee our conversation. Izumo was back with them, bloody tissue on her nose and all.

I feel fucking terrible.

Every inch of me just wanted to run straight up to her and profusely apologise now that the adrenaline had ran its course. But I knew it'd be best to wait, at least till after tonight's exam. She'd probably want to be more focused on that and I didn't want to get in the way of that for her more than I already had.

xxx

I spent the remainder of the day relegated to the tent whilst the others were outside having water fights and playing truth or dare. FOMO was definitely the underlying feeling, but moreover I just felt awful. My knee was bruising just to add insult to injury, reminding me of the stupid shit I did. More than anything I just wanted to talk to someone to spill my guts and explain that I truly didn't mean it, but I knew that they'd all probably hate me by now.

Hopefully Bon wouldn't, though.

Or Rin.

Footsteps approached my tent and I sat upright, lifting my head from my phone which I'd been scrolling for miles on for the last few hours.

"Chow time," Bon stated blankly, unzipping my tent.

"Bon, you have to know I didn't mean to do it," I began, unfiltered as soon as I looked at him.

"(Y/N), don't. I don't wanna hear it."

"Please, Bon, I've been stuck in here for hours and I feel horrible. I just want her to know I am so sorry and I wish I never did it."

"But you did it, though," he sighed, head in his hands, "Why do you always do this?"

"Do what?" I asked, confused.

"Give me reasons to hate you."

I hadn't cried yet, but that had me sobbing. Silently, tears were streaming down, a stark reminder of how much I'd fucked up today.

"Please," he said, a bit softer this time, "Don't do that. Don't sit in here and self-pity. Wipe your eyes and come eat with everyone. I'll sit beside you."

Sometimes, even though he'd hurt my feelings, Bon always knew what to say. The acceptance I felt from that tiny sentence alone was enough for me to calm the emotions and pick myself up. He held his hand out for me to help me up off the ground and I accepted graciously. It was a lot darker than when I'd originally entered the tent, but I didn't mind. It was a bit more comforting now that it was dark and also it made me realise that I was a lot closer to home than I was a few hours ago.

Did I just refer to True Cross as home? Ew.

Everyone was already sitting on the logs, with a small space for Bon and I at the end of Konekomaru's.

"Hi," I said quietly to Koneko as he bowed his head to me.

Rin was of course handing out the dinners. He didn't seem his usual bright self, but when it came to handing me my plate, a small glimmer of a smile was on there.

Phew.

I smiled back lightly, accepting the plate as I thanked him.

"Tsk."

Oh god. Here we go again.

"What's your problem?" Bon asked Izumo, "She just said thanks."

"It's the fact she's even here at all," Izumo said after a bite of her food, "Plus, is that all you two know how to say?"

I remained silent; God forbid I caught myself in another monstrosity.

Looking around the firepit, everyone felt awkward. No one was really looking into each other's eyes, gazes diverted elsewhere. Except Izumo. Her sights were set on me and solely me.

"C'mon, guys, let's just eat and get ready for this exam," Rin said, desperately grasping at straws to diffuse the thickest tension I'd ever experienced.

"Yeah, let's," Izumo replied with a snarky tone, "I'm sure you'll do amazing, Rin! Like, what can't you do? You go to art exhibitions and you're such a prankster - hell you even cook like, thee yummiest food!"

Jesus.

"Is that supposed to be funny?" I asked flatly, "Izumo, let's not do this right now. We should all focus on the exam. We can talk after."

"And what makes you think I'd want to talk to you?"

"I don't know, maybe the fact you're mocking me in front of the entirety of the class?"

"Nah, I'm just trying to get a small bit of payback and punishment, seeing as the dogshit teachers here don't have a clue what they're doing when it comes to taking care of people."

"Dude, chill out," Shima said sheepishly, sitting beside her, "They'll come over if they hear you."

"And why shouldn't they? There's an actual assaulter sitting not even three meters away. But I guess they don't give a fuck."

"Right, that's enough," snapped Rin, "Stop talking shit on the teachers. They'll be doing what they think is best."

"Hah! That's perfect, it really is! Of course you'd run to your brother's defence before you ever run to that thing over there's!"

Dear god. This girl was making me regret ever feeling bad for her. What an actual vile piece of shit.

"Don't go raising your blood pressure too much, Princess," Rin said mockingly, "Wouldn't want you having another nosebleed today."

Yeah, maybe I'm sick. But that was hilarious.

The rest of the class thought so, too. Everyone quietly snickered at the resident class-clown's one-liner (or I guess two-liner?). I tried to contain mine, but it couldn't be helped. It peeped out at the last minute.

"Well, well, what's everyone giggling about?" asked Mr. Tsubaki, "Trust me, children, in approximately twenty minutes, none of you will be laughing."