even steven
so,, the premier

jaxass
oh you mean the
one im not going to???

even steven
oh come on jax
it'll be fun

jaxass
i have this thing called
work and children to
care for

even steven
what children? you've
literally never slept with
a girl before and i know
you haven't adopted a
child because you're
terrible with children

jaxass
first off - that is rude and
i am greatly wounded,
further proving my want
to not go

jaxass
second - my plants

even steven
your plants?

jaxass
yes who else is going to
water my fucking plants
if i leave to go to this
stupid premier with you???

even steven
um lottie? alice? oliver?
lily? literally anyone
could go over to your
place and water your
fucking plants it's not
that hard

jaxass
hmmm no

even steven
oh my god

jaxass
they won't talk to my plants
and make them feel as if
they're human beings and
shit and i can't have that
and therefore i can't leave
la to go to the premier with
you sorry :)

even steven
i hate you

jaxass
i love you too bro

even steven
i will literally tell the groupchat
your middle name if you don't
go to this premier with me

jaxass
you won't

even steven
bet

jaxass
i'll tell mom if you do

even steven
she's in washington so i
think im okay

jaxass
like she won't fly out to
whoop your ass or call
you continuously until
you pick up

even steven
i could just block her

jaxass
then you better never come
home because you will
be a dead man i'll tell you that

even steven
did you just quote a bit of a
vine to me???

jaxass
....of course not

jaxass
i would never

even steven
and i so believe that yes

jaxass
whatever

jaxass
im still going with you to
that stupid premier so...

even steven
oh come on i wanna go
to nyc with you, i have
something special to tell
you

jaxass
um just tell me here????

even steven
nah i wanna tell you face
to face

jaxass
we both literally live in
la so we could go to lunch
wtf????

even steven
it's too important for that

even steven
and i want someone else to be
there when it happens because
it doesn't just involve me

jaxass
if you're trying to tell me that
your girlfriend is pregnant
then you're not being
very subtle about it

even steven
um no definitely didn't get a
girl pregnant

even steven
but they'll be in nyc with us
because they live there and
i don't wanna just tell you
without them

jaxass
oddly cryptic

even steven
so will you come to nyc
with me

jaxass
as much as i wanna know
your secret i also don't wanna
go to that fucking premier
so no

jaxass
i still have work and my plants
to take care of and no one
else can do it for me

even steven
then let them die and start
again

jaxass
that is SO CRUEL evan how
dare you??????

jaxass
i am ashamed to even
call you my brother

even steven
whatever