*Warning may trigger dark thoughts

I was and never will be great. I know that now and I can't forget it. I can't handle my own mind.

The thoughts, the images, the fantasies, and just everything that comes into play.  I want to block it. I want to know how to deal with it. I want to control it.

I'm blind and I don't mean literally.
I'm blind to the fact that my mind is clouded with every dark thought it could think of.

I sometimes see when stars go by. I see the twinkling of the night and others dying. The stars lead me to my road. I see different directions. One with peace and my injustice. One with desolation and anarchy of the mind

I choose peace. I choose lies. The feeling of regret. Sometimes makes me finish peace and the guilt. The guilt to my mother's grace. I rather end in desolation

Then live in a full of lies

I see no more stars

My mind makes me question reality and if I am who I think I am. I keep telling myself these quotes that might lessen those thoughts but they keep resurfacing.

I don't know anything anymore and I question everything I know.
Am I actually Bi? Am I really Smart? Am I really like this or was I meant for something else.

I could never think of having another life because I know that if I have another life someone else will have mine and I can't live knowing that someone else is thinking of these dark thoughts.

I'm trapped and that's the truth.

I don't like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything's about me
Yeah, I drive myself crazy
'Cause I can't escape the gravity

I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?

You say that I'm paranoid
But I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me
It's not like I make the choice
To let my mind stay so fucking messy
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning 'round me just the same
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?

I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning 'round me just the same
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning 'round me just the same
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything's about me

Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Why is everything so heavy?
Why is everything so heavy?

Why should I hold on?

Why shouldn't I just let Go?

I'm DONE!