"Mom?"  My jaw quivers, and my mouth feels dry as I wait for her to speak.  I am nervous for the news I am about to receive.

"Sweetheart," her voice shakes.

Oh, no!  My heart sinks, that isn't a voice of happy tears, she's breaking.  I know my mother enough to know when she is fighting with herself internally, and this is one of those moments.

"Mom, please just tell me."  I whisper into the phone.  My voice cracks and I lose all confidence in my ability to speak.

"He," she paused, "They found him to be not guilty, Adelaide.  I'm sorry sweetie.  I am so sorry!"  She sobs into the phone.

My head and heart feel like a flurry of emotions as everything around me begins to spin.  I can tell you I am a million things but let me just list the strongest emotions that are sieging through me: confusion, heartbreak, scared, and pissed off.  But the only one I seem to lock onto is this aching feeling of numbness.  Despite everything that is what I feel most, numb. 

"Addy, please say something."

"Did they say why? I took the stand and everything, they said that would help.  How can he just walk free?"  Although I am asking, I don't care to hear the answers to any of them.  There is no answer that could give me even an ounce satisfaction.

"We were never able to track your father down for a statement and the DNA evidence was found inconclusive.  Something about improper handling, so it got thrown out."  She begins sobbing again.  "Addy I am so sorry.  Do you want me to come up this weekend?"

"No that's okay. Thank you for calling me."  I am trying to hold myself together for her, but it is proving to difficult, I need to get off the phone.  "I'm out with friends though, I have to go."

"Oh honey, you made friends?" my mom's voice turns slightly cheerful at the thought.

"I guess, haven't decided yet.  I need to go bye mom."  I hang up before she can push for more information.  The second my phone is safely in my pocket I break down, and the tears stream my face at an alarming rate.  I need to get out of here.  Shoot I have to at least say good bye, I mentally groan before returning to the group.

"Jesus are you okay?" Hayden asks when I come around the corner into the living room.  Everyone's eyes are on me, including Oliver's who had rejoined them during my absence.

"Fine," my voice shakes. "I just I got a call and I'm just not feeling it anymore.  I think I'm going to head out."

"What's wrong? Mommy catch you out after curfew?" Hannah bursts into a mocking laugh as she eyes me with disgust.

Oliver whispers something inaudible into her ear that causes her to sink into the couch, clearly pouting at what he had to say.

"I can walk you," Hayden offers with a concerned smile.  His eyes fill with worry as he observes the tears staining my cheeks.

"No, that's okay.  I kind of just want to be alone."  I try to muster a smile but fail miserably.

"You sure?  It really isn't a problem."

"Hayden, she just wants to be alone," Lindsey speaks up from behind him.  "I think you should respect that."  She shoots me an encouraging smile.  "You have my number so if you need anything just text me."

"Thank you."  I smile before waving goodbye.  "I'll see you guys around." 

Taking one more glance around the group I notice everyone's expression.  Luke, Hayden and Lindsey all seem concerned while Hannah looks pissed and Oliver is completely expressionless.  My heart aches at his lack of emotion over my current appearance, I thought he wanted to be friends?  Shouldn't he be concerned about why I am crying?

Shoving the thoughts to the side I turn and leave.  The closer I get to the front door the more my walls crumble, and my tears demand freedom.  Just hold it together a little longer I tell myself as I walk out into the warm air.  Once I hit the sidewalk, I run my fingers aggressively through my hair, tugging at the roots as the tears break free.  How can this be happening?  I did everything they told me.  I took the stand and shared the most disgusting details of my rape through sobs just for that son of a bitch to walk free.  I feel humiliated and disgusted not just with the jury but with myself. Why couldn't I have just stayed silent? I wouldn't hurt right now if I had.

My mind replays that day on loop as I continue the walk to the dorms.  The sudden urge to throw up is unbearable and I dive head first into the nearest trashcan while the contents of my stomach expel at an uncontrolled rate.  I quickly wipe the evidence from my lips and continue on my path; I just want to curl up in bed and cry.

Before long I am pushing my door open and relief immediately washes over me.  I shut the door behind me and lock it before removing the clothes from my small frame and tossing them into my clothes hamper.  Oliver's shirt is thrown on my bed from earlier and instinctively I grab it to pull on.  Lifting the neck line, I bring it to my nose and breathe in deep allowing his scent to fill my senses. 

With a sigh I shake the comforting thoughts his scent brings and pull on a pair of leggings before snagging my toiletry bag.  Stepping out of my dimly lit room and into the florescent lit hall I have to squint. I find the contrast in brightness blinding.  I hurry down the hall and into the bathroom to quickly wash my face and brush my teeth. When I finish, I pack up my belonging and head out of the bathroom.  As I walk to my room my mind slips back into the past.

"Come here you little bitch!" David demands as he pins my wrists above my head.

"Dad!  Help me! Stop!"  I wiggle under the weight of him.  "Somebody please help me! Get off of me!" I can hear my dad in the other room, but my screams go unanswered.

"Stay quiet!"  He slaps me. "Now you're going to enjoy this, you hear me?"  He smirks as he pulls himself from his jeans. "Your daddy said I could take you any way I want, and I want it rough."

My eyes sting from the tears as I run to the safety of my room.  With my eyes closed I slam the door and lock it behind me before leaning my back against it and sinking to the ground.  I weep into my palms when I hear something moving inside of my room.  I jump back, slamming my head hard against the door.  When the tears clear from my eyes, I am met by concerned teddy brown ones staring back at me.

"Adelaide?" Oliver's voice shakes as he takes in my appearance.  "What happened?  Are you okay? Did someone try something?"  His body snaps into defense mode as his hands grip into fists at his sides.

"No, I'm fine."  I choke up the words as I struggle to find my voice.

"You aren't fine." He kneels down before reaching out to comfort me, but I pull away.

"Please don't touch me," I plead.

"I won't hurt you Adelaide.  I'd never hurt you.  Please just talk to me."  He takes a seat on the ground in front of me.  "I'm not leaving you alone.  Not like this," he whispers as he pulls his knees up to rest his elbows on.

I breathe in deep contemplating my options, maybe it would be good to talk about it.  "About eight months ago I was raped."

His eyes widen.  However, I'm not sure if his response is over my confession, or the fact I actually told him.

"My mom convinced me to have charges taken up against him, so I did."  I swallow nervously.  "Well the jury came back today with their decision."  I feel the sobs shaking up my trachea and I am forced to hold them back so I can finish. "They found him not guilty."  The sobs are demanding freedom now.  "How can they do that?  How can he walk free after taking everything from me?  He took my innocence and he took my trust in men.  He took things I can never get back."

Oliver's eyes are brimming with his own tears as he watches me completely fall apart in front of him.  In one swift movement he moves to a kneeling position and pulls me into his chest.  I don't fight the gesture, if anything I welcome it. I bury my face into his shirt and breathe in his scent, that damn comforting scent.

"Why does it hurt so bad?" I choke out.

"Shh," he coos as he smooths my hair and presses his lips firmly to the side of my head.  He moves his hands to hold my face in his palms and forces our eyes to meet.  When I look at him I notice the scattered tears on his cheeks.  "No one will ever hurt you like that again.  Not as long as I am around."

"Why didn't he protect me?"  I close my eyes tight before leaning my forehead against his.

"Who?" he asks softly.

"My dad."  My body shakes at the memory.

"My dad would never say something like that!" I scream.  "Dad help me! Dad!"  I call out. How can he not hear me? I can hear him shouting at the TV so why can't he hear me?

"See he doesn't care," David smirks as he shoves my dress up and rips my underwear from my waist, his nails leaving claw marks on my skin.  "You will always be mine," he sneers before driving himself into me.

I bite back the tears and cry out in pain. I continue to scream for help but my fight fades as I become nothing but a rag doll for his pleasure.  My subconscious taking me to happier days, days that my dad would panic over a skinned knee.

"Adelaide, love." Oliver is in a frantic panic in front of me.  "Come back to me."

I did it again, I went away.  I went back to that day and everything including Oliver's comforting presence faded away. It was like I was reliving it all over again.  I weep as I bury myself into his chest, while his strong arms wrap around me protectively.

"Please don't leave me alone.  I don't want to go back there, not again."

"Go back where, love?" his voice is calm.  Although I know he's holding his own emotions back because his entire body is shaking against mine.

"To that day," I frown. Certain smells, sounds, and even emotions can send me back to that day; triggers are what my therapist calls them.  She warned me to watch for them because they can trigger major episodes of post-traumatic stress disorder, an event that can completely remove your subconscious from the present.

"I'll stay," he says while pulling me to my feet.  "Let's get you in bed, love."

"What did I say about calling me love?" I try to laugh but fail miserably.

"Not to."  He laughs before helping me into bed.  Once I am under the blankets his touch leaves me as he turns towards Lindsey's bed.

"Oliver?"

"Yes, lo-...Adelaide?"

I smile at his correction. "Can you lay with me?"

"Are you sure?"  His eyes go wide with surprise as he stares at me.

"Please?" I whisper.

His lips pull up into a smile as he kicks of his brown leather boots.  "Do you still have my sweats?"

"Check over there."  I point towards my desk before pulling my bottom lip between my teeth.  My heart races as I watch him look around.  He does something to me that I can't explain and that makes me nervous.

Once he finds the sweats, he tosses them over his shoulder to strip off his blue jeans before pulling on the sweats.  When he finishes, he finally looks up and catches me admiring him.  My draw to him is unexplainable and it terrifies me.  I have never shared a bed with a man; nor have I allowed someone to be this close to me physically or emotionally in eight months.  My body shakes as he pulls back the covers to lay beside me.  He makes no move to reach out for me and for some reason that crushes me.

"If you don't want to it's okay, but can you hold me while I fall asleep?"  The words feel foreign, but I desperately need to be closer to him.

The smile that's spreads across his face eases the ache in my chest.  He reaches out for me and we meet each other halfway before I bury myself into his chest to breathe in his comforting scent.  My mind doesn't wonder to the past, and I don't feel afraid in his arms. Somehow, I feel safe, which is something I have not felt in a very long time.