My mom is rambling on about god knows what as we pull into the parking lot of Oregon State University, my home for the next four years.

"Did you hear me?"

"What?" I laugh nervously.

"Didn't think so." She rolls her eyes playfully before climbing out of the her old beat up Ford F-150. "Are you going to help or am I carrying this in on my own?" she asks when she notices I am still sitting in the front seat.

"Sorry I'm coming."

My mom and I fill up our arms with as much as we can carry and head for the dorms. As we walk the halls, I am reminded of the fact that the dorms are co-ed, oh goody. My mom spots my dorm room first and pushes the unlocked door open before disappearing inside. With a sigh I follow her lead and dump my belonging on my bed before turning around to grab the rest. She follows me out and we walk in silence. My mom and I are close, but I no longer enjoy casual banter. I suppose I just don't see the point in developing deep connections. When you develop deep connections, you are left vulnerable and I refuse to ever be vulnerable again.

When we return to my room with the final load my mom quickly begins making my bed for me. "Why did you set everything on the bed?" She snorts.

"So that I don't have to bend over when I unload everything else," I state plainly.

"That's actually smart but I'm going to make it now in case you decide not to unpack everything tonight." She offers me a smile as she moves everything to the floor.

I chuckle to myself as I grab my box of desk goods. I fish out my MacBook and place it on the desk before removing my portable printer and other small office goods. Once everything is on the small desk, I put things in their correct place, so it looks exactly how it did at my mom's house.

"Done!" my mom shouts as she dusts her hands off like she just accomplished something impossible.

"Wow mom! Real impressive," I tease.

"Oh hush you!" She is grinning ear to ear when sadness suddenly consumes her face. "I'm going to miss you Addy."

"I'm going to miss you too. You're the only person I can tolerate."

"Oh, you tolerate me, huh?" She furrows her brow at me while trying not to smile.

"You know what I mean!" I laugh.

"I know, I know," she says as she uses her hands to make the calm down motion. "Just please do me a favor."

"Depends what it is," I state seriously.

"Be open to making friends and be open to love." Her eyes are serious as she scans my face, most likely in an attempt to gage my response.

"I don't need either of those things, I have you." I try to smile even though I hate her pestering on the subject. "You know how I feel about friends and love. I'm not going to open myself up to be hurt. I am just fine on my own."

"Are you though?" She raises her brow at me, she's taunting me I know she is.

"Yes!" I shout a little firmer than I meant to.

"If you say so." I can see the mental eyeroll she gives me but decide to ignore it.

She gives me a small hug before leaving me alone in my room. With the freedom of being alone comes the freedom to blare my music of choice, so I plug my phone into my AUX cord and flood my room with alternative music as I unpack my belongings.

There is a small shelf hung above the headboard of my twin sized mattress that is perfect for my collection of books. I grab the heavy box off the floor and place it on my bed before removing the books one by one. My eyes scan over every title before placing it neatly on the shelf, each book belonging to the belief of a different religion. I am obsessed with trying to understand the world around me, constantly grasping for more knowledge.

"Hey!" a cheerful female voice says from behind me.

"Hey," I state plainly as I glance over my shoulder. The girl is stunning her long brown hair is pulled back in a pony and her makeup beautifully accents her facial features.

"I'm Lindsey; you must be Adelaide." She extends her hand and I shake it firmly before retracting my hand to continue my work. "Not the talking sort?"

"Um, sorry I didn't mean to be rude. Yes, I'm Adelaide but you can call me Addy," I say with a smile when I turn to face her.

"Addy? I like it it's cute! Hey, you know what?!" her voice is thick with enthusiasm.

"I don't." I laugh nervously. "What?"

"You should go to this frat party with me tonight! My friend Oliver invited me and told me it was open invite. I would love to get to know you better, this could be a perfect chance to do just that!" She's smiling ear to ear and I feel bad knowing I'm going to shatter her hope.

"I don't party, sorry." The smile instantly fades. "It just isn't my thing. I hear what happens at parties."

"That's a rare occasion. Come on, please?" Her hands grip each other as she holds them into her small bust.

My gut twists at her statement, the rare occasion? I may not have been raped at some frat party, but I was raped all the same. I'm a part of that one in four statistic that everyone throws around yet somehow, they still lack the understanding of its reach.

"I'm really okay, they just aren't my scene." I smile at her despite the vomit rising in the back of my throat as memories of the that day creep into my mind.

"Then what is your scene?" She laughs playful before flopping down on her bed and kicking off her shoes.

"I enjoy the library."

"Ew!" She laughs as she scrunches up her nose. "Why in god's name would you like it there?"

"It's quiet." I want to add, "and people leave you alone," but decide not to.

"Okay that makes sense. Parties are loud libraries are not; you hate parties but enjoy libraries." Her eyes dart across the ceiling as she processes her own conclusion.

I can't help but laugh. If I was interested in making friends, she would be a perfect candidate, but I am not so therefore she is not. "I'm going to go take a shower. When will you leave for the party?"

"Not for a while. I'm sure I'll still be here when you get back."

"Okay, cool," I state plainly. I search my boxes for a pair of sweats and a large t-shirt and shove them into a small laundry bag so I can hang them outside the shower stall. Once my clothes are in the bag I dig further and find my towel. "See ya." I offer a small wave before walking out of the room and into the hall.