'Life is based on a series of choices, but we only make a few of them. You think you have a total control over your life when in reality, you only get to choose what you are going to wear today.

And you can try as hard as you can to set free and take the control but there will always be something to prevent you from living your life the way you want to. The weather, your little cousin's bike accident, your boss's vacation, your sister's death.

I like to think that at first, we had all the possibilities in the world. But then, life happens. We choose for people and they choose for us, influencing our behavior, indicating what the next step is.

They reduce the possibilities for us, and we are left with a dilemma. Two possibilities.

Sometimes, the choice is not up to you. Sometimes, someone has to make it for you, knowing well enough how this will affect you. You may play the selfish card when you accuse him of choosing badly. But remember it affected him too, in a way you'll never know.'

Aaron spent the last hour telling me how he met my sister, how they talked over the phone every day until he came back a couple of months later for two weeks during summer break. I interrupted him almost every two minutes to ask questions. There are so many things I don't understand, but the main question filling my mind is why didn't she tell me about him?

We shared everything, we had no secrets for each other. At least that's what I thought until Aaron told me he dated Hashley for seven months. Seven fricking months and she never mentioned his name.

The more Aaron tells me about their relationship, the more I feel like I'm finally getting to know him. He is no longer this pretentious prick insulting people and I can tell this was just a facade. Whenever he mentions her name, I can hear how much he loved, loves her, and it makes my heart ache for him.

"I came to Miami as much as I could but we never got enough time together. We had a long distance relationship, which is something I would have totally refused a year ago. But I couldn't let go of Hashley so this was our only option. And surprisingly, everything went really well for a while. But I guess she got tired of me at some point," he explains, taking his head between his hands.

"What do you mean?" I ask him in a whisper, too scared of what I might hear.

"I always thought this kind of relationship only last for a couple of months and then one gets tired of the lack of physical contact and in the worst case scenario, one ends up cheating and the other suffers. I hate it but I was right, only it took seven months to get to this point," he lets out a sigh, and rubs his eyes.

"Did you cheat on my sister?" I ask with clenched teeth.

"No, she did," he states and stares right in front of him.

"What?!"

"I was supposed to take a flight to Miami for our seventh month anniversary. I remember her saying that people celebrating their anniversary before one year of relationship were ridiculous. So I made it a point to celebrate our anniversary each and every months. She called me a week before we were supposed to meet and told me she couldn't do this anymore. I begged her to wait until we see each other so we could talk about it. I loved her so much, Jade, I couldn't let her go this way. But then she ripped my heart out of my body. She told me she had cheated on me for the past month and that she wanted to be with him," he tells me and I can see how difficult it for him to share this with me.

"No, Hashley wouldn't-" I begin but he cuts me off.

"She did, Jade. She made me so fucking angry I couldn't control it. I know I'm going to sound cringy but I've loved and trusted her like no one else. And she threw it all away for some douchebag. I hate myself because although she made me go through hell and back, I can't stop loving her and it kills me," his voice breaks at the end and my heart ache for him.

"Aaron, I don't think Hashley would do that, she-" I say but he interrupts me again.

"How would you know? She didn't even tell you about me! I was nothing for her!" he spits as he stands up and begins to pace in front of me.

"Calm down, man," Nathan, who was still sitting next to me, warns him.

I take his hand in mine and rest them on my lap.

"When did the two of you break up?" I ask Aaron.

"Around mid-October. She did it by texts and didn't even have the guts to answer my calls. What kind of person does that?"

The pieces are finally getting back together. I'm still missing the major pieces though, the ones that would answer all of my questions. But I think I know how to answer Aaron's here.

"The kind that is planning to kill herself. Aaron, I don't think she cheated on you. She put an end to her life on the 12th of October. Check the date of her last text," I explain and he takes out his phone from his back pocket.

He scrolls through his texts until he finds it and I can see the color leave his face.

"October 10th."

"It was two days before she did it. Aaron, I think she was trying to protect you," I tell him with a soft voice.

"Bullshit!" He voices, putting his hands behind his back as he paces back and forth.

"Listen to me, I think she made you hate her so you would cut her out of your life and never want to hear about her again, which is exactly what happened. I think she wanted you to never hear about what she did," I try to make sense of all the things spinning inside my head.

"This doesn't make sense," Aaron says, his voice barely audible as he stops in front of me, his eyes planted into mine.

"Actually, it does," Nathan speaks and we both look at him with surprise.

Nathan hasn't said a word except for the two or three times he tried to calm Aaron down. I could have almost forgotten he was here with us the whole time if it wasn't for him holding my hand.

"Three weeks after she broke up with you, I received a letter from her. It was for you, Aaron," he explains and I take my hands away from his.

He knew. He should have told me he knew about her! All this time I thought he was oblivious to the whole situation when he knew who Hashley was but never said a word to me. I can't believe this!

"What? Why didn't you told me?" Aaron exclaims, interrupting my thoughts.

I can feel Nathan's eyes on me but I refuse to look at him. He is quiet for a few seconds, hesitating whether or not to tell the truth in front of me.

Man, you're in too deep to shut it now.

He clears his throat and puts a hand on my shoulder but I keep my eyes on the ground. I'm not causing a scene now, Aaron doesn't have to witness that. But Nathan and I definitely need to talk.

"You were in a bad place. I had never seen you so hopeless. And after what you told me, I didn't want to upset you even more," he tries to justify his actions, but Aaron shakes his head and points at him.

"I deserved to know, you had no right to keep that from me," he shouts and Nathan stands up to face him.

"I thought she would either blame you or give details about the other guy that you wish you would have never known," Nathan says calmly.

"It was not yours to decide."

"I know that. And now that I know the whole story, I can tell I was not the only one trying to protect you," Nathan tells and puts a frustrated hand in his hair. "Hashley wrote something on the back of the envelope for me. It said: 'if he ever finds out the truth... and hasn't forgotten about me.' I thought she was talking about her cheating on you and I almost threw the letter away. But now I think she was talking about her suicide."

"Where is the letter? I want to read it," Aaron asks with a deep frown.

"I keep it in my locker, in case you ever ask for it. I'll give it to you on Monday morning but promise me not to hide important details from Jade," Nathan says with a glance in my direction as I scoff.

He has the nerves to say this when he is the one would hide things.

"I won't."

We stay quiet for a few minutes, all of us trying to put the pieces back together.

"Is this why you hate me? Because of my sister?" I blurt out as both Nathan and Aaron take back their original seats.

"Yes. When I saw you sitting in the back of the classroom on the first day of school it felt like an electroshock. It hurt so much just to see you, but I was so angry at the same time. I thought Hashley had moved here just like she told me she wanted, and that she was just here to piss me off. But you didn't react when I sat next to you and I just wanted to ask you what the hell you were doing here after breaking up with me via texts! But then I realized you weren't Hashley. She had that beauty spot right below her left hear but you don't. She would always bite her bottom lip when she was focusing on something, but you don't. There are so many differences between the two of you that made me understand you were Jade, her twin sister. I know this is stupid, but until a week ago, I thought if I was treating you badly by reproaching you with her behavior, you would tell her and she would eventually come face to face with me. But I let my anger get the best of me, I was treating everyone like shit because of one girl. I was so mad I still loved her, I tried my best to loathe her," he explains with a sigh. "Do you know why she did this?"

"She was bullied. She told me in a letter I only had the strength to read a couple of days ago. She briefly explained why, and I know she didn't tell me everything, and that I'll probably never know the entire story," I say and Aaron nods.

"Did she say who bullied her? We have to find the bastards," he says through clenched teeth.

"No, she didn't," I answer calmly. She only told she would receive phone calls during the night, notes and pictures in her locker... She also left me a second letter written by her bullies from her point of view. It was a suicide note blaming someone. I don't know who since there was no addressee but I guess they left it up to her to choose whom it was for."

"I want to kill them... We have to found out who it is and why they did this. I need to know," Aaron almost pleads. "Do you know who might have done this? From your old school?"

"No, I don't. So many things trouble me, like the fact that the people who did this must have known her pretty well to get her phone number, our address or even to be able to duplicate her handwriting perfectly."

Aaron stays quiet for a moment. When he looks up at me, I can see the internal conflict in his eyes.

"In her letter, did sh- did she mentioned me?" He carefully asks, as if he didn't want to know the answer.

"No, I'm sorry Aaron. I'm sure you meant a lot to her, so much more than she would let appear," I tell him with compassion and he looks away.

"I have so many questions to ask. And I'm sure you do too. Do you think we could stay here for a little longer?" He asks me, glancing at Nathan.

"Yes, of course," I reply and I can feel Nathan standing up behind me.

"I'm going to leave the two of you alone. Aaron, I trust you with Jade so don't test my limits," he warns him and Aaron nods.

"Call me when you get back home," he tells me before kissing me on the forehead.

"Sure," I tell him before turning away to face Aaron.

Every time I think Nathan and I are past our problems, a new one comes and threatens our relationship. One more thing to add at the top of the list of the things we have to talk about.

We stay in the park for three more hours as I tell Aaron everything he wants to know, from how she was as a child to how she killed herself. He tells me what he loved about her and some anecdotes about their relationship. And we cry, but most of all we laugh as we reminisce the good memories, as we share our stories.

When I finally check my phone, I have two missed calls from my mother and four texts unread, all of them except one being form my mother.

Mom: When will you be back home?

Mom: Come home before 5 p.m. I have a surprise for you.

Mom: Why do you have a phone if you don't answer it?

I roll my eyes and check what time it is. I'm late but a surprise is not in my top three priority right now. I open the last text that I received five minutes ago.

Nathan: Is everything alright?

Aaron catches me staring at my phone and chuckles.

"It's Nathan, isn't it? He is checking out if I haven't killed you?"

"Yes it's him, but he is checking out if we are both emotionally fine," I tell him, although Aaron is probably right but I'm not going to admit that and make it worst between the two of them with trust issues.

I don't answer any of them and put my phone back in my pocket.

"I should probably head back home, my mother is waiting for me," I say as I stand up.

"Do you want me to drive you back there?" Aaron offers but I shake my head.

"No, it fine. We're only a ten-minute walk away from my house."

"Alright," He says and begins to turn in the opposite direction before changing is mind. "Hey, do you think we could do that again, you know, talk about her. I don't want to bury the thought of Hashley, I know way too well how it will crush me whenever it will resurface."

"Yes, of course. I need this too, you know," I tell him.

"And don't be mad at him, life is too short for things like this" he adds before walking away with his head hung low.

His words resonate inside my chest. I know he is right but I still need explanations to get past this.

I know exactly what Aaron is going through, I'm still going through the same loop of emotions. Denial, sadness, anger, resentment, regret, and so many more feelings I can't even identify. It's an endless rollercoaster I couldn't wait to get off of.

But I realized when I read the second letter that I'll be on it for the rest of my life because the rollercoaster is my life. For the past months, I felt like I was heading down to the point I might it the ground on high speed and not survive. But there were some ups that delayed the impact, numerous, small, barely-noticeable ups. And this slowed down my fall, giving me time to figure out how to stop it and save me.

Aaron is trapped on his rollercoaster, but his is going twice as fast as mine. He didn't have time to process everything, he was already going down before he heard about Hashley's death, and this only increased the speed. He needs time to figure out how to slow it down, but he also needs ups. And I'm going to do everything I can to help him get them.

When I reach the front door of my house, I take a deep breath to brace myself from my mother and open the door.I don't even have time to close the door that she emerged from the kitchen with a towel in her hands.

"Where were you? I've been calling you all day!" She hisses but gives up on the argument as she shakes her head and walks back into the kitchen.

"Since Hannah and her mother are leaving Thursday, I thought it would be nice to have dinner before I go back to work tomorrow so I invited the two of them to come over tonight."

My mom is so engrossed in her cooking she doesn't once turn back to look at me while she talks, which is great because I don't want her to see me frown.

"Oh... yes," I say hesitantly as I try to hide how opposed to the idea I am by leaning on the countertop and smiling.

This is going to be a hell of a lot awkward.

"Oh, and maybe you could invite your friend? Your father should be home any minute now," she says and I don't know if she added the last sentence to dissuade me from inviting my "friend" or simply because she forgot to mention it earlier.

"I'll ask my boyfriend if he is available tonight," I lie to her, putting the emphasis on the word 'boyfriend'.

But I don't think tonight is the right moment for him to be officially introduced to my parents, not with all the drama with Hannah threatening to blow up. I don't want to drag Nathan into this even more than he already is.

I leave the kitchen and head to the bathroom. I groan when I see my reflection in the mirror. My eyes are red and puffy and my mascara is definitely not waterproof. I'm glad my mother didn't pay attention to my look, I'm not ready for a questioning. I remove the strain of makeup and splash my face with cold water a few times. My eyes are a little less puffy but still red. I'll just put it on my lack of sleep. I reapply mascara and head back downstairs to help my mother.

It's almost seven in the evening when we are done and with each minute that passes, I can feel the apprehension of seeing Hannah rise inside of me. What am I supposed to tell her?

"Oh hey, Aaron told me everything and this is really fucked up. By the way, did you know Hashley was bullied? Probably not, you would have told me. But then, I thought you would have told me about Aaron and Hashley. What the hell is wrong with me that you all keep secrets from me?"

I sigh at the thought of confronting her. If I had a say in all this mess, I would lock myself up in my bedroom and leave them deal with it. I'm definitely not up for drama. Ever.

"So is your boyfriend coming?" My mother asks, interrupting my thoughts as she leans on the countertop in front of me.

"No, he's busy tonight," I lie, and my mother's lips press together to form a thin line. "Maybe next time," I add and she nods before pushing on the countertop and turning her back to me.

"He is going to miss the big announcement," she states with a shrug and I frown.

"What big announcement?" I ask her and she shakes her head pointing at the door.

"You should go open the front door, Hannah and her mother just arrived," she says, completely ignoring me.

"Mom-" I start but she cuts me off.

"The door, Jade," she repeats and I let out a sigh.

I reluctantly leave the kitchen and head for the front door. I internally pray that Hannah will pretend everything is fine between the two of us, I don't want to deal with this in front of our families. I close my eyes for a couple of seconds to brace me for the night and finally turn the knob with a large smile.

"Hey!"

"Hey! How are you?" Hannah greets me with a hug and I try my best to not let appear how taken aback I am.

"I'm fine and you?" I ask her in the same excited tone.

"I'm great!" She replies and I move aside to let her and her mother in.

After greeting her mother, I lead them both in the dining room where my mother is laying the napkins.

Everything goes so well, I almost forget everything that happened with Hannah, she can really put up the act. I'm not really talkative but nobody notices it as it is not unusual from me. What is unusual is that I barely touched my food. I can't help but think about all the things I learned in the last twenty-four hours.

When I stand up to help my mother clear the table and bring the dessert, we both find yourselves in the kitchen and she puts a hand on my arm to catch my attention.

"You alright sweety? You've barely eaten anything," she asks with concern.

I can't help but smile. I've missed this concerned side of her.

"Yes, I'm just tired I guess," I tell her and give her a quick kiss on the cheek.

I grab the dessert plate and head back to the living room just as my father enters the house.

"Hi! I'm so sorry, my flight has been delayed," he explains before putting down his small black suitcase and walking towards us to give us all a quick hug. "I haven't missed the announcement, have I?" He adds as he takes a seat next to my mother, who has returned from the kitchen with a chocolate cake.

"No, you're right on time," my mother smiles at him and grabs an envelope from the sideboard behind them. "Jade, sit with us please."

I push my chair and sit down with a suspicious look. I hate surprises because I can't control them. My parents exchange a silent nod before my mother hands me the envelope.

"You've been accepted at Portland State University! In the music department!" she exclaims, not being able to hold her excitement any longer.

Everyone around me starts to scream in excitement and talk loud about the possibilities this university is offering me. I, on the other hand, stare blankly at the acceptance letter. I remember the fight we had about my college education about a year ago and we never talked about it again as my parents thought it was settled. If I agreed to not follow my dream of going to Boston then they would let me study music instead of law in Portland. I never agreed to that. Actually, I didn't apply to any college.

"I didn't apply here. How did you do this?" I ask her and her smile falters for a second before coming back.

"Your father and I applied for you. I know how much you want to study music and I thought it would be a great opportunity for you!" She says and it takes everything in me to stay calm.

How could she? I grip the letter as a single tear of rage fall down my cheek. I wipe it discretely and stand up.

"If you will excuse me, I need to go to the restroom," I try to say calmly but it's hard to sound calm with greeted teeth.

I run up the stairs and storm in my bedroom. After everything I went through, I forgot to apply to a university. Well if I'm honest with myself, I didn't want to go to university yet. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself, but I'm not ready to follow my dream when Hashley's came to a halt so fast. We should have shared that, me in the Boston Conservatory and her at the other end of the world helping children learning how to read. She would have encouraged me and I would have supported her. And even though I know I can't stop living because she's not here anymore, I'm not ready for that step yet. I don't even know what my dream is anymore.

I tear the letter in tiny pieces and throw them in the trashcan. I'll figure out what to do with my life eventually and I know for sure I don't want to follow what my parents chose for me. I don't want to live their dream for me, I want to live my own. I just have to figure out what it is.

A soft knock on my door forces me to push back these thoughts at the back of my head.

"Come in," I say flatly, half expecting my mother to barge into my room and yell at me for not realizing the chance that is offered to me.

But instead, Hannah opens the door and closes it behind her. I know I can't avoid that talk forever but I wish it would have happened later.

"Hey," she walks up to my bed and takes a seat next to me. "I know we've not been seeing eye to eye lately and I want to fix things because I miss my best friend. So much."

I close my eyes for a few seconds before letting go of the truth.

"I know everything, Hannah," I tell her and I can see the color leave her face.

"Wh-What do you mean?" she barely manages to ask as her bottom lip starts to tremble.

"Aaron told me. About him and Hashley, about what you did."

"I'm so sorry!" she burst out, tears streaming down her face.

"You don't have to be sorry. Although I wish you would have told me, I understand why you didn't. It wasn't your secret to tell. Hashley should have been the one to talk about the fact that she's been dating Aaron for months," I try to reassure her even though I'm taken aback by her reaction.

I never thought she would be so remorseful about this. But Hannah has always been one to make a fuss about everything.

"Oh," she says as she wipes her tears away and regains her composure. "I- Yeah, I mean I didn't want to betray Hashley but at the same time it felt like I was betraying you."

I shake my head and cross my arms. "I'm not mad at you for that. I'm mad at you for what you said to Aaron a few days ago. This is the only explanation you owe me."

"What do you mean?" she asks with a confused look.

"I don't recall your exact words but I clearly remember you calling my sister a slut. Let me tell you that right now it takes everything in me to not slap you again. And you know I'm far from being a violent person," I clarify as press my hands between my thighs to calm me.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't remember saying that. You probably heard it wrong, you were having a panic attack. I do remember getting carried away, yes, but I would have never insulted Hashley," she tells me and stares right into my eyes.

"But I'm sure I-" I begin but she interrupts me.

"I didn't, Jade," she puts a hand in my back. "She was my best friend, never in a million years I would have called her that. Especially since I know it's not true."

Did I hear it wrong? My brain tries to recall her words but I can't. She's probably right, I didn't expect her to be with Aaron and the shock of this and my panicky attack messed with my memories.

"I'm sorry, Hannah," I tell her and wrap my arms around her. It feels so good to have my best friend back.

She hugs me tightly and whispers in my ear. "It's alright, we all make mistakes."