"Truth is something I've grown apart lately. I found it easier to survive each day by lying to myself.

Every day that passes, you feel a little bit better. Your parents don't avoid looking at you because you remind them of your sister, they love you. One day, you will feel better and whenever you will think about your sister, a smile will form on your face as you reminisce the good time you had together. Your boyfriend loves you and everything is perfect between the two of you.

Some would say it's just about staying positive in your life. I would say it's just a way to feed yourself with lies until you don't remember what the word truth means.

But the truth comes back at you. You can keep running, it runs faster. And one day it's there, right in front of you. And you have no other choice but to take it. Because the lies you pilled up in your head are crumbling down one by one and you need something to hold on to. And at this precise instant, there is only the truth.

Now, do you still want to know the truth?"

It has been three weeks since the incident at the wedding, two weeks since I last saw my father and one week and a half since I last saw Nathan. The last statement is the worst. His absence is hard to bear. He stayed really elusive about why he hasn't been to school lately. He would tell me he was ill and each time I asked if I could come visit him, he would either not answer or he would tell me he didn't want me to be ill because of him. This is all bullshit.

He has been distant for the last two weeks and if I was really honest with myself, I would probably admit that it started right after the wedding. But I'm not, I'd rather lie to myself so I don't think I'm the reason behind this. I'm so stupid.

But since I can't seem to say what is on my mind without overthinking it, I keep my mouth shut and deal with the internal conflict in my heart. Although I try not to think too much about the situation, I can't spend more than five minutes without thinking about him.

I pull into the parking lot of the coffee shop and park my car on the far end of it. Drowning myself in work seems to be a good idea, I might even do overtime work. Just as I'm about to open the back door Nina flies it open, carrying two heavy trash bags. I help her throwing them in the dumpster and then wipe my hand on my jeans as she does the same on her brown apron.

"We better get back inside before it starts raining," she says as I feel the first drops of rain on my face.

Great, even the weather suits my mood.

* * *

My shift is almost over and I seriously consider taking the next one as well. My feet are aching and I have spilled coffee all over me but at least I don't think about him. I just did. Damn it.

I slowly shake my head as I pour milk into a cup.

"Everything is alright?" asks Nina, a frown appearing on her forehead. "You've been really quiet today."

"Yeah, everything is fine," I tell her, looking right into her eyes with a large smile.

She returns my smile without questioning me further and goes back to the counter with three cups in her hands. I sigh and follow her. Sometimes I hate myself for lying like this but I really don't want to talk about Nathan right now. What's the point?

I place the two hot chocolates in front of the customer and wait for her to pay. I thank her and take the next order. As I'm about to head for the machines, Hannah enters the coffee shop with a bright smile, probably the biggest smile I've ever seen on her face. I'm a little taken aback for a few seconds. I know she was supposed to be out of the hospital today after the fever that forced her to stay three more weeks there. But I definitely wasn't expecting her to come here. I'm about to call her name but she turns her back to me, looking at the door. She glances back at the numerous customers with a frown and leaves the room.

Someone tap lightly on my shoulder and I take a look at the person standing behind me. Garry, the other employee of the coffee shop, smiles at me and tell me he is here to replace me since my shift is over.

Right on time, Garry.

I quickly take off my apron and put on my coat. I want to see Hannah, I want to know how she is doing. I almost run to the front door of the coffee shop but stop dead in my track as I hear her shout.

"It has always been her but what about me? When are you going to see me? I thought you did, after all the time we spent together these past few months but I was wrong. You just keep hoping this slut will come back here and apologize. But she won't, Aaron, because she's freaking dead!"

I haven't made a move. I can't move. I can't even process what Hannah has just said. My brain has shut down everything, it flipped in a protection mode as I stare at Hannah's back. I don't even know if I'm angry or sad, it just feels like I'm floating around. I don't even know what surprises me the most: the harsh words of Hannah or the fact that Aaron is standing in front of her, his eyes glued to me. I saw the expression on his face change from pissed to a mixture a feeling I can't even describe. I can't look at his face right now because he reminds me of myself when I saw my sister on her bedroom floor. I pretty sure I heard his heart torn into tiny pieces when Hannah shouted at him.

I'm so confused right now, I don't understand a single thing about what is happening. I'm staring at the concrete now, trying to make sense of the mess in my brain. Hannah. Aaron. Hashley.

Tears are falling on my cheeks but I don't bother wiping them away. I don't even know why I react this way. I shouldn't cry, I should be in front of Hannah to ask her who she is talking about. But I know exactly whom it is about.

I can't breathe, I can't see anything, I can't hear a single sound. It feels like I'm having a break down again, but there is something different this time. It's not a memory resurfacing in my mind, it's the truth. The harsh, violent, unbearable truth.

I gasp for air but I'm drowning. So I let myself sink further, stopping the fight I had against myself for the past months. Maybe Hashley was right. Maybe I should give up like she did, what's the point of fighting for a battle I already know I'm going to lose?

I feel a hand on my cheek, another one on my shoulder, shaking me. I don't react. I don't care. I just want everything to end because I know that when I'll gather my thought and come back to reality, my feelings will crush me, destroy me. This time they won't break my heart, they already took care of that eight months ago. No, this time, they will take the remaining pieces and leave with them.

Someone slap me on the cheek. Hard. I reluctantly come back to reality to see Hannah kneeling in front of me, her eyes wide with shock as she brings a hand to cover her mouth.

"She's fine everyone, there is no need to call an ambulance," she says in a loud voice at the few people that gathered around us. "Jade, are you alright?"

I don't answer but I stare right into her eyes, trying to catch something else than worry. Remorse? Guilt?

Nothing. Her eyes don't show a single emotion.

"I tried to call Nathan but he didn't answer his phone," she adds, standing up.

The crowd that had formed around us disperses and the three of us are left in a heavy silence.

I look down at my trembling hands and try to think of something to say. But there is nothing to say. She holds her hand in front of her for me to take but I don't. I try to stand up holding the wall behind me. My knees are weak and I can barely stand without leaning against the wall.

"Are you okay?" she asks for the second time, looking everywhere but at me.

My voice is almost inaudible as I tell her I'm not. I don't think she has even heard me. She keeps glancing on her left. When I turn to look, I can see Aaron hasn't moved. He looks at the pavement, a tortured expression on his face. I quickly look away, I don't want to see how it looks like to have a breakdown, I already know how it feels. I don't wait for her to talk to me and run to my car.

As soon as I sit in the driver's seat, I can feel my eyes tingling because of the upcoming tears. I don't want to cry again. I just want to understand what happened. Or maybe I don't.

I hit the steering wheel several times, letting my anger and frustration out for a few minutes. What the hell is wrong with them? I put my hands on my face and yell the loudest I can.

I can't believe what just happened. I'm so confused right now I don't know if I'm mad, sad or frustrated. I wipe the tear off of my cheek and jerk the door open. The only way to get the answer to my questions is to go back and ask them. This time I run up to them and let out the words that have been stuck in my head for the past ten minutes.

"What the hell?" I yell at them, throwing my hands in the air.

Aaron hasn't even moved from his spot since I left them. Hannah is staring at him as if she was expecting something. None of them even glance at me, which infuriates me. I step in between them and come directly to face with Hannah.

"Tell me!" I say, pushing her to get something out of her, some kind of reaction. There isn't a glimpse of remorse or sadness when her eyes shift from Aaron to me. She looks like a completely different person, there is no trace of the girl I had known for eight years.

"Don't," she simply answers.

Before I can even register what I'm doing, my fist meets her cheek in an awful sound. The satisfaction of letting my anger out is instantly replaced by remorse. What kind of person am I?

"Did you just punch me in the face? What the hell?" she yells, taking a step back as she brings a hand to her left cheek.

"Well, that's what I've been wondering since I heard you insult Hashley," I say under my breath, turning away.

I wince in pain as soon as I turn my back to them. My right hand is hurting me so much I can't even touch it. I might have broken something. Damn it. I can't even be strong enough for this.

I know I should apologize, but I can't. I regret punching her so much but I'll regret it even more if I apologize. She has been acting so weird since Hashley left us. Never she would have talked about her that way, it was like she was spitting her name when she said to Aaron she was gone. What does all of this have to do with him?

I take one last glance at them and they are both looking at me, Aaron with a blank expression and Hannah with shock and sadness. Once I reach my car, I open the door and struggle to get inside without hurting my hand even more. A hysterical laugh escapes my throat. I bury my face in my valid hand, laughing and crying at the same time.

I can't help but laugh at my stupidity. I think I'm going crazy. Or maybe I was already crazy but didn't notice until now.

My laugh stops when I hear a knock on my window. I don't want to look up. Maybe if I don't move they will go away. I stay in the same position for a few more seconds, until they knock on my door again. I squeeze my eyes and let out a quick breath.

Not Hannah, please, not her.

I look up to meet Aaron's eyes. This is way worst. Maybe if I'm quick enough to ignite the car and put it in reverse, he won't bother talking to me. Who am I kidding? I can't even slide my hand into my right pocket to grab the keys, there is no way I'll be able to drive the car. I reluctantly open the window, looking right in front of me to avoid his eyes.

"What do you want?" I ask him, a bit too harsh.

"You can't drive," he says, no emotion in his voice.

I don't know why, but I realize that he always seems dead inside, the only emotion I've ever seen on his face is anger. I've never seen him smile, not that I care, but maybe he would be less of a jerk if he allowed himself to smile sometimes.

"I can. Now get your hands off of my car so I can leave," I tell him, trying to reach for my keys with my left hand.

"Get off the car, I'm driving you to the hospital," he opens the door and waits for me to get out.

"I can perfectly handle myself," I say, reaching for the door and closing it. "Now move aside so I don't crush your feet"

I finally manage to get the keys and move on to the next step: igniting the car. I wince as I try to turn the key.

"Don't be stubborn and get out," he says again.

Getting in a car with him is the last thing I want to do. I don't want to end up burned to death in the woods. But I don't have much of a choice here.

"Fine," I sigh and open the door. "I'm going to call an uber," I add before grabbing my phone. I'm about book one when I realize I don't have a single dollar on me.

Shit, this is the second worst day of my life.

"Don't be silly and give me your keys," Aaron says and I give him what he asked for.

"Don't try to kill me, I'm already having the shittiest day of my life, I don't need you to add things on top of that," I tell him as I climb on the passenger seat.

He doesn't say a word and puts the car in reverse. The drive is silent. I have so many questions I would like to ask him. I'm not sure I want the answer, but I feel like I should know. Before I can gather the courage to ask a single question, the car stops.

"Get out," he says killing the engine and stepping out of the car. I follow him inside the hospital, through the different units until we reach the emergency room.

"Wait here, I'll be back in a minute," he tells me, pointing towards the waiting room. I patiently sit there and wait.

* * *

He didn't come back in a minute and I'm thankful for that. It would have been quite awkward to wait with him next to me. I waited for an hour before a nurse came to me and indicated me to follow her into another room. The doctor told me I broke my thumb, which is quite ridiculous if you think about it.

"How did you hurt yourself?" he asks as he finishes putting my hand in a cast.

"I fell off my bike," I lie and he just nods.

"Well you won't be able to get back on your bike for at least a month," he says and takes off his gloves. "Wait for the nurse to give you some painkillers and you will be free to go."

The doctor leaves and after swallowing the medicine the nurse handed me, I'm quickly on my feet, ready to leave. I hate hospitals. Aaron must have left and I'm about to do the same, I just don't know how yet. My parents won't be home for another two days and I'm not sure my boyfriend remembers I exist. Obviously, I can't call Hannah. Can this day get any worse?

I just have to walk back home. I go through the exit doors but instantly curse at myself when I reach my car for being even more stupid than I thought I could be. I walk back inside and begin to look for Aaron, praying that he still is here. He kept the keys of my car, which are on the same bunch than the keys of my house.

After half an hour, I finally find him. I'm about to call his name when I notice he is talking to someone but I can't see whom. He looks angry, his jaw is tensed and his fists are clenched. I walk up to him but keep some distance between us.

"Hm... Aaron? You kept my keys," I simply state.

As soon as I stop talking, Nathan walks out of the room in front of Aaron. At first, he looks surprised to see me, but his eyes quickly fill with worry when he spots the cast. He instantly takes a few steps towards me, resting his hands on my cheeks, urging me to look at him. I keep staring at the tiles on the floor, I don't think I can look at him without forgetting why I am mad at him.

"Jade, are you okay? What happened?" he asks, one of his hand falling from my cheek to meet my shoulder.

He softly takes me in his arms and I let him. I don't have it in me to push him away. My body relaxes against his and a sigh escapes my lips. It feels so right. He kisses me on the top of my head and pulls away.

"I'm fine," I say, taking a step back to get away from his touch. I can't let him mess with my head when I'm supposed to be mad at him. "Can I have my keys now?" I add, looking at Aaron.

Aaron reaches into his pocket and hands them to Nathan.

"What th-" I start but he cuts me off.

"You can't drive," he simply says, pointing at my cast.

"I don't need anyone," I lie, snatching the keys from Nathan's hand.

The look on Nathan's face makes my heart hurt so much I want to rip it off my body so I don't feel it anymore. I turn away before I do something stupid like kissing him and head towards the exit. Each step I take is creating a bigger hole in my heart. Now I'm mad at myself for feeling remorseful. I feel more remorse for Nathan than Hannah.

A sigh escapes my lips when I reach my car. I don't know if I'm relieved or even more pissed that Nathan is leaning against it, fidgeting with the hem of his T-shirt. He looks nervous, but he tries to hide it as soon as he notices me.

"I'm not letting you go home by yourself. Give me your keys," he says, trying to appear confident. But I can't tell he is afraid of my reaction. I'm not in the mood to fight right now, I just want to go home and sleep until I don't remember which day it is.

"I-" I begin, but he interrupts me once again.

"Just so we are clear, I'm not giving you much of a choice," he adds, folding his arms against his chest as he stares right into my eyes.

I shake my head and unlock the car.

"I was going to say okay anyway," I shrug and open the passenger door with a sigh.

Nathan opens the door and slides behind the steering wheel. I silently hand him the keys, the contact of our skin sending me shivers when takes them from me. He starts the engine and put the car in reverse, exiting the parking lot.

We don't talk for several minutes. I stare a the window, my back slightly directed at him. Talking is the last thing I want to do, I've got enough going on right now. I hear him sigh and jump when he places his hand on my thigh. I want to take his hand in mine as much as I want to push it away, so I leave it there, trying to ignore the tingling of my skin beneath his touch. We are two streets away from my house when he stops the car. I turn toward him and he has his eyes closed, pinching his nose, preparing for what is going to happen.

Do we really have to do this now?

"Do we really have to do this now?" I say at loud this time, looking away from him.

"We have a lot of talking to do," he answers.

He looks very uncomfortable, his left hand is gripping the steering wheel while his other his still on my thigh. He doesn't look at me when he speaks, he just stares ahead of him. But as I keep looking at him, I notice he looks older, as if he had aged of two years in the course of two weeks. He hasn't shaved in at least a week and the bags under his eyes indicates hasn't slept much in the past few days. Concern replace my anger and I can't help but caress his cheek to get his attention. He closes his eyes at my touch and takes a deep breath.

"Nathan, please talk to me," I whisper, my voice breaking at the end.

"God, I missed you," he says slowly, his eyes still closed as he leans his cheek into the palm of my hand.

His words resonate in my chest. I've missed him so much this past two weeks that just thinking about him hurts. Sometimes, when I realize how sad, angry or just depressed I am when Nathan isn't around, it terrifies me. I'm terrified of how much I need him, how much I love him, how I can't seem to be myself when he is not next to me. But what scares me the other is that I may be the only one feeling that way out of the two of us.

I trace the outline of his jaw and take his chin in my hand, turning his head to me. I forgot how mad I was at him. I want to kiss him so much, but I don't move and wait for him to talk.

"I just... I can't talk about it for now," he says and I'm more confused than ever.

"But you just said-" I start but he interrupts me.

"I was talking about you. What happened? Why would you hit Hannah?" He asks, looking straight into my eyes.

"Are you serious?" I ask in disbelief. "I haven't seen you in almost two weeks and you aren't going to tell me why?" My hand drops from his chin and back to my lap. "Why the only texts I received from you was just a simple yes when I asked you if you were alright or sick? Or why you never answered my calls nor answered the door when I showed up at your house? Don't you think I deserve an explanation?"

"Babe, it's complicated," he simply says and it throws me off.

"Oh really, huh? How complicated could it be that you let me send you ten texts before you answer? I was worried sick something happened to you! And now you just don't want to talk about it?" I yell and the look in his eyes makes me feel like I'm the bad guy here.

"I don't push it further when you tell me you don't want to talk about it. So please drop it," he sighs.

I'm so confused right now. How dare he turn something like that against me?

"You know what? Fine! I'm dropping it!" I yell and open the door, slamming it once I'm out of the car.

I quickly walk away, my cast flushed against my stomach. I knew it was a bad idea. Everything I did today was a bad idea. But I follow one more of my bad ideas because it seems like I didn't get enough today: I stop when he calls out my name.

I don't turn around though. I don't think I can look at him right now without slapping him, kissing him or bursting into tears. Three things I certainly don't want to do to him or in front of him. I hear him jog to reach me, stopping a few feet away. I don't make a move when his hand touches my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he says, but it sounded more like a whisper.

No, It sounded more like a breakup sentence. The one that comes right before the words that tear your heart apart, leaving the remaining pieces at your feet so you don't forget to step on it when you walk away.

"If you're going to break up with me, please make it quick," I tell him, as I raise my valid hand to cover my mouth and hide the irregular and heavy breath coming out of it. I don't want to sound too affected, not after what he has just said.

"Jade..." he says as he steps in front of me. "I'm not breaking up with you. We just need to talk and everything will be alright."

"How can we sort this out if you're not willing to explain yourself?" I ask, looking up at him.

"We have many other things to talk about, like why you punched Hannah," He answers, his eyes roaming over my cast.

"Well, as much as I'm tempted to tell you I don't want to talk about it since it seems to be the secret formulae to be excused for our actions, I might as well explain to you since you seem more interested in what happened with her than in how I have been doing for the past weeks," I take a deep breath in attempt to calm myself and I tell him the whole story.

The look on his face makes my heart drop to the floor. He looks genuinely worried for me, I even saw him tense when I repeated the insult. It takes all I have in me to take a step away from him and walk back to the car when I'm done. I open the driver's door and grab the keys. I'll just wait for one of my parents to come back home to get my car back.

"Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go back to my house and sleep for the next twenty-four hours since you obviously won't tell me anything and I won't spare any more time on this conversation," I add and walk away.

There are so many more things I want to tell him, but it won't do us any good. Instead, I take one step at the time away from the man I love, not forgetting to step on my heart lying next to him as I leave.

This time, he doesn't go after me. 

~

Hi everyone, 

I don't know if people are still reading this story, so to those who do, I'm truly sorry for publishing one chapter every 6 months. 

I wish I could update this story more often, I really do. But I'm not one of those writers that can publish 2 chapters a week (I wish I was), you have probably noticed that. I need time to write, I want every chapter to be worthy of being published here. Sometimes I rewrite a chapter twice before posting it because I don't want you to be disappointed. I know it shouldn't take months to update. Sometimes I just don't know what to write and I don't want to publish something I forced myself to write because it won't be good. 

So I'm sorry to those who are still by my side to follow Jade's story. I can't tell when the next chapter will be up, I don't even know what I'm going to write next. But when I do, I will publish it as soon as I finish writing it.  

Thank you for putting up with my horrible schedule when it comes to updating. 

XXX
Jxstmysxlf