"You can love someone so much. But you can never love people as much as you can miss them."

- J. G. 

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Andrew rubbed his forehead, keeping his gaze on the ground. He hadn't spoken a single word after the funeral. Not a single word to his parents, to Anisha's parents and nor to his children. 

And now, his feet were frozen as he stood just beside where she lay, deep within the ground. 

"Drew?" He barely looked up, his eyes still on the gravestone.

Anisha Hayes. 

Loving daughter, wife and mother.

Wife. His wife. His wife. 

She was gone.

His lips parted, his chest tightening as he barely acknowledged his mother. Anisha's mother standing beside her. 

"Andrew." His mother's voice was gentle as she slowly reached for him, squeezing his hand. He didn't say anything, simply just standing there, shaking, a harsh whimper escaping his lips as his mother gave him a pitiful look.

That's all there was to him. Pity, guilt and regret.

His eyes, blurry, yet focused on the gravestone.

And he wanted nothing more than to have Anisha hold him. To have her run her hand through his hair, to have her place small kisses against his forehead. Nothing more than to have her tell him that she loved him.

But there was none of that. She was gone. 

Anisha was gone. 

The only thing he could remember was her bony hands, her broken smile, her dull eyes.

Because of the marriage he'd fucked up. Because of the mistakes he'd made to ruin the woman he loved. 

Andrew stood there, shuffling his feet, breaking into a sob as his mother held onto him.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he covered his eyes, placing his hand over his eyes. Shaking with regret.

He could see glimpses of her. 

Shy smile as she bit down on her lip, reluctantly agreeing to go on a date with him. Eyes sparkling as he kissed her, under the stars. Twirling her around as he held her, promising her he was going to marry her one day. Blurry eyes as she found about his affair. Tired hands as she held onto him, promising him that they'd be okay. Dull tears as she let go of him and all the promises he'd ever made.

He slowly pulled away from his mother, his eyes set on the ground again, deep in the ground where she lay.

"Can you take Ryan and Mira home?" His voice was barely audible. 

"Andrew." He hated the way his mother stressed his name, full of disappointment. 

"Please. I'll be home soon." Drunk. Just like he had been for the last week. A mess, without her. Because when he was sober, the only thing he felt was anguish. And regret, for being the fuck-up he was. 

Unwillingly, she turned around as he didn't say anything else. There wasn't much he'd could say anyway. His mother knew of his mistakes, far from forgivable. 

He stood, silently. The cool breeze, the sunny sky, bright day.

She wasn't here. Anisha was gone. 

Loss was something he was far too familiar with. Loss, pain, he knew both far too well. But losing Anisha, losing her the way he had, he couldn't even begin to understand it. He still couldn't understand. 

"She was so adamant about marrying you." 

He jerked up, his cold eyes staring back at Anisha's mother. And for a second, he hated that woman, for being right about everything she had ever said about him.

"I told her she was being foolish. She was too young and she was making a mistake by marrying you." 

He didn't say anything as she took a small step closer to him, her eyes glancing from him to the gravestone where her daughter lay.

"But I was wrong." It was almost a soft confession, her voice gentle. "She loved you. More than anything." 

Andrew shook his head, his voice bitter.

"You were right." Almost nervously, he looked back at Anisha's mother. "Everything you said about me, you were right. I did everything you said I was going to."

He turned back, staring at the gravestone, his eyes glossing again. "I broke her heart."

His chest tightened, again, a sob stuck in his throat. Everything, it was all too much for him. Anisha, she was really gone. All of her. Everything. It was all over. 

"Andrew. I..."

"I cheated on her." The truth souring his mouth. "I lied to her, over and over. I told her I hated her, repeatedly. I told her." His voice cracked as he shook again, trembling with pain and regret.

"I didn't trust her. I...I ruined her." He stifled a sob, shuffling his feet back and forth. "I broke her heart, just like you said I would."

"I was the one who was wrong." 

He looked back at Anisha's mother, his eyebrows slanted, almost wanting her to yell at him, scream at him for hurting Anisha the way he had. He wanted her to hate him, to tell him that this was all his fault.

But instead she took another step towards him, offering him a slight smile, her cheeks colored with tears.

"I was wrong. Anisha loved you. That's all there was to it. Her father and I, we, we tried to convince her otherwise. I didn't trust you one bit. I still don't like you. But I'm sorry. I really am." Her voice cracked as Andrew leaned forward, almost wanting to comfort the fragile woman standing in front of him. "I should've been more accepting. She picked you and we resented her for that. I don't even know anymore." 

Like him, she was shadowed with regret, pain, loss. 

"She loved you. That's all I know. That much I do know." 

Andrew took a small step towards her before she turned around, abruptly, walking away from him. 

His heart heavy as he turned around to face the gravestone. 

Alone. He was all alone. With his mistakes. The mistakes he'd made. 

He let out a sigh, staring into space, his mind all over the place. His thoughts, everything it was too much. 

Mistakes, the many he'd made. Words, the ones he'd hurt her with. Lies, the ones he'd told her. 

And the three words he hadn't told her enough. That he loved her. He hadn't told her that, he hadn't shown her that he did. 

He let out a harsh sob, his eyes focusing on the gravestone. Stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pants, he shuffled his feet again, nervously, afraid.

"Anisha." He whispered her name, the wind carrying it away. "I'm sorry." 

"I'm sorry." He whispered again, his voice faint and his heart broken. 

Andrew stood frozen, staring at the sky as Mira came running, colliding against his side. He stood frozen as Mira tugged on the sleeves of his black dress shirt. He leaned down, picking up his daughter as she immediately wrapped her small hands around him, her chest heaving as she cried for her mother.

He pulled back, staring back at Mira as she rubbed her eyes, mumbling something about wanting her mother. Brushing away the fray hairs from her forehead, he placed a soft kiss against her forehead. Mira stared at him, bright brown eyes, just like Anisha before burying her face against the crook of his neck, begging for her mother. 

And Andrew knew one thing for certain.

He wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Not this time. He wouldn't.

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:) lol jk, I have nothing to say. so byeeeee