"They say don't let them it.
Close your eyes and clear your thoughts again
But when I'm all alone, they show up on their own.
'Cause inner demons fight their battles with fire
Inner demons don't play by the rules.
They say 'Just push them down, just fight them harder
Why would you give up so soon?'

So angels, angels please just keep on fighting
Angels don't give up on me today."

- Inner Demons by Julia Brennan

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Six Years Ago
Mira is about five months old

Anisha sent another text to Andrew. She'd already sent him two but this one was to let him know that Ryan and Mira were already asleep. And that his dinner was on the dining table.

He wasn't going to reply. She already knew that. Because he never replied back.

Anisha set her phone on the nightstand, right next to the photo frame. The photo frame with a picture from just a few months ago, when Mira had been born and Anisha had thought that things would finally be different.

Soft sobs escaped her lips as she picked up the photo frame and looked at it. Gently, she ran her hand over the picture.

"I'm sorry." Her eyes were focused on Ryan and Mira. She was apologizing. To her kids. For giving up.

Because for Anisha, everything had just came down too fast. She just couldn't take it anymore.

Her decision was final.

Anisha Hayes was going to end the pain tonight. She was going to set herself free. Once and for all.

These voices had gotten to be too much. She really couldn't fight anymore. She really couldn't deal with life anymore.

Neither did she want to.

She set the picture back on the nightstand. There was a white bandage on her wrist, covering the cuts she'd made the night before.

They were only small cuts, things she done to help ease the pain. Every time Anisha ran the razor across her wrists, she could block out the negativity and pain.

Because the voices in her head were getting to be too much.

In the last few months, everything had gotten to be too much. Andrew was cheating on her, again, even though he had promised not to. He hadn't told her yet but she already knew. Ryan had started pre-school and he was gone during the day. So Anisha was all alone with Mira. And all Mira did was cry every day.

Then Anisha would cry. Because Mira was crying.

It was all too much.

In the last few weeks, she had searched every bit of reason to live.

She hadn't found any.

Tonight, she was going to make seven little cuts and the eighth cut, it would be deep and enough to set her free.

Eight cuts total, one for each year she had suffered.

She simply couldn't be bothered with anything. Most definitely not with Andrew. Nor with life in general.

Anisha slowly stood up, making her way over to the dresser. She opened the second drawer, it was where she hid the box with the razor and a bottle filled with sleeping pills.

She pulled out the small box, placing it on top of the dresser. She uncapped the bottle with the sleeping pills and counted the pills, making sure there were at least seven of them.

She glanced up at the mirror and stared at her reflection.

Pathetic.

She didn't feel beautiful. There wasn't anything special about her, not one bit.

Andrew's mistress, she was beautiful. With short, blonde hair and bright green eyes.

But Anisha? Anisha was plain.

Her hair was long and dark. Her eyes were brown, dull, always filled with tears.

Anisha had always wondered what so special about Amanda. What Amanda had that Anisha didn't.

She looked at herself again and let out a pathetic laugh.

Fucking pathetic.

The question wasn't what Amanda had that Anisha didn't. Anisha already knew the answer to that.

Amanda had everything Anisha didn't.

Anisha wasn't pretty. She wasn't confident. She wasn't likeable. She wasn't anything.

She was always too much or too little.

But Amanda, Amanda was perfect.

Amanda was pretty. Amanda was confident. Amanda was likeable.

That was why Andrew wanted Amanda, not Anisha.

She pulled her top off, leaving her in a lace bra, and placed her hand on her stomach.

No, she definitely wasn't pretty.

Maybe it was the extra fat she had gained from carrying his daughter. Five months later, the stretch marks on her stomach were still obvious.

But Amanda, Amanda was young and beautiful.

Amanda was thin. Thin and tall.

Anisha wasn't. She wasn't anything special, especially compared to Amanda.

Or maybe it was because Anisha was too plain. She wasn't the kind of girl guys like Andrew chased.

Maybe, she really was worthless. No one wanted her. No one loved her.

Everyone would be fine without her.

Her parents were disappointed in her. Andrew hated her.

Things would be so much easier, for her and for everyone else, if she just ended everything.

Anisha opened the third drawer and pulled out the first lipstick she could get her hands on. She ran it across her lips, highlighting her lips with a bright shade of peach lipstick.

She was pretty. She wanted to fell pretty.

Instead, she felt pathetic as she colored her lips. The color was wrong. It looked wrong on her.

Anisha Hayes was definitely not pretty.

She looked pathetic, standing there and staring back at herself. Soft sobs escaped her lips, once again. But this time, there was no turning back.

Her cries slowly got louder. And the voices, they got harsher.

She was begging for someone to save her. She was begging for someone to love her.

But no one could hear her. And no one wanted to save her.

She grabbed the razor and pressed it against her wrist. The red blood immediately rushing out.

It helped. Cutting her wrists helped.

Because this was the only time she could silence the voices in her head.

So every night, she would sit on the floor, with the blood dripping down her wrists, and she would feel nothing. She could forget about what a disappointment she was for her parents. She could forget about the fact that she was reason why Cassie was dead. She could forget about the fact that Andrew hated her.

She could forget all about everything.

She smiled as she looked down at her wrist. Anisha was going to free.

She took one last look around her room, wishing the world goodbye. Letting go of life, and hope. Her eyes fell on the picture again.

This time she didn't feel anything. Nothing at all.

She picked up the razor again, ready to make another cut. She would be one step closer to being free of the pain.

Anisha was slowly pulled out her daze as the baby monitor went off.

Mira was crying. She wanted to be fed.

Anisha would have to wait a few more minutes. Mira needed her mother's milk.

Anisha grabbed a white cloth and placed pressure on her cut, trying to ease the cut. She wrapped a bandage around her wrist and slowly made her way to Mira's room.

Bright pink. Andrew had painted it. And he had promised that things would be different. But nothing was different. Everything was the same.

She would finish what she had started once Mira was fed and went back to sleep.

Anisha slowly opened the door and picked up Mira to feed her.

Anisha hated it when Mira cried. She hated it when her daughter cried. She wanted Mira to grow up strong and independent and never cry.

She wanted Mira to be nothing like her.

After tonight, Anisha hoped Mira and Ryan could forgive her. For being weak and pathetic. But Anisha needed a way out.

Fighting was too hard. She just didn't want to anymore.

She just didn't want to.

Anisha looked down at Mira as Mira slowly let go of her mother's nipple and looked up at her mother. Her brown eyes filled with wonder, sparkling with joy.

And Mira slowly smiled, her lips quirking upwards as she looked up at her mother. Mira smiled, fed but still refusing to go to sleep.

Mira moved her small hand, trying to reach out to her mother and laughed.

Anisha's heart broke right there as Mira smiled at her. Mira was full of innocence. She was in every way possible, the hope and joy her mother needed.

And Anisha smiled at Mira, pulling Mira closer and placing a small kiss on her forehead.

Mira's smile wasn't anything special. It wasn't even a full smile yet. But it was enough for her mother.

Enough for Anisha to know that someone would love her. And care for her. And give her hope. A reason to fight.

Mira's smile saved Anisha. It was because of little Mira that Anisha found herself trying to find a reason to be happy. She would be fine.

For the sake of her kids, she would be fine.

For the first time in months, Anisha didn't want things to end.She wanted to live. She wanted to try and be happy. She wanted to watch Ryan and Mira grow-up. She wanted to be there for them.

She couldn't help but think that maybe she could fight. Just a little more and a little longer.

Whether or not Andrew loved her, it wouldn't matter anymore. Anisha would love her kids. She needed them and they needed her.

Mira's smile held so much promise and hope.

And it was because of Mira that Anisha tried to hide the cuts on her wrist and sew the broken pieces of her heart together.

Little Mira didn't know.

But she was. With a small upwards quirk of her lips. Little Mira became the reason for Anisha to live.

That night, with the sharp razor blades within reach and the clock slowly ticking down, Mira Hayes saved her mother.

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Just felt like writing this lol.

BTW I wrote this while listening to this song and it's perfect for this chapter:

https://youtu.be/Jt6rk6_ysKI