"she saw love in empty hearts."

- r. h. Sin

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Anisha was on the verge on fainting. Everything was making her feel queasy.

Especially the weather.

If there was one thing about the California weather, it was unpredictable. Even in the fall. Especially in the fall.

Yesterday had been cool and chilly. Today was far too warm for her liking. She pulled out her phone, wanting to double check the weather.

81 ͦ F.

There were too many people around her. The walking was too much for her. She had gone on one ride - It's a Small World. Mira had begged her to go on the ride.

The boat ride had been fine. Anisha had liked it. But it was all too much. Anisha didn't have the energy to enjoy herself. For the past two hours that they had been at Disneyland, she had slowly trailed behind as Mira and Ryan ran around from ride to ride.

Every few minutes, Andrew would give her a worried glance. But she ignored him.

She fell apart, all on her own.

It was 2 pm in the afternoon. It was hot. And it was making her feel sick. Sicker than she already was.

She had taken extra strength vitamins in the morning. She had taken her pills. She had done everything she possibly could have to at least ensure that she would make it through the day, so her kids would be happy, that they would be able to enjoy.

Anisha started shaking. The world was spinning around her.

She always felt like this before she had a nosebleed. And sometimes, before she threw up blood.

But at Disneyland? This was the last place she wanted this to happen.

She grabbed onto Andrew's arm, silently begging him to hold her. To keep her from falling apart, anymore than she already was.

Anisha had hoped this wouldn't happen.

She didn't want this to happen.

Last night, she had gone downstairs and ate dinner. She had forced herself to eat, a few spoons of the pasta Andrew had cooked. She had taken her medication before she went to sleep.

In the morning, she had overslept. It was already ten when she had woken up. Andrew had told her that they could go some other day since she was still feeling a little sick.

Maybe he was trying to push their little trip to Disneyland to another day. Because after today, their future was uncertain. They hadn't finished their little talk. But Anisha knew that Andrew was aware that things were over for them. After Disneyland, they were done.

Anisha certainly didn't have any other days where she could go to Disneyland. The minute she had seen her daughter's crest-fallen face, Anisha had convinced Andrew to go.

She wanted her kids to be able to remember that they had laughed and smiled with their mother. That they had been a happy family. That there mother had loved them. But Anisha was falling apart now.

Her fever was still there. The pain in her stomach had reappeared.

Her hand gripped Andrew's arm as both Mira and Ryan stopped running and came back to their mother.

"Anisha, are you...um."

"I'm fine." She gritted her teeth, her grip tightening on him as he wrapped his arm around her, trying to hold her steady.

Anisha shook her head, her eyes holding despair. She couldn't make it through the day.

"I'm tired. I need to sit down. I can't do this." She gave Ryan and Mira an apologetic look.

"Help me. I just need to sit down." The words were a whisper. They were her silent plea for help.

No one could help her. Nothing could help her.

Andrew's arms were wrapped around her as he helped her walk over to the secluded bench near the Star Wars Ride. He handed her the water bottle from her purse and sat down next to her.

Mira stood behind her mother, wrapping her arms around her mother and smiling.

"Mommy, I wanna go on Space Mountain. Ryan said I'm a scaredy cat but I'm not. He's just a little baby. Can we plwease go on it?"

Anisha kept looking between Andrew and Mira. She gave Andrew a short pleading nod, begging for him to leave her alone.

Anisha wished she had the energy. She wished she had the strength to walk, to talk and to laugh alongside her kids.

But she didn't. She didn't even have the energy to smile. Everything took too much energy, too much effort.

She didn't though. She had tried. And she didn't.

"Anisha, we can go home. The kids have been to Disneyland so many times. We can bring them back another day." Andrew's voice held a silent promise.

He would fix everything. He would.

Starting from himself. To their marriage. To her.

Anisha could see the color highlighted behind his words.

Another day - because he expected their marriage to be okay now that he was sorry. He was sorry and now everything was supposed to get better.

But she couldn't get better.

Bitterness filled her.

It wasn't fair.

Why her? Hadn't she suffered enough her entire life?

She just wanted one day. That's all she wanted.

One day, where she didn't have to worry about the pain in her stomach. One day, where she could just laugh and smile without the constant fear of fainting. One day, where she could just be happy.

Where she could smile and just be happy.

And feel loved. And feel wanted.

Sad was the only feeling she knew. Being sad was normal for her, it was the only thing she knew how to do.

Anisha shook her head. "No, I just need a little break. You should go on the rides with them. Make sure Mira sits with you."

Andrew's lips parted, to argue. To tell her that she wasn't okay and they should just go home instead.

"Please. I'm fine." Even though she was far from fine.

She hadn't been fine for a long time now.

"Oh uh. Okay. Call me if you feel dizzy again." He leaned down, pressing his cool lips against her warm forehead.

Andrew turned around to follow Mira, who was already pulling her brother towards Space Mountain. He turned back to face Anisha, once again. He was scared.

For the first time, he was scared of losing her. The words were on the tip of his tongue again.

He couldn't understand the coded language behind Sebastian's words. Twenty-seven days.

Andrew was afraid. Anisha would leave him, leave him for someone better. That Anisha would leave him for Sebastian.

His eyes were focused on her, he didn't know what to say to her.

All of a sudden, it was though it was the first time he was talking to her. He could still remember the way she had smiled at him when he had down next to her at the library. He could still remember how nervous he had felt, the way he had jumbled his words together, the very first time he had talked to her.

The feelings were still there.

They had always been there.

Truthfully, there was only one person who Andrew Hayes had let into his heart. And she hadn't ever left.

"I love you." The words were barely a whisper, she wasn't sure if he wanted her to hear them. But the words were sweet. They slowly left his lips.

The weight of the three words weighed him down.

Andrew Hayes didn't know to love. The only woman he had claimed to love, he had ruined her by loving so.

Yet, still. The winds of a fairytale surrounded them, embellishing their broken hearts. There was a hint of promise in his words, in his eyes, in his heart.

Anisha's eyes darted upwards to his. His icy blue eyes were soft. For the first time, they held concern, and care, and perhaps love.

Her eyes widened and her mouth agape.

Love.

It was nothing more than a word for her. A stupid, four letter word that had caused her pain, over and over again.

There was nothing special about love. Love didn't mean anything to her anymore.

It had made her weak, it had made her pathetic. It made her a fool.

Love broke her.

The four-letter word meant nothing to her. It was the reason why she was like this.

Especially when it was his love.

His actions proved otherwise. Anisha knew he had other priorities. And she was at the bottom of that list.

But love? Did he really love her?

Before she could say anything else, he quickly turned around, running after Mira and Ryan.

Anisha's lip trembled. A tear slid down her cheek. And then another. A harsh sob left her lips.

She didn't want love.

Her hands gripped onto the bench, the world still spinning around her. She grabbed her jacket from the pile of her things that Andrew had left on the table. Anisha pressed the cloth against her nose as a few drops of blood stained the jacket.

The dark red liquid stained her white jacket.

She pinched her nose as a violent shock caused her to jerk forward.

It was all normal. It wasn't even a real nosebleed. She'd suffered far more than the few drops of blood that gushed out.

She pushed the cloth aside, grabbing the water bottle and spraying some over her face.

She tried to cleanse herself of the pain.

Anisha Hayes didn't feel a single bit of emotion.

The three words were ringing around her. She could hear him whispering that he loved her.

"Mom."

Anisha looked up as Ryan sat down next her, offering her a tight smile.

She could see the worry etched onto his face as he looked between the jacket and her.

"Hey, didn't you want to go on the ride?" Anisha quickly grabbed the jacket and stuffed back into her large purse. She didn't want Andrew or Mira to see.

"Did you have another nosebleed?"

Ryan Hayes was a little too quiet. He observed easily, he picked up on things no one else did.

He had taken after his father in that sense. Ryan Hayes knew how to hide emotion, to not feel anything.

He was quiet though. He didn't trust too easily. He didn't let anyone in. He was too reserved.

Already at the age of twelve, he had built walls around his heart. He kept everyone and everything out.

His parent's marriage had shaped him. It had made him resentful and cold. He wasn't ever going to let a stupid girl hold that kind of power over him.

He hid his feelings. That was all.

If there was one lesson he had learned from his parent's failing marriage, it was that love ruined people.

Love ruined people. It had ruined his mother. As he got older, he realized that more and more.

"I think you should see a doctor, Mom. That's a lot of blood." Something was wrong with her. And he had tried to find it what was in fact wrong with her.

Earlier that morning, when his mother had been asleep, he had gone through her closet. He was looking for the bottle of pills that Sebastian had handed her the other day.

Ryan was more than certain that they weren't normal pills. And he was going to find out what they were for.

Before he could look in her dresser, Mira had come stomping into their mother's room.

"It's just a little nosebleed. I get them all the time. It's no big deal." Anisha offered him a small smile. Her eyes slowly took in every aspect of her son's face.

They didn't have the best relationship.

But he still cared. She knew that. He still loved her.

He was growing up. That's all there was.

After all, she didn't have the best relationship with her parents either. She hadn't even spoken to her mother in more than a year.

No phone calls. No visits. Nothing.

But that was because Anisha was a disappointment for them.

That's all Anisha ever was.

She looked back at him.

Every time, it was same. She would only feel sadness whenever she looked at Mira or Ryan.

Because she wouldn't get to watch them grow-up.

His blue eyes still held a hint of innocence. And mischief. He was too much like Andrew. But in some ways, he was too much like her.

"Ryan."

Anisha needed to say goodbye to him too.

"Ryan, you need to forgive your father." She bit down on her lip, brushing the hair out of her face and keeping her eyes set on him. Anisha needed Ryan to forgive Andrew. For the both of them. "He's your father, Ryan. He's made mistakes and it's hurting him. He's sorry."

Anisha wasn't sure if she was capable of forgiving Andrew.

But Ryan, she needed Ryan to forgive Andrew. She didn't want things to fall apart after she left. She didn't want Andrew or Ryan to suffer once she was gone.

Ryan snorted, his eyes darkening in anger. "Yea, I'm sure he felt real sorry while he was busy fucking Amanda on his desk instead of coming home early to eat dinner with us."

"Ryan!" Anisha looked at him, shocked at his sudden outburst. This was his fucking problem. Ryan showed no concern for other people's feelings.

"What changed mom? You and dad have been acting differently since last night. I noticed it at dinner last night and then again today." Ryan offered his mother a small smirk. It was the only expression he offered. He seldom smiled. He seldom let people know how he was feeling. "So what did change? Did he tell you some more lies about how he's gonna change and how he loves you? Because we both know that's just a bunch of bullshit. Dad's never going to change. But you, you fucking believe him every time. God damn it, why can't you just fucking leave him already."

"Ryan, I...I" Because she didn't know how to leave. That's all it was.

"Are you really going to forgive him? Stop being a fucking idiot. I'm sick of this." He let out a deep sigh and ran a hand through his dark brown hair. "I'm so fucking sick of this shit. Dad doesn't love anyone but himself. He only cares about himself. He doesn't give a fuck about you. Why can't you fucking understand that?" He shook his hand, refusing to look at his mother. He hated looking into her broke eyes, her broken eyes filled with cracks of sorrow and remorse. "I wish you and him would just get a fucking divorce already."

Anisha knew better than anyone how easy it was to say that. It was so easy for her to say that she should've left, that she could've left. Even now, some days she would tell herself that she could've left.

But when she actually had to make the decision, everything was different. There was too much at stake.

"It isn't that easy. You don't get it, Ryan. It isn't that easy. It's never that easy. When I was supposed to leave, I didn't. I just couldn't. You don't get it but deciding whether or not I should leave was the hardest decision of my life." Anisha could still remember the way Ryan had stood in the doorway to her new apartment, teary blue eyes and begged for her to come back home. She could still remember the pain in his voice as he had stood there and screamed that he wanted his mother to come back home.

"When I actually had to make the decision, everything was different. Everything was a lot harder." She gently placed her hand on top of his.

Anisha paused, waiting for him to pull his hand away from her grasp. But instead, he gave her hand a small squeeze.

"I had to think about you and your sister. Everything was different Ryan. More than anything, your father and I wanted to give you and Mira a stable family. More than anything, I wanted to give you a family."

"I stayed. I'm not sure if it was the right decision." There was hint of regret in her voice.

Maybe if she had left, she could've fixed her broken heart. Maybe if she had left, she wouldn't be as shattered as she was now.

"Why don't you leave him now? Mom. Me and Mira are old enough. We, we get it. I get it." Ryan Hayes was sick of his parent's marriage.

Everything had come tumbling down the day he had walked into his father's office, only to find his father's hands on another woman.

"Ryan, just forgive your father." Her voice held a silent plea to it. She wanted to make things better.

Anisha always put others before her own happiness. Now, now she was concerned with how her leaving would affect her son.

Ryan needed his mother to scold him. He needed to be there for him. To give him advice, to offer him love.

He needed that from her.

But she, she wouldn't be there to give him that.

"Forgive him for fucking Amanda? For cheating on you? For ruining our family? For being a shitty husband? For making you cry? There are a lot of things he could be forgiven for but I don't think any of his mistakes deserve to be forgiven." Ryan shook his head. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to forgive his father.

Not when Ryan was the one who would wake up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water and he would find that his mother had fallen asleep on the sofa, up late, waiting for his father.

Ryan wouldn't be able to forget the days where he had watched his mother try and wipe her tears away before he or his sister could see her crying.

Ryan wasn't sure if he would ever be able to forgive his father. The kind of mistakes his father had made, they were not forgivable.

Ryan didn't want to be anything like his father. And he certainly didn't want his mother to forgive him.

Anisha closed her eyes, heaviness was surrounding her. She wanted to sleep. She was very tired.

"Life happens, Ryan. Sometimes things turn out differently than you expected them to. Me and your father, we were happy. God, we were so fucking happy together."

Anisha looked to Sleeping Beauty's Castle as it shined under the sun. It reminded her of the times when she had been a young girl. A ten year old girl whose parents had taken her to Disneyland for the first time. She had been awed by the beautiful castle. It had really been something special.

Ever since that day, she couldn't wait to find her prince charming.

And fuck, the minute she had found him, everything had been perfect. Everything had been so fucking perfect.

"Love is special, Ryan. People need love to survive. The way your father loved me when we first started dating, the way he made me feel, I don't even know how to explain that. I don't know how to explain how special and beautiful he made me feel. Even if it was a long time ago, I can still remember how I felt."

"And that's my problem. I was so stuck on what we had, what I had in the past."

She gave Ryan an irritated glance as he snorted, amusement highlighted his face.

Listening to others was another one of his weaknesses. Ryan only did what he wanted. And he believed he was the only one who was right, all the time.

"Fuck that shit. Love's just a bunch of bullshit. Come on Mom, you must've figured this out by now. No one truly loves anyone. People love what you can do for them. That's all there is to it. They love you for what you do for them. That's how life works, that's how love works. Love is just a reason for people to hurt each other. If love is as fucked up as yours and dad's marriage, then no thanks. I don't need love"

"No, that is not how it works." Her voice slowly faded at the end. Was that not how it worked?

She wasn't even sure anymore.

Perhaps, that was how love worked.

It was easy to fall in love.

For some people, it was even easier to fall out of love.

But for others, for people like her, it took them forever to even figure out when they should stop loving.

No one really, truly did love anyone then, did they? Otherwise, why hadn't her marriage worked out? Andrew hadn't loved her. He had loved the idea of her. He had loved the idea of having her as his wife. He had loved everything she was able to offer him. He loved the fact that she made his name better.

He had loved the thought of them being married.

Maybe that's all it was. Maybe that's all love was.

Anisha shook her head.

No, love was beautiful. Love had to be beautiful.

The love she held for her kids, the way she loved Ryan and Mira, that right there was proof that love was a beautiful thing.

The way Ryan and Mira loved her back was proof that love was beautiful. Sure there times that Ryan and Mira fought with her. But they loved her.

Love was beautiful. That's all she could say.

She didn't know what else to add to it. Maybe love was beautiful when it was reciprocated. When the other person felt the same. Maybe love was beautiful when it was young. Like it had been when Andrew and her had been young.

Hell, what did she know.

The only thing she really knew was that love had broken her.

All she knew.

Love hadn't saved her, it had ruined her.

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Lol, I changed my mind. I'm leaving this chapter as it is. I'll post 26 at 600 votes :) 

I originally posted 26 twice already but each time I get a notification either saying can't upload or can't connect to wattpad.