"Doesn't matter cause it's enough
To be young and in love."

- Lana Del Rey

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Two More Chapters Left ;)
Well for Anisha at least

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Andrew stood up, lips pressed as Sebastian turned to face him.

"Her vitals are fine." Sebastian paused, almost wanting to disregard Anisha's request to go home. But that was her choice to make, not his. "I'll fill out the discharge papers. She should be able to go home tonight. We can wait for her to wake up."

Sebastian fisted his hands, stuffing them into the pockets of his green scrubs. "I've told you this before and I'll tell you again. Anisha's good at pretending. She might not act like it but the pain's killing her."

He glanced over to Anisha, she lay asleep, weak, bony and frail.

A slight laugh escaped his lips. Almost regretfully as he realized how hard life really was, how ironic life was.

Twenty years ago, he'd walked out on Anisha. Simply because his sister had been sick. And now, twenty years later, he was standing by Anisha's bedside as she struggled against the same thing his sister had. 

"The cancer's killing her." He ran a hand through his hair, his vision clouding with tears and his chest, it felt heavy, too tight. 

Sebastian took a few steps, standing right beside her bed. He took her hand, simply holding onto her.

"You know I'm supposed to be professional." He looked up at Andrew, the room silent and tense. "I've done this so many times before. I've told patients good news and bad news. A countless number of times, I've stood in this exact room knowing that my patient wasn't going to make it."

"But this time, this time it's different." Sebastian let go of Anisha's hand, resting it on her stomach. She was sound asleep. Peacefully. Unaware of the two hearts that were breaking around her, because of her.

"I've said this so many times." He shook his head, his voice quavering. "Fuck, she doesn't deserve this. And that, it's just unfair."

"But that's life." Sebastian shrugged, glancing at Anisha for the last time. Innocent eyes, shy smile, nervously as she sat down next to him on the first day of general chem lab. 

"Some people get lucky and other people don't. That's what they say don't they? Everyone will tell you that it's all a just a part of life." 

"That's bullshit and even you know that." Andrew's voice was hoarse. His gaze was set on Anisha but every few seconds he would glance up at Sebastian.

"I know." Sebastian paused, glancing at the monitor. Her vitals hadn't changed. But they weren't the best either. Respiration and pulse, they were too low. "But that is life. It doesn't stop. You can't change things, no matter how much you want to. You can't take back the things you've said and done. You can't undo your mistakes. Maybe you don't have to undo them, you just have to learn from them."

"Because in the end, life just keeps on moving forward. Everything can change so fast. And life, it just happens so fast." Sebastian turned around, walking out of the room. He paused, his hand on the door knob. "I guess sometimes, everything changes too fast. And you can't do anything but sit there and watch as everything slips away from you. But life, people, the world around, it keeps pushing forward."

"Your kids, Andrew. You still have time to make things right for them, with them. I know you're scared of losing her." His voice trailed off. 

"I can't lose her. Not like this." Andrew shivered in place, with fear. "I...I can't even imagine...I can't live without her. She...She can't...Losing Cassie was the hardest thing I had to do. I was still young and everything just got to me. I fucked up, I know that. But..."

His lower lips, trembled as he looked back at Anisha. "But I can't. I can't even think about Anisha not being in the kitchen, drinking tea when I wake up every morning. My white shirts, she, she always colors them pink every time she does the laundry. And...and she snoops around Ryan's room when he's at school because he hides his math tests under his bed. And Mira, she's always following her around, pretending to play follow the leader. You can't tell me that I'm supposed to expect life to go on without her."

Andrew shuffled his feet, looking down at the ground, his voice cracking. "Because I can't. How am I supposed to go on without her? Life can't go on without her? Please, just...just do anything."

Shrugging, Sebastian pulled on the handle. This was not a conversation he wanted to have. Despite how much he wished things was different, he had already tried everything. "Life is going to keep moving on, forward, whether you want to or not. But your kids are what's left of your and Anisha's marriage. Make things right for them. That what she means when she tells you to fix your mistakes."

Andrew slumped down into the chair, a cry escaping his lips as the door closed. He rubbed his eyes before burying his face in his hands.

God, had he fucked up.

Unwillingly, he had always been aware of his wrongdoings, his mistakes. But something like this? He couldn't live without her.

Andrew looked up, at Anisha's sleeping figure, her chest rising slowly up and down. She whimpered every few second, as though she was hurting, struggling to live.

Every second, he was struggling.

He'd fucked up. God, he'd fucked up. 

Andrew knew he'd lost it all. Without Anisha, he'd lost it all.

Losing Cassie, it had been hard. But fuck, it sure as hell had been easier than sitting beside Anisha's deathbed. With Cassie, it had been easier than this. Because a phone call, that was all he'd gotten. A phone call that his sister was no longer. And with that, Cassie was gone. But with Anisha, he didn't know what to do.

Because with Anisha, it was different. It was as though he was watching her slip away, further and further.

Away from him. 

Every time Anisha moved around, every time the monitor beeped, every time she'd take a deep breath. His heart would race. The end inevitable.

He was going to lose her. And nothing, nothing was harder than having to sit there and watch her die. Watch her slowly dull, all at once.

And there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

He closed his eyes, choking down a sob, heavy heart. He was begging, begging and praying for her not to give up.

But it didn't matter anymore. He knew that.

He was too late. He was trying to hold onto the loose strings of their marriage. But it was too late.

All because of how badly he'd fucked up. 

"I'm sorry." Andrew choked out, his voice cracking and his cries filling to silent hospital room as Anisha lay, sleeping, oblivious to the fact that her husband was falling apart.

Andrew opened his eyes, grabbing Anisha's hand, holding onto it dearly. His vision blurry, hazy from the tears that clouded his vision.

"Anisha, I'm so....sor...sorry." He hiccupped.

"I know I fucked up. But please, Anisha. You can't. I can't do this. I can't live without you." He froze as she stirred a little, staring at her pale face, a pale deathly color. "I'm so sorry, Anisha. Please. I'm so...sorry." 

Everything, he could see it clear. The toll his mistakes, their marriage, his doings, how it'd all affected her was obvious. And for years, he'd ignored it, paying no mind to the hurt he was causing her.

He wanted nothing more than to see her smile, like she used when he was around. Hell, now whenever he was around, she always looked away. Yet, he could still remember.

The way her eyes would sparkle and she'd bite her lower lip, almost shyly, whenever he was around. And the way she'd look at him, like he was actually worth something, everything. 

She was the one who'd ever made him feel like that. Like he gave her the entire world. Like he was the entire world. It was obvious from the way she'd once looked at him. No one else ever had. 

But Anisha had. She had. 

She'd always looked at him like he was worth something. Something, everything. To her. 

"I'm the fuck-up. I always mess everything up." His heart heavy and throat tight. "But I'm sorry. Anisha, please. I'm so sorry. You...you're all I have left. I don't have anything. I only have you. Anisha, please..."

A harsh cry escaped his lips, his heart shattering.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't lose her.

Without another word, he nuzzled his face against her stomach, pressing his face against her, sobbing.

It wasn't fair.

Sure, he knew he's mistakes were many. And he hadn't ever even deserved a second chance. But now that he was actually losing her, everything was different.

To say that he'd ruined his own marriage was not far from the truth, that he understood. Yet, when Cassie had died, he'd blamed himself. In a way, he felt as though he was responsible. And more than anything, it was just easier to shut everyone out.

But Anisha, she was the only reason he had to live. Even if he'd done things that proved otherwise, Anisha was all he had.

She was always what he had. Because every night he came home drunk, she was there. Because every single time he needed a shoulder to cry on, she was there.

Maybe that's all it was. Whenever he needed her, she was always there. 

His soft cries, muffled. Small tear drops, moistening the light blue hospital gown.

His arms wrapped around her as she stirred again, awake this time. 

Anisha squirmed a little, hesitating as he continued crying, for her and the mistakes he'd made, before entangling her hands in his hair. Running her hand through his hair, repeatedly, playing with the soft brown locks.

She didn't say anything, the only sound of his cries.

She gave him a soft smile as he sat up and looked at her, swollen eyes. And her smile, it was all she could offer.

She'd already given him everything else. There was nothing more left that she could offer.

She froze as he moved closer to her, her lips inching closer to her.

Her breathing was already shallow but that was from the medications, the pain.

And she could still remember the last time he'd kissed her. Weeks ago. Under the starry sky. As she'd begged to be loved, for the last time.

She closed her eyes as he brushed his lips against her warm forehead. Mumbling incoherently before pulling away.

"And I thought-"

"You kept talking about your ochem professor and how he kept taking points off your exam. Something about nmr being the stupidest thing ever invented. I wasn't really listening. Because I couldn't help it. We were on a date, our first real date, I wanted it to be a date but you thought we were just reviewing for the next exam. And you kept talking about school and one midterm and them another. And I swear, I just wanted to kiss you, right there and then."

"It was the first time I realized I wanted more with you. I....I always wanted more with you." Andrew shook his head, his dark eyes boring back into her dull ones. He refused to look away. 

"The first time I noticed you was when you were sitting in front of me during class. Miller's lectures were so long and boring but you....Your notes were so messy. You had lines and sentences written everywhere. And you were using a green pen and I thought it looked stupid. It looked like scribbles. And I remember every time I'd look over, you'd always be frowning or zoning out. And it was so funny."

He'd loved her. He always had.

His words jumbled, he was speaking too fast. Trying to get the words off his tongue and ease the heaviness in his heart. 

"And then, before you went home for the summer, when we...we went to the pier all the time. And I swear, that day, I don't know but when I kissed you, everything felt right. Hell, for a long time, I'd known how right things just felt with you. But that day, I was more than certain. I wanted you, only you."

Nodding, he leaned forward, inching closer to her. 

"I love you, Anisha." 

"Stop Andrew." 

Anisha tightened her hands, fisting the blanket as she slowly tried to sit up. Instantly, he reached over, holding onto as he helped her sit up.

She shook her head as he held the glass of water in front of her. She took a small sip of water, to ease the roughness in her voice. Coughing.

"Why are you doing this now?" Her voice was somewhat of a whisper as she looked down at her hand, the one he was holding onto as though everything depended on it. "Just stop." 

Andrew sat back down. Struggling with the words to say now that she was awake.

"Anisha, I'm sorry. I know I've said this so many time before but I..."

Anisha shrugged, without a care. "It honestly doesn't even matter anymore Andrew." She grabbed his wrist, squinting, trying to note the time. 

"When can I go home?"

"About an hour. Sebastian said he'd be here around six and then he'd agree to discharge you."

"The kids?"

"My mom's staying with them. I called them and um Ryan wouldn't talk to me but Mira said she was playing with Aaron." He awkwardly fidgeted before looking back at her. "Do they know?"

"No. I told Mira I was going on vacation and Ryan, he knows something is wrong but I never told him what."She smiled, pitifully before looking away. "It makes me selfish doesn't it? I knew for five months. Yet I didn't tell anyone."

"When the results came back, Sebastian kept telling me that I would get better.  At first I believed him. But then I saw the results myself and I knew what each number meant." She could still remember the hint of fear that had clouded Sebastian's voice when he had confirmed her suspicions. And just the fact that had slowly started to surround her, that she was fighting for time. 

"I've always fucked things up. With you, with my parents. But Anisha, I really love you. I know. I...I've always been the kind of person who makes a mess of things. I've always..."

Anisha cut him off, refusing to listen. She just wanted to see her kids. She wanted to go home. She wanted to spend some more time with her kids. 

She looked at Andrew, her eyes dull. "I fainted at work. I'd been feeling weak for a while and I...I thought maybe it was just because of the stress and worry. Sebastian said he was going to call you and tell you that I had fainted but I told him to leave it, I told him that you were away on an important business trip."

"It was our seventeenth wedding anniversary. I spent the night alone, in this hospital. No one cared enough." Anisha shook her head, tears clouding her eyes. "I didn't need anyone to care but I wanted you to care. It was the day you'd married me."

"Instead, you were away with your mistress, on a week long vacation." Her voice wavered. No matter how much she tried to pretend like things didn't hurt her, they did. No matter how much she tried to pretend like she was fine, she really wasn't. 

"Anisha. I didn't-"

"Didn't know or didn't care. It's both of them right?" She wiped the stray tear, looking down at her hands. "You've never cared enough. That's all it is."

"All this time, all along, I've tried to convince myself that you did care. But your actions have always spoken louder than your words."

"I'm delusional." She was mumbling to herself. "Delusional and stupid."

"This marriage failed a long time ago. That's the truth even though I've tried convincing myself otherwise. Because I'm naive, foolish." 

"The results came back." She let out a dry laugh. The truth that she'd tried so desperately to hide.

Resolve, as she looked at him. 

"So be it, I was selfish." Shaking her head, she smiled faintly. " I didn't do it for you or for the kids. I did it for myself. Lying about it, maybe it was a way I could convince myself that I was fine. Or that everything would work out. Or maybe I just didn't want to admit it."

"Because you have have absolutely no idea how hard it is to fight a losing battle."

Anisha looked down at her hands, once again. Staring at the ring, the ring he'd given her. Her lips twitched upwards, almost a smile as she looked at the ring. It looked far too big for her bony finger.

"You were so full of promise. We...we were so full of promise. We had our entire life in front of us. Of love. And we, we had each each other."

Anisha took off the wedding ring, the ring easily sliding off her finger. She twirled the diamond ring, playing with it before looking back at Andrew. She reached out for his hand, still holding his gaze.

"This ring meant everything to me."

"Maybe because it was proof of everything you'd promised you. That we'd be okay. Me and you. That it would always be me and you. Or just the fact that you loved me. That you always would love me." 

Anisha smiled, faintly, her eyes soft. "Everything you said and did meant everything to me." She placed the ring on his palm, enclosing his hands around the ring. "But I should have given this back years ago. I should have but I never had the strength to. I wish I gave this back to you years ago. So here it is. I'm giving it back to you now. I'm setting you free. I'm setting us free."

"I held on Andrew. I stayed, heartbreak after heartbreak. Lie after lie. I held on, to everything. I kept every vow, every promise. But this is it. This is where it ends. This is where death does us apart."

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999 votes for the next chapter lol my bio midterm is next tuesday so I'll probably update after that. I had my ochem midterm today and I actually did better on this midterm than any of the other ochem midterms from 12A.