"I know so many last words. But I will never know hers."

- John Green

(lol I've actually never read a book by John Green before.)

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Andrew stepped on the accelerator, pulling into the hospital circle.

Rushing.

The phone call. The receptionist's words. Anisha. Hospital.

It was all spinning around him.

He'd been driving to meet her at the ice cream shop when he'd gotten the phone call.

Anisha fainted. She had. And she was in the hospital.

Andrew knew one thing for certain. And that was most of the time, good things didn't happen at hospital. Especially for him.

He slammed the car door shut, cursing as the roses fell to the ground. Scattered and torn apart. Without bothering to pick up the roses she'd wanted, he tossed the keys to his Tesla to the valet. He didn't even bother telling the valet to be careful with his car.

Anisha was all he cared about. He didn't know what was going on or what he was even doing. All he knew was that something was wrong with Anisha.

That Anisha was in the hospital.

His mind was blank. And he was surrounded by fear.

Aimlessly, he rushed, practically running to the front desk.

"Anisha Hayes, she was admitted a while ago."

He impatiently tapped his fingers against the desk. He needed to know what was wrong with her. Where she was and if she was okay.

He let out a frustrated sigh, drumming against the desk lightly with his hands as the receptionist smiled, unaware of how irritated he was.

"What was the patient's last name?"

"Hayes. H like hair. A like apple. Y like..."

"I can spell."

He shrugged as she looked at her computer screen.

"First name."

"Anisha." He awkwardly shuffled his feet around. "She's my wife."

"Okay. She's currently in surgery. She should be done in about an hour and she'll be transferred to the fifth floor for recovery. You can go on ahead to the fifth floor. Take a left once you get off the elevator and there should be a waiting room. The doctor will talk to you shortly after."

"Is she okay?" His breathing was heavy, nervous and fearful.

"I'm sorry I can't disclose patient information."

Without another word, Andrew rushed, pressing the up button for the elevator. He kept clicking the button, over and over, frantically.

He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated as he waited for the elevator. He looked around and his gaze stopped on the big board on the wall - a list of all the hospital departments, floors and specialties.

With furrowed eyebrows, he looked for the fifth floor, hoping to figure out anything about what was wrong with Anisha. Figure out why she was on the fifth floor.

Instead, he turned around as the elevator opened. He pressed the button for the fifth floor, his hands visibly shaking.

He was afraid. That's all it was.

He couldn't lose her. Not now and not ever.

Not when he was finally willing to change. To fix her, to fix himself, to fix them.

Whatever she wanted, he'd do it. He'd do anything she asked for. Whatever she wanted, he'd do it.

He just couldn't lost her.

Stumbling out of the elevator, he peeked into the waiting room before he turned quickly turned back around. He needed to find the doctor. He needed to find a nurse. He needed to find anyone who'd tell him what was wrong with his wife.

He froze as he found someone he hadn't seen in fourteen years standing just a few feet in front of him.

He noticed the two little girls - one in his arms and the other holding onto his right hand.

Andrew didn't say anything. Anisha was all he could think about.

He didn't care about Franco. He hadn't cared about him, talked to him since his sister's funeral.

"Hi um."

Andrew ignored Franco and instead looked down the hallway. He saw as a nurse walked out of a patient's room. She'd know something about his wife. He needed to talk to her.

"Anisha's fine."

Andrew looked back to Franco.

"What?" Anisha was only the word he'd heard. He didn't know why Franco even knew that Anisha was in the hospital.

"Anisha, the doctor said she will wake up. He promised that they'd save her."

"The fuck. What do you even mean save her? Anisha's fine." His voice cracked as he said her name. He shivered in fear.

There was something wrong with Anisha. He didn't want to admit it but he knew.

He shook his head, refusing to believe Franco. Instead, Andrew watched as Franco's daughter tugged on her father's hand, hiding behind him as she continued to peek up at Andrew.

"I think we should talk, in the waiting room. Mia wants to sit down."

Andrew looked down the hallway again, looking to find that the nurse was helping a patient. No one would tell him what was wrong with Anisha.

Dishearteningly, he followed Franco. He slumped against the cushioned chair. He took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled, trying to control his shaky breath.

"I...I met up with Anisha for coffee. And she, she was coughing up blood. She...she fainted. I...I don't know."

Andrew quickly jerked up, sitting up straight and his eyes darkening.

Franco shook his head, refusing to be intimidated. "The doctor said they needed to do an emergency procedure and she was going to be okay. He said that he knows you and he would talk to you once you got here."

"I'm going to go ask the nurse."

"They aren't going to tell you anything. You have to wait. Anisha should be out any second."

Andrew tapped his foot against the floor, impatiently. Nervous, afraid. More than anything, he was scared.

"Did they say anything about what was wrong?" His voice was laced with vulnerability.

Something was wrong with the woman he loved more than anything and he didn't know what it was.

A somber silence took hold. Franco has ignored his question. And Andrew hadn't said anything else.

Every few minutes Andrew would look down at his watch. Every second felt like a minute and every minute felt like an hour.

"Anisha called me the other day, you know. She said she wanted to meet up." Franco smiled as his daughter wrapped her hands around his finger. He looked up at Andrew's fallen face.

And for a second, he felt pity for him. Because Franco could easily remember the day he'd been in Andrew's shoes. When he'd been waiting in the hospital room, waiting for the doctor's to tell him that his girlfriend was going to be okay.

But then Franco could also see the similarities between Anisha and Cassie. Because Anisha had the same ambience of sorrow and heartbreak around her.

"You know I still remember everything you said to me at Cassie's funeral." He chucked, pitifully. "Something about how I was a pathetic excuse for a boyfriend and I couldn't even take care of the girl I loved."

"Yet I could tell you the exact same thing right now." Franco paused, shrugging as Andrew looked at him. "Aren't you a hypocrite now, Andrew? I'm sure you're husband of the year and all the shit. But then you can't even take care of your own wife, can you? You can't even take care of the woman whose promised to you."

"Fuck off. I don't want to do this right now." Andrew buried his face in his hands, hiding away from Franco's accusing gaze, the mistakes around him and the woman he'd wronged.

It was an indescribable fear. That was all.

Andrew didn't know what was going on. But he was filled with fear.

And all he could think about was Anisha. He shut his eyes as they glossed, swelling with heavy tears. He could remember everything about her.

A harsh whimper escaped his lips as everything fell apart from him.

For a second, he could remember everything.

The way she'd smiled at him, shyly as he'd convinced her to go on a date with him. And then, the way her eyes had sparkled when he'd twirled her around, promising her that he was going to marry her one day. And the bright lights flashing around her as he'd kissed her under the stars. And her soft laugh, mumbling soft sounds as they held Ryan for the first time. And her hands, entangled in his hair as she played with his hair, promising him that they'd be okay. That she'd always love him.

His lips trembled and he shook in place, crying and falling apart.

He couldn't lose her.

"Why does Anisha think you blame her for what happened to Cassie?" Franco quickly looked away, refusing to look at Andrew's pitiful state.

"God damn it, I said fuck off." Andrew's words were barely a whisper.

"No, you need to listen. I listened to all the fucking shit you told me when Cassie died. Now, it's your turn to listen. You told me it was my fault. And I'm guessing you probably told Anisha the same fucking shit."

"Cassie killed herself. You need to accept that and get over it. It's been fourteen years now. How long are you going to wallow in self-pity like that." Franco nodded, looking down at the ground.

It was the truth and Andrew needed to hear it. Just like Franco had needed to hear it to move on, to heal and be better.

"Cassie decided to kill herself. It was her choice. I couldn't have saved her. Neither could have Anisha nor you. Cassie didn't want be to saved."

Franco smirked, a slight upwards quirk. "You know I get it now. You and Cassie are real similar, siblings tend to have similar behaviors sometimes. And it's true. You both only care about yourself and yourself only. You're both so fucking selfish. Cassie only cared about herself and that was it. It didn't matter that I loved her or people cared about her. She only cared about her pain."

"You're the same, Andrew. Cassie's been dead for years and you only care about your pain. Your sister is dead and I get it hurts. Losing someone you love hurts. But you've intentionally done every fucking thing possible to try and hurt Anisha. It doesn't matter that Anisha's hurting because the only person you care about is yourself. You're in pain and that's all you care about."

"I'm not telling you this because I'm trying to get back at you for everything you've said to be. We both know the harsh things you said after Cassie's death. But you need to hear this. I couldn't have saved Cassie. I knew she was hurting but she didn't want me to help her. I couldn't save the girl I loved. But how are you different?"

"You don't even know that Anisha is sick." Franco swallowed, clearing his throat before he looked around the waiting room.

There was a picture of a painted flower. A beautiful flower.

"Our baby was stillborn. And things fell apart for me and her after that. And then she was gone. I was numb for a while, I had no idea what I was supposed to do or what was even going on. I...But I got over it. You can't keep crying about something for the rest of your life, Andrew. You need to get on with life, move on. And you need to be willing to at least try."

"I mean I did and I'm fine now." Franco smiled, faintly. "Doctor's don't always save lives."

"If Anisha doesn't make it, are you going to blame to doctor? The doctor's in the OR doing everything he can to try and save her. And Anisha did the same for Cassie. You have no right to blame Anisha. And you shouldn't blame yourself. Or me." Franco stood up, picking up with daughter and motioned for his other daughter to get up.

"I couldn't have saved her. I've thought about everything that led up to that point but you know I couldn't have done anything differently. And there's no way that I could've known about what she was going to do. And it's the same for you, Andrew. You've been so stuck on the past that you've ruined your life and your wife's."

"I mean, you don't know anything about what Anisha feels or what she's been through. You don't even know what wrong with her."

Franco looked up, nodding to the doctor as he walked in.

"It's the fifth floor, Andrew. Don't you know why they're going to transfer Anisha to the fifth floor?"

"She's a cancer patient. That's why."

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school is hard. I got intimidated by the syllabus already so after class, I ate ice cream and started stressing. And then I wrote this, probs why it's shit but idc

I'll upload the second part friday, promises. I don't feel like writing the rest of the chapter and a little bit is better than nothing or no?