"The girl he loves is midnight, like the blue of the sea cradled by the moonlight.
The girl he loves is verdant, the very green of the hill kissed by the summer delight.
The girl he loves is coral, as pink as the roses that grow in his mother's garden.
The girl he loves is crimson, red like the autumn leaves that lay abandoned.

The girl he loves I can never be
Because he's allergic to violets,
And violets are too much like me."

- Nikita

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Amanda stood and stared as he walked away from her. She was frozen. She was numb. She took a small step forward as silent tears slowly trailed down her cheeks. And she wanted to scream, to scream and beg for him to stay.

For once, just once, she wanted someone to want her. She wanted someone to love her, the real her.

"Mira looks like Anisha. Mira looks exactly like her mother. Fucking hell, Amanda. I swear if you say another word about my wife, I'll fucking destroy you. Other than that, I think we're done here. Don't bother coming to work on Monday."

And with that, he had turned around and walked away from her.

And he wasn't coming back. Because it wasn't her he wanted.

But she wanted him. She loved him.

And her heart, it had been broken again.

She hated the way she was feelings right now. She felt weak. Vulnerable. Pathetic. And she hated it.

She could feel her heart crying and breaking. Because he had left. Because he didn't want her.

Just the thought that they were over was tearing her apart.

It felt like a piece was missing. Because she wasn't sure how life was now going to be without him. How was she supposed to go about her life without him?

She felt like the ten year old little girl who used to sit in the living room every night and wait for her dad to come home. Every night she would tell herself that tonight her dad would come home and they could be a happy family again.

But he never came home. And all that hope slowly faded and turned into resentment instead.

And again, right now, she couldn't help but hope that maybe Andrew would turn around. Turn around and come back to her.

She knew she had no right to ask him to stay, to beg him to give them a chance. Because he was never hers and would never be. And he didn't want her.

And for the first time, the guilt was tearing Amanda apart. She could only hope Anisha could forgive him one last time. Because she wouldn't be able to endure the guilt of breaking apart a family if Anisha left him. And she hoped Anisha could love him the way he deserved to be loved, that the two of them could be happy together.

Because Andrew loved Anisha.

He didn't love Amanda. It wasn't her he wanted.

But that didn't make the heartbreak any easier for her. Because she still wanted him.

"And here I thought Amanda Lewis didn't know how to cry."

Her eyes widened as she recognized the once familiar and safe voice. She quickly wiped her tears, not wanting anyone to see her in such a broken and fragile condition, and turned around.

She smiled softly, because for the first time she was weak. And she was tired of pretending to be strong. She couldn't hide the pain she felt right now and all she could offer was a gentle smile.

"Of all people, I'm sure you must be the happiest to see me cry. I got what I deserved. Didn't I?" And she couldn't control the slight tremble her voice held. Nor could she stop the tears that clouded her vision once again.

"I left you for him and he left me for her." A small dry laugh escaped her lips and another tear slid down her cheek as she finally looked up and met his green eyes as he stood a few feet from her. As he stood a good distance from her, with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his pants and gave her a pitiful look.

Pity was the thing Amanda hated the most.

Because while growing up, it was the one thing she had become accustomed to.

And she didn't want his pity. She didn't deserve his care.

"Go ahead and laugh Sebastian. I'm sure you must've been waiting for the day I would end up like this." And she nodded at him, waiting for him to tell her that she had finally gotten what she deserved.

Sebastian took a small step towards her. He wanted to feel bad but he didn't. Because the only thing on his mind was Anisha. And how weak she had looked when he had tucked her into bed. Not only that but just before she had fallen asleep, he had given her the pills she was supposed to take thrice daily.

Four days ago, she had come in for her weekly appointment and he had asked for her prescription to be refilled. But tonight, as he had given her the pills she was supposed to be taking for the last few days, he had found the medication bottle to be unopened.

Which meant she had been skipping her medications.

And he couldn't help but wonder why. Why and maybe if she was trying to make it end faster. If she thought she could make it end faster if she skipped the medications that were meant to support red blood cell production and make her feel better.

"I'm not going to laugh, Mandy." Because he wasn't here to tell her talk about their past and the way she too had left him. But instead, he was here and trying everything in his power to give Anisha the happiness she deserved in her last few days.

All Anisha really needed was Andrew.

And Sebastian was willing to do anything to make sure she got that, even if it was just once, in her last few days.

Because he just wanted her to be happy.

"I'm not here to laugh. But I should, shouldn't I? You broke off our engagement and left me for him? For Andrew Hayes, who was clearly married to someone else?" He smirked at her discomfort as he reminded her of their past.

Because about ten years ago, they had been engaged. And he wasn't sure but they might've been in love. Or they might've just been friends who had decided to get engaged.

He had met her on Tinder. But he had actually been late to their first date. After that, he was always on time. She was the first girl he was truly serious about.

He had pictured the rest of his life with her. Just like he had once imagined what it would be like to spend the rest of his life with Anisha.

And just like Anisha, he was finally moving on. That was until Amanda simply ended things.

"I'm really curious about what's so special about Andrew Hayes? I mean Anisha married him and then you also left me for him? Though I am quite surprised. I get that you left me for a man who had more money and a better name. But a married man Mandy? Come on now. You threw everything away for a man who already had a ring on his finer and a wife waiting for him at home?"

Amanda wanted to cry and throw herself at him as he called her Mandy again. It was the nickname he had given her. Because Sebastian had cared about her.

But she wasn't truly sure if he had really loved her. Because she couldn't find it in herself to believe that he cared and loved her as much as he loved Anisha. Because she felt a part of him still loved his ex-girlfriend. And she knew he couldn't love her the way he had, still maybe did, love Anisha.

But Amanda really had loved him. Because Sebastian Knight was the kind of guy that was easy to fall in love with.

And she hadn't wanted anything more than to marry him.

But all of a sudden, all these insecurities and fears had taken over. She didn't know to be a wife. She didn't know how marriage worked. She didn't know how she was supposed to make things work.

Because all she had known was her own parents failed marriage.

One drunken night a few days later, she had ended up in her boss's bed, naked, with his arm around her and his wedding band clearly pressing against the side of her stomach.

And all of a sudden, Andrew began giving her his attention. And there was just something so different and perfect about him that she wanted him and whatever scandalous affair she was having with him.

Because she liked what she had with Andrew more than she liked what she had with Sebastian.

"How long have you known?" And for the first time, she felt guilty. Because she had done the wrong thing. She had made mistakes, costly mistakes that had ruined lives and hurt people.

But maybe if she hadn't let her insecurities of a failing marriage take over, then maybe she could've been happy.

She could've been married. She could've had kids. She could've had a family, a family that she so dearly desired.

She could've been happy with Sebastian. And Andrew, he could've been happy with Anisha.

But Amanda had made a mess of things. Because of one small lie. One little lie.

Because the feelings she had for Andrew, she hadn't ever felt that way towards Sebastian. And she wanted Andrew. Not Sebastian.

"Known about that fact that you've been sleeping with Anisha's husband?" He shrugged. "Three weeks actually. I didn't want anything to do with you after you broke up with me. And I know Andrew's been cheating on Anisha for a while. But she never told me who it was."

There was only one thing Sebastian regretted more than anything. And that was letting Anisha go when she had been his.

He wished over and over that he could go back and tell himself to not break up with her.

But she wasn't his anymore. Not his to love or hold.

"Three weeks ago. Anisha had a doctor's appointment and she wouldn't stop crying. That's when she told me who her husband was sleeping with behind her back."

He paused for a second and looked at Amanda's face. He could see the guilt, it was clear as day.

He didn't want to hurt her. But he couldn't get the image of how weak Anisha had looked tonight out of his head.

"You're just like her." His voice was soft but the words were cold. "You're just like your step-mother."

He watched as her eyes widened and she stared at him, the past few years falling apart in front of her.

"No." Her voice was low and she refused to agree with what he was saying. "No. No. No. I'm nothing like her. I'm nothing like her."

She was screaming furiously and sobbing uncontrollably. "I'm not like that bitch. I'm nothing like her." She took a step closer to him, her eyes holding every bit of emotion she felt- regret, guilt, fear, pain, acknowledgment. Fear and acknowledgment of the fact that she really was like her step-mother.

And she hated the way he was looking at her.

"Really now? You've been sleeping with a married man. You wanted him to leave his wife and his kids for you. Wasn't that the same thing your step-mother wanted?"

Amanda wanted to scream and yell at him. To keep telling him she was nothing like her. But she couldn't. Because deep down, she felt pathetic. Because she was in fact just like her step-mother.

"You are just like her. You've been set on trying to destroy Anisha and her family because you wanted Andrew. Isn't that why you convinced Andrew that Anisha was the one who responsible for his sister's death?" He smiled slyly as he watched her face pale with fear. "I've always known that their marriage has had problems for years. But when Anisha mentioned that he was sleeping with you, she also said something about how he hates her because of what happened to his sister. And so she told me everything that happened that day."

"I looked into it, you know. I really couldn't resist especially after she told me that it was your fault he even blamed her. So I looked into it. And I found some very interesting stuff." He raised an eyebrow, daring her to finally tell the truth.

Because he needed her to tell the truth. So Anisha could be happy for once.

"I didn't do anything. They were going to get a divorce anyway. After Mira was born, he was distant and they were fighting again. And he said he was going to leave her." And so she had done what she had. She had really thought he would pick her over his wife.

"That's bullshit. We both know that." Because Sebastian always knew Andrew wouldn't leave her. And every time he had thought they would finally separate, Anisha, a few days later, would say that they were working things out.

"Fuck you Sebastian. You've been hung up on her for years now. I'm sure you must've been waiting for the day they would get divorced so you could win her back." She reached out and took his hand in hers. "We're alike, you know? We're both in love with people who don't love us back."

"You ruined things Mandy. They would've worked things out. They were going to get a divorce when Ryan was three but they didn't. Instead they did work things out. And they were happy together. Even after Mira was born, they were happy. Until all of sudden, he began blaming her for what had happened years ago."

And it was true.

Because over the fourteen years, there had been many times where Andrew and Anisha had truly been happy together.

That was, until Andrew starting blaming Anisha as being the one responsible for his sister's death.

And after that, things never got better.

"They would've never worked out." She gently gave his hand a small squeeze. He knew the truth.

He knew how bad of a person she really was. He knew what a lying and cheating and manipulating person she really was.

But he wasn't judging her.

And she couldn't help but wonder why.

Because she felt disgusted with herself.

She was different than her step-mom. She was worse.

She had slept with a married man. Just like her step-mother. She tried to break apart a family. Just like her step-mother.

But unlike her step-mother, Amanda was the reason why Andrew was distant from his wife. Amanda was the reason why Andrew began blaming Anisha. Amanda had tried to ruin Anisha and pull Andrew away from her.

All because she wanted Andrew for herself. Just like her step-mother had wanted Amanda's father all to herself.

"They would've. He was distant but he was getting better. If you didn't lie to him, he wouldn't have lost his trust in Anisha. And things wouldn't be this bad. They would've gotten better." He pulled his hand away from her and reached into his pant pocket, pulling out a copy of Anisha's blood test results.

He had wanted to talk to Anisha about it tonight. But he couldn't.

Because the minute he had walked the through the door, the first thing he had seen was her laughing and smiling alongside Mira. And he couldn't remember the last time he had seen her looking so joyous and alive.

And he couldn't take that away from her. Because he wanted her to be happy. So he had stuffed her blood test results deep in his pocket where she would see and ask what it was.

"You were so focused on money and power. Isn't that what he could give you? You could finally be better than your step-sister especially by associating with the prestige and power behind the Hayes last name. But you ruined a family, Amanda." He slowly folded the paper, refusing to look up at her.

"You're just like your step-mother. Andrew is like your father, except that he didn't leave his wife for his mistress. Anisha is just like your mother. I'm sure she's spent hours wondering where her husband was and who he was with. Ryan and Mira, they're both just little kids." Sebastian looked up to the sky, a certain softness of pain in his voice.

His heart felt heavy. Heavy and tired. He couldn't help but remember the day he had first met Anisha. And now he wondered if he would even get to say goodbye.

"And Mira, she's younger than you were when your father left. But Mira's going to grow up in a broken family. Because of what you did." He paused and rubbed his eyes, running a hand over his face. "Her parents might not be getting a divorce like yours did. But Mira, little Mira, she's going to grow up without a mother. Because Anisha doesn't have it in her to fight anymore."

As a doctor, especially with the specialty he had chosen, he was used to having to tell families about both the good and most times the bad. But this time, this time it was different.

Because this time, it was about the girl he loved.

The girl he had loved, still loved and always would love.

"You know Anisha's very sick. And she suffers from depression. It's hard watching her suffer. It's heartbreaking to watch her slowly fade away. It's like I don't even know which doctor's appointment is going to be her last. Every time I see her, I can't help but wonder if that's the last time I'm going to see her." His voice cracked and he tried to hold himself together.

Because he'd rather watch her love and be with someone else than to watch her slowly dull and fade away the way she was.

"She's been sick for a few months. But that shouldn't bother you right? You'll get what you want. Andrew will be single and maybe you could be the next Mrs. Hayes. But what about Ryan and Mira? Don't you feel for them? Their mother is sick. They don't fucking know their mother is sick. Andrew doesn't know his wife is sick." He bit his lip to control the slight tremble in his voice.

"You should feel for Mira. She's what? Eight years old and she's going to grow up knowing that you ruined her mother's happiness." He unfolded the piece of paper in his hands and handed it to her.

So Amanda could finally see what a grave mistake she had made. And how badly she had ruined things.

He watched as her face filled with confusion and she finally looked up at him. He snatched the paper away from her and showed her the one number that made everything clear.

"Her blood count isn't normal. And she isn't going to get better." He looked down at his watch and shook his head slight. "She's sick. And since it's now 12:03 am, Anisha has only twenty-six days left. If she's even that lucky."

"I...I" Amanda looked down at the paper in his hands. She had no idea what do say. She had no idea what was even going on.

Anisha was sick. Very sick.

And her marriage, Amanda had ruined that.

And now, Amanda would regret what she had done for the rest of her life. Because every mistake had consequences.

All of a sudden, she broke down crying. She placed a hand over her mouth and held onto Sebastian for support.

She had ruined a family.

It had been one small lie. Enough to make Andrew doubt Anisha. Because Amanda knew how much losing his sister had destroyed him. He was cold, distant and cut-off after that.

But he never blamed Anisha. Until Amanda convinced him otherwise.

Because she had really thought he would leave Anisha. And choose her instead.

But this, she didn't except this.

"You're lying. You have to be lying. She was perfectly fine tonight. This is a lie." She shook her head and looked up at him, begging him to tell her it was a joke. That Anisha wasn't sick. Because Anisha didn't deserve this.

Amanda knew better than anyone, Anisha didn't deserve this. If anyone did, it was her. Because Amanda was always the one fucking things up.

Anisha wasn't. Anisha was kind. Anisha was good. Anisha was caring. She was a good mother and a good wife. And she didn't deserve this.

And Amanda couldn't help but wish that it was her, not Anisha, who was suffering with an illness that vowed to take her life.

Because Anisha didn't deserve it. And Amanda, after all the mistakes she had made and all the people she had hurt, couldn't help but think she was the one who deserved it.

"You ruined her life." His voice was hard now and it held determination, because he was willing to do anything to make sure Anisha would get to be happy, even if it was just once. "I suggest you tell Andrew the truth. Otherwise, I can get your brother's medical license suspended for violating hospital and patient privacy rules. Normally, I could have Anisha sue your brother for disclosing a patient's medical records to you. But don't forget Amanda, I'm the top contender for the CMO position. I'm sure by now you know what I'm capable of."

"And you, I'll fucking ruin you too. Falsifying medical records is a criminal offense." He took a step towards her and gave her a menacing look as she shook her head, with fear and regret. He gently brushed her hair to the side, his breath fanning the side of her neck as he leaned in and brushed his nose against her ear. "I can and I fucking will ruin you Amanda Lewis." His voice was low. And she was scared.

Because she hadn't meant to do this.

And she felt disgusted, truly disgusted with herself. She had lied. And she had ruined a marriage. And there was no way she could undo what she had done.

The guilt was tearing her apart inside. Because she couldn't believe that something was wrong with Anisha. That she was that sick.

And Amanda couldn't help but wonder about Mira. She had just managed to create more doubt in Andrew's mind about whether or not Mira was his daughter. And she wasn't sure what he was going to do.

But all Amanda could think about was how Mira would cope without her mother. Would Mira also sit in the living room every night and wait for her mother to come home? Would Mira also grow up, bitter and resentful like Amanda was? Would Mira hate her as much as Amanda hated her step-mother? Because it was Mira's family Amanda had ruined.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm fucking sorry." And she watched as Sebastian laughed and looked at her with disgust in her eyes.

"Sorry isn't going to change anything." She hated the way he was looking at her; she hated the tone he was using towards her.

She watched as he folded the paper he had shown her a few minutes ago and looked up at her, a dark look on his face.

"I suggest you tell Andrew the truth, Amanda. Otherwise, I'll show you what I'm capable of."

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I'm thinking of doing a Q / A soon. So if any of you have any question, do not write them here.

Write them here.

LOL Jk I don't care where you write them. And no I will not tell you what is wrong with Anisha. But a lot of you have already guessed it. ;)

I honestly might like Sebastian a little more than Andrew. He's so sweet and he cares about Anisha so much. Too bad he doesn't get her.

JK!!!!!!!!!! There actually be some Sebanisha moments at some point. But they're going to be sad.

What about Amanda and Sebastian? I mean they were engaged. Will they get together? And is Amanda going to tell the truth?

This is probably the longest chapter I've ever written lol. I got carried away. And now here's another useless and super long note.

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