"It's her gift,
to make everyone fall for her smile,
and push them away with her sadness."

- cynthia go

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Anisha played with her hands, refusing to look up at Sebastian. She could feel him staring at her.

He was angry. And he had every right to be.

She knew that.

Because Sebastian was the one who was forcing her to fight harder. Because he was the one who was doing everything in his power to try to give her another few days to live.

Last night wasn't the first time she had skipped her meds. She had been for a while.

Of the many pills she was supposed to take, the Iron supplements were the only ones she took every night. She also took the painkillers every now and then, sometimes multiple times a day but that was only when the pain was unbearable.

She figured that maybe it would end things faster. That maybe if she didn't take the pills anymore, it would all come to an end, even faster than it already was.

And last night, it was proof that it could.

She had felt it. Her body was weak. And it was slowly starting to shut down. She was finally giving up.

Because she wanted to give up.

Life would go on without her. The kids, Andrew, they all would learn to live without her. Everything, it would all continue on, just without her.

She was tired of all of it. Of crying. Of pretending to be happy. Of fighting for a reason to live.

Her blood count was lower than it ever had been. She was weaker than she had ever been.

It would all finally be over. Because she wanted it to be over. She just wanted it all to stop.

She finally looked up at Sebastian, worry and desperation clearly evident on his face.

She didn't understand why he even cared. She wasn't lovable.

No one could love her. Especially since the one person who had promised to do so had given up on her a long time ago.

Anisha didn't deserve to be loved. And she didn't want Sebastian to care anymore.

Sebastian finally sat down on the seat across from the hospital bed where Anisha was currently sitting and buried his face in his hands.

He didn't know what to do. He couldn't do anything. There was nothing he could do to save her. And he didn't know what to tell her. He didn't know how to tell her.

Twenty-six days was all she had left.

No, that was a lie. He knew she wasn't that lucky. She wasn't going to live another twenty-six days. Twenty-six days was the maximum number. If everything was well, she would get twenty-six days.

But Sebastian knew her case was complicated. Anisha was far from lucky. She wasn't going to get twenty-six days.

He had seen it throughout the years. Some people get better, other's don't.

He couldn't predict the exact number of breaths someone had left. That wasn't in his control. All he could do was give an estimate. And he did, he gave Anisha an estimate of twenty-six days.

But now as he stared at her, he could see her fading away right before his very eyes.

And he didn't know if this was the last time he was going to see her. If this was the last time he would get to see her smiling up at him, her eyes filled with hope that she was going to get better. If this was the last time he would get to hear her sweet voice saying his name, softly and slowly, emphasizing every character. If it was the last time he would get to look at her, to hold her in his hands and know what it was like to be in love, in love with her.

And he took in every little detail about her.

If it was the last time he was going to see her, he would remember every bit of it.

The light purple shirt, it was her favorite color. Her jeans were loose, proof of the weight she had lost. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail. Her face was pale and her eyes were tired, both clearly hinting at how sick she was and how much she had suffered.

He rubbed his eyes, refusing to cry. He was trying to be strong for her. He was trying to give her hope. He was trying to give her hope to fight.

But he was breaking on the inside. He couldn't help it.

He just couldn't. How could he?

After all, he was watching the girl he had loved, still loved, always would love, fade and dull right before his very eyes.

He watched as she stared at her hands, heavy teardrops falling onto her hands. She wiped her tears and rubbed her nose, still refusing to look at him.

And he ran a hand over his face and looked back down on the floor, his own regrets hurting him.

And he wished he had fought harder for her. He wished he had fought harder for her to give him a second chance. A second chance to love her, a second chance to show her how much he still fucking loved her.

But she had moved on. She had been happy.

And he couldn't take that away from her.

He couldn't. Because he had let her go so she could be happy. So she could be happy and she could find someone better.

And she had. She had been happy and she had found better.

Sebastian Knight had never thought that some twenty years later he would be sitting here, crying over the girl he had let slip away from his grasp years ago.

And letting her go was the one mistake tearing him apart.

Because he still did wonder about it. He did wonder how life would've been like if she had been his. How life would have been like if he hadn't left her and cut her out of his life. How life would have been like if he had fought for her, or at least begged for a second chance.

But she had moved on. And so had he.

Exactly one semester after they had broken up, he had dropped out of college. It just wasn't his thing. And he just wanted a break from everything. Including her.

Slowly, her calls stopped coming. There were no more voicemails, there were no more texts. There was no more begging for him to answer her. There was no more begging for him to come back.

She had moved on.

And so had he.

And he didn't meet her again until a year after when he enrolled again. And he had seen her near the science building and then asked her to join him for some coffee.

And he didn't realize how much he had missed her until then.

It was her last year and she was already getting accepted into Medical School.

She was seeing someone else. And they had already moved in together. They had been living together for a while. And he guessed they would soon be getting married. Or so he had heard.

She was happy, happy with someone else. But he was happy for her. Because she was happy.

And so he moved on. There were a few girls he dated. And he was even serious about one of them. But he just wasn't ready to be actually tied down yet.

He never really met up with Anisha again. Nor did they keep in contact. Because that was how life worked. People simply grew apart.

They just didn't work out. It was that simple.

She had been his best friend. But not everyone marries their best friend. And he had lost both- his girlfriend and his best friend.

But the way they had loved, he could never forget that. And he still wanted that.

But she already had someone else. She was in love with someone else, in love with someone who wasn't him.

And then he left the state to attend Medical School in Michigan. And he never thought he'd run into Anisha again.

But it wasn't until he accepted a job at UCLA Medical Center that he found himself calling her, notifying her that he was back in town.

And they met up once again. As friends going lunch together.

And she brought her one-year old son along. She was married, she was married and she had a kid.

She had moved on.

But he realized he still loved her. That he hadn't ever stopped loving her. He still did, so fucking much, but he couldn't tell her. He couldn't tell her because she was happy, she was happy with someone who wasn't him. And he couldn't take that away from her.

But he started seeing more and more of her. They worked at the same hospital. And he would always ask her to have lunch with him, as friends, even though he wished there could be more.

Then she confessed what a mess her marriage was. But she also confessed how much she loved him. That she couldn't give up on Andrew because he was the one she loved.

And that was when he realized that there was no space for him in her heart.

She had moved on. She was happy, without him.

But he still had feeling for her.

The feelings had faded over the years but they were still somewhat still there.

And he watched as she slowly dulled and her marriage faded. And he didn't do anything. What was he supposed to do?

And all of a sudden, one Friday night, seven years ago, he saw her sitting all alone outside an Italian Restaurant where he was meeting some girl he'd met on Tinder.

And instead of walking in to the restaurant where his date was waiting for him, he made his way over to girl he loved.

And she cried on his shoulder, drenching his white shirt with mascara-stained tears.

And she cried about everything, about the marriage that was almost over, about the husband who had stopped loving her, about the son who hated her.

And he watched her heart break right in front of him. But then he had held her and told her how perfect she was, about how beautiful and enchanting she still was and how she shouldn't let him ruin her happiness.

And he told her to let go of everything that was making her miserable. And then all of a sudden she was looking directly at him. And her eyes were filled with softness. He missed the days where she used to look at him like that, the way she was looking at him right now, with so much love and care.

He missed the days when she used to be his.

And he was still so very in love with her. And slowly, very slowly, he titled her face upwards and slowly inched his lips closer to hers, waiting for her to pull away. But she didn't. Instead, she stood on her tippy-toes and kissed him back instead, pulling him closer to her.

He could taste the faint alcohol on her lips.

And he wondered if she had kissed him thinking he had been her husband instead.

But she never talked about it. The Monday after, she acted like nothing had happened. And he did the same.

And Sebastian finally gave up.

He moved on, because she too had moved on.

But they still continued being friends, and sometimes even a little more.

"I'm sorry, for everything."

He finally looked up at her, pulled out of his thoughts, thoughts about the days he had met her.

He was sure his eyes were red and puffy now and his heart was broken once again. He was going to lose her forever.

He finally stood up and walked closer to her. And he watched as she started shaking, her tears getting heavier and her heart breaking into smaller pieces.

Sebastian closed his eyes, not wanting to watch to see her cry, and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her head.

He was watching the girl he loved give up.

And it was fucking sad.

He was watching the girl he fucking loved give up.

She was giving up. And she was sorry. She shouldn't be sorry.

There was nothing for her to be sorry about.

It had all been his fault. She had never done anything wrong.

He gently held her face in his hands. She was weak. She was very weak.

He could see it. She was dull, she was dull and nothing more. It was as if all the bright colors and sparkly hope had finally faded and all that was left was a pale gray.

A pale, dull and sad gray.

"You need to take the pills Anisha. Promise me you will. They will help." His voice cracked as he held her and wondered if this was the last time he would get to hold her this close to him.

He loved her. He loved her with everything he had. And watching her give up, it was fucking sad. He was practically watching her, dull and fade, a little day by day and all at once.

Anisha shook her head. He shouldn't care. No one could love her.

She didn't deserve love. She wasn't lovable.

And she wanted nothing more than to give up.

"It doesn't matter. What will I get? Another week to live? False hope that I'll get better?" She smiled, painfully. It was reality, it was her reality.

"I'm not going to get better, am I?" Her lips trembled but her voice still held a hint of hope to it. A pathetic hint of hope.

Hope that she would get better. Because she wanted to get better.

She looked up at him, her smiling fading as she took note of the sadness in his eyes. And she already knew the truth.

Anisha Hayes was fighting against time. She was near the end. She was near her end.

No bit of hope could save her. No medication could save her. No prince charming could save her.

Nothing could. Nothing could save her.

And she smiled, pathetically. She looked down at her hands as Sebastian placed his hands on her shoulders.

"You need to try Anisha. You have to try." And that was all he could do. He could only ask for her to try. He wanted to beg her to seek another opinion. He wanted to beg her to have another blood transfusion.

But he already knew the end. And she did too.

"I'm tired. I'm really tired." And everything became gray for Anisha. Everything became gray and dull. Every bit of hope was finally gone.

Her days were less than a few. And there was nothing left.

She wasn't going to get better. There was no point in trying.

"I'm not going to get better." She shook her head, looking down at her hands, tears streaming down her face and her voice holding every aspect of a broken heart as she acknowledged the truth. "I'm not going to get better. This is it for me."

And it was, it was it for her.

This was her ending.

Life would continue on without her. That's how it worked. And she was going to slowly fade away, fade away into nothing.

But she still thought about Andrew, about Ryan and Mira. And how they would be, without her. Because they would have to continue on with life. But without her.

"But still, it's so fucking pathetic but I can't help but wonder how he will be. I can't help but wonder what how he'll be without me. I can't help but wonder if Ryan will even miss me. And with Mira, I can't help but cry. I mean, how much of me will she even remember?"

And it was the one thing that was tearing her apart.

She wouldn't get to watch Ryan and Mira grow up. And every night these days, she always went to sleep dreaming about the events in her children's life that she would be missing out on.

She imagined what it would be like to watch her son graduate. Or what she would cook when he brought home his first girlfriend. And Anisha would also imagine Mira, dressed in a white gown, on her wedding day.

And that was what made her bitter. Because every day, she was watching everything get taken away from her.

Because life wasn't fair. It wasn't fair for her to end like this.

But she wanted it to end. But she didn't want it to end.

She just didn't have it in her to fight anymore. She had fought and fought for so long. But she was tired now.

It was her reality. This was her truth.

And for the first time, she smiled that evening.

She smiled and bit her lip, remembering that once she had been loved. That at some point Andrew had loved her.

That some time, long ago, he had held her with care, he had looked at her with want, and he had loved her with every bit of his heart.

But he was too late now.

And she still thought about it. About how Andrew would be without her.

She had seen how Cassie's death had torn him apart. And she didn't want him to suffer like that when her time came closer.

But she couldn't help but wonder if he would even cry. If he would even cry for her.

She looked up, a sad smile on her lips and her voice holding sadness. "But still, it's so stupid how everything always comes back to him. And I can't help but wonder if he'll even care that I'm near my end. I can't help but wonder if he'll cry as I lay on my deathbed."

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Okay just to let you guys know, the next five or so chapters are going to focus on Anisha and Andrew. Everything that happens does not mean she forgives Andrew. She is trying to give her kids happy memories of her and of when the four of them were a happy family. And her wish is to be loved by Andrew one last time.

Next Chapter: 357 votes