"That was her magic,
she could see the sunset,
even on those darkest days."

- atticus

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Ryan Hayes didn't understand his mother. And he didn't get along with her. At the age of twelve, all he knew was he hated his mother.

No, hate was too strong of a word. He just didn't understand her. That was a simple way to put it.

He had been eight years old when he had woken up in the middle of the night to yelling and fighting. The only words he remembered were his dad yelling at his mom about how she was responsible for Aunt Cassie's death. And after that, it was no doubt that Ryan had taken his father's side.

Because his mother was too reclusive and avoidant. She seemed unapproachable.

But that didn't mean he didn't still love his mother.

Unlike his little sister, he just wasn't into the overly dramatic need to repeatedly tell his mother he loved her.

But he still needed his mother and her love.

So he stood outside the door to her bedroom. And knocked twice, softly.

His eyes widened in surprise as the door opened. He didn't think she would open the door for him. And he would've walked away with a heavy heart but also knowing that he deserved it.

Why she still bothered to care about him and love him was still a mystery.

He wasn't the best son.

He didn't tell her much about what was going on in his life but then he often kept to himself anyway. He wasn't too good with words either. He had been a little harsh to her in the past and he had never apologized. But that was more of his personality; he was quiet, he came off as rude at first and he kept mostly to himself. Qualities he inherited from his father.

And he too had been too quick to turn against his mother.

And last night scared him. Something was wrong, so very wrong with his mother.

Such paleness wasn't normal. He couldn't shake the image of his mother barely holding onto Sebastian, crying that it hurt too much. Ryan wasn't sure what 'it' was. And the way her nose had suddenly started bleeding and Sebastian had yelled for Ryan to get him a pack of ice. Then there were the two large pills that Sebastian had handed her. They weren't normal pills for pain or a fever. This much Ryan knew.

He awkwardly ran a hand through his hair, a habit he had picked up from his father, as he stared at his mother's thin figure and pale face.

Something was so very wrong. And he was going to try and find out what.

"Hey um Mom. I just wanted to ask. It's....I mean my last game is tonight. Are you coming?" Because he wanted her to come. She hadn't come any of games this season.

And he really wanted her to go to his last game.

Anisha smiled softly and nodded. She didn't want to go to his game. She wanted to sleep.

She was tired. And she didn't have a lot of energy.

She didn't want to be pretend to be happy.

But she knew, she knew these last few moments were all her kids would remember. And she was trying to give them good memories of her to remember.

And she hoped it would be enough. Enough for them to know that once, long ago, they had laughed and talked alongside their mother.

Anisha had actually been awake for a while. She had lay in bed, wondering about last night. Ryan would know something was wrong. She really hoped he wouldn't tell anything to Andrew. Luckily Mira had run upstairs to her room the minute they had gotten home and hadn't seen anything because she would've easily babbled about it to her father. Her little girl had no filter. But Ryan had stayed behind. And he had seen everything.

Ryan would know something was wrong with her. And she was afraid he would ask what was.

But Ryan was quieter. He didn't say everything or anything that was on his mind. He was observant. And she was afraid he would figure out what was wrong with her.

Ryan was too much like his father. He judged too quickly and he easily pushed everyone away from him.

But he was still young and her son. And Anisha knew that he did love her. He just didn't know to say it or express it.

But still she was shocked when he had knocked on her door. Could he really be concerned with her well-being?

"I can't. I have a doctor's appointment today." It was true. Usually her check-up appointments were every other week. It was always the same: a blood test and then a list of newly discovered medications that could work. But never did.

But these appointments were a routine. And they had been for a while now.

After last night Sebastian had demanded she come in and see him today. He would probably push for her to have another blood transfusion. But this would be her third one just in the last few weeks. And quite honestly, she didn't know how much longer she could fight.

Because she was honestly really tired, tired of all of it.

Because despite how much she wanted to hold on, she knew she it wasn't possible. It would be a lot easier if she could just let go. And she didn't want to suffer anymore.

This time though, she needed to know how long she had left.

Last week, Sebastian had told her she had at least six months left. But she knew that was a lie. Because she could always tell when Sebastian was lying.

She always knew she didn't have that long left. But she just wanted to know how long. How long did she even have left?

"Mom, are you um okay? Last night, you looked sick and the nosebleed?" And Ryan didn't only want to know whether his mother was okay or not. He wanted to know what exactly was wrong with her. He wanted to know what 'it' was. He wanted to know what the two large pills had been for.

"I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine. I was really tired last night. And it was just a little nosebleed, nothing to worry about. I just have a normal check-up today." She smiled softly, the lie easily escaping her lips. He had to believe her, he had to.

It was the question she was afraid he would ask. But she couldn't answer truthfully. She couldn't tell him that she was sick.

She didn't want to tell Andrew. She didn't want to tell Ryan. She didn't want to tell Mira.

She didn't want anyone to know how sick she was. She didn't want them to worry.

But she also didn't want them to know because she was selfish. She was selfish and she knew that everything would be harder if they knew the truth.

Giving up would be harder. Letting go would be harder. Stopping would be harder.

It would be harder for her if they knew the truth because then she would want to live and try to get better. But she couldn't. Because she already had tried everything.

If they knew, the end would be more painful for Anisha. And she didn't want that. She didn't want to suffer and cry anymore.

She just wanted a few days of happiness.

"But today is my final game. Please Mom. You have to come." Ryan smiled slightly, hoping that maybe his mother would agree and watch his soccer game.

Anisha wanted to go. She wanted to see her son play. Besides, it would be the last time she could watch her son play soccer. By the time Ryan would be getting ready for next season, Anisha wouldn't be around anymore.

"I will. I'll stop by after my check-up. Is your Dad up?" She couldn't hear his or Mira's voice downstairs. But the question also was had he even come home last night? Or was he still in his mistress's bed?

Ryan shook his head. "He's probably hungover or something. Mira's still asleep too."

Anisha nodded. So he had come home last night, either drunk or fucked.

She didn't know whether Ryan would agree with spending the early morning with her but she still asked anyway, her heart filling with hope and anticipation. "Do you want me to make you some breakfast?"

Maybe she could some final quality time with her son. So that in the future, when he did miss her or if he even did miss her, he could always remember that at least at some point, his mother had been happy. That the two of them did share some happy moments together.

"As long as you don't make toast." Ryan smirked at his mother.

And Anisha smiled as she realized how much her son looked like his father. And she knew he would break hearts when he was older.

She softly bit her lip to keep herself from crying as she imagined all the things she would miss out on.

Ryan was still young, twelve years was nothing. And Mira was even younger, she was only eight. And Anisha couldn't help but wonder how much of her would they even remember?

What would they remember about her?

But she wasn't going to worry about that anymore. Whatever time she did have left, she was going to try her best to be happy.

She was going to try and give them something to remember. Something good to remember about her.

She rolled her eyes playfully as he smirked at her. Did that mean he was willing to spend the morning with her? "I do not burn the toast every time. It was only like three times. Come on, I'll make you an omelet instead."

And for the first time, in a really long while, Ryan smiled and followed his mother downstairs.

And Anisha couldn't help but smile.

She felt wanted. She felt loved.

Her son wanted to be around her.

Walking into the kitchen, she ignored the small pain in her stomach. But as she looked at the counter, she couldn't help but remember last night when she had held onto the counter as Sebastian had yelled for Ryan to give him ice and blood had trickled down from her nose onto the dark wooden floor.

She knew she shouldn't ignore the pain in her stomach.

She slowly starting taking out everything she needed. But the pain in her stomach was getting sharper.

She needed to take her medication.

She grabbed the side of her stomach as she stood up, pretending like everything was okay. She couldn't let Ryan know that there was actually something wrong with her. But her eyes widened as Andrew walked into the kitchen, staring directly at her.

She needed to get out of the kitchen and go to her room to take her medication. She didn't want him to know that something was wrong with her.

"Good Morning." His voice was raspy and his eyes were puffy. And she wondered if he had been crying.

But that was the least of her worries right now.

Ignoring him, she turned to her son. "Wait, I'm going to go wake up Mira and then we can make breakfast. Is that okay?"

And she didn't wait for him to say anything as she ran out of the kitchen. She rushed upstairs, with one hand over her mouth and the other hand pinching her nose. She didn't want another nosebleed nor did she want to throw up blood again.

She didn't want them to know something was wrong with her.

Between the nosebleeds that were getting more frequent and the sharp pains that were getting worse, Anisha knew she didn't have much left.

And the only question she wanted an answer to was how much did she even have left.

"Mom is making breakfast." Ryan watched as his father grabbed an apple as his mother rushed out of the kitchen.

"Are you ready for your game today?" Andrew slowly bit into the apple, waiting for Anisha to come back.

He needed to talk to her. They needed to talk. Talk about everything.

Because he was tired of being miserable. Because he was tired of fucking up.

"Yea and Mom said she would come today." And Ryan smiled. He was glad his mother was going to his game.

But he was also scared. Because he couldn't forget about last night. About how weak she had looked. About sick his mother had looked.

And he needed to know what was wrong.

She claimed that it was nothing. But he didn't believe her.

Something was wrong.

"Oh that's great. We can get ice cream after, if you want." And all Andrew could think about was talking to Anisha.

He was sorry. He was so fucking sorry.

And he knew sorry wouldn't change anything. But he just wanted to talk.

"Wait Dad, I think Mom is sick." Ryan looked up at his father, trying to piece together everything and figure out what was wrong with his mother.

And before he could tell his Dad about the nosebleed, about the pills and about the way his mother had been crying and screaming, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Ryan slowly made his way to the door, wondering what was taking his mother so long.

All she had to do was wake up Mira. And Mira woke up to one magic word.

Cinderella.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" His eyes narrowed as he stared at a pale and shaking Amanda.

He knew who she was. And he had always tried to believe that his father wasn't cheating on his mother.

But he knew better.

Because he was the first one to know about his father's mistress.

Because exactly one year ago, Anisha had dropped Ryan off at his father's work because she needed to go to a parent and teacher conference with Mira. And Ryan had walked into his father's office, only to find his lips locked with the same woman standing in front of him right now.

And for two weeks, he avoided his mother and his father. His father hadn't said a single word, only that it was a one-time mistake. And his mother, Ryan was scared to tell her.

He didn't know what to tell her.

Until a few day later when she had baked a vanilla cake and he was helping her decorate it. He told her what he had seen.

And she had brushed it off saying it was nothing new and she had always known.

She told him she was only staying for him and his sister. And that his father didn't love her anymore. And she didn't care what he did.

Amanda shook her head, with regret and guilt as she stared at Ryan. She had ruined a family.

She was just like her step-mother.

"I need to speak to your father." She spoke with desperation. She needed to talk to Andrew. She needed to confess. She needed to tell him the truth.

He needed to know the truth. The truth about everything. About his sister. About Mira. About Anisha's illness.

"Leave. Whatever talking you have to do, you can do at work." And he quickly tried to shut the door before she could say another word.

He didn't want his mother to see his father's girlfriend. His mother didn't deserve that. And he couldn't help but resent his father for cheating, for lying and for hurting his mother.

She tried to push open the door, afraid but determined, refusing to let Ryan close the door. She had to tell Andrew. She was going to tell Andrew.

He needed to know. He had to know.

"Who's at the door?" Andrew slowly looked between his son and Amanda. He gave his son a pleading look, hoping his son would trust that Andrew hadn't asked her to come over.

But Ryan simply looked away.

"I was just telling your girlfriend to get lost." Ryan looked between the two with disgust. And he couldn't believe Amanda had the nerve to show up at the house. The house where her boyfriend lived with his wife and two kids.

And still, the last thing he wanted was for his mother to see his father's mistress.

"I'll take care of it." Andrew sighed, frustrated.

He had made everything clear to Amanda last night. And he didn't know what else she could possibly want.

He didn't want Amanda. He wanted Anisha.

He needed to talk to Anisha.

He wanted a fresh start. He wanted a new start, a new start with Anisha. Because he loved Anisha.

And he just hoped Amanda would simply leave already. He didn't want her. He had made that clear, time and time again.

He nodded to Ryan, telling him to leave. In the past year, he was well-aware of how that one time Ryan had seen him with Amanda had clearly affected his relationship with his son. And he didn't need Ryan to loathe him anymore.

Ryan took a seat on the sofa, facing his father and Amanda. "And I will wait right here. I don't trust you with her. I mean who knows what you do when you're alone with her at work."

"But in case you aren't aware, Mom is upstairs, waking up Mira. And Mira still thinks you love Mom. So I think I'll wait right here and watch you tell your whore to get lost." He put his feet on the coffee table, smirking at his father and glaring at Amanda.

Because Ryan was observant. And even though his mother said she didn't care about what his father did, Ryan knew she did.

And Ryan wanted his parents to get a divorce. He had wanted them to separate for a while now.

Because his mother deserved better.

He didn't hate her, he just didn't understand her. But he loved her. He cared about her.

Being rude and cut-off was his personality. He had made mistakes and he too had hurt her. But over the past year, especially after he had found out about his father's affair, things had gotten better between him and his mother.

Andrew awkwardly turned and faced Amanda. He needed her to leave before Anisha came back downstairs.

"How can I help you, Ms. Lewis?" His voice was cold, uninterested. He didn't care about what she had to say. He didn't care about anything to do with her.

He wanted Anisha.

Amanda took a step closer, wanting to hold him. But any hope she had disappeared as he took a step back, a step away from her.

"We need to talk. It's about Anisha. She's lying to you. She's lying about..."

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I kinda haven't had a lot of motivation for this story lately. But then I was writing this chapter today and it's like part one. Chapter Sixteen with be part two. The entire actual chapter was like over 5,000 words and I still wasn't done writing it. So I gave up cause I'm a lazy potato who gets distracted by gifs of hot guys.

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