"It was a question I had worn on my lips for days- like a loose thread on my favorite sweater I couldn't resist pulling- despite knowing it could unravel around me.

'Do you love me?' I ask.

In your hesitation, I found my answer."

- Lang Leav

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Sebastian rushed back to Anisha as she stood grabbing her stomach. He gently wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to a secluded corner. She was extremely pale.

And he was scared. Because he knew, better than anyone, how much she was suffering. And he also knew there was nothing he could do to help her.

Because he had already tried everything. And nothing had worked.

She tried to pull away; she didn't want anyone to see what was wrong with her. Sebastian would make a big deal about it and she didn't want the attention. She didn't want anyone to know what was wrong with her.

She had kept it hidden for so long. But she also knew it was only a matter of time before Andrew found out.

Secrets and lies can't be hidden forever.

Especially one as big and cruel as the one she was currently hiding.

"I'm fine." She didn't know if she was trying to convince herself or Sebastian. Maybe if she kept telling everyone that then everything really would be fine.

But she could pretend. And she did pretend, all the time. But things were always far from fine.

"Fuck Anisha. I know you're not. Just drop the act. Did you or did you not take the pills I prescribed?" She could feel the anger laced in his words. And the disappointment. After all, how had she been so careless to forget to take the two pills that were keeping her alive and breathing?

But she didn't really care anymore.

She was tired. And she wanted nothing more than to just sleep. To just sleep and never have to wake up again.

Because she just didn't really care about anything anymore. And for the first time, she realized what it felt like to be empty. To be empty and feel nothing. Because she didn't feel anything. She felt absolutely nothing.

Nothing could make her smile. Nothing could make her happy. And nothing could make her cry. Because all she felt was nothing.

The fact that her husband would be sleeping in his mistress's bed tonight didn't bother her. The sadness that her son hadn't told her about his last soccer game tomorrow night didn't bother her. And the hope that her daughter brought her, that maybe, just maybe Anisha really could be happy, was no longer enough to save her.

Hell, it had never been enough to save her. But it had been enough to at least try.

But now she didn't want to even try anymore.

She just wanted it to stop. She just wanted to give up.

She looked up at Sebastian with tears in her eyes, begging for him to make it stop. She begged for him to tell her that it was okay to stop trying. That she could just let go. Once and for all.

She wanted him to stop forcing her to try and fight. She wanted him to stop giving her hope that she should try and fight for another day to live. Because it was hard to fight.

And all that false hope had done nothing but give her disappointment after disappointment every time.

She just didn't want to fight anymore.

She wanted it to stop. And she just wanted to sleep. And not feel any more pain. Ever again.

"I forgot. I swear. The container was on my nightstand and Andrew was getting mad that I was taking too long. And I forgot. I'm sorry. I..." The pain was growing sharper and unbearable. It was only a matter of time before her body gave up and collapsed.

And she wasn't sure if she would even wake up this time if she did faint. Because the pain had never been this unbearable before. It was going to get even worse. And she just didn't know if she could tolerate anymore.

But she didn't care anymore anyway.

And she didn't want Sebastian to care either.

But for some reason, he did. He always did.

"Let's go. I'll take you home. I'll tell Mira to go find Ryan." And he gently scooped Anisha in his arms, her face resting against his chest and her legs dangling as she held onto Sebastian for every bit of support, for every bit of living hope.

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Andrew stared at Sebastian's retreating figure. The flicker of hope in his heart was fading fast. What if Anisha was planning to leave him? He would never get a second chance.

Last time, he had managed to convince her that they should stay together for their son. Ryan had only been three years old when she had first filed for a divorce. And they had talked about it. And after much thought, she had agreed to stay.

But this time around, the kids were old enough. And he wasn't sure that there was anything he could say or do to convince her to stay anymore.

And it wasn't like she would even want to stay together for the kids anymore.

Because Andrew had fucked up, once again.

He knew how distant and harsh Ryan was towards his mother. But maybe it was just the simple fact that he was growing up.

Or maybe it was the fact he had heard his parents fighting late at night. And he had found it easier to agree with his father.

But in all truth, he never meant for it to get this bad, to hurt her this much. Because he was hurting just as much.

He tensed slightly a pair of arms wrapped around him, hugging him from the back. It was the last person he wanted comfort from right now.

He pulled away and turned around to face the woman he had openly pursued and used to try and ease his pain. And the anger grew. He hated himself for ruining everything, for messing up things to the point where his wife refused to show him affection and his parents couldn't even approach him.

Without another thought, Andrew grabbed Amanda by the arm and pulled her far away from the hall and into the isolated parking lot.

He would start tonight. One mistake at a time. He would try. He would try, for her.

"What the fuck did you tell Anisha?" His voice was low and filled with anger. He knew he couldn't control himself for much longer.

Because he was fucking sick of everything. And he wanted all of it to stop.

"Nothing. It was just a friendly conversation about your birthday." Amanda's winced slightly as Andrew's grip against her arm tightened.

"Then why does my wife think we're getting married and trying for a baby. Especially since I told you even before we started all this that all I wanted a good fuck here and there."

"I...I just thought we would. We've been together for a long time. I want a family and I want to get married." Amanda frowned slightly, but what else had she expected? Especially since she was the one who had fallen in love in a married man.

She had set herself up to get her heart broken. She had fallen in love with a man who had no space for her in his heart. And she had always known Anisha Hayes would be his first choice, always. Anisha Hayes would always be the woman to hold his heart.

Because Amanda had always noticed. It was Anisha he had always wanted.

Because Amanda always noticed. She always noticed the silver photo frame with his wife's picture placed in the corner of his desk, and how he would smile slightly to himself whenever his gaze fell on the picture. She always noticed how his dull eyes would brighten whenever she talked or smiled and how he was always staring at her whenever she was around, like she was the only person in the room. And the way he looked at her, Amanda could never forget that. Because he looked at her like she was all he cared about. He looked at her like she was all he had ever wanted.

And it was always Anisha he wanted, he always had.

But Amanda also noticed how he always looked away before Anisha could catch him staring. She noticed how easily he could push his emotions down and rebuild the cold façade. And Amanda also noticed how little Anisha seemed to know about how much he cared about her. Because sometimes, it seemed like Amanda was the one he cared about.

And right now, Amanda certainly hoped that was the case.

Because she wanted him to pick her this time.

Because she didn't want to be the second choice anymore.

But she was afraid, because for him, just like she had been while growing up, she would always be the second option. Her voice was now hard. And she wanted him to tell her that it was her he wanted, not his wife. "And quite honestly, I'm getting sick of your bullshit. You pick her over me every fucking time. I want to be someone's number one choice. I want to be your number one choice."

"Fuck Amanda. Not this again. I've told you before I'm not leaving her especially since my kids are still little. Ryan and Mira need a family and they need both parents. And I do care about you, I really do." But he cared about Anisha more. Ryan and Mira needed her but he needed her more than anyone else.

And for the first time, Andrew was afraid of losing Anisha. Because she was the one he truly cared about and loved.

But Amanda had been around, especially when Anisha pulled away from him, completely. And he did care about Amanda, care about her as a friend.

But he didn't love her. He never had.

Because the only woman he had truly loved, he had hurt. He wasn't even sure if Anisha would ever forgive him. And he just wasn't sure she would even consider giving him another chance.

But he hoped she would. He certainly hoped she would.

Amanda shook her head in disbelief. She wasn't supposed to fall in love with him. She hadn't wanted to fall in love with him.

But she had.

And now, she was afraid. Because she wasn't sure if he loved her back.

"Don't you want me? You care about me but do you love me?" And for the first time, Amanda let someone see how weak and afraid she really was.

Because behind the bright cherry lipstick and the highlighted blonde hair was a woman who had her own insecurities of not being good enough. A woman who kept her heart guarded for the fear of getting it broken.

Because it had been.

By the man she had least expected it from.

And because of that, Amanda Lewis learned to never show anyone her weaknesses. She learned to always have her guard up, to always be one step ahead.

It was always about what people could do for her. It was about what money could do. And it was about what associating with people like Andrew could do for her. It was about perception, about what people thought of her.

And she never truly let anyone in. Except him.

Falling in love was always out of question.

A small tear slowly slid down her cheek. And she knew her heart was seconds from being broken again. Even though she had promised to never let anyone ever break it again.

Because he didn't love her. He never had and never would. She had always known this but still, she willingly accepted his affection. She willingly warmed his bed for him. She willingly stayed with him, refusing to acknowledge the fact that she was no different from her step-mother.

The step-mother that had torn her family apart.

Because Amanda would never forget the day her father left, the day her father left her mother, brother and her for a younger woman. Because Amanda still remembered the very day. Because that was the day her heart had first been broken, by the man she had least expected it from.

But she had let Andrew into her heart. Sure, it had been purely lust at first. But somewhere along the lines, she fell in love with him.

Because behind the cold and rude façade was a sweet and considerate guy. And when she truly saw that, she realized the reason why Anisha hadn't given up on him.

It was because Andrew Hayes was worth fighting for. But pain and loss had been him bitter.

And she didn't want to lose him. She wanted him, for herself. She wanted him to love her, only her.

She finally wiped the tears and looked up at him. Guilt. It was clear on his face.

But she wasn't really sure what he was feeling guilty about.

Was it because he had strung her along and had no real feelings towards her or because he had cheated on the woman he loved? And somewhere deep in her heart, she knew it was the second option.

"There's a difference between caring for someone and loving someone. You can care for me but you'll never love me the way you love her. That's what it's always been. Hasn't it?" And she knew this was true. She always had.

"Ama- " And his voice was strained. As if he was tired. And he really was. He was simply tired of all of it.

"Don't. Don't you dare fucking deny it. It's the truth. You can tell me you hate her and don't want her all you want. But I know. I fucking know. Why else were you staring at her all night when she wasn't even looking at you? Why were you getting jealous when Sebastian was flirting with her? And how the fuck are you gonna deny the way you were holding her when you danced with her? You look at her like she's walking on some fucking red carpet." She was practically screaming now. Begging that he would pick her, pick her over his wife.

She was practically begging and screaming for him to not break her heart. She wanted him to give her a chance. She wanted him to give them a chance.

"You'll never look at me the way you look at her. And I know you'll never want me the way you still want her." Her lips quivered and her makeup smeared as she voiced her deepest desires. "I want someone to want me. I want someone to love me the way you love her. I want to get married. I want kids and a family. I want a husband who comes home to me every night. I love you Andrew. And I want you to love me." Amanda wiped the tears away and looked into his dark blue eyes, smiling softly as her heart broke, pleading with him to tell her that it was her that he loved.

But he didn't.

He just simply stood and stared at her as she rummaged through her golden-colored purse and pulled out a business card.

"Here, it's my sister's card. She's a divorce lawyer." And for the first time that night, her voice held a hint of hope. Because maybe, just maybe he would choose her over his wife. Just maybe, he would leave Anisha for her.

And Amanda Lewis would finally be the first choice.

Because she was the one he loved, not his wife. He had stopped loving his wife a long time ago.

"I just want to be with you. I want you. I want us." And she really did. Because Amanda Lewis was unequivocally, very much, so in love with Andrew Hayes. And she wanted nothing more than to be his.

"I'm sick of being the second choice. I don't want to be the second choice anymore. I want to be the first choice for once, I want to be your first choice." Tears streamed down her face but she still smiled and hoped he would pick her. He would pick her. He would confess that it was her that he wanted, not his wife.

"You need to choose. Who is it going to be Andrew? Me or her?"

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Sighs loudly. I don't really have anything to say. So.......... Bye.

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