Control // for KING & COUNTRY

Joel

As we finally finish up soundcheck, I can tell Luke is getting eager to get back to the bus and check on Nila, so I take the drum he's carrying from him and nod in that direction. "Go. We got this here."

He offers me a sheepish smile. "That obvious, huh?"

I nod, smiling. "It is. But there's nothing wrong with that. You haven't seen her yet today, you wanna make sure she's okay. I've been feeling the same way. So go. We'll follow once we've got everything put up and ready for the show tonight."

"Thanks, Joel," he sighs. "Really, thank you."

I clap his shoulder as I begin to turn away. "Don't worry about it, alright? You're doing what's important right now."

He nods to me briefly, then turns and quickly disappears out the door while I turn back to the task of getting the instruments off the stage so Skillet can soundcheck, but keeping them on hand so we can make as quick of a change as possible after Jen's set.

Once we've got it all everything stacked up, I leave the guys to tweak their own things to where they like them and follow Luke's path from fifteen minutes ago. As I emerge into the sunlight out a side door of the venue, though, I spot my little brother, and he isn't with his daughter like he planned. Instead, there was obviously a reporter waiting to catch one of us, and he's talking to her. I can tell he's trying to give her his full attention, but he's still obviously thinking of Nila.

He's facing me with the reporter's back to me, so I take a moment while she's consulting some notes to catch his gaze. My series of pointing and mouthing things would probably be lost on most people, but he and I are used to nonverbal communication from shows, and he easily understands that I'm asking him if he wants me to try to take over at the interview so he can go to Nila, or if he'd rather that I just go and check on her myself while he finishes up there.

He waves me in the direction of the bus, a grateful look on his face. Obviously, he doesn't want us both to get caught there, which would accomplish nothing. I nod in understanding, and he mouths thank you before turning back to the woman, his attention looking more complete now. I turn away and hurry toward the bus.

The main room is empty, and the bus is quiet except for the squeak of the door as I come inside. I glance around quickly and see Nila's phone, lying face down next to the couch. Weird.

I cross the room and stoop to pick it up. To my surprise, the screen is still on. It's open to some sort of messaging app, and before I can look away, something that makes me sick catches my eye.

Hey. Hope you're enjoying your internet fame. Find a diet yet? Just so you know, Zach told me that next time I wanted him to kiss someone, I should try to make it someone who was actually attractive and not so overweight so... yeah, it's a problem.

Why... why would someone... that's not even a little bit true and why...

I feel like I can't breathe.

My eyes travel to the top of the screen for the name. Kat James. So Katherine. I don't want to violate my niece's privacy, but I know in my heart this is something I need to see. My eyes travel up over the other two messages on the thread, both of which are received.

Just so you know, your youth group friends are starting to crack. Yesterday, they were so sure that they believed your little bff over me. But today? I'd be getting worried if I was you, Ni.

Hey, Nila. Just wanted to say I really enjoyed our little chat this morning. I'm glad we finally got daddy up to date on his posterchild daughter's personal habits. Since I heard you're headed back out on tour again, I thought we could stay in touch like this. I want to make sure to keep you accountable on that diet that you should really get on... because this problem gets worse by the day.

Why... why is she saying this? No wonder Nila hasn't wanted to eat. But she's so wrong... what would even possess her to do something like this?

What if she's not the only one?

I navigate off of this thread and back the list of them. A glance at the now-visible header and the tabs available, which read Grade Book, Messenger, Schedule, and Calendar, tells me this is an app from Nila's school.

I glance over her current threads and see that the one right below this one is blocked. I tap on it, forcing myself to keep breathing. What I read doesn't make that easy.

You ******* *****, if you ever even look at Zach again I will lay you out in the middle of the hallway

Look, you could not pay me enough to date Zach, so you really don't need to worry.

Don't play innocent with me, *****. Zach and I may not be official but he's still mine and your little benefits act ain't gonna fly.

Benefits act? I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.

You know exactly what I'm talking about, and if you touch him again I'm going to fight you

Alright look. If you really want to know what happened the other day, here it is. Katherine told me to meet her behind the school, which I did, and then she told Zach to kiss me. I told him not to and tried to get away, but he pinned me against the wall and kissed me. I was saving my first kiss for my wedding day, not to mention that getting sexually assaulted like that really sucks, so trust me, I'm not planning on a repeat anytime soon.

If you think I'm going to believe that, you're demented. Zach would never willingly kiss an ugly pig like you. You messed with the wrong girl this time and you're going to suffer for it.

I can feel tears biting at the back of my eyes, but I force them back with an effort.

God... why is this happening?

And what do I do about it?

The phone buzzes in my hand, pulling up a twitter bar that reveals she has over thirty new notifications. She hasn't posted anything recently, so why... oh please no.

Twitter is public, though. I can look at that on my own phone. And while I know I needed to see what I saw, I still don't like going through her phone like this. I switch the screen off and take a deep breath, shoving my emotion down and trying to pull myself together. I don't know what to do about this.

So start with what I came to do.

"Nila?" I call. "Darling, are you in here?"

I hear the soft noise of her jumping from her bunk like she always does before she appears in the hallway. She smiles at me, and though it may be weak, it's real, and it causes mine to match.

"Hey," she greets me quietly.

"Hey," I reply, crossing the room and hugging her with one arm while I press a kiss to the top of her head. "Sleep well?"

She nods, but her eyes are on the floor. "Yeah."

I hum softly, but I don't push further for the time being. Instead, I release her and offer her the phone in my hand. "This was on the floor when I came in."

I don't miss the nervousness that immediately enters her gaze when she sees it, but it relaxes a little as she takes it and sees the black screen. "That's where I left it." She shoves it into her jacket pocket. "Oops."

"Whatcha been up to?" I ask, glancing back down the hallway she just came from.

"Homework," she sighs. "I've got an English paper due next week."

"Making progress?" I ask, and she nods.

"I'm halfway done already. I'll be fine."

I nod. "I'm sure you will be, Love." I hesitate before continuing, "Your dad's outside with a reporter, but after he's done, there's a local place that everyone says we need to try, so we thought we'd grab lunch if you're up for it."

She takes a deep breath, but nods. "Sure. Um, Dad's with a reporter?"

I watch her face carefully. "Yeah... I guess she caught him when he was coming out here to check on you..."

I can see the nervousness in her eyes all over again, but she doesn't ask any more questions, just saying, "Oh. Cool I guess."

I don't respond directly. "I'm going to go back him up. Do you wanna go tell the guys we're leaving and see who wants to come?"

"Sure," she agrees, forcing a smile. "Just let me get my shoes on."

I nod in agreement, then turn back to the door. I'd like to see what's going on with Twitter and talk to Luke about this before we go to lunch.

He's still talking to the reporter when I reemerge into the sunlight, and Nila's nervous face at the mention of the conversation returns to my memory. What about a reporter was she so afraid of?

I cross the parking lot to where they're standing, and when the lady turns to see me coming, she flashes me a camera-ready smile.

"And there's Joel. Our duo is complete."

I offer her a smile as I walk to stand beside my brother. "G'day."

"G'day to you," she replies, "You're just in time... I was just talking to Luke about the song you sang for the first time last night... 'God Only Knows'?"

"Awe, yes." I nod. "We are incredibly excited to share that with everyone over the next couple of months. That song was written for and to our listeners, especially those who are hurting, and we can't wait to see how God is going to use it."

"Neither can I," she agrees. "Now, I'm coming to the show tonight, but I already heard the song from YouTube, and I also saw a very special introduction you did for it last night which included Luke's adopted daughter, Nila. Can you guys tell me a little about that?"

I cringe a little at the specification of adopted, even if I know she probably doesn't mean anything by it. I just hate when people try to separate Nila from her brothers like they somehow mean different things to our family just because she doesn't have Smallbone DNA. I know Luke feels the same way, but he doesn't let it jade his tone as he answers her question.

"Yeah, um, Nila has just kind of had... a rough couple of weeks, and it left us connecting with the song on a personal level we hadn't yet experienced. She hadn't heard it yet, so we kind of came up with this idea that we could use it to encourage her, remind her how much we love her, and just kind of do something that would connect her with the song and tell her she wasn't alone."

"And it's the perfect song to do all of that," the lady agrees. "I could tell from the video that it made a big impact, on her and the entire band. I don't think there was a dry eye on that stage by the end of it."

I laugh a little. "You know, there probably wasn't. Nila is Luke's daughter, but she means the world to me, and to every member of for KING & COUNTRY. And these past few weeks just completely blindsided not only her, but also all of us. So we're hurting right there with her, because that's what you do when you love someone, is you walk through their pain beside them, and you help carry that load, however that may look. And sometimes that looks like laying aside this tarnished, unemotional concept of manliness and just crying with the person."

"Now Nila is known for being the brightest light in the room, so for KING & COUNTRY fans everywhere are very concerned about her and this rough patch y'all have mentioned," the lady goes on. "What can you say to ease their minds and shed a little light on the situation?"

I glance at Luke quickly before taking this question as well. "I love our Cravers, first of all," I say. "And I love their heart for our family, because family is everything to us. And I guess what I would say is that first of all, Nila is still Nila. She is still the brightest light in the room and nothing is ever going to change that, because that is a part of who she is. And everyone goes through dark places, everyone goes through seasons of loss, and of attack, and while it is killing us to see her in pain, we know this, that she is a fighter, and this is not going to get the best of her. And until she gets through this, we are just going to stand beside her, and offer ourselves to her to help her through it, and we know that we will never be able to do anything except love her more."

Luke is nodding his agreement. "Exactly," she says, "So, you know, prayers are always appreciated, and you can certainly send Nila some love on her socials, and all we can ask is that you stand beside her and us and watch God make beauty out of ashes just like we know He will."

The woman doesn't seem very satisfied with our vagueness, but it's as much as she's getting for now. When we're through this, I have no doubts that Nila will be the first to step up and share her story. But right now, it's too fresh, she's battling too much shame, and it's just too deep for us to go around talking about to the whole world.

She glances over my shoulder, like she's hoping someone else will join us or something, and we wait in silence for a long moment before she recreates her photo-ready smile. "Alright, well, thank you boys so much for your time. I'll let you go, but I am really looking forward to the show tonight."

"Thank you so much for your support," Luke replies simply. "We really do appreciate it."

"Have a great rest of your day," I add, and she nods, raising a hand as she turns away.

"I will, and you as well."

When she's disappeared around the corner where she presumably parked her car, Luke looks at me expectantly. "So? Is she okay?"

I take a deep breath. "She's fine, she's grabbing the guys to see who wants to go to lunch with us. But I... I saw something, and I need to look at something else... I'll tell you in the bus."

Concern is immediately the only emotion present on his face, but he nods and hurriedly follows me to the bus, where we both sit down on the couch.

I exhale slowly before beginning. "When I walked in, Nila was in the back, but her phone was on the floor in here. It was face-down, and when I picked it up, the screen was still on. I didn't mean to look, but I accidentally saw one of the messages on there, and then I knew I had to know, so..." I run a hand down my face, choking back tears. "Katherine's been messaging her, telling her that... that she's overweight, and that she's telling her friends everything, and... this other girl with a connection to Zach is threatening her now."

"What?" The word comes out of my brother's mouth a whisper. "Why.... why would they... that's not true, and... why... it wasn't her fault."

I place a hand on his shoulder. "I know, Mate. And I think there's more..." I shake my head slowly. "I need to look, but I'm scared to. She had a crazy amount of Twitter notifications, and I didn't look because I can do that on my own phone, but I... I'm afraid people on social media..."

Luke's head drops to his hands as tears begin to fight their way out of his eyes. "Oh God, please no."

I open my mouth to respond, but before I can, Moriah's voice in "I'll Wait for You" is coming from my phone. I pull it out, and her picture is displayed on my screen to match it.

"I'm sorry," I tell Luke, "but it's Mo..."

He nods instant understanding. "Talk to her, it's alright."

"Maybe look on social media while I talk to her?" I ask, and he nods again, pulling out his own phone to do just that, despite the fact that he's still crying.

I move to the back of the bus before swiping to accept the call, greeting my wife with my usual, "Hello, Doll."

The panicked voice that greets me sets everything inside of me reeling. "Joel! Joel, you have to look..." She's crying, so hard that it's difficult for her to speak. "You have to look..."

"Moriah..." I'm struggling to keep my voice from shaking. "Moriah, Darling, are you alright?"

She takes a deep breath, and when she speaks this time, she sounds just a little calmer. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry, Joel, I didn't mean to scare you."

The breath I was holding comes out all at once, and I sink down onto a bunk, the relief taking the strength out of my legs. "Alright, it's alright, you just had me worried. Now what were you telling me?"

She's still crying, despite the fact that she's calmer now. "You have to look online, Joel. It's Nila. On social media, and even worse, there are these articles. People are... they're saying the worst things and talking about her like... like there's something wrong with her." She stops, crying too hard to speak again.

Just my wife's tears are enough to trigger my own, and what she's telling me, confirming everything I was afraid of, makes it so I don't even bother to try to fight them anymore, because I know it's a battle I'll lose. "I was afraid of that," I say softly. "I found her phone this morning, and Katherine and another girl have been messaging her, plus she had so many Twitter notifications... Luke and I were just looking."

"Joel," Moriah sobs, "what are we going to do? People can't... they can't talk about her, talk to her, like this. Why would they... she's already going through so much!"

"I know, Love," I sigh. "I know. And I don't... I don't understand how anyone could do this to her. We'll send out messages, tell everyone it needs to stop, get in contact with whoever's writing these articles if we need to. We're not gonna just let it happen. I know we can't fix it, but we... we'll do everything we can, alright?"

"And you'll talk to her, try to undo the damage?" she asks quietly.

"Of course we will," I promise. "We feel way out of our depth here, but we are not gonna let her fall."

"I know you won't, Joel..." She's still sniffling, but her tears have stilled for the most part. "I just... I just hate to see this happening to her."

"I do too, Mo," I reply simply. "It's killing me. But we're gonna get through this, and she's gonna be okay. I promise."

She inhales, then lets it out slowly. "Okay. I know she will. I'm sorry I freaked out. I just... I just don't understand."

"Darling, it's alright," I tell her. "You didn't do anything wrong. I get it... I was just about panicking when I read those messages too."

"Alright," she sighs. "I'll let you go. Thanks for listening. Thanks for being there to help her and Luke through this. I'm sticking close to CoCo, but I'll let Luke tell her about this."

"You're doing amazing, Doll," I reply. "You know you can call me anytime, yeah?"

"I know, Joel." I can hear a shaky smile in her voice. "You're amazing like that. I love you."

"I love you too, Moriah. I'll talk to you soon."

We hang up, and I lower my phone slowly, allowing my head to drop to my hands. Why... why is this happening?

I just don't understand.