Daddy's Girl (feat. Liquid) // KJ-52

Nila

I force myself not to break the moment the door closes behind me. I have too much to worry about to waste any time.

I double-check the door, and even shut off the light and switch on only my desk lamp so that, at a glance at the crack beneath my door, it looks like I'm in bed. I grab my makeup from my shelf, and a rag from the same place, plus my water bottle, and drop into a seat. Just don't think.

First things first, I apply a layer of concealer to the arm, trying to shut my brain off to the reality that I'm hiding. It's quickly clear that that's not going to work, not the way their scabs raise them above the rest of the skin.

So I peel the scabs off. It hurts like crazy, but I curse myself for my reaction to the pain. My bigger problem is the way they bleed now worse than they did when I first made them. I pour some water onto the rag and wipe the blood away, applying pressure to try to stop the bleeding. It takes a while, but eventually, I have the blood mostly stilled and all of the old makeup cleaned off. So I apply it again.

This time, they drop below the rest of the skin and announce themselves again by texture instead of by color.

I swear softly, staring at my pathetic excuse for a coverup. This isn't going to work. I need something to level it out. Only... what?

I stare around my room, desperate, but at a loss. Come on. Think, idiot! Your entire future rests on covering these things up.

My eyes land on my bag of nail polish. Wait. That's stupid, but I don't care.

I cross the room and open the bag, digging until I find the clear and returning to my seat. I wipe the makeup off again and stare down at the raw, burning cuts. Here goes nothing.

Gingerly, I tap the brush into the middle of the biggest cut, allowing a drop to slide off before quickly retracting it.

Holy crap that hurts!

I swear softly, gritting my teeth against the intense burning that consumes my entire arm from that one tiny spot. But I set my jaw and coax the polish around to fill the cut, then ignore the pain and turn to the next one.

By the time I'm on the last one, most of the others are dry. They still hurt like I don't know what, but they are mostly flat.

I force all thought out of my head as I wait for the last ones to harden. Don't think. Just don't think.

Finally, I'm satisfied, and I start with the makeup yet again. I carefully side it over the cuts and smooth it out. Tomorrow, I'll apply it to the rest of my arm as well, so that it's all the same color. I'll probably have to do my clean one too, for the same reason.

I force myself not to look until it's dry, when I finally survey my work.

It's... not terrible. It's actually pretty good. I move it around, looking at it in different lights.

Well... I think it's the best I'll be able to do.

It's not perfect, not when you really look at it or when it's in brighter lights, but it's mostly flat, just a little textured where the cuts are.

I'm absolutely terrified, but it could work.

I has to work.

I'm pulled from the thought by my phone buzzing. I look over at it curiously, warily.

Who...

I pick it up, and Joel's name is displayed on the text notification.

Dad must have told him.

I feel fear and shame immediately grip me, but there's nothing I can do but unlock the phone and read the text.

Darling, your dad told me what happened. I'm so sorry. You're priceless. I love you, and I'm here for you. If you want to talk, just give me a call or text me, okay?

I swallow hard, hesitating before beginning to type back.

It's fine, Joel. I'm fine. Thanks, though. I love you too.

He responds almost instantly.

Darling, if you're not ready to talk, I absolutely understand. But you're not fine. Please don't try to be. You couldn't be. You don't have to be. I love you.

You haven't said :P

I know, I know. But it's just too true, Love. I'm gonna come with you and your dad tomorrow, alright?

Okay

Great. Another person I have to hide it all from.

You're sure you don't want to talk?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Alright, Love. Call if you change your mind. I love you. Goodnight.

Love you too, Joel. Goodnight.

I shake my head as I stare at the thread. I can't lose this. I can't lose them. This has got to work.

Time-Skip Sponsored by my fiancé, Peter Parker <3

Nila

"You worthless girl!"

My mother is screaming as I helplessly cry, shoved into a corner with nowhere left to run.

"Why did you ever have to be born?" she asks, her face full of pure, bitter hatred. "I wish I never laid eyes on you!"

"I'm sorry!" I gasp out. "I'm so..."

Her hand coming across my face silences me. "Shut up! Do you want me to get your father?"

"No!" I start to shake, start to trigger and panic, at all the memories of nights he's forced me to spend with him. "Please!"

"Fine." But she's smiling. "But only because I have someone else who wants a turn."

And behind her, Zach appears in the doorway.

I scream, looking around desperately, but there's still nowhere to go.

"Stay away from me!" I yell frantically. "Please!"

But just like that, he's across the room, and his arms are wrapping around me, his lips pressing lustfully into mine, his hands running down my back...

I wake up with a terrified start. I almost scream, but I catch myself at the last second.

That's the last thing you need right now, getting your dad in here because of another nightmare that you told him you're not having anymore.

It takes me a long moment to realize that it was my alarm that woke me up. It was set like normal, but since we're not going over until ten, it gives me plenty of time to get myself ready. I washed the makeup off last night, since it would have turned a different color if I had slept on it, but I left the nail polish, and my shower doesn't do much to it before I return to it. I touch it up a bit, then slick the concealer over my entire arm and the other one, let it dry, and I pull on my hoodie from Dad and Joel's merch shop and some camo leggings.

I know the outfit isn't much, but honestly, it's all I can do right now.

I turn to makeup that actually goes on my face, putting in about as much effort as I did with my clothes, just eyeliner and mascara. I don't even have the energy to choose a color of lipstick. Anything that requires thought, even a little, is bad, because that would require me to let something into my brain. And right now, I'm only surviving by staying completely empty.

I slink out to the main part of the house around seven forty-five.

Dad's standing at the stove when I come downstairs. I don't say anything, just pad softly over to the breakfast bar and sliding onto a stool.

Dad turns around, two plates in his hands, his eyes looking at me with more love and compassion than I've ever deserved.

"There's my priceless girl."

I force a smile. "Morning."

He sets one of the plates in front of me, then gets two coffee cups, already poured and prepared, from the counter. I learned to drink coffee from being on the road with him, so we drink it the same way. At least, we both prefer it that way. Lately, I've drank it black to cut calories. But it doesn't look like I'm going to get away with that today.

I take a sip, lavishing the feeling of it warming me from the inside out. I forgot how much better it tastes drinking it like this.

As if he's reading my mind, Dad smiles slightly. "There's a reason I taught you to drink it like that," he comments. "It's a lot better than black, huh?"

I force another smile. "Yeah well. That's the price of laziness, I guess."

He raises an eyebrow gently, his way of saying he doubts that's the real reason I've been drinking it black, but I pretend like I don't notice, looking at my plate. I feel my stomach tighten at the sight of the food there, but I fight to keep my face steady, picking up my fork hesitantly.

"How'd you sleep?" Dad asks after a long moment, his eyes not leaving me in their gentle way.

Do this right. "Good," I say, making sure it's not too rushed or enthusiastic. "I was exhausted, so..."

He nods, reaching out and rubbing my shoulder, but not commenting otherwise. But it's clear by the sad, tender look in his eyes that he didn't fully buy that lie, either.

We spend the rest of breakfast as normal, as I force the entire meal down my throat, no matter how sick it makes me feel.

We do the dishes together and Dad fixes a plate for Mom, setting it in the microwave, then taking a mug of coffee done her way upstairs to her. He returns, and sits down on the couch, meeting my eyes and motioning me over with his head.

I try to force a smile, sliding off of my barstool and crossing the room to sit down next to him. He wraps one arm around me, and I give in, allowing my head to rest on his shoulder.

"You're sure you want to come with me later?" he asks after a comfortable silence. "Yo know you don't have to."

"Yeah," I reply as casually as possible. "I'm sure."

He nods slowly. "Alright. If you're sure. If it's too much, Joel will leave with you, okay?"

"Okay."

There's another short pause before he looks down at me, the arm around my shoulders squeezing gently. "You know I love you, no matter what?"

I force a smile. "I know."

"And you know you're always going to be my priceless daughter?"

"I know."

Liar.

Shut up. He thinks that. I know he thinks that, but I'm... I'm just too broken.

We sit here, just soaking in each other's presence, until eight-thirty, when he looks down at me again.

"Alright, Love, I have to go get your brothers. You coming?"

I hesitate. I want to lavish every moment of this morning with him, since it's the last he'll love me if I fail. But I'm still feeling sick from breakfast, and I don't know if I can take it anymore. And anyway, I need to check my arm again and make sure my sleeve didn't screw it up.

"Naw, I'll let you get them," I say, trying to sound easy. "They need they're time with you, too."

He looks at me, obviously surprised I didn't say yes. Because normally, I absolutely would have.

"Are you sure?"

I nod. "Yep."

He nods, but I obviously haven't forestalled his worry. He leans over to kiss me on the head. "I love you."

"I love you too."

He gets up and runs upstairs to talk to Mom, returning a moment later and turning to me. I expect him to simply say goodbye, but instead, he crosses to me where I'm still sitting on the couch and kneels down in front of me.

He catches my gaze, reaching out and taking one of my hands. "And what are you worth?"

Say it. You know you have to say it.

But it's just such a lie.

I drop my eyes from his, trying and failing to force a smile. "More than all the money in the world."

"Hey," he murmurs, squeezing my hand. "Darling... look at me."

Painfully, I force my eyes up to his. "More than... more than all the... the money in the world."

I can barely choke it out, and I can feel myself tearing up as I say it. Dad's eyes are so sad, moisture in them too, as he looks at me that it kills me, but he nods. "And don't you ever forget it." 

A/N: I'm supposed to be updating every week and it's been a flipping month instead. I hate myself so much. I want to promise to update on Tuesday like I'm supposed to but I freaking suck, so... I promise to try my hardest. Sorry for being so pathetic XD