When warriors turn 16, their training is moved to a different stage.

It becomes a pressure of time to make sure that they are really ready for the transformation that will occur when that year is up. At the age of 17, the soul of the wolf comes to us. We either are strong enough to accept it and make it our own, or we fail.

Failure was not an option for me.

We are moved into different living quarters, housed in a separate space.

And the leader personally oversees our training alongside with the instructors. He is there watching and monitoring.

He had already been present before, but these were passing moments. Moments that let him know the warriors were still surviving and making it through their instruction.

This was a different level of hell.

Each morning we rose before the sun. We ran and ran and ran. We ran so much that I felt as if my legs would run away without me and leave the rest of my body behind.

The instructors and leader were merciless. They did not give an inch. Nothing. Nothing to soften the training or the blows we received. It was harsh and cruel, and I felt like crying with some of the males who would break down.

But I only had to look at the leader and his smirk. His smile as he watched and waited for me to fall completely. Just his look would be enough to make me stand again.

I know the instructors were uneasy keeping me in the course. They had predicted long ago that I would eventually drop. That I would give up with my threats towards their leader and end my desire in wanting revenge.

But I never did.

And now I was in the final year. They were helping to create and tame the monster in me, and I knew they were conflicted on if it should be done. Should they continue to put forth the strength and training and effort towards molding and shaping me into a weapon that would one day turn around and be used against them?

But the leader never once looked away or questioned my place.

I am reminded of that night. That night - the first night- and the look in his eyes as he took me in. He had not seen a child in front of him. He had seen another leader, just like himself, who had their home and title stripped from them.

He had a sense of dignity in letting me fight for my goal. He had a sense of pride, in not backing away from the challenge I had issued long ago.

"Is that the best you can do, Vera?"

The instructor's taunts would come out as shouts of anger or curses. But they had eventually realized that the leader took special pleasure in watching me and being the one to make me turn back to look at him and snarl. Slowly, through the months, they had stepped down and given the role of who issued taunts and insults to me- to be solely him.

"How do you expect to kill me when you are this weak?"

I flicked him off. He only laughed knowing there was nothing I could do to him when he stood above me on the platform and I ran below in endless, useless circles.

I catch up to the male that I used to regularly meet behind the training building. In the two months since we had been put in this hell, we had only been able to gather twice.

He looks just as miserable as me.

"Tonight?"

His mood immediately brightens.

"Hell yes, Vera. I think I'm going to go crazy if I can't be alone with you."

I ignore his useless words as we continue running.

Later that night, I walk behind the building. It was later than when we had met before- around 3 in the morning. In just a few hours we would be rising to start training again and I was dead ass tired, but I still had a restless energy around me.

Seeing the leader's face every day didn't help either.

"Hey Vera," the male is already sitting on the ground, his back pressed to the wall as he opens his arms out to me.

I easily slide onto him, linking my arms around his neck and sighing.

I groan at the feel of his mouth on my chest. I wanted more. I needed more and I wouldn't tell this male that he never seemed to be able to satisfy. But he would have to do.

I begin to slowly rock myself on him, by body trying to find some friction. He pulls my shirt completely off. I don't want that added layer of clothing stopping him anymore and I take off my undergarment on my own.

I cup his face in my hands, deepening our kiss as I feel his own hands explore my body.

And suddenly a hand is on my throat pulling me back and forcefully ripping me off the male.

"What the-," the male sits up but stops wide eyed when he takes in the sight.

I can already tell who it is. I know the feel of these hands- they have been around my neck before in fights. I recognize this scent.

"Leave, Dalton. Now."

The male scrambles up, his eyes straying to me, but a deep growl from the leader makes him take a step back, his face filled with unease and fear as he runs away.

"You gave yourself to that?"

I can hear the anger in his voice. His fingers on my neck tighten. I squirm, trying to loosen his hold as my hands go up to pry his fingers away.

He lets go, dropping me. But his hands come up to push against both of my shoulders, pressing my back into the wall.

"He's weak."

I laugh as I stare up into the leader's face. He is seething over, his nails elongating into claws. I can feel them pressing into my skin, threatening to break it.

"What does it matter?"

He pauses, his gaze of anger suddenly stopped. I look at him, confused on what he is distracted by. Before I realize he is openly staring at my exposed chest.

"Get off me," I try to push him back, but his eyes only slowly roam my figure before looking back to meet my gaze with a satisfied gin.

"Make me."

He issues his challenge loud and clear. I glare at him, knowing he is waiting.

"Just let me go."

He shakes his head, his grin widening.

I snap. I throw my fist towards him, prepared to shatter that smile that is slapped onto his face. He catches it, taking my hand and pulling me to be closer to him. His free arm wraps around my waist, his hand trailing up the bare skin of my back before swiftly reaching down and squeezing my ass.

"You fu-," I'm cut off as he pushes me closer to him.

I move, biting his arm but he laughs, not even flinching from the contact.

"I knew you would end up biting something."

"Keep this up and it'll be your neck."

He throws his head back and such wild, unfiltered laughter comes out of him.

I throw my head back and without warning, jump and headbutt him.

He takes a step back, but still clings to me.

I step on his foot hard, twisting my ankle to finalize the impact. He growls, rushing so that his body traps me against the wall.

"Would you stop?"

"Can you stop?" I throw back.

He laughs, his chest starting a slow motion of moving up, going down and rubbing against my own. "Did he satisfy you, Vera?"

I scoff, "It has nothing to do with you."

His grin becomes feral, "I bet he didn't. You're hard to contain. I don't think he can handle you. He's just a boy."

I narrow my eyes, a feeling rising in me at where he may be going with this.

"And you?"

He tilts his head, pondering the question before grinning at me. 

"You're sick." I spit on his face, but he does not move away from the contact.

"Maybe..." he muses this out loud, still staring at me and taking me in.

I lean back against the wall, knowing that whatever I did, he would be able to overpower me. A humorless laugh leaves me. He looks at me, trying to figure out why I have suddenly given up. I only shake my head.

"I don't care. Do whatever you want."

"Whatever?"

There is a dangerous gleam in his eyes, but I'm not scared of it. I only continue to look at him and his smile falters when he sees the truth in my words.

It's done like how all his other actions towards me are done. Sudden. With force. A hint of violence.

He crashes his lips onto mine and my first instinct is to gag. Gag that I am doing this with him. That the monster is kissing me.

But then his tongue comes inside my mouth, forcing me to open and his hands are different and feel different than how they felt when I was with the other male.

The leader is rough, and merciless, similar to how he is in training. He does not hold back, and I suddenly find that I am breathless, for some inexplicable reason.

His hips move over me and a sob leaves me at the feel of it. It was the feeling I had been craving. That hollow empty restless feeling that no one had seemed to be able to fill.

I move with him, becoming lost in the feel of it. Before my mind stumbles and realization occurs to me of who it is that is making me feel this way.

I stop. I stop kissing back. I stop moving with him

He pulls away and grabs my face, trying to deepen his kiss, trying to get something out of me. When that does not work, his fingers run down to my hips, going down just an inch into the waistline, just barely brushing past the front of it. 

"Damn it, Vera," he growls, trying to move and make me moan underneath him again, "come back to me. Come on."

He pulls back and narrows his eyes at what he sees. What he would always see.

Hatred. Hatred and anger. Disgust. Rage.

His shoulders seem to fall.

"Don't say it." His voice for once sounds weak. I find myself grinning at the sound of it. The way he almost looked defeated. I feel my lips pull back as I display my teeth and show my feral grin.

"Vera..." he is staring at me, looking into my eyes. I see something hopeful in them. Something I push aside as I whisper the words I always said to him. The words I would always say to him.

"I'm going to kill you."

His arms are still wrapped around me. I can see his face so clearly because it is so close to me. I laugh and in my laugher, I can hear my own shattered pain that he has caused.

"You know that right? I'm going to fucking kill you."

*   *   *

I don't talk to the male. He is anxious as he tries to catch my attention in the training grounds, but days pass and I continue to ignore him.

Maybe he thought I was mad at him for abandoning me, but that had never occurred in my mind. Instead, I didn't have the ability to voice out loud the real reason why I wanted to avoid him and never meet him behind that building again.

I had felt something I knew I would never be able to feel when I was with the male. I would never be able to kiss him in the same way when I had the taste of something better still on my tongue.

I was ashamed that my thoughts had become this. So I pushed it all aside. I pushed them all aside and ignored them all and continued training. I continued training and pushing through this hell.

I could feel the leader's eyes on me, watching, but I did not meet his stare. He was visibly vexed when his taunts seemed to fall on deaf ears. His words seemed to provoke him more than they did me.

The instructors could see this. I glared at them when they punished me for no obvious reason. Instead, I had to stay behind and continue running. Always running around and around.

They are all gone, but I still feel his eyes, always watching.

At the end of my punishment I stop and begin making my way to the compound.

"Come with me."

He takes my wrist, dragging me away before I can protest. I am thrown against the wall, flashes of the other night haunting my mind when I see we are back to that same place.

He is pacing in front of me, a frustrated look on his face. Before he turns to fully face me.

"It's pointless."

I freeze at his words.

"You can't kill me."

I laugh, "yes I can."

"No, Vera, you can't," he runs a hand through his hair, growling his displeasure as he continues to watch me. "You can't win against me. There are some males out there in the training grounds whom you can't even win against- so how do you expect to kill me?"

I only glare at him, not speaking.

"Aren't you tired, Vera?"

I look away, but that action causes him to move forward and grab my chin, "look at me," he growls, forcing our eyes to connect. I jerk my head to the side, trying to release his hold but he only tightens it.

"Give this up. Give up killing me."

"No."

"Yes," he presses closer to me, sighing in exasperation, "I want you Vera. I want you to be one of my warriors and I want...I want you."

I am watching him, trying to see what tricks he is attempting to play on me.

"I don't want to be your warrior."

He moves my chin to be closer, making us only a breath apart from each other. "You're going to keep fighting your whole life?"

"Yes!"

He and I glare at each other, our breaths rising in tempo the longer we look. "It's the dynamic of power. It's how the shift occurs. In order for me to take your father's pack, I had to kill him. There was no way around it."

"You didn't need it."

His expression says other wise and I feel like laughing at how selfish and naive he appears to be.

"You had a choice. We all have choices. You made the one that would break me."

"I let you live! I spared your life!"

"You should have killed me that night, Kaseem!"

My eyes widen. He looks visibly stunned as we stare blankly at one another.

"What did you say-,"

I struggle against his grip, finally breaking free as I take rapid steps back.

He still is reeling in front of me, his eyes staring at me in confusion as he tries to process something.

"You said my name."

I let out a shallow breath as he takes a hesitant step towards me. 

"I've just realized this now...but that's the first time you've ever said my name. I've been in front of you how many years Vera...and not once have you said it...I never noticed..." he looks upset by this fact as he takes another step to be closer to me.

I hold up a hand, "stop."

He continues to advance and I back away quickly. But he grabs me before I can dodge or avoid his reach. "Say it again."

"No."

I look away from his amber eyes as he shakes me in his arms, "say it again."

"Let go of me."

"Say my name."

"No."

He growls and I turn my head to look at him and yell forcefully the word. But his lips cut off any such protest.

We fight against each other, me clawing and trying to push away, him desperately holding on. I give in at some point, feeling that sensation come back over me of the hollowness being filled. The void space in my soul being consumed by him.

It mixed with my anger and the fury I felt clawed out at him. I wanted him to know I hated him, and he wanted to use me. To belittle me as he always did.

I push against his lips, fighting for control and for some unexplainable reason, he gives in. He allows me to take over and we are both falling.

I'm in his lap straddling him, not once breaking my contact or showing just how startled I really was by the movement.

I take his face in my hands and move my hips over him. A wild sound of satisfaction leaves me when I hear his moan under me. When I feel his hips buckle and try to meet my own. I push against him, deepening the kiss, feeling my tongue dip down and reach before I grab his own and suck on it.

His hands are at my hips moving with me in my rhythm. His nails have become claws, scratching against my skin.

I pull on his shirt, ripping the fabric and leaning in to suck on the flesh. A wild laugh escapes him as he grabs my hair and twists it around his hand, pulling on the strands. I rear my head back, pulling my shirt over my head and my bra quickly aside also. He dips his face between my breasts, kissing and sucking them.

I pull his face back up and kiss him, trying to continue to fill that void. The sensation of him overwhelmed me so much that I was consumed to the point that I could hardly think of anything else.

I kiss him one more time, before pulling away.

He lays down on the floor, his breathing heavy as he looks up to the sky.

"Lay next to me, Vera."

I wipe at my mouth, making sure he saw the movement.

"No."

He smiles and pats the dirt that is next to him, "I won't do anything."

"That's a lie. You've already done enough."

He sits up and sighs, "Vera...just lay down. Just be still for a few seconds."

I do sit, but it's a foot away from him. He laughs at that, quickly defeating the purpose of my action as he moves to be closer. We lay side by side, our shoulders pressing to each other and I feel tears come to the surface of my eyes that I am at the side of a monster.

They become more real when I realize we both were lying next to monsters.

I stare up at the stars, wondering if mother and father were looking at me in disgust. Eventually I would make them smile. Eventually, my mother- a woman who I never felt I was enough for- would be proud of me.

The leader turns to be on his side and kisses my shoulder. I flinch from the contact. He starts when he realizes I am crying.

"Don't..." he reaches to touch my face, but I snarl at him and pull away.

"I'm only using you," I tell him, wanting him to know why that moment before had occurred, "I'm only using you to feel something."

"What do I make you feel, Vera?" he whispers.

I laugh, "the irony is, you're the one who made me like this in the first place."

He is looking down at me, his head propped in his hand as he continues to stare. His eyes travel up and down my body, lingering in areas such as my exposed chest before his gaze flickers up to meet my stare.

"I've always wanted to ask," he reaches down to trace the line that is on my right wrist, "what is this?"

I look at it. I forgot about the marking the majority of the time. It was so long ago since I had received it. I had been so young, and that had been a different time- a different me.

"When I was young I saved a witch from drowning," I confess, seeing no harm in telling him the truth. "She looked into my future and told me she would give me the one thing I would want most in the world."

He stares at it, a sudden laughter coming to him as he evaluates the image.

I trace it with my other hand, becoming lost in the memories.

"She said it would give me the ability to cross any barrier. Nothing would be able to hold me back." I turn to look up at him, "Maybe it gives me the power to kill you."

There is short silence between us.

He smiles down at me, "that is what you want most in the world?"

I laugh, "I've already told you what I want."

His gaze suddenly hardens as he recalls. That familiar fury comes back into his eyes, "you're still on about that?"

"It's my end goal."

"Your parents," he spits out.

I point to the stars, but his eyes remain focused on me, "It's the greatest pain. To not be able to see the ones you love."

I sigh and let my hand fall, "but you would not know what I'm talking about."

I hear him chuckle beside me. I turn my head to see the grin of a monster directed and staring down, watching, and taking me in.

"No..." he whispers, that unnatural smile still center on his face, "I wouldn't know what that feels like." 

"cha cha real smooth now"  *werid disco music plays in background* ;)