Mare

I always thought you'd be the one who saves me, not the one that pushes me off the edge.

Chapter Music: See Me Become

The door stares back at me dully. I can almost hear it whispering in my ear sharp words of scorn and betrayal. Doors don't talk, Mare.

Beyond the door I hear movement. It could be Iris, waking up to begin the day. Maybe it's one of her ladies. The light of dawn has cracked through the window, turning the dark haze into a paradise of soft blues. It looks like the skies won't even mourn with her today.

I knock on the whispering door, hoping I'll find her awake. I press my thumbs harder into the packet of papers and photos I have in my hand. It's the least I could do to compile the papers that will storm through Norta today. At least then I know exactly what she knows.

I hear footsteps scuffle forward, hear the knob click open, and I see the face of one of her silver ladies melt in confusion at the sight of me. 

"I apologise for the intrusion, but is Princess Iris able to talk to me for a moment?" The lady looks deeper into the room.

"Let the queen in," I hear Iris order. The lady steps aside, letting me enter. Iris has already started the process of getting ready, her hair pulled into layers of braids and curls. "You may wait outside, Sorasa." 

The lady, Sorasa, hesitates. I see her eye me carefully. She doesn't trust you. Why should she? Where you go, death always seems to follow. No matter her hesitation, she leaves without another word. 

"Are you already making good on your promise to learn to pray?" Iris says, eyebrow pitching upward in a cocky fashion. I feel my stomach tighten slightly. It's easy to send assassins. It's easy to murder, but to look the survivors in the eye… that isn't easy. You did this, now live with it. I feel the feeling fade away, numbing over like a scar would a wound. 

"There's been a terrible tragedy," I say, echoing Evangeline's words from hours before. 

"What do you mean?" 

"It has been reported that the Scarlet Guard has bombed the southern border of the Lakelands." She lurches forward, to do something, to do anything.

"My family was on that border. I- I need to get home, to make sure they're safe-" 

"In the wreckage, the bodies of Orrec, Cenra, and Tiora Cygnet were discovered." Saying their name feel real, like looking at them for the first time. I add them to the list of innocents I have murdered. Atleast, I don't have to see their faces in my mind.

"No..." she shakes her head, falling into the chair next to her. I move towards her, sitting next to her. 

"The bombings occured last night. We only found out about them this morning. They targeted the temple your family was in. Only that temple." 

"It was planned," she grinds out. I'm suddenly thankful there is no water in the room. "Who saw the planes?"

"Many. The Scarlet Guard had marked the planes with their emblem, a red sun." I open the packet in front of her, pointing at the pictures of the jets flying overhead. I note one of the headings that will sit front page today, MURDEROUS TYRANTS. 

Iris' eyes are blank holes of darkness. I feel her tremble next to me. If I was a friend, I would hold her hand. "I'm the Queen of the Lakelands," she murmurs.

"Yes, you are," A queen, in her own right. How terrifying. I hear her whispers flooding my brain. They all scream the same thing, how could you? 

  "I want you to know that Norta will stand with the Lakelands. We will aid you in your time of need. I am truly sorry for this." The words sound hollow. So very detached. Maybe somewhere inside me I am sorry, but somewhere else I'm not. I will not be haunted by the Cygnets. We need the Lakelander alliance, if King Orrec won't give it to me then Iris will. "But, my council will not permit troops if we are fighting a war against one another." Her eyes focus on me, bringing her back from the empty pit of grief. She nods slowly.

"The time for The Hundred Year War has passed. In its wake, there will not be peace. The Scarlet Guard will not live in victory for long. I will rage war. I will drown every one of them in their own blood, like they did my family. But, I cannot fight a war on two fronts." She glances at me before standing up from her seat. She pushes herself into a Silver's perfect posture. 

"My Father never had the chance to rule his decision on this. But I do, and I see that Norta and the Lakelands now have a common enemy. The Lakelanders agree to your terms of alliance. All of them will be upheld." It worked.

"We accept." Something swells inside me. Could it be disgust? This is how Queens are made. Out of blood and war, sometimes even betrayal. I should be proud.

Let it never be known that I am a Queenmaker. They can believe I slayed the King, the one who rots in the dungeons floors below. History can have that. The ones who always mattered will know what I am, of course. They'll know the blood on my hands. The blood that seems to never dry. I hope those secrets die with them. 

I shake Iris' hand. It's freezing. I see the tears pooling in her eyes as we shake. I know she will fall into a fit when I leave. Tears dry. 

There's something else in her eyes too. I know that look. I've seen that look many times. In eyes of crystal blue, of burning amber, and in my own. Cal warned me of it and Maven taught me how to feed it. It's the thirst for revenge, for blood. It's exactly what I need her to feel. 

Still, it's strange where that thirst can lead.

It was said that the bombs fell from the sky like snow. Slow yet fast, smashing into the ground yet never seeming to have an end. They said it did stir up snow, even so far south. Later reports confirmed it was not snow the crowd saw falling around them in the ruble of an obliterated temple, but ash.

Iris will have to return to the Lakelands to be crowned. She'll be leaving soon. In her stead, Lakelander representatives will come. Half of them Red, half of them Silver. Already, she's opened her arms wide for progression.

Julian has ignored me for the week following the bombings. Even Wren has stayed far away. Evangeline has disappeared into the realm of war councils with the Lakeland generals. I am completely alone.

But, there is still one place I can see my council. The Hall of Monarchs looks out on the ocean. It's a secluded part of the palace, even though it's not far off the throne room. Aparrantly, no one likes to visit dead monarchs much. Our paintings sit front and center, the sun hitting off the canvas just so. With our additions, there is no more room in the hall for any more portraits. I wonder where the new hall will reside when a new monarch sits on the Nortan throne. I've never had to think that far ahead. At least I have years before I meet death.

Talking to paintings is the only thing I can do at times, no matter how lonely. Julian's portrait is good at listening, always smiling and understanding what I'm telling him. 

"I suppose you think the day you were painted marks the last day to my glorious reign in your eyes. You're wrong, of course. You'll see. There are many glory days to come." He smiles back, but he doesn't respond. How rude.

"Your sister is here." It's true. It appears Queen Elara had forgotten the one place her portrait still stood. It's the first time I've ever seen her face. I can see the resemblance Julian once talked about. I think I would have liked to meet her.

Next to her is Elara. Her blue eyes bore into me. Somehow her voice whispers into my mind, you've done well for a Red. I ignore her.

Next to his mother, Maven hangs. His eyes look like they could pierce mountains, destroy armies. Like an endless sea to drown in.

"Goodbye." I leave the hall, feeling the eyes of ghosts burn into my back as I exit. I cut through the throne room, through the side door, and through another farther down that hall. I stumble down stone steps in the darkness. The air is so stiff down here, sometimes I wonder how he can breathe. He hears me before I see him. 

"It's been too long," he drawls, "I wonder what you've been up to." 

"Wouldn't you like to know," I walk out of the shadows, igniting the torch with the sparks in my hand. I don't think he would believe it if I told him.

"You know when Wren came down last she seemed so very shaken."

"Did she?"

"Her and Julian both." I snap my attention to him. What was Julian doing down here? "They didn't realize how much it echoes down here… how far their voices can carry."

"What were they talking about?" I push for my voice to sound bored, but Maven is not stupid.

"Wouldn't you like to know," he repeats my words back, sitting back against his chair. Asshole. 

I huff, "What would it take for me to know?" 

"Tsk tsk, Mare. You shouldn't be so eager for information," he crosses his legs, slowing the movement to suspend his tension even longer still. "Besides, what does it matter what they said? They are loyal servants to the Queen! They would never say anything worth remembering, but then again I don't get many visitors. Everything seems to stick no matter how useless the information."

"You do remember the silent stone in the walls? The stone that keeps you powerless. I've trained much since I've been queen. I've never had a live target yet though…I would suggest you talk." He shrugs off my empty threat.

"I want to make a deal." I roll my eyes. Nothing good ever comes out of your deals. "You remember the night you betrayed me Mare, don't you? You said I would be of use to you alive, but all I've done since that night is rot. Let me be of use."

"How do you propose you do that?" I scoff.

"It appears your council is split right down the middle. Your court too. Maybe you need an ear who understands your position. The crown lies heavy no matter the wearer."

I should be laughing at the proposal. Maven Calore helping me. But I don't laugh, I don't even crack a smile. Instead, I let sparks play around my fingers. Maven Calore knows the tug of the crown. Both of us have been forgotten by those who love us, his words from the day I became queen comes to mind. We are one and the same. Alone, forgotten, and yet destined for greatness. 

I nod in submission. It's funny how my enemies are always my closest allies in the end.

"Now," I brush my hands together, letting the sparks wither away, "what did they say?" Maven smiles darkly, through the bars he holds out a yellow paper. I take it carefully and unfold it.

In the middle of the paper one sentence is written with jagged letters, signed off with a drop of red blood:

BEWARE THE SINGER AND WHAT HE SINGS. 

"They said the Marandus house is planning their own coup. I don't get many visitors, Mare. Naturally, I never forget a face. Especially the ones I hate. Jon falls on both of those lists." Jon wrote this note.

"Julian didn't…"

"Didn't tell you?" He laughs, shaking his head slowly, "Your trusted advisor didn't tell you your enemies were plotting against you. Jon did, I did. He's conspired against you, Mare. He's betrayed you."

"He's betrayed me," I murmur back. I touch the dot of dried blood on the paper. So many voices fill my brain. Their words of past warnings and lessons, veiling me in my grief. 

Another voice drowns them out. It burns my insides.

There is always something left to lose.

I once believed that Julian was not like the Calore brothers. That he would protect me, guide me even. That he would save me. Somewhere in the distance, somewhere in my bones, thunder rolls.

This will be the last time I am betrayed.