I've resorted to doing anything. Anything to feel something. I run down roads, getting hit by cars. I've jumped from buildings, cars, and set myself on fire. The pain hurts.

But not enough.

My heart still stings. Even now, I still love him. What have I done?

Why did he do this to me? Why did he break me, and scream after me?

Why does he have to be such a liar? Why does he have to be so messed up? Why am I so messed up?

Why do I do these things to outweigh the pain? Why can't I stop?

I hurt everyone, but the pain isn't enough to hurt me.

I hate myself, for I thrive on the pain, while they die from it.

I choke on love, breathe hate, and they die slowly, while I just wish I could.

I'm a monster, and monsters should die.

I've hurt him. I can tell. I've hurt all of them, and they've hurt me.

My heart still beats. But I don't have a heart. I can't have a heart if I still hurt them.

They tried for a bit. They tried to accept me, to welcome me. They turned away in the end, horrified. Horrified of me. I turned away from myself long ago.

The words that should hurt come, but they just get absorbed into my shell. They don't hurt. They just stay there, unspoken.

I loved him once. He was the last one to hurt me. I'm grateful. That was my last emotion. My humanity fled, allowing room for the monster. The monster that is me, it's clawed inside, it's escaped occasionally. 

I'm the monster now, I think as I attack people. I think as I kiss people. I'm the monster now, and Thomas can't stop me. I can't stop me.

I wish I could just fade. I can't, but I've started.

My humanity disappears. It's almost gone, and with the last of it, I feel a twinge of sympathy. 

I'm sorry I couldn't hold it back. I'm sorry I wasn't enough. I'm sorry I'm so screwed up. I'm sorry that my monster is all that remains. I hope the Sides can handle it. They'll never handle me.

A slight flash of pain, and nothing. We rush forward, killing those in our way. We flee, diving and running. We destroy, hurt, break. We are free.